I
knew something was happening.
For a
long time there seemed to be silence, but I knew there'd been some sound that
hadn't belonged here.
That's
what had woken me.
At
least I
felt
that that's what had woken me.
I
believed I had heard someone screaming.
I sat
up in my bed and listened.
There
was movement, I could hear movement, and I believed it was coming from the room
facing mine, the room where Nathan and Linny were sleeping.
I moved
to sit on the edge of my bed and then I stood up. I felt a little uneasy with
the sudden awakening, the champagne I'd drunk the night before, the sense of
confusion and disorientation I was experiencing. All these things contributed
to a feeling that my anchors to reality had slipped, the ropes were spooling
out and I was floating into some errant tide that would lose me.
I
gathered my thoughts.
I
moved towards the door.
Thud!
A
definite sound, something heavy falling to the floor, heavier than a footstep.
I was
puzzled.
I
figured perhaps Nathan and Linny were fooling around, but by the time I reached
the door the feeling that something was wrong had gathered substance.
Intuition
was not my strongest point, but there was something about the atmosphere,
something about the way the hair crawled across the back of my neck, something
about the tension I felt in my lower gut, that told me I was walking towards
something fearful.
And
then she screamed.
'You
knew it was her?' Father John asked. it could only have been her. And besides,
I knew her voice well enough to know it was her. Like you can tell someone by
their laugh -'
'But
you'd heard her laugh many times. How many times had you heard her scream?'
'She
was a screamer.'
Father
John looked at me questioningly.
'She
screamed when she got excited, she screamed when she was making out sometimes,
she screamed when Nathan bit her that time… she was a screamer, okay?'
'But
this would have been a different kind of screaming… this would have been
terrified screaming or something -'
'It
was her,' I said emphatically. 'And besides, when I opened the door it was
Linny standing there - screaming.'
'So
you did actually see her screaming?'
'Yes,
but you didn't let me get that far. I heard someone screaming, I thought it was
Linny Goldbourne, and then when I opened the door I
saw
that it was
Linny Goldbourne screaming… are we clear on that now?'
'We're
clear on that now,' Father John said. 'I'm sorry… go on.'
'You
gonna interrupt me again?'
Father
John shook his head. 'Not unless there's something I don't understand.'
'Okay,'
I said. 'So I'm standing there in my room and I hear someone screaming who I
think is Linny Goldbourne-'
And
even as I reached for the door handle I could feel this sensation in my lower
gut. Felt like a snake was unravelling itself in my intestines.
That
sense of tension increased right through me. I started to open the door.
She
screamed again.
The
door was three, four inches ajar, and that sound came at me like a freight
train.
I
started, took a step backwards, and for one awful, horrifying second I believed
Nathan was killing Linny Goldbourne.
It
seemed such a ridiculous thought that I found myself smiling, but it was the
smile of someone afraid.
Something
was happening in my house.
Something
was happening ten yards from where I stood in the shadow within my room, and I
had no idea of what was going on.
Except
that it was bad.
I
looked around the room for something to defend myself, something with which I
could protect Linny, but there was nothing.
I stepped
towards the door again, opened it a little further, and then the screaming
became a continuous rage of sound, a torrent, a rush of madness exploding from
the door facing mine.
I
went out like a crazed man, fear cowering behind me, some inner force impelled
me, drove me, took over my body and propelled me across the hall towards the
opposite doorway.
Linny
was standing beside the bed, her eyes wide, her hands reaching out towards the
center of the room. Her whole body was spattered and coursed with bright red
blood, covered in it.
Nathan
lay on the bed, his form barely visible among the scarlet sheets.
I
opened my mouth.
The
man I'd seen at Eve Chantry's house, the man who'd spoken, appeared out of left
field like a shadow and I felt a pain the like of which I'd never experienced.
My
head felt as if it had been smashed with a baseball bat.
Like
Babe Ruth had hit a home run through my forehead.
As I
went down I could see the second man wrestling with Linny.
Linny
was screaming still, sounded like her body was being wrenched in two; I
staggered to my feet, felt myself skidding awkwardly. I looked down, and my
feet, my own bare feet, were sliding back and forth in runnels of blood that
seemed to be moving beneath me as if they possessed a will of their own. I lost
my balance, grabbed the side of the bed and went crashing down to the ground
once more.
I
began screaming too, and then I felt a tremendous pain collide with the side of
my body.
Everything
was turning black.
Black
and gray with red waves inside it…
And I
could smell something, something like dirt, and later I would think that
perhaps it was the smell of so much blood… and I could see the blood as I fell…
like someone had gutted a pig and swung it round the room… and then there was
blackness coming like ink through water, like indigo to midnight to lampblack
to ebony to jet…
I
tried to stand again, reached for the sheet that hung from the side of the
mattress, and used it to haul myself up. As I came to my knees, a second
collision impacted against my body.
I
howled in agony. I rolled sideways bringing the sheet down across me, a wet,
heavy sheet, so red and so warm…
I
tried to slide underneath the bed, tried to gain some purchase against the wet
floor, but it was useless, and I was losing consciousness…
Kill
the motherfucker
,
someone said.
And I
thought I heard my mother's voice.
No,
not my mother… it was Eve Chantry.
And
then it sounded like Caroline Lanafeuille.
She
was saying something, quoting something like she used to, something from Frost
or Whitman…
My
surface is myself… under which to witness… youth is buried… Roots?… Everybody
has roots…
I
opened my mouth to scream again and felt a hand around my throat, a hand that
was squeezing every ounce of breath from my lungs.
I
flailed my arms wildly, I connected with something, something hard…
Asshole
motherfucker!
A
fist collided with the side of my face. I felt as if all my teeth had moved
from one side to the other, and then I was gasping as my head was forced down
against the floor, and I could smell the blood, taste it in my mouth. My own? I
didn't know. Christ, there was so much blood… so much blood…
I was
dragged across the room.
I
heard Linny screaming again.
I
tried to shout her name.
There
was a sound like when Nathan hit Marty Hooper in Benny's and then there was
silence but for my own breathing… my own desperate struggle for breath as the two
men started raining punches down on me.
I
moved sideways, sideways again, and somehow I managed to roll onto my side and
get to my knees. Pushing my back against the wall I started to rise, and then
heaved myself forward, propelling myself towards the bed as if there I could
find some sanctuary.
And
he was there.
Nathan
was there.
Nathan's
eyes staring back at me from his head.
Nathan's
head lying on its side amidst a still wave of blood that had erupted from his
body and covered much of the room.
His
body lay still, his arms outstretched like Christ crucified.
His
head on the side of the mattress.
Disconnected.
Detached.
I
opened my mouth to scream again, and a shoe collided with my lower jaw and sent
me hurtling back against the wall.
I saw
nothing but blackness… blackness and the image of Nathan's decapitated head
staring back at me from the torrent of red…
I
heard Caroline's voice as I slid into the darkness.
She
was smiling.
We
should… you know, we should… before I leave…
And
then there was nothing.
'Were
the police there when you came round?' Father John asked.
'Yes,
they were there.'
'And
you were already cuffed?'
'Yes.
I was on my stomach on the upper landing floor, face against the banister,
hands cuffed behind my back. I could taste blood in my mouth, and this
excruciating pain was pounding through the side of my head. There was so much
noise, so many voices.'
'And
you saw them take Nathan out?'
'Yes.'
'How
could you see that?'
'I was
able to see through the banister posts and down the stairs. They carried him
down on a stretcher but he wasn't covered up then.'
'And
his head?'
I
closed my eyes.
I
could see it vividly - too vividly - even now.
'His
head was carried by someone else. In a see-through polythene bag.'
'And
what happened then?'
'They
took him out, presumably to the coroner's car or an ambulance or something, and
then they came back to get me.'
'And
Lieutenant Garrett was there?'
'Yes,
he was there.'
'And
he was the one who told you that you were going to be charged with Nathan's
killing.'
I
nodded. 'Yes.'
'And
Linny wasn't there, and no-one mentioned her name?'
'No,
she was gone. It wasn't until much later that day that she was found.'
'In a
field about a mile away.'
I
nodded.
'Naked,
covered in Nathan's blood.'
'Apparently
so. I was told she was hysterical, delusional, in shock, all manner of things. It
was intimated I had tried to kill her too, killed Nathan in a jealous rage and
then tried to kill her.'
'But
you were never charged with attempted murder?'
'It
was not that I was never charged with attempted murder, it was that charges
were never brought by Linny or the police for attempted murder.'
'And
she went straight to Charleston.'