Coen was silent for a few seconds.
“Why?” I asked, drawing out the word.
“I know you’re scared of him getting to know me . . . but I’d really like to take you and Parker out tonight.” When I didn’t respond, his voice filtered through the phone again, his tone now borderline worried. “Reagan?”
“Um,” I began, and licked my lips. “Well . . .”
I looked toward the house again as I tried to come up with an excuse.
I have work tomorrow. True. I have to do laundry. Not true. I have to clean. Unfortunately true, but I won’t get to it tonight regardless. I have to watch my plant grow. I don’t have any plants. I need more time to sit here playing with my hair while I think of a really good reason not to go!
I straightened in my seat and stared at my steering wheel as I thought. Just last week I hadn’t been ready for the three of us to hang out, but I also hadn’t known how serious Coen was about this relationship—and he was right: Parker already adored him.
With school starting in less than a week, the only time I’d be alone without Parker would be the Fridays my work was closed . . . I knew this needed to happen soon, or eventually I would start thinking of reasons for us not to be together because of the time apart.
“We can wai—”
“What’d you have in mind?”
There was a heavy silence before Coen added softly, “Don’t do this if you’re not ready.”
“You already know him, Coen, I’m just being dumb.”
“No, you’re not. You’re protecting your son.”
I smiled and thought again about Coen getting Parker to eat. My dad couldn’t even do that. “I’m unnecessarily protecting him from someone he already knows and likes, and someone I’m dating and kinda, maybe, sorta like too.”
“Kinda, maybe, sorta,” he said, his voice monotone.
“Yeah,” I teased. “So what did you want to do tonight?”
“We can do easy. We can just grab dinner. Or we can—”
“Easy sounds good.”
“All right, easy it is. Can I pick you both up in an hour?”
I bit down on the inside of my cheek and shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “Can we meet you wherever you want to eat? Unless you want me to pick you up? Otherwise I have to move the booster seat to your car and it’ll just be weird.”
“Booster seat?”
“Yep . . . problems you’ll come across dating a mom.”
“I don’t ever remember being in one of those.”
I laughed and stepped out of my car. “I can’t remember it either, but it’s the law now.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, Steele, seriously.”
He paused before saying, “Don’t call me that. It’s weird.”
“Don’t call me Duchess.”
Coen drew out a groan. “I’m not sure if I can commit to that.”
“Well then, that’s your problem, not mine. I have to get Parker, text me where you want us to meet you.”
“You don’t play fair, Duchess.”
“Neither do you, Steele. See you soon.” I grinned and tapped
END
before opening the door and almost running into my brother. “Hey! I thought you were moving into your apartment with Erica.”
He pulled me into a hug and moved me away from the door so he could shut it. “I am, we’ve been moving all day. I just ran back here to get the last truckfull. Erica’s been unpacking all day, so it actually looks decent. You wanna come by tonight and see it? I’ll order pizza.”
“I can’t. Parker and I have something going on tonight.”
“Like . . . ?”
“Um . . .”
“Well, shit, Ray! You’re playing with your hair, so now you’re freaking me the fuck out. Tell me what it is.”
“Keegan!” I hissed, and smacked his arm as I looked around for my son. “Do you have to cuss in front of Parker?”
He cringed for a split second before relaxing. “No, we’re good. He’s out back with Mom. Now, tell me what you’re doing tonight.”
Dropping my hair, I straightened my back and tried to look directly into my brother’s eyes. It didn’t work. He’s eight inches taller than me. “Coen’s taking us to dinner.”
“Coen’s taking you
and
Parker to dinner?”
“Yes, he is, and why do you look like that? I don’t understand you. Why would you try to set me up with your best friend if you would ever have this worried look on your face! I know you told me you didn’t think we’d actually date, but come on, Keegan. Tell me why you’re acting like this! Is there something I should know? Something I should be worried about?”
“No,” he huffed and rolled his eyes. “No. Steele’s one of the best guys I know.”
I shrugged and put my hands up to the sides of my head before dropping them. “Then
what
? I don’t understand!”
Keegan looked past me for a while before clearing his throat and asking, “Does he sleep?”
“What?”
“When he’s, uh, with you. Does he sleep?” he gritted out, and then mumbled to himself, “I’ll kill the bastard for touching you.”
“What? Keegan! No, we haven’t done anything! He’s kissed me, that’s all. But even if we had, I wouldn’t tell you about it.”
Keegan sighed in relief and I crossed my arms over my chest.
“No killing Coen. And don’t punch him either.”
“I’m not promising the last one. No fucking way.”
“Keegan—”
“Ray!”
“Whatever!” I groaned, and ran a hand through my hair agitatedly. “Tell me why you wanted to know if he slept.”
“I—” he cut off and breathed out heavily through his nose. “It’s not my story to tell you. The only reason I’m worried is, well, other than the obvious of you being my little sister, and Parker being my nephew, and I would be worried no matter what. But, I know Steele’s seen some things, and I know that it’s fucked him up—”
“His demons,” I whispered.
“What?”
“He told me something about that the other night before we met up with you and Erica at his condo, when you kept calling us.” Keegan just stared at me like he was waiting for me to continue. “Keegan, it was kind of personal.”
“Reagan. My guy told you about his demons, and you’re not gonna tell me what he said, and you expect me to let you take my nephew to dinner with him?”
I rolled my eyes and huffed. “He said I could silence his demons just by looking at him. He said it was because of his time in the army, about things during that time that he couldn’t tell me.”
Keegan no longer looked worried, or like the big, protective older brother. He looked shocked. “He said that to you?” he asked softly.
I nodded. “Why?”
He looked down, and a small smile crossed his face as he nodded softly. “Good for him,” Keegan said as he turned and walked toward the stairs.
I just stood there staring at his back, completely dumbfounded for a few seconds before I took a step toward him. “Wait, so you’re just okay with this now?”
When he looked back at me, he looked like he was trying to figure out what to say, and finally just shrugged. “Yeah, Ray. What he told you that night . . . that’s about as honest as he can get with what happened, and what’s going on with him. Knowing that he’s not keeping anything from you . . . and having seen how good he is with Parker. I think you’re just as good for him as he is for you.”
I was still staring at where Keegan had been when Parker came racing through the house. “Mom!”
“Hey, baby! Did you have fun today?”
“So much fun!” Parker launched into a play-by-play of their day, and I tried not to laugh when my mom walked in behind him and rolled her eyes before smiling.
“That crazy, huh?”
“Oh, it was nonstop today,” she said. “Did you want to stay for dinner?”
I shifted on my feet for a second before glancing down at Parker. “We can’t. Coen’s taking us to dinner tonight.” I’d barely looked up to see Mom’s reaction when Parker jumped up in front of me.
“Me too?”
I smiled widely at him. “You too, buddy.”
“No way! Come on, Mom, let’s go!”
“Okay, just a second, let me talk to Grandma first.” Looking up at my mom, my body tightened when I couldn’t read her expression. “Too soon?”
“We liked him.” She shrugged. “He does have an awful lot of tattoos, though. You don’t want Parker thinking those are okay.”
I suppressed a groan. “Mom. Really? Keegan has tattoos.”
“Not like that.”
“Mom!”
“Okay, okay!” She held her hands up. “We did like him. Despite the tattoos,” she threw in. “He seems like a wonderful young man. Keegan had a lot of great things to say about him when we asked him, but, I would trust his judgment on this.”
It was there, on that last bit that I realized Keegan must have told my parents his worries about Coen and his demons. Whatever they were. I could see it in my mom’s eyes. She was worried about this too, just as Keegan had been. But she didn’t understand, she didn’t know Coen. What was I saying?
I
barely knew Coen.
“I approve,” Keegan said as he appeared from out of nowhere.
I pointed at him. “He approves!”
“You do?” Mom asked, eyeing him warily.
“One hundred percent. I think he’d be good for them, and she’d be good for him.”
Turning, I sent him a thankful smile, and he winked at me as he opened the front door and walked out. Looking back at my mom, I saw her blink a few times before clapping her hands together once.
“Well, since I just put it all on Keegan, I guess that settles that.”
“It’ll be fine, Mom,” I said, hoping to reassure her. “You ready to go, buddy?”
Parker was studying his forearm intently, so he just nodded as he started walking toward the front door. “Mommy, do you think Coen will still have his stars?”
My eyes widened and I turned to look at my mom. “Uh, yeah, Parker. He will.”
“Because he’s old so his won’t wash away.”
“Right.”
“I’m gonna get old so mine won’t wash away, because I’m getting stars just like Coen’s.”
Mom groaned and rolled her eyes, and I tried covering my laugh with a cough, and failed miserably. Blowing her a kiss, I put my hand on Parker’s back and led him outside.
“Why don’t we wait a decade or so until we think about that, okay? Right now, let’s just go have dinner with Coen, sound good?”
“Cool!”
I smiled and followed my son to the car. The entire time I chanted to myself that this dinner was a good idea. That one day I wouldn’t regret letting my guard down for a guy like Coen and letting him into my son’s life.
Coen—
September 2, 2010
“T
HIS IS THE
coolest, ever!” Parker yelled. “Coen’s the coolest, isn’t he, Mom?”
I glanced over at Reagan and she rolled her eyes at me. “Yeah, he’s pretty cool, buddy.”
“And this one comes off because I’m not old like you?”
I barked out a laugh and kept pressing the wet paper towel down on Parker’s arm. “That’s right, bud. It’ll come off in a few days.”
I held the paper towel there for a few more seconds before removing it, and then removed the hard back for the temporary tattoo and watched as Parker’s eyes lit up.
“Cool!”
I’m positive
cool
was his favorite word, and the extent of expressive words at that. But I had to steal his word. This kid was pretty damn cool.
“What do you think?” I held out his arm so Reagan could see, and even though she shot me a look, a smile crossed her face.
“Mom, isn’t it cool?”
“So cool, Parker.”
“I can’t wait to show Jason!” he said excitedly before tearing out of Reagan’s kitchen to go back to playing in the living room.
My lips slowly curved up into a smile as Reagan fought and lost with biting back her own smile, and I pulled her close. “You mad at me?”
She looked up at me and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Mad? Are you kidding? I’m furious,” she whispered.
“You look it,” I murmured against her lips and she smiled against my kiss.
“That was really sweet of you,” she said when I pulled back. “He doesn’t even remember they’re called tattoos, but all he talks about are the stars on your arm. They’re the only ones he remembers. This was . . .” she floundered for something to say as she looked over at Parker. “This was fun for him. I already know he’s going to talk about that tattoo, and who gave it to him, until it washes off.” Looking back at me, she shrugged. “Thank you.”
“Not a big deal. He spent the whole night talking about it the other night, had to get one for him.”
Her hazel eyes held mine, and her lips tilted up on one side. “That’s just it. You didn’t have to.”
“Okay, I
wanted
to. Better?”
“Much.”
I leaned in, and had just barely brushed my lips against hers when we heard, “Ew, you’re kissing a girl?”
Reagan froze, and I held back a laugh as I turned my head to look at Parker. “Yeah, why, do you want me to kiss a boy?”
Parker made a face. “Gross! No! But girls have cooties!”
“Yeah? Says who?”
His mouth opened and his eyebrows pinched together for a few seconds before he sputtered, “Everyone.”
I unwrapped my arms from Reagan, and crouched down so I was his height. “Girls your age
do
have cooties,” I whispered loudly, and tried so hard not to smile when he nodded quickly. “But you know how I’m old so my stars don’t wash off?” Parker looked at his star, then my tattoos before nodding again. “Well, when you’re this old, girls don’t have cooties anymore. So they’re safe to kiss.”
Parker looked at me like he was trying to memorize every word I was saying. “How will I know when they’re safe?”
I glanced up at Reagan, and her face fell into a look of horror. “He’s six,” she mouthed.
“Just trust me on this, bud,” I said when I looked back at Parker. “You’ll know.”
“ ’Kay,” he replied, and looked up at Reagan. “It’s okay, Mom. You’re safe, you won’t give Coen cooties.”
My head dropped so he wouldn’t see how hard I was trying not to laugh, but I knew my shoulders were shaking from trying to hold it back.
“Thanks for that, buddy. Why don’t you go wash your hands so we can eat, all right?”
“Okay!”
I straightened, my body still shaking from the laughs I’d been trying so hard to quiet, and Reagan punched my shoulder as soon as I was upright.
“Seriously?”
“Hey! At least I told him the girls his age had cooties.”
A laugh bubbled past her lips before she could contain it, and then her stern expression was back. “But now what if he avoids women until he’s like thirty?”
“He won’t. Trust me, once puberty hits you’ll be wishing he would avoid them until he was thirty. At least I bought you a few years. I could’ve told him cooties didn’t exist and you’d have the principal calling you because he was kissing all the girls in his class next week. I know from experience.”
A sly grin crossed her face. “Coen Steele, did you terrorize all the girls by kissing them?”
I shrugged as I grabbed the food and started walking toward the table. “Someone had to do it. I took one for the team.”
“Ah, must have been such a hardship.”
“You have no idea.”
Reagan just smiled and shook her head as she leaned up to press her lips to my jaw. “And are you still terrorizing them all?”
“Just one,” I whispered.
“Good answer.”
R
EAGAN SHUT THE
door leading to Parker’s bedroom, and smiled up at me as she easily fell into my arms where I stood leaning against the wall.
“He is
out
,” she whispered, and pressed her lips to my throat as she wrapped her arms around my neck. “Tonight was fun for him.”
“It was fun for me too,” I said honestly.
After dinner, we’d watched a movie before playing a game for hours that I still didn’t understand . . . and I already wanted another night like the one we’d just had.
My fingers flexed against her hips when her mouth pressed firmly against mine, and a soft whimper sounded in her throat when our tongues brushed against each other. Moving my legs apart, I pulled her closer against me, and she arched her back so her chest pushed into mine for a few moments before moving back. Her hands slowly moved from my neck, across my chest and down my stomach before resting on the top of my jeans. The muscles in my abdomen twitched when her fingers moved under the shirt to brush against my skin.
I knew I needed to stop this. I’d told her I wanted to surprise her, and somehow we always found ourselves here . . . with me trying to find the will to be the voice of reason for us . . . for her. For her, I needed to stop this. I needed to show her I wanted so much more from her. But when she flattened one hand against my lower stomach, and the other curled around the top of my already low-slung jeans, I forgot all the reasons why I’d stopped us before.
Pushing off the wall, I took the few steps until her back hit the opposite wall, and released her lips to make a trail down her throat. Pushing aside the collar of her shirt, I placed slow kisses across her collarbone as I pressed a hand to the small of her back, bringing her body closer to mine.
One of her hands went up to run over my short hair when I bit down gently on her neck, and she gasped softly before whispering, “I want to fall asleep to your voice tonight.”
I stilled and pressed a kiss to where I’d bitten her before moving back so I could look into her eyes. Cocking my head to the side, I pushed some of her hair behind her ear. “You do every night, why wouldn’t you tonight?”
“No, uh . . .” She put one hand to my chest, as if to push me away, and grabbed the ends of her hair with the other.
“What, Reagan, tell me.”
Shit, I’d pushed her too far
. “I’m sorry, I should’ve left as soon as you went to put—”
“Coen, no.” She stopped me by pressing three fingers to my lips. Moving them away, she brushed her lips softly across mine, and when her eyelids slowly opened, they revealed a heat in her hazel eyes. “I want to fall asleep to your voice . . . while you’re in my bed.”
“Duchess,” I said darkly.
Pushing back on my chest so she could move away from the wall, she grabbed one of my hands and began walking backward down the hall. “Please don’t leave.”
“Staying could be dangerous.” I warned her. “I don’t think I’d be able to stop us this time.”
She smiled when we stepped into her room and let go of my hand to press hers to my stomach again. Her eyes flickered down to watch as her fingers moved along the inside of my jeans. “Maybe you shouldn’t stop us anymore.”
I bit down on the inside of my cheek and took a deep breath in and out. My first thought was to grab her and take her to the bed, but I had to make sure she wouldn’t regret this tomorrow.
“Reagan, don’t do this for me,” I said, my voice coming out rough from trying to restrain myself.
She bit back a smile and looked up at me. “Stop thinking you’re pushing me into something I’m not ready for. I want this.” A look of uncertainty crossed her face, and her hand stilled. “Unless you don—”
Grabbing the back of her head, I slammed my mouth down onto hers and growled, “Don’t finish that thought. You’d be out of your goddamn mind to think I don’t want you.”
Walking us toward the bed, I grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head—letting the material fall to the floor as I pushed her a step away. My eyes moved over her body, and snapped up to hers when her hands went to her back to undo the clasp on her bra.
Closing the distance between us again, I put my hands on her hips and led her back until her legs hit the bed. She stumbled onto it with a husky laugh, and I moved my hands to her bare knees. Parting them enough so I could step between her legs, I watched as she moved the straps of the bra off her shoulders and down her arms. As soon as it was on the floor with her shirt, her hands went to cover herself, and her legs tried to close as the most beautiful blush I’ve ever seen stained her cheeks.
Moving one of my hands to where she was holding her breasts, I grabbed at her wrists and moved her resisting arms away from her body as I laid her down on the bed.
Resting our hands above her head, I brushed my lips against her softly, and asked, “Where’d my fearless girl go?”
Her lips trembled against mine when she responded. “Its one thing to start it—and to feel confident. Its another when there’s nothing to hide behind anymore.”
I moved back enough to look into her eyes, and shook my head softly. “Don’t hide yourself with me. Do you know how beautiful you are?”
Kissing her until I felt her body begin to relax under mine, I slowly moved down her neck and chest until I reached the swell of her breast. With the hand still on her knee, I ran it up her thigh, taking her short and loose skirt with me, until I was gripping her hip through the bunched-up material. Pulling one of her nipples into my mouth, I smiled against her when her back arched and her fingers gripped my hand—just like she’d done when we’d been in my studio.
Sitting back on my knees, I moved down her breast and over to the other to pay the same attention, and released her hip to let my fingers trail under the part of the skirt that was still covering her. I moved over the insides of her legs, and the top of her underwear, but never closer until she started restlessly moving on the bed.
“Coen,
please
.”
Grabbing the lace covering her, I pulled it down, and over her legs—letting her move them the rest of the way off as I trailed my fingers over her wet heat. Reagan pressed against my hand and moaned when I made teasing circles against her clit.
“Let me touch you,” she pleaded as she tried to free her arms.
The second I released her, she was pulling on my shirt, and unbuttoning my pants as soon as the shirt hit the floor. I laughed against her frustrated whimper when she couldn’t move my pants down, and stood off the bed for a second to rid myself of them and the boxer briefs. Her eyes widened as they moved over my body, and something in me halted when I removed her skirt.
“Reagan.” I said her name like a prayer, and my hands trailed over her as I came to rest between her legs again. “You’re fucking perfection.”
Her eyes met mine, and a slow smile crossed her flushed face. Bringing one hand to the back of my neck, she pulled me toward her, meeting me halfway, and pressed her lips to mine. Pushing two fingers inside her, I swallowed her moans as I laid her back on the bed.
“You’re perfection . . . and you’re mine,” I mumbled against her lips.
She smiled, but it fell into a look I knew I never wanted to forget as I teased her clit and moved my fingers inside her. Her head dropped back on the mattress, and her body arched against mine as she ground her hips into my hand. When she began tightening around me, I removed my fingers, and just as she started to protest the loss of them, pushed into her as I quickened my pace on her clit.
Her eyes widened and a sharp cry left her mouth as her orgasm tore through her body, and I stilled as I felt her simultaneously stretching, and tightening and trembling around my cock.
“Coen! Oh God!”
I smiled against her neck before nipping on it gently, and gripping her hip as I began moving inside her. Her legs wrapped around my back as her body continued to tremble, and a moan left her when I bent to pull one of her nipples into my mouth again. She dug her nails into my back and gasped as I raked my teeth over her nipple before sucking it back into my mouth.
“Too hard?” I asked against her soft skin.
“No,” she said breathlessly. “Don’t stop.”
I pushed harder into her as I licked and sucked on her nipple, before biting down and raking my teeth over it. Each time she’d clench around my cock, and each time she’d whimper when I licked it once more before blowing cool air on it and moving to the next one.
“Oh God. I think . . .”
Moving so I was on my knees and resting on one of my elbows, I moved my hand down to where our bodies were joined, and the next time I bit down on her nipple, I pinched her clit—and her body exploded around mine. Reagan screamed, and I moved my hand away to cover her mouth as I rode her through her orgasm. Her eyes locked on mine as she continued to moan against my hand, and her fingers dug so hard into my back that I had no doubt I’d have marks when I stilled above her as my release came.
Her breathing was ragged, and soft whimpers were sounding in her chest when I removed my hand, but the most beautiful smile crossed her face.
“Are you okay?” I asked roughly as I held my body above hers.
She looked at me for long seconds before finally nodding, her smile somehow softening into a look even more beautiful. “More than okay.”