Authors: James Loney
To Claudette and Patrick. For giving me the gift of life and loving me into the person I have become.
To Aunt Shirley. For your unceasing prayers.
To Kathleen and Robb. To Adrianna, Olivia and Andrew. To Ed and Donna (and now little Parker!). And to Matthew. For putting up with a pesky older brother, and for carrying the burdens of the captivity with such grace. To Jerry Stein. To all those whose love and support helped them to endure.
To the people of Sault Ste. Marie, the new friends and old, the neighbours and colleagues and complete strangers who brought food, sent cards and flowers, offered a kind word. To Father Burns.
To Jo Roberts, Len Desroches, Sarah Shepherd. To all those who dropped everything.
To my Catholic Worker community, who rallied around Dan and the CPT Canada office staff. To Michael Armstrong and Lorraine Land, my housemates who kept the homefires burning. To Chris Andersen, Cathy, Bradley and Martin Ashkeway, Amritha Baghwan, John Bird, Don Bowyer, Amy Brown, Janis Dahl, Madeline and Richard Burghardt Marshall, their
children Seph, Tonnan and Raffi, Julia Churchill, Helyn Fisher, Genevieve Gallant, Liz Garrison, Stephanie Gris, Hobo, Rebecca, Toomas Karmo, Rob Kleysen, Scott Marratto, Diego Mendez, Heryka Meranda, Miriam Morales, her children, Jessica and David, Alayna Munce, Jo, Rob Shearer, Sarah, Joanna and Luke Stocking, their children, Jacob and Amy.
To the friends who wrapped Dan with so much love and carried us in your heart. To Joseph Stelpflug and David Martin. To Lyn Adamson, Colleen Barrett, Nik Beeson, Mark Chilton, Rory Crath, Julie Egan, Pamela Girardi, Miguel Gordillo, Sheila Green, Anna Jarvis, Claire Huang Kingsley, Joey MacDonald, Dee Marchand, Alexandra Morrison, Denise Nadeau, Matt Schaaf, Elizabeth Stocking, Dwyer and Sheila Sullivan, Ryan Weston, Daryold Winkler.
To all those who supported the work of the Toronto office around the clock, brought food, offered technical assistance.
To Sascha. For playing your fiddle. To Shawn O’Connor. For holding my picture on a rainy night.
To Dan’s family, Rosemary, Carl, Jason and Trisha.
To all those who rearranged their lives and did everything they could.
To Carolyn Egan, John Humphrye and all of the sisters and brothers at the Steelworkers Hall. For your unstinting generosity and every manner of assistance.
To the many, many people who supported the Chicago office. To Gene Stoltzfus. For coming out of retirement to help lead Shine the Light. To Julie Hurlbut. For much-needed massages. To Kathy Kelly, Joel Gulledge and the folks at Voices for Creative Nonviolence. For advice, friendship and support.
To Dale Fast. For monumental media monitoring.
To b.h. Yael and John Greyson. To all those who assisted with the filming, editing and transmission of family appeals.
To Alyssa Burgin and Wilson Tan. To Robert Fisk, Roy Hallums, Giandomenico Pico, Karen Ridd and Terry Waite. To all those who offered crucial advice.
To Ehab Latoyef of Montreal, and Anas Altikriti of Harrow, who travelled to Iraq to make an appeal for our release.
To the signers of the Yemen Statement arising from the Al-Quds International Foundation conference, December 2005. To Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, chairman of the Al-Quds International Foundation; Sheikh Faysal Mawlawi, secretary general of the Islamic Group in Lebanon; Sheikh Harith Al-Dari, head of the Association of Muslim Scholars in Iraq; Khalid Mishaal of Palestine, head of the Hamas Political Bureau; Musa Abu Marzuq of Palestine, deputy head of the Hamas Political Bureau; Maan Bashur, secretary general of the Arab Nationalist Congress; Hasan Hudruj of Lebanon, Hezbollah; Mahmud Al-Qumati of Lebanon, Hezbollah; Father Antwan Dhao of Lebanon; Sheikh Abdulhadi Awang of Malaysia, the Islamic Party; Professor Aleef-ud-Din Turabi of Kashmir; Dr. Mohamed M. O. Jamjoom of Saudi Arabia, businessman; Dr. Khalid Abdurrahman Al-Ajami of Saudi Arabia, university professor; Dr. Muhsin Al-Awaji of Saudi Arabia, Islamic writer and thinker; Dr. Abd Al-Quddus Al-Midwahi of Yemen; Muhammad bin Ali Ijlan of Yemen; Dr. Abdullatif Al Mahmud of Bahrain, Islamic Society; Abdulmunem Jalal Al-Mir of Bahrain, Palestine Solidarity Association; Dr. Muhammad Al-Sheikh Mahmud Siyam of Palestine, former Imam of Al-Aqsa Mosque; Khalid Mahmud Khan of Pakistan; Dr. Zafrul-Islam Khan of India; Dr. Azzam Tamimi, the Muslim Association of Britain; Haitham Yassin Abu Al-Raghib of Jordan; Saud Abu Mahfuz of Jordan; Boulafaat Abdulhamid of Algeria, engineer.
To Hassan Almrei, Mahmoud Jaballah, Mohammed Mahjoub, security certificate detainees in Canada. To Moazzam Begg, survivor of Guantanamo. To Abu Qatada, Muslim cleric suspected of ties to al Qaeda detained in the United Kindgom.
To the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, Ekrima Sa’id Sabri. To Cindy Sheehan. To UN Secretary General Kofi Annan. To Mohammad Mahdi Akef of the Muslim Brotherhood. To the
9/11
families. To the World Council of Churches, the Canadian Council of Churches and the National Council of Churches (USA). To the forty-three British Muslim and Christian leaders who issued a joint statement calling for justice for Iraqi detainees, and our release. To the Jewish groups and individuals
who expressed private support. To the more than
170
individuals and groups, religious and secular, who made public appeals.
To Noam Chomsky, Craig and Cindy Corrie, Naomi Klein, Arundhati Roy, Howard Zinn. To the more than forty thousand people who signed the online petition.
To Janet Somerville, who organized an ecumenical prayer service at St. Michael’s Cathedral in Toronto. To Father Damian MacPherson and the religious leaders from sixteen denominations that attended.
To Judy Da Silva. To Robert Williamson and Annette Pahpasay, their son Darcy. To Roberta Keesick and Barbara Fobister. For asking for my name. To Napoleon Ross. For receiving the name. To Maria, Mary Ann and Lillian Swain, cougars at large. To all of my friends in Grassy Narrows and Kenora.
To the great Sullivan, Murphy, MacPherson and Barrett clans.
To members of Toronto City Council who passed the hat for CPT. To Mayor David Miller, who matched the total as his own personal contribution.
To Tom Artiss and Lyn, organizers of the Peace and Release coffee house fundraisers. To Belladonna and the Awakening, Big Rude Jake, Andrew Cash, Jason Collett, Julia, Dala, Mamma Dee, Michael Franti, Greg Keelor, Sara Marlowe, Sarah Masr, Scott, Michelle Rumball, Vincent Ryskin, Smokey Dymny, Jen Woodil, Hawksley Workman, Din Yalonen, Joe Zupo and Kevin McGrath. For sharing the gift of your music. To the El Mocambo.
To Bob Kellerman.
To Teresa Dremetsikas, Rosemary Meier, Marty Farahat and Kathleen O’Malley. For trauma care at critical times. To Quaker House. For a place to rest.
To Sheila Abdullah, Jenny Elliott, Kim Lamberty and Justin Alexander. For coordinating CPT’s media work in Amman, Jordan. To Jameel and the staff of the Al Monzer. For your exuberant hospitality and eager helpfulness.
To Paul Martin, prime minister of Canada. For “doing everything we possibly can.”
To Dan McTeague, parliamentary secretary to the minister of foreign affairs tasked with protecting Canadians Abroad, and his intrepid assistant, Glenn Bradbury. For leaving no stone unturned.
To Stephen Harper, prime minister of Canada. To Peter McKay, minister of foreign affairs. For bringing us home.
To Robert Desjardins, Serge Paquette and Helen Harris. To Robert Kerr. To all those at Consular Affairs. For being a lifeline to my family.
To Mike Flaherty and Larry Busch, RCMP officers, at all hours available for my family.
To Scotland Yard.
To Task Force Black, the men who busted down the door, cut us out of our chains and whisked us to safety. To all the soldiers involved. To all those who had a role in securing our release and must remain unknown because of the nature of your work. To Ronald Van Straalen of the Ontario Provincial Police. To Gordon, Tom, Andre, Marion, all the RCMP officers who volunteered to serve in Baghdad. To Paul.
To everyone who was involved from the Canadian Foreign Service. To Stewart Henderson and Sonia Hooykaas. For thinking of everything.
To William Patey.
To the Hercules A Team.
To Michaëlle Jean and Jack Layton. For your words of welcome.
To the producers, editors and media workers in Canada whose understanding of the story, and whose discretion in withholding the fact of my sexual orientation, likely saved my life. To Radio Canada, which my parents respected and appreciated above all others. For remembering us every day. To Karen Pauls. To Tony Burman, CBC editor-in-chief. For offering a word in our defence. To all those who were part of telling the story.
To Jan Stansel. For your warm, loving embrace.
To all those who assisted us in preparing our joint statement of forgiveness. To Simon Barrow, Jan Benvie, Anita, Mohamed Elmasry, Ehab, Maxine, Doug, Sheila, Beth, Itrath Syed, Greg, Saara Siddiqi, Jan.
To Jonathon Bartley and Simon, directors of Ekklesia in Britain. For keeping watch, impeccable advice, arranging everything.
To Edwina Hughes of Peace Movement Aotearoa. For coordinating media work in New Zealand.
To Dr. Aris. For your advice about the Iraqi legal system.
To Peter Rosenthal. For your indefatigable generosity and invaluable counsel. To Ramsey Clark. For helping us make a very difficult decision. To Paul Slattery. To Peggy Nash and her assistant Ricardo Filippone. To all those who answered inquiries and helped us in our search for news about our captors.
To Charlie Angus, Wayne Marston, his assistant Katy Kydd-Wright, Tony Martin. For restoring my faith in politics.
To all those who hosted me in my travels.
To Ched Meyers and Elaine Enns. For remembering every year.
To Tara Detwiler, Jon Ennis, Ignatius Feaver and Kathleen. For your healing attention.
To Tricia Gates Arciga. For
118 Days: Christian Peacemaker Teams Held Hostage in Iraq
. To all those who contributed their stories.
To Matthew. To John Carten and the Scarboro Missions community. For giving me a place to get started.
To my Redwoods sisters and brothers, members of the Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance. For holding me in a womb of prayer, during the captivity and after. For welcoming me when I was a spiritual refugee and everything was failure. For allowing me to roam free in the redwoods. To Veronique. For flowers, 5:00 a.m. coffee, gingersnap cookies, anticipating my every need and being my first reader.
To Michael Harank, who gave me a place to stay, when coming and going. For your friendship.
To Anne McDermid. For the gift of your advice when I was so unclear.
To Anne Collins and Diane Martin, who said, after reading the first fifty thousand words I had written, “We would like to continue to be of use to you.”
To Nicole Langlois, my agent. For “getting me.”
To Ron Hay. For your generous counsel along the way.
To Michael Schellenberg, editor with the patience of a saint. For gentle, unerring guidance, structure, and wondrous knack for helping me figure it out for myself.
To John Sweet, comma artisan without peer. For a copy edit that felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket.
To Andrew Roberts. For a captivating cover design.
To Amanda Lewis. For pulling it all together.
To David Parsons. For the gift of your photography.
To all of the hardworking and fabulously talented staff at Knopf Canada. For rendering an embarrassingly long and mangy draft into an actual book: magic indeed!
To all those who read the manuscript at different points and offered comments. Carrie Whitney Brown, Jo, Dan, Stephen Donahue, John, Doug, Sarah, Andrea Siemens, Denise Nadeau.
To Thaer and Sheila Abdullah. For assistance with the glossary.
To Alayna. For sharing your hard-earned wisdom about writing.
To Daniel Berrigan. For your astounding words and the permission to use them. For your witness.
To Paul Martin, Marina Nemat, Jean Vanier and Lois Wilson. For your words of blessing.
To sweet William. For your fierce, beautiful heart. For doing everything that you possibly could.
To Dan. For sharing your life with me. For your unconditional love. For Walt Whitman and “The Great Day.” For holding me. For being my first witness and walking with me every step of the way. (“anywhere/I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done/by only me is your doing, my darling.”)
Thank you.
I scarce can take it in.
The author has made every effort to locate and contact all the holders of copy-written material reproduced in this book, and expresses grateful acknowledgement for permission to reproduce from the following previously published material and sources.
Berrigan, Daniel.
A Book of Parables
. New York: The Seabury Press, 1977. Published again in
Poetry, Drama, Prose
. Edited by Michael True. Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 1988.
Excerpt from “i carry your heart with me(i carry it in.” Copyright 1952, 1980, 1991 by the Trustees for the E. E. Cummings Trust, from
Complete Poems: 1904–1962
(Liveright Publishing Corporation, 1991) by E. E. Cummings, edited by George J. Firmage. Used by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation.
Filkins, Dexter.
The Forever War: Dispatches from the War on Terror
. New York: The Bodley Head, a division of The Random House Group UK, London, 2008.
Gomez, Brian. “Fallen Warrior Rises to Lead Local Teens.” © January 14, 2007,
The Gazette
, Colorado Springs, CO. All rights reserved.
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
. Copyright © 1997 Judith Herman. Reprinted by permission of Basic Books, a member of the Perseus Books Group.
King, Dr. Martin Luther. “Remaining Awake Through a Great
Revolution” in
A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings of Martin Luther King, Jr
. Edited by James M. Washington. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1986. Reprinted by kind permission of Writers House, LLC.
Levi, Primo. Survival
in Auschwitz: The Nazi Assault on Humanity
. Translation of
Se questo è un uomo
, published by Giulio Einaudi © 1958. Survival
in Auschwitz
originally appeared in English under the title
If This Is a Man
. New York: Simon and Schuster, First Touchstone Edition, 1996 (first Collier Books Trade Edition, 1993).