Can't Get Over You (Fortune's Island, Book 2) (9 page)

“We’re broken up. It’s normal to date. It’s not normal to hit the guy just because he’s out with me.” Her words were short, cold.

Regret washed over him again. “You’re right. You are totally right. Doesn’t mean it feels normal to see you dating yet.” Would he get to a point someday where he would see Jillian with another guy and just be…cool? Zach couldn’t imagine that, not for a second. But people had been breaking up and moving on for centuries, so surely he could, too.

“So, uh, how’s your car?” he asked, instead of getting to the point.

“Just got it back from Harvey today. It’s running okay, but it still needs more repairs than I can afford.” She sighed. “Guess I know where my tax refund’s going.”

“That car’s got a lot of miles. And memories.” He glanced at her, but she didn’t smile, didn’t acknowledge that she remembered the times they’d sat in the car and watched the sun set, or pulled into a quiet place on the island and made out, or the time they had a picnic on the roof of her car and watched a meteor shower.

“Anyway, I came by tonight to apologize and to…” He hesitated a bit. When it came to
expressing how he felt,
Zach was the kind of guy who worked a solid C average. It had been an issue between them almost from the day they’d met. But maybe if he opened up a little more… Well, he could hope for a miracle, right? “I wanted to talk to you for a little bit.”

Before she could object, he added, “You know, like we used to? About silly facts and things that we learned. I mean, I know it’s not the big emotional kind of talking that we probably should have been doing, but it was…nice. And at some point, we got away from that. I got busy with the band and you were working and we stopped talking. I miss that, Jillian.”

I miss you.
But he didn’t say that. Instead he watched a curl dance along her neck, and ached inside.

There was a set to her shoulders, a coldness in her features. That was what kept him from opening up to her, from telling her how he felt. There was a wall, built out of bricks that she
might remove for a moment, but as soon as he got too close, she’d shore up the space between them again. He loved Jillian, he truly did, but he had always felt that she’d never quite opened herself to him, never quite let him inside. There’d always seemed to be a part of her she kept in reserve. It had lingered behind all her words of love, like a shadow that he couldn’t quite see. And now, compounded by their breakup, the distance between them was ten times further and more impossible to traverse.

But that didn’t mean he was going to quit trying.

“We did have some interesting conversations, didn’t we?” she said.

He could see her slowly relenting, easing one, maybe two bricks out of that wall. “I swear, we could talk about French fries versus onion rings and make it the coolest debate ever.”

“That’s because I take my onion rings very, very seriously.” She grinned back, and something in Zach’s chest tripped.

“Then let’s debate onion rings versus onion straws, JillyBean,” he said, because it was easier and safer than saying,
let’s try again
. “Just for old time’s sake. What do you say?”

She glanced over her shoulder, saw that the dining room was still empty, and turned back to him. “Okay. But only for a few minutes. What do you want to talk about?”

He didn’t realize he had been holding his breath until she answered. He’d been so sure, almost a hundred percent positive, that she would tell him to get lost. But she hadn’t, and that had him inching closer on his own bench, wishing he was sitting right beside her. The ocean whispered a soft song in the background, and there was the faint sound of clinking dishes coming from the open kitchen window.

“Anything that will take my mind off next week. The band has a huge opportunity coming up,” he told her. “An audition.”

Her face broke into a wide smile. “Really? That’s awesome.”

“I’m hoping it will be.” He draped his arms over his knees and let out a breath. “I’ve been so worried about it, I haven’t been focused this week. Hell, I haven’t been focused for a long time.”

“Why not?”

He turned to her. “Because I miss you.”

“Zach, we’re not going there again. I’m not—”

“I don’t want anything from you, Jillian.” That was a lie, because all he wanted was for her to welcome him back, for her to give him a second chance, but if he said that, he knew she would leave this deck and he would have lost her again. “Just to hear your voice for a little while. I’m nervous as hell about the audition, and back when we were together, whenever I got nervous, you’d talk to me. I miss that. I need that right now, because what’s going on in my head…” He let out a breath. How could he tell her the inner battle he was fighting, between the dream he’d always wanted, and the one he’d had to release three months ago? How he wasn’t sure which direction to go in, because neither was a sure thing? How he wasn’t sure he wanted one, without the other? “Talk to me, JillyBean. About the stars. Or the tides. Whatever. Just…fill the space.”

The aching cavern deep in his chest, the one that never seemed to fill, no matter how many hours he played or how many beers he drank or how many days he stayed away from her. He missed her, damn it, missed her like someone had sawed off his leg and left him to die on the side of the road.

Jillian hesitated so long, Zach was sure she wasn’t going to say a word. He watched that curl dance in the breeze, and let his gaze travel along the curves of her neck, the hills of her shoulders, and wished she was in his arms.

When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, and her gaze lingered on the water before them. “Do you know that one of those satellites up there is mapping mountains under the ocean as we speak?” she said. “There are parts of the ocean that are so deep, there are mountains as high as Everest rising up from the bottom. In fact, the longest mountain range on earth is under water, right here in the Atlantic.”

He had heard something about that before. Back when they’d been together, he and Jillian each took turns finding one interesting fact to teach the other. He wondered if she still did that, squirreling away some random fact to give him later, or if this was just something random she thought of. He preferred to go with the former. “So we could be looking at mountains right now and not even know it?” Zach asked.

“We could.”

He thought about that for a moment. “So many secrets, under the water.”

“There are secrets everywhere, Zach,” she said, her voice almost a whisper.

He wanted to ask her what she meant by that. But it was no longer his place to ask her to open up, to probe when something lingered under the surface of her words. Just like those mountains. He wasn’t the one in charge of finding them or bringing them into the daylight. He was just supposed to sit here and wonder. “I’m not surprised they just realized there are mountains under there. I heard that they find a new species in the ocean, like, every day.”

She nodded. “I guess the world is filled with things we still don’t know or understand. Like mountains under the water.”

“Pretty cool when you think about it, isn’t it? Something that big, completely hidden by water.” As the sun began to slowly inch down into the western sky behind them, the bright day gave way to muted gold. He loved sunrises and sunsets, always had. Sometimes, early in the morning, they’d come out to this beach and watch the sun slowly rise. Then, one day, they stopped. He’d gotten busy, or she’d gotten overloaded at work—he wasn’t sure why. But now, sitting here with Jillian so close, he realized how very much he missed watching the sunrises and sunsets with her.

They sat there for a minute, not saying anything. Only a foot of space separated them, but Zach knew there was much more in those twelve inches. Still, the silence was comfortable, the kind of silence that formed between two people who had shared pretty much everything for pretty much all their lives. He could hear the rising sound of voices inside the restaurant. The Love Shack was going to be busy soon, and that meant Jillian would leave.

He turned toward her. His gaze traveled along her face, over the delicate buds of her lips, down her chin, the concave curve of her throat, the swell of her breasts under the T-shirt. Desire coiled inside him. God, he missed her. He reached out a hand, drifting it along that one errant curl. “Jillian—”

She got to her feet. “I…I have to get to work.”

Zach stood, too. A few inches away from her, close enough to catch the sultry notes of her perfume, to watch her chest rise and fall with her breath. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t leave. He cupped her jaw, running his thumb along her lower lip and, as it had so many times before, her mouth dropped open at his touch, and her eyes darkened. Zach shifted closer, until the heat from her body mingled with his. “Jillian,” he said again, but in a whisper this time.

“Don’t,” she said, but the word was weak, half order, half plea.

“I know.”
I know we’re over, I know it’s wrong, I know I shouldn’t, but
…

Then before he could think another thought, hesitate another second, he leaned in, and brushed his lips against hers.

Jillian made a little sound. Zach tangled his hands in her hair, and drew her closer, deepening the kiss. She made the sound again, a soft gasp, a whisper, he wasn’t sure which. All he knew was that it made him want her even more. He rested his other hand on the sweet valley of her waist, and drew her closer. She stumbled against his chest, and held stiff for one more long second, then Jillian curved into him, as she had done a thousand times before, and opened her mouth to his.

Kissing Jillian had always been magical. It was as if there was some chemical reaction between them, some combination of the perfect elements, that made his heart sing. It was the magic he tried to capture in his songs, express to her when he performed “You’re The Everything.” But, try as he might, Zach had never been able find the right words that could even come close to capturing this…magic.

She wrapped her arms around his back, and the distance between them disappeared. Everything disappeared. It was just him and Jillian, and one amazing, overwhelming kiss that danced across his senses like a symphony. She was in his arms, and he was tasting her and smelling her and touching her, and if there was ever a moment when the world was perfect, this was it.

Someone laughed inside, a loud, barking sound. Jillian broke away from Zach and took two steps back. Her face was flushed, her breath heaving in her chest, but it was her eyes that
told him the truth. They were filled with unshed tears, and she was shaking her head. “That never should have happened.”

“But, Jillian, we’re so good together—”

“No. No, we’re not. I’m sorry if I…if I led you on here. I don’t…” She shook her head again. “I can’t do this, Zach. I can’t fall for you again.”

“Why not?” He took a step closer, capturing her jaw with the tip of his finger, until she was looking into his eyes. “Why the hell not?” he said again, softer now.

But she just shook her head a third time and walked away.

NINE

Jillian hurried into the kitchen, the only place she knew she wouldn’t see Zach. Where she could have a second to process what had just happened, and put it in the past. She pressed herself against the wall by the walk-in freezer, and tried to quell her pulse and ease her breathing. She had kissed him. And
enjoyed
kissing him.

What was wrong with her?

She wasn’t dating Zach anymore. But when he sat beside her and they talked about mountains and oceans and nothing at all, she had been lured back into that feeling of being with him. The one that felt like settling into a comfortable chair, then leaning back and taking a nap. Being with Zach used to be like that—like coming home—before their relationship had stalled and died. Before he began shutting her out. He’d started to talk about his music tonight, then changed the subject. Like she wasn’t part of that world anymore, wasn’t part of him. His life.

Then when he touched her, she forgot everything about why they had broken up. He had touched her face, gazed at her with those big brown eyes she’d never been able to resist, then laid his hand on her waist, and she’d been gone. Lost in the same dizzying attraction that had brought them together all those years ago.

It had taken pretty much all her willpower to break away, to leave the deck and sneak back into the Love Shack through the side kitchen door, before she forgot why dating Zach was a bad idea.

“You okay, honey?”

Jillian looked up at the sound of her mother’s voice. “Yeah, yeah.”
Except for the fact that I’m screwing up the one thing I thought I had locked down.

Her mother placed a hand on her shoulder. “You look a little shook up.”

“I…” Jillian started to tell her mother what had happened, but stopped herself. Her parents had always liked Zach and, although they had supported her decision to break up with him, Jillian knew they were secretly hoping she and Zach would get back together. If she mentioned that they had kissed, her mother would be all over that. “I’m just tired. Needed a break before beginning my shift.”

Her mother pursed her lips at the weak lie. “Okay, but if you need anything, just come talk to me.”

Jillian drew her mother into a hug. “I will, Mom. Thanks. I better get out there to help Darcy.”

“Okay.” Grace started to walk away, then turned back. “I almost forgot to tell you. Your brother is here. He’s out on the deck, with his friend and his friend’s sister.”

Jillian had never left her little corner of the deck to see who was sitting outside. Either way, seeing Zach had left her so confused and discombobulated, she could have walked right past her brother and not even seen him. “Carter’s here? Already? I thought he wasn’t arriving for a couple hours.”

Grace beamed. “He’s staying for the whole weekend. He’s actually taking a few days off.”

“Awesome.” Her brother being here would be good. A distraction. And a much-needed vacation for him because Carter never took time off. Maybe she should try to get him to take a beach day this weekend. She worried about him working too much and playing too little, even though he was the older one.