Can't Let Go (7 page)

The usual cars line the street outside the ‘bakery’. You’d think the cops could figure this out, but most are paid-off to turn their eyes in another direction. Walking past the front entrance and detouring through the alley, my mouth sours when I spot Nico already waiting for me outside with his foot propped against the wall, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Hey sweetheart,” he says, and my insides recoil with bile at his words. “Your dad is passed out in my car.” Unsure why he wouldn’t have met me along the street, or at least driven my dad home, brings an uneasiness over me. Nico is one of the younger ones, the rising stars trying to make a name for themselves within the small group of fuck-ups. That’s why my dad is currently attached to his hip; he’s always trying to get ahead of someone else. The old belief, find new blood and ‘blessings’ will come your way. My dad seeks them out and attaches himself like Velcro.

“Okay,” I say, beginning the walk down the dark and dingy alleyway.

“Hold up.” He stops me by placing his hand on my shoulder and tugging me back a little too forcefully.

I dig my hand into my purse from the abrupt behavior change, and he quickly removes his hand. “Why?” I’m really not in the mood, since I didn’t bother putting pants on. Standing there in pajama shorts and a sweatshirt that’s only covering up a camisole wasn’t my smartest decision.

“Why don’t you come down for a while? You never know, maybe you’ll get lucky.” For some reason, I’m positive he’s suggesting getting lucky in more ways than one.

“It’s not my thing.” I politely decline, and he slithers forward, forcing me to back-up.

“I bet you’d love it.”

“I bet I wouldn’t.”

“Come on,” he continues, and I begin walking down the alley. “Sweetheart,” he says, quickly catching up.

I stop and turn around. “The name is Chrissy,” I sneer. “Not sweetheart or baby or whatever other fake term of endearment. Just Chrissy.” Shaking my head, I turn around again and I’m almost to the end of the alley when my whole body flies back and rams against the brick.

“You think you’re better than me?” His crooked teeth are the center of my tunnel vision as rains of saliva splash my face.

“Honestly, I do.” I’m not about to bring my guard down.

“You’re a bitch, you know that?” He reaches into his pocket and raises his hand filled with a wad of cash in front of me. “This is what I won tonight. And I’ll win it again tomorrow night. So, go on home with your pathetic father to your pathetic apartment and dream of ever having all this money in your possession because it will never happen.” Shoving it back in his pocket, he inches even closer to me.

My heart races and scenarios of how this could go down flash through my mind. I’m worrying he is about to cross that line. Every defense mechanism I could use on him starts screaming through my brain. Feeling his hot breath on my neck, my whole body freezes, as though I’m just another brick on the wall. His fingers graze across my legs, getting closer to the hem of my shorts. Swallowing deep, his tongue swipes along my neck. “You’re nothing but a piece of shit. You should consider opening those legs because what else do you really have going for you?” He pushes back from me, but then he’s torn from my vision in a snap.

Another body throws him against the wall and obscenities are screamed through the alley. All I see from the dim light above the bakery back door is an arm flying up and then slamming down. Scared to leave my spot, I remain pinned to the wall as though my feet are super glued to the ground. Once the one body is down, the larger one begins walking toward me. My heartbeat ramps up to an ungodly pace and my feet flee before he can reach me. I can barely breathe as I try to dig my car keys out of my purse while it sways left and right across my body. I manage to get them into my clutches when other items spill out onto the ground. Not wanting to chance being captured, I disregard them and continue to run like hell.

“Chrissy!” the guy screams, and I’d know that voice in my next life. My feet stop, and I turn around only to stare into the bluest of eyes. “Hey, it’s me.”

“Dex.” I sigh and fall into his arms. Sobs burst out of my mouth as tears fall from my eyes while he comforts me into his arms.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.” He rubs my back up and down. We stand there for a few minutes until my sobs turn to whimpers. “Nico is an ass,” he comments, and my head snaps back.

“How do you know Nico?” I ask, swiping my tears.

His brows furrow, and he cocks his head. “Why wouldn’t I know him?”

“Why are you here, Dex?” I question, because he shouldn’t be. He should be at his mom’s studying for his SAT or something to secure the future he takes for granted.

“I just got here.” Answering my questions, becoming more confused.

“Is your dad here?”

“No,” he answers, and his eyes widen, realizing the purpose of my twenty-questions. “Chrissy,” he pleads, but the vomit that almost escaped a few moments ago, churns in my stomach again.

“Why would you ever want to be a part of this scene?” I ask, and he shoves his hands in his pockets.

“I’m not. I just come down every once in a while when I’m bored.” He rolls back on his heels. “Let’s go get something to eat.” He reaches out to grab my hand, but I snap it back.

“How could you be so stupid?” I ask him, and his head moves back in the audacity of my comment. “Yes, stupid, Dex. You have it all, and what? You’re going to throw it away for a few extra bucks when you’re bored?”

“I don’t have a problem, Chrissy. Not everyone is like your dad,” he argues, and I shake my head.

“You’re better than this, Dex. Better than this life. You have the opportunity to walk away and never come back,” I tell him, and now it’s him shaking his head.

“Chrissy, give it a rest. I don’t need a fucking second mom. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, Dex. It will suck you in and you’ll never get free. Don’t tempt yourself. There’s no such thing as easy money.”

“Jesus, Chrissy. I don’t need to be lectured. Loosen up for once.”

“Loosen up?” Our voices rise on the dark deserted streets.

“Have fun. It’s not all seriousness.”

“Take your wallet and toss it in the trash can, because if you continue to go down this path, that’s where it will end up.” Turning around, I find my way to the LaCrosse and climb in without ever looking back at him.

Screw my dad, he’ll have to find his own way home. Fuck Dex for not being the guy I thought he was. Instead of driving home, I use the last few gallons of gas, driving around the streets of Akron.

Doubts if Nico’s right bounce around my head. Should I embrace the life, since I see no hope in escaping it anytime soon? Should I really get on Dex for tempting himself in something that could diminish his whole future? When it comes down to it, I should only care about myself, screw everyone else, including my dad.

IT’S BEEN SIX months, and I’ve heard nothing from Dex since that night on the street. We used to text or Facebook message at least once a month, but it’s been quiet. That night changed me, in a way for the better. I no longer harp on getting out of this life, but strive to make sure it becomes a reality. Unable to go to college in a few months, like I’m sure Dex is, I’ve signed up for a few courses at the community college. I got a job at a retail store in the mall. I may not have gotten to where others are and where I want to be, but one day I will.

Tonight I’m going to the county fair with friends from work. I’ve decided to have a relaxing summer before my classes start. After all, where did all that hard work at school get me? Right where I am. No scholarship, no grants … nothing.

“Hi, Chrissy,” Camden greets me when I slide into the bench of his truck. He’s a nice guy who probably does have a crush on me, but for some reason I just don’t feel that excited, can’t get enough of you feeling when it comes to him. Even with his dark messy hair and bright green eyes, my body doesn’t respond.

“Hey,” I greet him and turn around, smiling at Katie and Pete, my two other co-workers. Spending eight hours with someone folding and hanging clothes can bond you pretty fast. They’re all in similar positions as me. Not on the go away to college train. They’re all enrolled in community college, like me, and will live at home for the time being. Now, they don’t have a gambler for a father … Camden’s mom raised him by herself and works two jobs to keep a roof over them. Katie’s dad is disabled, and she never mentions her mom, but they have limited funds. And Pete, his mom got laid off last year and his dad struggles to remain employed. Since he’s the oldest of four, he helps them out with babysitting.

“Who’s going to ride the Ferris wheel with me?” Katie asks, and Pete instantly accepts the invitation. Glancing back at her, I slyly smile and her eyes dart to the back of Camden’s head. Shaking my own, I turn around and focus on the road in front of me.

Once we pull up, Camden parks on the grass field and we all emerge with a carefree and fun energy. I haven’t felt this way in a really long time. We pay our fee and begin walking the narrow dirt pathways, passing games, farm animals, and food vendors. The smell of the fried dough circles in the air, enticing my feet to automatically follow its scent.

“Let me get it.” Camden pulls out his money after I order.

“Get me one, too,” Katie calls out, and Pete rushes over to hand Camden money.

“I got mine, guys,” I tell them, grabbing my wallet out of my purse.

“Please,” Camden requests, and there’s something unfamiliar in his eyes.

I begin to nod my head. “Okay,” I relent. Maybe I’m being too unfair to him. Maybe there could be something here if I would give it a chance.

“You, though, pay for your girl,” Camden inadvertently reveals Pete’s feelings for Katie, and I raise my eyebrows his way.

“Fucker.” Pete punches Camden’s arm, making Camden chuckle.

“It’s okay, I won’t say anything.” I touch Pete’s arm, and his body slowly falls out of the tense-filled one a second ago.

“Thanks, Chrissy.” I smile and walk over to join Katie at the picnic table with Camden joining me on my side while Pete takes a seat next to Katie.

Suddenly, it’s beginning to feel like a double date, instead of four friends out for fun. Remnants of powdered sugar are on our fingers, our clothes, and the table by the time we finish. Piles of napkins on top of the paper plates with grease rings get tossed in the trashcan, and we find our way over to the Ferris wheel.

Camden’s body inches closer to mine while we wait in line. His arm finding its way behind me, his fingers grazing the small of my back. Although it’s not making my stomach flip uncontrollably, it’s comforting. There’s something about him that may sway me to be more than friends. Who needs all those racing hearts or tingly touches?

Getting on the Ferris wheel, it’s close quarters and Camden doesn’t mind closing the space between us. Swinging his arm around my shoulders, he slides closer so we’re thigh to thigh. My body seems to be warming up to him. No somersaults like Dex, but I’m getting a few light flutters.

I enjoy my time with Camden. He tells me about some customer that came in last night, pulling uncontrolled laughter out of me at his impersonation. Pete keeps rocking their seat in front of us, and Katie continually screams at him. Eventually, my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard, and the thought that maybe this is where I belong arises. That this is where I fit in.

The ride slows and our chair moves down stop by stop. We finally reach the bottom and Pete and Katie stand outside the gates waiting for us. Camden gets out first and holds his hand out for me. I catch his eyes roam up and down my legs as I climb out. Linking our hands together, he guides me through the make-shift metal fence. Opening it for me, he smiles down at me and the flutter picks up speed a little more.

Paying attention to Camden, beginning to see something maybe I’ve been ignoring, I don’t hear another voice until Camden squeezes my hand tighter. When I look up, he nods his head and I follow his vision. Without warning, my stomach somersaults out of control and my heart picks up at a frantic pace. Those blue eyes entrance me just as they always have.

Dex’s eyes glance down at my fingers locked within Camden’s, and I begin to relax my grip, but Camden clamps onto mine tighter. My vision wavers to Camden whose eyes are dead set on Dex. I wonder if he feels this electric current like I do and he’s acting territorial?

Dex shoves his hands in his pockets when he reaches us. “Hey, Chrissy,” he softly says, obviously remembering our last encounter.

“Hey, Dex.” Staring behind him, I find his group of friends. Even that Tori girl from his mom’s wedding a few years ago. They’re all put together in their new designer clothes and clean cut haircuts. “This is Camden, Pete, and Katie,” I introduce them, and everyone nods their heads toward one another.

“Hi,” he says to them, but the only one who responds is Katie.

“Well … hello to you … Dex,” she remarks, her voice etched with seduction. “Ouch,” she says, turning toward Pete who desperately tries to non-verbally tell her something.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” he asks me, and I don’t even debate it in my head.