Candidate: A Love Story (25 page)

She stepped off the elevator and walked toward the jazz spilling from the bar. Grady was standing with his back to the crowd, his jacket in his hand and his collar open. He did a visible double take when he saw her. It was probably because not many people dared to enter the bar at the St. Regis in jeans. Maybe it was his turn to be embarrassed.

“You just made it. I was about to have a drink and start climbing.”

Kate smiled. He was funny, but he scared the crap out of her.

“Grady . . . ”

“Nope, before you start in on me let’s get out of here.”

“What?”

“My car is right through those doors.”

“Grady, you really need to lay low. Where are you going?”

He gently took her arm. “We . . . are going for a drive. No reporters, no work, just a drive.”

Kate quietly asked her stupid heart to cut it out. “And if I don’t go for a drive?”

He gave a faux-longing look up at the sculpture above the bar.

“Christ, fine,” she caved.

“It’s a good thing your hair’s down,” he said, opening the door to his sleek grey convertible Porsche glistening under the lights of the hotel. “You’re gorgeous, by the way.” He closed the door and walked around the other side without looking at her. This guy was really good. In spite of everything she knew, in spite of all the lessons she had learned, she was simply happy to be sitting with Grady Malendar. Deep analysis would come later; right now she rested her head. They drove in silence for a moment. Her hair blew wildly in her face, she left it, didn’t tuck it, allowed the disarray. Kate leaned over and asked where they were going.

“Over the bridge,” he said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I can see that. Sausalito?”

“We’ll stop there on the way back, but I’m taking you to one of the most reporter, PR, politico-free areas I know.”

Sounded great. The winding road took them past the Pelican Inn with its small streetlight. The moon was large enough to cast its own glow, and Kate could see Grady smiling as he parked.

“Muir Beach,” she said.

“Yup, Muir Beach.” Grady got out and popped the trunk.

Kate opened her door. He grabbed a blanket and her hand. It was silent except for the low rumble of the waves in the distance. She felt like they were the only two people on the planet. This was not a good idea, so she stopped.

“Grady, this is really surreal, and you’re right, it’s a great place to get away, but I . . . ”

“You can’t?”

She nodded.

“It’s too good, too much fun?”

“It’s just not appropriate for me to be here.”

He laughed, Kate knew he would. “Not appropriate? Kate, this is probably the most appropriate thing I’ve done in a long time. I just want to sit with you, just you, for an hour. That’s it.”

“On romantic Muir Beach in the moonlight?”

“Is this romantic? You know, it is quite romantic now that you mention it, but that’s just a coincidence.”

He took her arm again and this time she followed.

“Just an hour, and then I really need to get back,” she said in vain, as they crossed the small wooden bridge and the beach came into view. It was breathtaking. That word is used far too often because this . . . this really was breathtaking. Grady kicked off his shoes and left them in the sand. He rolled up his pants, and suddenly what Kate was sure was thousands of dollars worth of suit looked like casual beach wear. She stepped out of her shoes and he took her hand again. A group of people were sitting on pieces of wood around a bonfire farther up the beach. Grady spread the blanket and sat down. Kate looked out at the ocean, took a deep breath, and joined him.

“So, you’ve been here before?” he asked her.

“I have, well only once at night. Greg Parson’s graduation party. We were dating . . . yeah, the beach is romantic.” Kate laughed. “So weird, I haven’t had that memory in a long time. Anyway,” she said, smoothing some sand off the blanket, “I was in high school. I haven't seen High School Kate for a very long time.” She let out an awkward, sort of insecure laugh that she did not recognize. “Not sure where that came from. Yes, it is incredible here at night.”

“It is.” Grady looked at her, and his gaze was so warm that she moved away. He laughed. “So, what is it about me that completely turns you off?”

Was he kidding? That would be a big nothing; there wasn’t one thing about him that turned her off.

“What?” she tried to laugh. “It’s not you.”

“Oh, please don’t give me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line. I used to use that one in college.”

It was quiet. “Grady, I’ll admit you’re a surprise, not what I thought you would be, but this,” she gestured to the both of them, “this is just because I’m boosting your image, you feel beholden and grateful for the attention. It’s normal. It’s very flattering, but . . . ”

His face became serious. Not something she’d seen much of since meeting Grady.

“I don’t want you to be flattered and I’m not beholden. I’m talking about you as a woman, not part of some PR team. When I’m with you I feel like we . . . I see you. You’re still there.”

“You see what you want to be there.”

“No, she's still there. The girl you described that night at whoever's graduation party. She’s buried way in the back, but she’s there. Those luscious lips and haunting blue eyes . . . he was a lucky bastard.” He leaned forward and she pulled back.

Her heart was racing, almost like it was running to save its own life. This had to stop. “Grady, I want you to listen to me, carefully. There’s a really good chance I’ve lived my best, given the most I’ll ever give to man. I’m damaged, and you need to know that. Don’t make this into something it’s not or fill it with some romantic notion of who I am. You’ve seen enough of my personal life to know it’s pretty screwed up. I’m not what you think I am, believe me, there are newer models out there. We both know you’ve test-driven plenty. Whatever you’re feeling, it’ll pass. Let’s keep this professional and not . . . let’s just not go there.”

“Wow, do you have a rote answer for everything? That was great how you just wrapped me up and sent me on my way. Here’s what you don’t understand, I can’t stop this, won’t leave, and whether you know it or not, you can’t either. You make me . . . ah, I don’t know. Everything is clear and I’m enough when you look at me. I feel. That in and of itself is a big deal, but . . . ”

She started to interrupt, her mouth halfway open, the words stopping on her lips.

Grady’s eyes pleaded with her. “Please, let me finish.” He took her hand. “Kate, look at me. I don’t need to love you or have sex with you to pump myself up or mend my ego. I need . . .
want
to be around you. To hold you, laugh with you, and even fight with you. And you’re right, you do make me better, that’s true, but I can offer you something too. I have things you need. You need me, I can feel it and believe me, no one has ever needed me. They’ve needed my money or my family connections, but never me. You need me, Kate, and God, over the last couple of months I’ve needed you.” His voice softened as he rubbed a circle into her hand. “You’re not damaged.” He moved closer and touched her face.

Kate didn’t know what to say. She stared into his welcoming eyes, frozen. This was not good. This had to be the whole “you make me a better man” complex. He needs someone to mother him and keep him in line. She’d filled that role over the last couple of months, and now that his life was looking up again he transferred that good feeling to her.
Jesus, Kate! Maybe he just thinks you
’
re hot and wants to take you home!

“Grady, I appreciate your feelings and you are, it turns out, a really great guy, but I’m not the right woman for you. I’m not the right woman for anyone, I’m afraid. All I really want is to just be left alone.”

He wasn’t listening. His crystal blue eyes fell to her mouth. His breath was warm and she couldn’t move.

“No one really wants to be alone,” he whispered as he leaned closer, looking straight through her.

“When we were in D.C. you said you liked being alone. Remember, you said you still like being alone.” She was babbling and he moved in closer. The moonlight pooling in those eyes was not helping Kate find her words.

“I lied.” He gently kissed her, just a passing of lips, breath.

“I’m afraid,” she said as he brushed her lips again.

“I know.” He touched the side of her face.

“This isn’t going to work,” she said softly.

Grady smiled and traced her lips with his thumb. “It seems to be going along nicely so far.”

“You don’t understand . . . ” She was struggling to order her brain to pull back, but he kissed her. He gently took the back of her neck, bringing them closer together, and she melted. Lost in a kiss so tender and filled with so many things she had buried deep inside and locked away. All at once she felt. She was no longer numb, but even wrapped in all of his warmth, Kate’s brain yelled to her heart that this too would end in pain.

Grady couldn’t stop kissing her, touching her. He knew she would be different, he could feel it the closer he got to her, but the softness, the sheer vulnerability that peeked out of her for just a moment was more than he was prepared for. She was undone and dazzling, laying on a blanket with him in the moonlight. She was the most exquisite sight he’d ever seen, and he knew he wanted her and would want her for the rest of his life. The thought didn’t scare him. It should have, but he felt nothing but belonging and a deep need to protect the softness in her.

Kate stared up at the stars as Grady touched her hair. He was lying on his side propped up on one arm. He took a deep breath.

“That wasn’t so bad. I don’t think there was any damage.”

Kate laughed. “None that you can see, anyway,” she said turning to him.

“All that I see is so beautiful.”

They were quiet, looking into each other.

“I think about you.” Kate said softly, as she looked up at the stars.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, all right, I think about you.”

Grady smiled.

“I mean not every day, well maybe every day, but it’s not an every minute thing. Some of it, most of it, has to do with work. I just . . . I’m human, a human being.”

“I know.”

“Well, I wanted to get that out. I do in fact recognize that you’re a person and I think about you from time to time.”

“That’s good to know. I mean with me being the client and all. It’s good that you think about me. Kate?”

“Yes.”

“Most of it has to do with work, that’s what you said. What do the other thoughts have to do with? Just curious.” Kate flushed and his smile deepened.

“I . . . ”

“Yes?”

Grady could actually see her trying to order her thoughts. “I think about why you won’t let me . . . ”

“Let you what? Don’t hold back, I mean whatever it is you’d like to do.”

“Why you won’t let me use all of the great service you do in the campaign. That’s what I wonder.”

“Nice try, that’s work. You specifically said, most of your thoughts.”

“You’re pretty relentless,” Kate said, looking up at the stars.

“I’ll have to add that to my list of character traits right next to abnormally curious,” he replied.

He pulled her under him for another kiss. Dear Lord, she surrounded him. He couldn’t get close enough.

They heard laughter from the group down the beach and Grady could see reality smash right into Kate. He could practically hear her start to question her choices, see her looking around for reporters or whatever else she constantly worried about. She squirmed out of his arms and stood brushing the sand off her jeans.

“We should go,” Kate said.

Grady moaned and rolled onto his back. “And she’s back, ladies and gentlemen.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” he said, as he stood up to fold the blanket.

“We do need to get back. We can’t just—”

“Sit out here on the beach in the moonlight and kiss each other senseless? I know it’s so . . . what was I thinking?” He actually put his hands on his hips in an attempt to impersonate her. It was kind of funny, but Grady could tell Kate was not amused so he dropped it.

“Grady. You may not need to live in reality, but I do. It’s all I know.”

“Please, let’s just go to the car,” he answered. “Don’t dissect it and chart it out. Just leave it at this; I’m falling in love with you, Kate. In reality, standing right here and even back in the conference room at your office, at the grocery store, pumping gas, you name the place in your ‘real world,’ and I’m falling there too.” He finished folding the blanket and brushed the sand off his pants. “And you, sooner or later, and God please let it be sooner, you’re going to let me in. Believe me Kate, I get it. I’ve never felt this way. I know I scare the hell out of you, but I’m not going away. I’m not going to fly off in my Lear jet with my silver spoon in my mouth. This isn’t a joke or a game for me.” He started walking toward his shoes.

“This was . . . nice,” she managed

He whipped around and took her by the shoulders.

“Nice? Well that’s a first.”

Kate looked down at the sand. “What do you want me to say?”