“I don't think we know enough about her to say that,” Lina said, though she privately thought it might be true.
“Look! He's eating my salad.” Ramona sighed and Dan speared a weed with his fork and gnawed on it. “Dan is eating my salad. I hope he likes the powdered Viagra I put in the dressing.”
“Ramona!”
“Kidding. Why would I do that?”
“Because you're crazy?”
“Only if you measure me by the rigid norms of society.”
“That's the definition of crazy,” Lina said.
“Oh, stop being Miss Fussypants.”
After dessert Rod made a speech about the importance of writing, self-expression, the free press, and whole language reading programs. It was almost eight o'clock. The party began to break up. People took their dirty casserole dishes and headed for the door. It had been a pleasant enough but fairly dull dinner, as school events usually were.
Guess I'd better make my move,
Lina thought as the crowd thinned. She couldn't wait too long or she'd be conspicuous. Her stomach began to twitch and twist, and she regretted eating even a mouthful at dinner. She couldn't believe she was about to do what she was about to do.
She headed for the bathroom, opened the door, and flicked on the light. Then she glanced back. No one was looking. She switched off the bathroom light and reached for the bedroom doorknob. This was it. She was about to enter
his bedroom
.
The door opened easily. She slipped inside and shut the door quickly.
A lamp by the bed was on, and the orange-yellow light of the dwindling day illuminated the room. Lina took a quick look around. The place was a mess. A pigsty. The unmade bed was just a futon on the floor, and there were clothes and magazines and books and papers everywhere. Lina never imagined Dan to be so disorganized.
She spotted the guitar he'd mentioned in his e-mails to Larissa, and the rack of ties, and the hats. Then she heard a noise outside the room and quickly darted to the closet. It was shallow but wide, with accordion doors slightly ajar. Lina pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“Ow!”
Lina jumped. What was that?
“You almost broke my hand!”
Lina looked down. There, huddled in the dark, was Ramona.
“What are you doing here?” Lina whispered.
“Sshh!” Ramona tugged on Lina's hem. “Just get down and shut the door. But not all the way. Leave a crack so we can see.”
In her confusion, Lina did as she was told.
“Why are you in here?” she demanded. “I thought we agreed
I
was going to be the one—”
“You would have totally screwed it up,” Ramona said. “I'm actually surprised you made it this far. I thought you'd chicken out. And if you did, I'd be here to pick up the reins.”
Lina's jaw dropped. How could Ramona be so conniving? And have such a low opinion of her?
“Have you been just pretending to be my friend all this time, so you could get to Dan?” Lina asked.
“No. I like you. We're friends. But as you know, I'll do anything to get to Dan. And I also know you too well. You'll never go through with this. Too many scruples.”
“Obviously you don't know me that well, because you thought I'd chicken out, and here I am.”
“I still say you'd hide in the closet all night if you had to,” Ramona said.
“I'm not going to do anything with you hiding in the closet!” Lina said. “Get out! Quick! Before he comes in!”
“You get out! I was here first.”
“But we agreed—and it was my idea.”
“No it wasn't. I think it was my idea.”
“Look, just go!”
“I'm not going anywhere.”
Lina was fuming. Everything was ruined. What would happen when Dan caught the two of them hiding in his closet? They'd look like idiots, or stalkers, or idiotic stalkers.
“You're having second thoughts,” Ramona said. “I can feel it.”
“You're right,” Lina said. “I'm getting out of here. Good luck.”
She moved to get out of the closet, but at that moment the bedroom door flew open. Ramona grabbed Lina's hand. They peeked through the cracks in the closet door.
Dan stumbled into the room, pulling Camille behind him. “Ugh. Thank god that's over,” he said.
“I know,” Camille said. “I thought Rod would never leave. And those Goth girls! Lingering around the kitchen, offering to help clean up … I think they have crushes on you.”
Lina and Ramona exchanged a glance. Siobhan, Maggie, and Chandra, up to no good themselves. Luckily, they weren't as clever as Lina and Ramona. Or was it foolish?
“Well, they're all gone now,” Dan said, taking Camille in his arms. Lina held her breath. She didn't want to watch, but she couldn't tear her eyes away. They kissed and kissed and kissed until they flopped down on the bed.
Lina's heart stopped. Camille! She knew it! She'd always wondered if there was something between them, and now it seemed clear that there was. Dan and Camille. No wonder “Beau's” e-mails to Larissa had been slacking off lately—he had fallen in love with someone else. The French teacher. Lina squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears from popping out. She felt like such an idiot.
Ramona yanked on her dress and mimed panic— What were they going to do? They were trapped in a closet, and from the looks of things, they were about to witness two teachers going at it. A terrible experience from which they would never recover. They had to get out some-how—but how? Without looking like spies, weirdos, perverts … you name it.
Lina peeked into the room. The kissing was intensifying, accompanied by clothes-tugging. Chance of nudity, 100 percent. They had to work fast. Lina wanted to get out of there before anything too disturbing happened.
Ramona reached into the folds of her dress and pulled out—eureka!—her cell phone. She pointed at it, nodding, in case Lina didn't get the idea. Lina rolled her eyes and nodded. Ramona scanned through her programmed numbers until she found Dan's. Lina couldn't believe Ramona had Dan's home phone in her cell. Did she ever secretly call him and hang up? Probably. Even Lina hadn't gone that far.
Ramona pressed Dial. Instantly, a phone rang out somewhere in the room. Ramona gave five manic nods, as if to say, See? This will work.
But how?
Lina wondered.
He'll just answer the phone—and then what?
Dan and Camille broke apart, looking dazed and disheveled. Dan scrambled among the t-shirts and boxer shorts on the floor, feeling around for the phone. It rang again and again. It must be portable, Lina thought, and he can't find it in all the mess.
“Let the machine get it,” Camille said, pulling Dan back into bed. After another ring the machine picked up. Lina could hear Dan's recorded voice out in the kitchen. Ramona hung up.
Great. So much for that.
But Ramona didn't give up. Dan and Camille resumed their makeout session. Ramona pressed Redial. The phone rang again.
“Damn it,” Dan muttered. He struggled to his feet and pawed through the junk on his desk, looking for the phone. He couldn't find it. The machine picked up again. Ramona hung up on it.
Dan went back to the bed. Ramona pushed Redial.
“Just ignore it,” Camille said, looking frustrated. “Come on, you'll never find it in this mess.”
“I can't take that ringing. It's too distracting,” Dan said. His hair stuck up around his head, his shirt was untucked and half-unbuttoned.
“If it's important they'll leave a message,” Camille said.
“It's not that,” Dan said. “It's the noise. If I can't find the phone, I can't turn the ringer off.” He stomped barefoot out to the kitchen. Camille got up and slipped into the hallway. Lina saw the bathroom light go on and the door close.
They heard Dan's voice from the kitchen. “Hello?”
Ramona hung up. Lina pushed open the closet door and they scrambled out. Luckily, the bedroom window was open. Lina pulled the screen out, tossed it on the grass below, and dove out the window. Ramona tumbled out behind her, nearly landing on her head.
“Lucky there's only one floor,” Ramona whispered as they ran through the shadowy yard, around the house to the street. Lina looked back. No one was following them.
She was pretty sure they hadn't been seen. Still, they didn't stop running until they got to the end of the block, just to be safe.
“That was
this
close to turning into a porno movie right in front of our eyes,” Ramona said after she'd caught her breath.
“That was the stupidest thing I've ever done,” Lina said quietly.
“Don't beat yourself up. If it had worked it would have been great.”
“That's the stupid part. Thinking that plan could ever have worked.”
They sat down on a bench at a bus stop. Neither one spoke for several long minutes. Lina was lost in her own thoughts.
Seeing Dan with Camille—a woman his own age, one of his colleagues—struck a nerve in Lina. It was horrible to see him kiss another woman. But it made Lina realize how foolish she'd been, too. She had a crush on her teacher. It wasn't love. It was silly. How could she ever have taken it so seriously? How could she and Ramona have let it go so far?
“You know what?” Lina said at last. “I think it cured me. That nightmare we just narrowly averted cured me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I'm over him. You want to keep obsessing, be my guest. But I think I'll bow out before I do something
really
stupid.”
“Have no fear,” Ramona said. “New reasons to do something stupid are plentiful. All we have to do is stumble over one.”
“Until then,” Lina said, “no more nutty Dan plans. I'm going straight.”
Just saying the words—and knowing she meant them, really meant them this time—made her feel better.
Blind Item
To: mad4u
From: your daily horoscope
HERE IS TODAY'S HOROSCOPE: VIRGO: There's no law against plotting and scheming … unless you count karma.
S
tupid Rod,” Mads muttered as she slammed her locker shut and trudged down the empty hallway. It was late on Wednesday afternoon, and almost everybody had left school for the day. At lunchtime, Principal Alvarado had asked Mads to come talk to him in his office after school. Mads was shaky and nervous for the rest of the afternoon. She couldn't eat. What could the principal want to talk to her about? Had she done something wrong? Was she in trouble? She racked her brain trying to think of what it could be. That C she got on her Geometry quiz? Something she wrote on the Web site?
By the time the day ended and she wound up at his office, she was pale and shaking. “If you don't hear from me by nine tonight, tell my parents to call the cops,” she said to Lina before she went in. “And send dogs. Those sniffing kind.”
Lina waved this away. “Rod won't hurt you. You'll be fine. But IM me as soon as you get home. I'm dying to know what you did.”
The principal smiled at her as she opened the door and waved her to a seat. “Thanks for coming, Madison,” he said. “Do you have a few minutes?”
“Well—” It depended what for, obviously. But what was she going to say, “No”?
“I just wanted to talk to you about your extracurricular activities.”
Oh god. Did he mean that beer she'd had at Nick Henin's party? Did he somehow hear about her crazed quest to lose her virginity?
“Your mother's play. I'm a big theater buff. What's it about?”
Oh, that. He kept Mads in his office for almost an hour discussing
Touched: The Story of a Sensitive Girl
, how the costumes and sets would be handled, who the director was, and if Mads thought he was any good. It turned out Rod was working on a play himself (tentative title:
Learning Curve, a Principal's Private Struggle
), and he was hoping to have it produced.
He finally let her go when she pretended to look at the watch she wasn't really wearing and said her mother was expecting her at rehearsal soon. Suddenly she was starving. She hadn't eaten lunch—for this? All that terror for nothing.
Mads left the school building, not really thinking about where she was going. She found her feet moving in the direction of the swim center. Funny, because Sean was on the swim team and would probably be finishing practice soon. What a coincidence.
Sean burst out of the swim center, hair wet and smelling of chlorine, just as she was passing by. Finally a little luck.
Now was her chance. She'd been waiting for a moment alone with him all week, and this was perfect. Mads was going to do it. She was going to tell him. About Jane. And wait for him to fall into her arms.
Soon she would be on the escalator to ecstasy.
“Sean!” she called, waving to him. He stopped on the swim center steps. She ran over to him.
“Hey, kid, whatup?” Sean said.
This was it. Did she have the guts to do it? You bet she did.
“I have something important to tell you,” Mads began.
“Hey, whatever happened to that article you were supposed to be doing about me. For the
Seer
? Did that ever come out?”
Uh-oh. Mads had gotten Lina to pretend to interview Sean for the paper so Mads could take a picture of him in his bathing suit. But it was just a scam. There was no article. And Mads didn't expect Sean to remember it.
“Um, Lina's still working on it,” Mads lied. “She's a terrible procrastinator. I don't know how she ever gets an article published.”
“Maybe she's got A.D.D.,” Sean said. “I used to be that way, until I started swimming. If I don't swim, I get
spacy
.”
“I'll mention that to her.”
“Or you can take the drugs,” Sean said. “But Ritalin made me sleepy.”
“Huh.” Mads was beginning to wish he'd never brought this up. “Anyway, um, this is something I think you'll be very interested to know.” She paused, trying to come up with the most effective way to say it. A way that wouldn't make her look like a gossip, but like someone who had his best interests at heart. “You know that play I'm in, with Jane?”
“Oh, yeah. The
Touched
thing. Jane says it totally blows.”
Mads was caught short by this. It was one thing for
her
to say that her mother's play sucked. And another thing for Jane to say it to Mads in the spirit of actorly camaraderie. But the thought of Jane going home from rehearsal and telling
Sean
that Mads' mother's play was bad … that was different. That was crossing a line. Somehow.