Can't Wait to Get to Heaven (35 page)

Gone Native!

M
acky going to church was a surprise, but perhaps the most surprising event took place in May of the following spring.

Verbena picked up the phone and called Ruby.

“You will not believe what has happened to poor Tot.”

“Oh Lord, what now?” said Ruby, sitting down to hear the bad news.

“I just heard from her…hold on to your hat…Tot has gone native!”

“What?”

“Gone completely native overnight! She says she doesn’t know how or what happened to her, but the minute she hit Waikiki and got to her hotel room, she threw off her clothes, underwear and all, put on a muumuu, stuck a flower behind her ear, and says to tell everybody good-bye, that she’s never coming home.”

“What? She’s a white person, she can’t just go native!”

“She said that’s what she always thought, and it came as a total revelation to her. She said she hadn’t even wanted to go to Hawaii, but when she got off the plane, something just took her over! She says she thinks she might have been a Hawaiian princess in another life because she is as happy as a bird and feels right at home.”

“Well, what is she doing?”

“That’s just it, she’s not doing a thing…except floating around on the beach all day taking hula lessons. She sounds awfully happy and cheerful.”

“That’s not like Tot.”

“No, it’s not, and it just makes me wonder if she might not have found herself a boyfriend over there.”

“Did she say so?”

“No, but it stands to reason, don’t you think? And I wonder if he’s not a Hawaiian?”

Ruby sighed. “Oh, I just don’t know anymore, Verbena. The world has gone so crazy, it could be a Hawaiian
woman,
for all we know.”

“Well, I hope she’s wearing sunscreen, she’s going to ruin her skin running around in that hot sun. She’s liable to get skin cancer.”

“That’s right, when they take off part of her nose, she won’t feel so native, I can tell you that.”

“I don’t think she cares one way or another. She said she’s just glad she made it to social security.”

“Tot is the last person in the world I ever dreamed would go native.”

“Me too. I’m telling you, the longer I live the more surprised I am at people. You just never know from one minute to the next what will happen.”

And so, contrary to the sign she had up in her beauty shop,
OLD HAIRDRESSERS NEVER RETIRE, THEY JUST CURL UP AND DYE,
Tot did in fact retire. She took the advice Elner had given her and was living every day as if it might be her last. And as Tot sat on her lanai that evening enjoying the warm tropical breeze and sipping her piña colada, she glanced over at her new companion, who sat beside her, and she suddenly remembered the old travelogs they used to show at the movies.

She closed her eyes, and soon the soft strains of Hawaiian music began to play and she could almost hear a familiar man’s singsong voice saying,

“And as the golden sun sets, once again, over beautiful Waikiki Beach, we bid all of you, Aloha and good-bye…. until we meet again.”

Epilogue

W
hen Elner Jane Shimfissle got off the elevator, she looked down at the end of the hall, and saw a smiling Dorothy and Raymond standing outside the door, waiting to greet her. She was overjoyed to see them again. But just before they went inside, she stopped and whispered to Dorothy, “This is the real thing, isn’t it? It’s not another short visit, is it?”

Dorothy laughed. “No, honey, it’s the real thing this time.”

Raymond smiled and said, “Come on in, you’ve got a lot of people anxious to see you.” The big door swung open, and there stood a large group, including her mother and daddy, her sisters Ida and Gerta, and a lot of other relatives she had only seen in old family photographs. Ginger Rogers and Thomas Edison stood behind them, waving and smiling at her. It was at that moment that she found him. There, standing right in the middle of the first row, was her husband, Will! He stepped forward wearing a big grin, with his arms wide open, and said, “What took you so long, woman?” She ran to him and knew she was home for good.

Recipes

Neighbor Dorothy’s Heavenly Caramel Cake

PREHEAT OVEN TO 350 DEGREES.

1
¾
cups cake flour (sift before measuring)

Resift with 1 cup brown sugar Add:

½
cup soft butter

2 eggs

½
cup milk

½
teaspoon salt

1
¾
teaspoons double-acting baking powder

1 teaspoon vanilla

Beat for 3 minutes. Bake in greased pan for ½ hour.

C
ARAMEL
F
ROSTING

2 tablespoons cake flour

½
cup milk

½
cup brown sugar

½
cup sifted powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

¼
cup butter, softened

¼
cup shortening

¼
teaspoon salt

Mix cake flour and milk. Cook to a thick paste over slow flame. Cool. Cream sugars and vanilla with butter and shortening. Beat until light and fluffy. Blend in salt. Mix in cooled paste. Beat until fluffy. Blend. Should look like whipped cream.

Mrs. McWilliams’ Corn Bread

4 cups cornmeal

2 teaspoons baking soda

2 teaspoons salt

4 eggs, beaten

4 cups buttermilk

½
cup bacon drippings, melted

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Combine dry ingredients and make a well in center. Combine eggs, buttermilk, and bacon drippings, mixing well; add to cornmeal mixture and beat until smooth. Heat a well-greased 12-inch cast-iron skillet in the preheated oven until very hot. Pour batter into hot skillet; bake for 35 to 45 minutes, or until a knife inserted in center comes out clean and top is golden brown. Yield: 6 to 10 servings.

Louise Franks’ Deviled Eggs

1 dozen hard-cooked eggs

1 5-ounce jar pasteurized Neufchâtel cheese spread with olives, or pimiento-flavored

2 tablespoons mayonnaise

2 tablespoons minced sweet pickles

2 tablespoons minced sweet onion

½
teaspoon salt

Peel eggs and cut in half lengthwise. Mash yolks; blend with cheese spread and mayonnaise. Stir in remaining ingredients. Refill egg whites. Yield: 2 dozen halves.

Irene Goodnight’s Bundt Cake

1 package yellow cake mix

1 package instant vanilla pudding mix

¾
cup butter-flavored oil

¾
cup water

4 eggs

¼
cup sugar

½
cup chopped nuts

Combine cake mix and pudding mix with oil, water, and eggs in mixer bowl. Beat at medium speed for 8 minutes. Mix sugar and nuts. Sprinkle half of that mixture into well-greased Bundt pan. Top with half the cake batter. Add the remaining nut mixture, then the remaining cake batter. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes.

Aunt Elner’s Liver and Onions

1 pound calf or beef liver

salt

pepper

all-purpose flour

¼
cup plus 2 tablespoons butter or margarine

2 large onions, peeled and thinly sliced

2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

¾
cup plus 2 tablespoons beef broth

¾
cup sour cream (optional)

Sprinkle liver with salt and pepper and dredge well in flour. Cook in 2 tablespoons melted butter in a large skillet until liver loses its pink color and is lightly browned. Remove from skillet and set aside.

Melt ¼ cup butter in skillet over medium heat. Add onions and sauté until tender and lightly browned. Sprinkle flour over onions, stir well, and cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add beef broth; cook, stirring constantly, until thickened and bubbly. Add liver to sauce; cover and simmer 10 minutes. Remove from heat; transfer liver to a serving platter. Stir sour cream into skillet and pour sauce over liver. Serve with hot buttered noodles or rice. Yield: 4 servings.

Irene Goodnight’s Green Bean Funeral Casserole

1 10
¾
-ounce can cream of mushroom soup, undiluted

½
cup milk

4
½
cups cooked and drained cut green beans

½
cup slivered almonds, lightly toasted (optional)

1 cup crushed saltines

1
½
cups (6 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine soup and milk. Arrange half of green beans in bottom of a greased shallow 1½-quart baking dish. Spread half of soup mixture over beans; sprinkle with half of almonds, saltines, and 1 cup cheese. Repeat bean, almond, soup mixture, and saltine layers. Bake, uncovered, for 25 minutes; sprinkle with remaining ½ cup cheese and continue baking 5 minutes longer. Yield: 6 servings.

Norma’s Pimiento Cheese

3 cups (12 ounces) shredded mild cheddar cheese

1 cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons grated onion

2 to 3 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce (optional)

¼
to
½
teaspoon red pepper

2 4-ounce jars diced pimiento, drained

Combine first 5 ingredients in a food processor; pulse until blended and cheese is processed as fine as you want it. Add pimiento; pulse just to blend. Store in covered container in the refrigerator. Yield: about 3 cups.

Aunt Elner’s Pecan Pie

½
cup butter or margarine, melted

1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1 cup light corn syrup

4 eggs, beaten

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

¹
/
₃
teaspoon salt

1 unbaked 9-inch pastry shell

1
½
cups pecan halves

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Combine first 3 ingredients in a small saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until butter melts and sugar dissolves. Cool slightly. Beat eggs, vanilla, and salt in a large bowl; gradually add sugar mixture, beating well with a wire whisk. Pour into pastry shell and scatter pecans over top. Bake for 50 to 55 minutes. Serve warm or chilled. Yield: one 9-inch pie.