Captain's Paradise (16 page)

She stepped under the warm spray with relief, remembering with some amusement the tiny bathroom on Michael’s boat where she had burned her bridges. This shower stall was considerably larger, the entire room was, in fact, and a far more ideal place for an attempted seduction.

Robin was washing her hair when she saw, through the steam-fogged glass door, Michael come in and begin shaving at the vanity. It felt right, neither of them self-conscious, casual together even in intimacy. She thought about that, happy with the idea, but realizing a few minutes later that where there was intimacy and desire, “casual” was a fleeting thing.

She was even happier about that.

Michael slipped into the stall with her, eyes darkened and intent, and took the bar of soap from her. “Let me,” he stated a bit roughly.

Robin couldn’t take her eyes off him even as
her body responded instantly and wildly to his touch, and she reached for him. He seemed to be memorizing her, tracing every curve and hollow with his strong hands, and she found a new delight in the sensation of slick muscles under her fingers. The normally unthinking, automatic actions of soaping and rinsing became a series of caresses, hers and his, seeking, slippery touches while the water beat down on them.

Michael tossed the bar of soap out of the shower and pulled her into his arms suddenly, their bodies sliding together in a sensuous friction as he covered her mouth with his in a deep, almost violent kiss.

Robin felt his hand tangle in her hair, holding her head firmly while his mouth took hers and his tongue probed and possessed, the building heat in her writhing like something alive. It was different from their previous lovemaking, this driving hunger of his, and she realized dimly that a part of his earlier guardedness had stemmed from what had then lain ahead of them. He had shut a large part of himself off
from her because that trained, dangerous part of him, by necessity, had concentrated on rescuing his sister and the other girls.

But not now. Danger past, his mind was fully on her, and if he was still guarded, it was a final wall, the deepest possible shield protecting his heart. Desire was uppermost, almost uncontrolled, hunger fierce and total.

And Robin responded to his need with a burning craving of her own. She could hardly breathe, and her legs were weak, shaking, her hands trembling as she helplessly stroked his shoulders, his back. Then his hands slid down to her buttocks, lifting her against him, off her feet, and a moan caught in her throat.

Michael was scarcely aware of the water beating down on them. Her flesh tasted of soap and natural sweetness, and he couldn’t get enough of her. The soft, unconscious sounds she made drove his desire higher and higher, fogging his mind with a heat that was burning him. He lifted her higher, his mouth seeking her throat
and then her breasts, finding nipples that were wet and sweet, tight and hard with wanting him.

Robin held on to him fiercely, feeling the cool wall against her back, feeling his body and his mouth. She was aching all over, burning, and if they could have opened the shower stall and tumbled immediately into bed, it wouldn’t have been fast enough for her. Her legs parted and lifted, wrapping around his waist.

“Now,” she whispered hoarsely, the word echoing her desperate need. “Now, Michael, please …”

With a hoarse sound he buried himself in her, pinning her to the wall with the first deep thrust. For an instant, a heartbeat, he was still, his body rigid against her and inside her as he fought to control his wild need. But control was impossible, and his body recognized that long before his fogged mind could. His powerful thrusts were an erotic assault, and she whimpered with the incredible pleasure of it.

The soft, tight sheath of her body was a velvet clasp around him, driving Michael to the edge
and over. He found her mouth, wild and rough, catching her faint cries so that they mingled with his own hoarse sounds. He wanted more of her, all of her, wanted to merge himself with her so completely that she would never be rid of him.

She stiffened against him and uttered a ragged moan, clinging tightly to his shoulders as waves of ecstasy jolted through her body. The inner ripples of her pleasure caught him in a tight, rhythmic caress, holding him deeply inside her, and he groaned wildly, dying a little, violently alive as his own release shattered the unbearable tension.

Robin came back to an awareness of her surroundings slowly, conscious again of the shower still beating down on them. She was shaking, as if aftershocks of that incredible passion still rippled through her, and he was as well. Her legs released him finally, sliding down over his hips and legs, and he let her down slowly until she was on her feet again. But he continued to hold her close, both of them leaning against the cool wall of the shower stall and each other.

“Lord, Robin,” he said, turning her face up and kissing her gently, deeply.

She managed a shaky laugh. “We could have drowned,” she told him. “Or fallen and broken our necks.”

Michael smiled a little, his eyes still dark and intent. “But we didn’t.”

“No.” Astonishingly Robin realized that neither her desire nor Michael’s had been completely satisfied. Weary as both had undoubtedly been, their lovemaking had energized them. She cleared her throat, adding, “There’s a bed in the next room, you know.”

Michael reached to turn off the shower, still smiling. “Yes, I noticed that.”

Conscious of her weak legs and trembling body, but also aware of glowing embers inside her, Robin followed him from the shower stall, both reaching for towels.

Much later, lying close beside Michael in the comfortable bed, the sheet drawn over their
cooling bodies, Robin thought,
It’s the middle of the night
. But she was still wide awake, reluctant to sleep, afraid of losing … something.

And he was awake beside her, one arm around her, his fingers toying with her hair. She wondered if he was afraid of losing something too.

“Michael?”

“Hmmm?”

The room was lit only by moonlight streaming through the big windows, stark and sly. “You said—when we were talking about love that didn’t last, you said it had happened to you.”

He didn’t tense or draw away, but she could feel as well as hear a rough sigh escape him. “Yes, I did.”

“Can you … will you tell me about it?”

“There isn’t much to tell.”

Robin was silent.

He sighed again and drew her closer, almost as if in apology for his brusque tone. And his voice changed, becoming quiet and calm as he spoke again. “It was a long time ago, Robin. Years ago. It doesn’t matter now.”

“Yes, it does,” she whispered.

He was silent for a long moment, then told her the story without expression—and without apology.

“I was assigned to infiltrate a smuggling ring. It was a tight, well-organized operation, and we didn’t have a hope of getting in until the sister of one of the men involved tipped us; she had just found out what her brother was into and believed—rightly in their case—that he didn’t know how serious the situation was. In fact, he was considered a weak link in the chain, and the other men were about to take steps to get rid of him.

“The sister insisted on getting involved in my operation, hoping to get her brother out of the mess alive. And she wouldn’t take no for an answer. She had made her own involvement a condition in telling us what we had to know, and I had an inexperienced partner to cope with.”

Robin listened silently, seeing the parallels and wondering if she really wanted to hear this.

“The men involved were tough and paranoid;
we were in danger every second of our exposure, things were moving very fast, and there was no time to think. She and I had nothing in common except the situation, but that seemed to be everything. It was bigger than both of us, and it carried us along.”

Robin knew, but asked anyway. “What happened?”

“The worst possible thing—and the most inevitable—we became lovers, Robin. And it was
real
. For a while. Until all the shouting was over and the dust settled. Her brother made it, and turned state’s evidence against the others. The assignment was completed successfully, and we came out with our skins intact. It was over.”

“You and she …”

Michael was silent for a moment, then answered with no change in his unemotional tone. “That was over too. She said it was still real for her, but it wasn’t for me. I hurt her, Robin. I had believed I loved her, but the situation was responsible for those feelings. Once it was over, the feelings were gone. She wasn’t in my head or
my heart. I didn’t even want her anymore. And I hurt her.”

Robin felt her throat tighten, felt the stinging heat of tears behind her eyes. She wondered with a throb of pain if she was listening to the epitaph of her own love. And she realized now what Michael had tried to protect her from in the beginning. Not the fleeting reality of her feelings—but the fleeting reality of
his
.

She spoke steadily past the tightness of her throat. “What happened to her?”

“She left.” He sounded restless now. “Went back home. Somewhere in the Midwest, I think.”

Robin found it impossible to say anything else.
Did you tell her you loved her, Michael? You haven’t told me. And I don’t even know if that’s good or bad
. He had offered her no false promises, had even warned her that she would be hurt. He had said she wouldn’t love him “tomorrow” when what he had really meant was that he probably wouldn’t feel anything for her, not even desire.

He moved suddenly, lifting himself on one
elbow and gazing down at her with somber eyes, the moonlight painting his face starkly in a mask of control. “I want to tell you that this time it’ll be different. I
want
to, Robin. But I can’t. I don’t know. I can’t lie to you about it. I don’t know what I’m feeling—except that I want you with me.
And
I don’t want to hurt you.”

Her hand lifted with a need beyond reason, touching his face, tracing the hard line of his jaw and feeling a muscle leap under her fingers. That guarded part of him, she thought, unwilling to define his own feelings, wary of having them disappear like smoke through his fingers.

It almost broke her heart.

“Don’t,” he whispered suddenly in an anguished sound, his head lowering until he could kiss her. His hands framed her face, thumbs gently brushing her tears away. “Don’t let me hurt you, honey. I don’t think I could stand it.”

Robin was beginning to understand him now, even in her own pain. He wasn’t a man who could wound another and walk away uncaring; Michael cared too much. He bore the scars of
every hurt inflicted on him, by him. And that was why he was a loner, avoiding relationships, wary of friends. Because one of life’s ironies was that this caring man lived in a world where people were often hurt, sometimes killed, and always capable of betrayal.

“Robin, don’t,” he whispered, tasting her pain as his tongue caught a silvery tear near her temple.

She couldn’t stand it, couldn’t bear thinking about it anymore; she wanted to block it all out until it didn’t hurt, at least for now. Pushing suddenly against his shoulders, she rolled with him until he was on his back and she was above him. Feverishly her lips moved down his neck and over his chest, trying to fill her mind and senses with him, hoarding memories against a possible long, cold future without him.

Michael caught his breath and went still, his fingers tangling in her hair as his body began responding to the velvet touch of her lips, the hot darts of her tongue. His heart began thudding with greater force and speed in his chest, and
sensual tension seeped into him as his belly knotted, his loins hardened.

He knew he had already hurt her, and this was a bittersweet pleasure at first, a pleasure that was almost pain. But passion knew only desires, not fears, and soon he was totally caught up in the building response of his body to her hunger.

Robin’s tears dried, and the ache loosened around her heart, spreading outward in heating ripples as desire replaced pain. She became completely involved in what she was doing, fascinated and enthralled in this first opportunity to explore his body. They had been so intimate, yet she hadn’t fully realized how her senses could expand so immeasurably in the driven desire to give pleasure.

She could feel her whole awareness open up, until she was conscious of every breath he drew, until the clean, faintly salty taste of his skin drew her compulsively. His body was hard and hot, muscles taut, his breathing ragged. Her mouth found a flat nipple in the nest of black
hair and drew it inward, her tongue teasing until he groaned softly and shuddered.

And there was, faintly, a sense of astonished power at the realization of how she affected him. A stroke of her hand made him tense even more and shiver, and her mouth seemed to burn him wherever it touched. Robin was fascinated, and her own desire was spiraling in a wild ascent.

Her hands and lips trailed down his body, exploring avidly, learning him completely. She was barely aware of her own pounding heart and shallow breathing, too conscious of his response to her touch to be concerned with her own. She felt driven to please him, uninhibited and glorying in the freedom of it.

If Robin had been thinking at all, she would have understood another need driving her, but it would occur to her only later: It was his will standing between them, his forceful strength and sure self-knowledge—and she was trying to break down that wall.

With every caress, every touch of her lips, she was driving him relentlessly toward the brink, passionately stealing every last atom of his conscious will, taking his strength in the only way she knew, the only way it was possible to steal from a strong man and make him powerless to control the need she had ignited. She was almost sobbing as the wild, compulsive desire gripped her, mindless in her need to break down the barrier between them.

And something broke, whether it was that barrier or simply Michael’s control. With a harsh, ragged groan, he pulled her up above him, guiding her with fierce insistence until she settled down slowly and they were fully joined. She looked down at him with clouded green eyes, her breath escaping quickly from between parted lips.