Can You Forgive Her? (45 page)

Then the carriage was announced, and Mr Palliser took Alice out on his arm. ‘Don‘t
come to the door, Glencora,’ he said. ‘I especially wish you not to do so.’ The two cousins then kissed each other, and Alice went away to the carriage.

‘Good-bye, Miss Vavasor,’ said Mr Palliser; but he expressed no wish that he might see her again as his guest at Matching Priory.

Alice, as she was driven in solitary grandeur to the railway station, could not but wish that she had never gone
there.

*          *          *

ON the night before Christmas Eve two men were sitting together in George vavasor‘s rooms in Cecil street. It was past twelve o‘clock, and they were both smoking; there were square bottles on the table containing spirits, with hot water and cold water in jugs, and one of the two men was using, and had been using, these materials for enjoyment Vavasor had not been drinking,
nor did it appear as though he intended to begin. There was a little weak brandy and water in a glass by his side, but there it had remained untouched for the last twenty minutes. His companion, however, had twice in that time replenished his beaker, and was now puffing out the smoke of his pipe with the fury of a steamer‘s funnel when she has not yet burned the black off her last installment
of fresh coals. This man was Burgo fitzgerald. He was as handsome as ever; – a man whom neither man nor woman could help regarding as a thing beautiful to behold; – but not the less was there in his eyes and cheeks a look of haggard dissipation, – of riotous living, which had become wearisome, by its continuance, even to himself, – that told to all who saw him much of the history of his life.
Most men who drink at nights, and are out till cockcrow doing deeds of darkness, become red in their faces, have pimpled cheeks and watery eyes, and are bloated and not comfortable to be seen. It is a kind dispensation of providence who thus affords to such sinners a visible sign, to be seen day by day, of the injury which is being done. The first approach of a carbuncle on
the nose, about the
age of thirty, has stopped many a man from drinking. No one likes to have carbuncles on his nose, or to appear before his female friends with eye? which look as though they were swimming in grog. Burt to Burgo Fitzgerald Providence in her anger had not afforded this protection. He became at times pale, sallow, worn, and haggard. He grew thin, and still thinner. At times he had been ill to death‘s
door. Among his intimate friends there were those who heard him declare frequently that his liver had become useless to him; and that, as for gastric juices, he had none left to him. But still his beauty remained. The perfect form of his almost god-like face was the same as ever, and the brightness of his bright blue eye was never quenched.

On the present occasion he had come to Vavasor‘s room
with the object of asking from him certain assistance, and perhaps also some amount of advice. But as regarded the latter article he was, I think, in the state of most men when they seek for counsellors who shall counsel them to do evil. Advice administered in accordance with his own views would give him comfortable encouragement, but advice on the other side he was prepared to disregard altogether.
These two men had known each other long and a close intimacy had existed between them in the days past, previous to Lady Glencora‘s engagement with Mr Palliser. When Lady Glencora endeavoured, vainly as we know, to obtain aid from Alice Vavasor, Burgo had been instigated to believe that Alice‘s cousin might assist him. Any such assistance George Vavasor would have been quite ready to give. Some
pecuniary assistance he had given, he at that time having been in good funds. Perhaps he had for a moment induced Burgo to think that he could obtain for the pair the use of the house in Queen Anne Street as a point at which they might meet, and from whence they might start on their journey of love. All that was over. Those hopes had been frustrated, and Lady Glencora M‘Cluskie had become Lady
Glencora Palliser and not Lady Glencora Fitzgerald. But now other hopes had sprung up, and Burgo was again looking to his friend for assistance.

‘I believe she would,’ Burgo said, as he lifted the glass to his mouth. ‘It’s a thing of that sort that a man can only believe, –
perhaps only hope, – till he has tried. I know that she is not happy with him, and I have made up my mind that I will at
least ask her.’

‘But he would have her fortune all the same?’

‘I don’t know how that would be. I haven‘t inquired, and I don‘t mean to inquire. Of course I don‘t expect you or any one else to believe me, but her money has no bearing on the question now. Heaven knows I want money bad enough, but I wouldn‘t take away another man‘s wife for money.’

‘You don’t mean to say you think it would be
wicked. I supposed you to be above those prejudices.’

‘It’s all very well for you to chaff.‘

‘It’s no chaff at all. I tell you fairly I wouldn‘t run away with any man‘s wife. I have an old-fashioned idea that when a man has got a wife he ought to be allowed to keep her. Public opinion, I know, is against me.’

‘I think he ran away with my wife,’ said Burgo, with emphasis; ‘that‘s the way I look
at it. She was engaged to me first; and she really loved me, while she never cared for him.’

‘ Nevertheless, marriage is marriage, and the law is against you. But if I did go in for such a troublesome job at all, I certainly should keep an eye upon the money.’

‘It can make no difference.’

‘It did make a difference, I suppose, when you first thought of marrying her?‘

‘Of course it did. My people
brought us together because she had a large fortune and I had none. There‘s no doubt in the world about that And I‘ll tell you what; I believe that old harridan of an aunt of mine is willing to do the same thing now again. Of course she doesn‘t say as much. She wouldn‘t dare do that, but I do believe she means it. I wonder where she expects to go to!‘

That’s grateful on your part’

‘Upon my soul
I hate her. I do indeed. It isn‘t love for me now so much as downright malice against Palliser, because he baulked her project before. She is a wicked old woman. Some of us fellows are wicked enough – you and I for instance–‘

‘Thank you. I don’t know, however, that I am qualified to run in a curricle with you.’

‘But we are angels to such an old she-devil as that. You may believe me or not, as
you like. – I dare say you won‘t believe me.’

‘I’ll say I do, at any rate.’

‘The truth is, I want to get her, partly because I love her; but chiefly because I do believe in my heart that she loves me.’

‘It‘s for her sake then! You are ready to sacrifice yourself to do her a good turn.’

‘As for sacrificing myself, that‘s done. I‘m a man utterly ruined and would cut my throat tomorrow for die
sake of my relations, if I cared enough about them. I know my own condition pretty well. I have made a shipwreck of everything, and have now only got to go down among the breakers.’

‘Only you would like to take Lady Glencora with you. ’

‘No, by heavens! But sometimes, when I do think about it at all, – which I do as seldom as I can, – it seems to me that I might still become a different fellow
if it were possible for me to marry her.’

‘Had you married her when she was free to marry any one and when her money was her own, it might have been so.’

‘I think it would be quite as much so now. I do, indeed. If I could get her once, say to Italy, or perhaps to Greece, I think I could treat her well, and live with her quietly. I know that I would try.
’

‘Without the assistance of brandy and
cigars. ’

‘Yes.’

‘And without any money.’

‘ With only a little. I know you’ll laugh at me; but I make pictures to myself of a sort of life which I think would suit us, and be very different from this hideous way of living, with which I have become so sick that I loathe it.’

‘Something like Juan and Haidée
¹
, with Planty Pall coming after you, like old Lambro.’ By the nickname of Planty Pall
George Vavasor intended to designate Lady Glencora‘s present husband.

‘He’d get a divorce, of course, and then we should be married. I really don‘t think he‘d dislike it, when it was all done. They tell me he doesn‘t care for her.’

‘You have seen her since her marriage?’

‘ Yes; twice.’

‘And have spoken to her?’

‘Once only, – so as to be able to do more than ask her if she were well. Once,
for about two minutes, I did speak to her. ‘

‘And what did she say?‘

‘She said it would be better that we should not meet. When she said that, I knew that she was still fond of me. I could have fallen at her feet that moment, only the room was full of people. I do not think that she is fond of me.’

Vavasor paused a few minutes. ‘I dare say she is fond of you,’ he then said; ‘but whether she
has pluck for such a thing as this, is more than I can say. Probably she has not And if she has, probably you would fail in carrying out your plan. ’

‘I must get a little money first,’ said Burgo.

‘And that‘s an operation which no doubt you find more difficult every day, as you grow older.’

‘It seems to be much the same sort of thing. I went to Magruin this morning.’

‘He‘s the fellow that
lives out near Gray‘s Inn Lane?‘

‘Just beyond the Foundling Hospital. I went to him, and he was quite civil about it. He says I owe him over three thousand pounds, but that doesn‘t seem to make any difference.’

‘How much did you ever have from him?‘

‘I don‘t recollect that I ever absolutely had any money. He got a bill of mine from a tailor who went to smash, and he kept on renewing that till
it grew to be ever so many bills. I think he did once let me have twenty-four pounds, – but certainly never more than that‘

‘And he says he‘ll give you money now? I suppose you told him why you wanted it‘

‘I didn‘t name her, – but I told him what would make him understand that I hoped to get off with a lady who had a lot of tin. I asked him for two hundred and fifty. He says he‘ll let me have
one hundred and fifty on a bill at two months for five hundred, – with your name to it.’

‘With my name to it! That’s kind on his part, – and on yours too. ‘

‘Of course I can‘t take it up at the end of two months. ‘

’I dare say not,’ said Vavasor.

‘But he won’t come upon you then, – nor for a year or more afterwards. I did pay you what you lent me before.’

‘Yes, you did. I always thought that
to be a special compliment on your part.’

‘And you‘ll find I’ll pull you through now in some way. If I don‘t succeed in this I shall go off the hooks altogether soon; and if I were dead my people would pay my debts then.‘

Before the evening was over Vavasor promised the assistance asked of him. He knew that he was lending his name to a man who was utterly ruined, and putting it into the hands
of another man who was absolutely without conscience in the use he would make of it. He knew that he was creating for himself trouble, and in all probability loss, which he was ill able to bear. But the thing was one which came within the pale of his laws. Such assistance as that he might ask of others, and had asked and received before now. It was a reckless deed on his part, but then all his doings
were reckless. It was consonant with his mode of life.

‘I thought you would, old fellow,’ said Burgo, as he got up to go away. ‘Perhaps, you know, I shall pull through in this; and perhaps, after all, some part of her fortune will come with her. If so you‘ll be all right‘

‘perhaps I may. But look here, Burgo, – don‘t you give that fellow up the bill till you‘ve got the money into your fist’

‘You may be quite easy about that. I know their tricks. He and I will go to the bank together, and we shall squabble there at the door about four or five odd sovereigns, – and at last I shall have to give him up two or three. Beastly old robber! I declare I think he‘s worse than I am myself.’ Then Burgo Fitzgerald took a little more brandy and water and went away.

He was living at this time in
the house of one of his relatives in Cavendish Square, north of Oxford Street. His uncles and his aunts, and all those who were his natural friends, had clung to him with a tenacity that was surprising; for he had never been true to any of them, and did not even pretend to like them. His father, with whom for many years he had not been on speaking terms, was now dead; but he had sisters whose husbands
would
still open their houses to him, either in London or in the country; – would open their houses to him, and lend him their horses, and provide him with every luxury which the rich enjoy, – except ready money. When the uttermost stress of pecuniary embarrassment would come upon him, they would pay something to stave off the immediate evil. And so Burgo went on. Nobody now thought of saying
much to reproach him. It was known to be waste of words, and trouble in vain. They were still fond of him because he was beautiful and never vain of his beauty; – because in the midst of his recklessness there was always about him a certain kindliness which made him pleasant to those around him. He was soft and gracious with children, and would be very courteous to his lady cousins. They knew that
as a man he was worthless, but nevertheless they loved him. I think the secret of it was chiefly in this, – that he seemed to think so little of himself.

But now as he walked home in the middle of the night from Cecil Street to Cavendish Square he did think much of himself. Indeed such self-thoughts come naturally to all men, be their outward conduct ever so reckless. Every man to himself is
the centre of the whole world; – the axle on which it all turns. All knowledge is but his own perception of the things around him. All love, and care for others, and solicitude for the world‘s welfare, are but his own feelings as to the world‘s wants and the world‘s merits.

He had played his part as a centre of all things very badly. Of that he was very well aware. He had sense enough to know
that it should be a man‘s lot to earn his bread after some fashion, and he often told himself that never as yet had he earned so much as a penny roll. He had learned to comprehend that the world‘s progress depends on the way in which men do their duty by each other, – that the progress of one generation depends on the discharge of such duties by that which preceded it; – and he knew that he, in his
generation, had done nothing to promote such progress. He thoroughly despised himself, – if there might be any good in that! But on such occasions as these, when the wine he had drunk was sufficient only to drive away from him the numbness of despair, when he was all alone with the cold night air upon his face, when the stars were bright above him and
world around him was almost quiet, he would
still ask himself whether there might not yet be, even for him, some hope of a redemption, – some chance of a better life in store for him. He was still young, – wanting some years of thirty. Could there be, even for him, some mode of extrication from his misery?