Carnal Secrets (28 page)

“I know that really I have no reason at all to feel guilty. None of it was my fault…just like what happened that day in the woods wasn’t your fault. Nick doesn’t realize you shift to escape the guilt. He thinks you stay in this form a lot because you’re escaping the memories of what happened, that he traumatized you. Maybe if you guys talked…maybe you could help each other out with the unnecessary guilt you both feel.” Giving Roni one last stroke, Shaya got to her feet. “See you soon.”

Entering the house, Shaya found that Amber was doing her best to lounge over Nick, and Taryn was therefore throwing peanuts at her. Of course Amber’s attention quickly switched to Taryn, ridding Shaya of the need to march over there and make it clear that Nick was hers. Shaya observed with a frown as Nick dodged Kathy’s touch in the same way that he dodged Amber’s; his mother didn’t appear surprised or offended by how uncomfortable he seemed with her attempts at affection. It occurred to Shaya then that Nick wasn’t just like that with Amber, or even just with Kathy. He didn’t seem to like being touched in general, which was pretty odd—as odd as him disliking company, in fact.

“He’s always been like that, according to Kathy.”

Derren’s voice snatched her from her contemplations. “What?”

“He’s never been particularly affected by social touching. Kathy said that even when he was a baby, he didn’t like to be cuddled much or rocked to sleep or anything—he always liked his space, liked to sprawl on the bed like a starfish. Even now, he hugs Roni and Kathy, but that’s pretty much it. It’s only you I’ve ever seen him be truly affectionate with.”

“In other words, I don’t need to worry about Amber. Does everyone buy her sweet friendly-friendly act? I see a lot of deviousness there.”

“Yup, a lot of people buy it.” He sighed. “She’s very cunning. A word of warning: She’ll try her hardest to become a close friend, but you can’t let her get friendly with you—not even to humor her. If you do, you’ll make it possible for the communication between you and Nick to become triangular with her as the go-between. I’m sure you know as well as I do that if that happened, she’d be passing on messages to both of you that would be twisted or false.”

“Ah, and then it would make Nick and I upset with each other, and we’d both turn to her for advice, enabling her to interfere in a big way.” Sneaky. So sneaky it was almost worthy of respect. “That won’t happen. You’re on my side, right?” She had the feeling that Derren was a good person to have on her side.

“Are you planning to hurt Nick again?”

“No.”

“Then yes, I’m on your side.” As Roni butted his leg, Derren reached down and petted her. “And you’ll have Roni on your side, too. She can see right through Amber’s act. Unfortunately, Kathy can’t, but she wants Nick to have his mate—and that’s you.”

“I guess all I can do is ignore her. If that fails, I have rat poison and a shovel.” As Nick then came over and locked his arms around her, Shaya smiled and sank into his arms. Over his shoulder, she noticed that Amber was watching her from the far side of the room. The female shot her a friendly smile, but Shaya hadn’t missed the anger that had momentarily sparkled in her eyes. Still, Shaya returned the smile while at the same time tightening her hold on Nick, conveying a clear message that he was hers. That wasn’t enough for her wolf; she wanted Shaya to bite him. So Shaya did, right on his pectoral.

Nick winced, peering down at his mate, who was grinning in self-satisfaction. “Did you just bite me, baby?”

“Yep.”

The possessive glint in her eyes made him smile. Leaning down, he bit Shaya’s bottom lip hard and then licked across it to soothe the sting. “You’re never going to get away from me, you know. You’re mine. I’m keeping you. For good.” He’d expected her to snort at him or maybe look wary, but she surprised him by relaxing slightly in his arms. His wolf growled in contentment, convinced that his mate was coming around to the idea of being claimed. But Nick often found himself wondering if it was something she would ever be ready for.

CHAPTER TWELVE

S
haya had always been good at defusing situations and calming tempers, which was ironic considering her own temper was pretty bad. However, defusing any arguments that occurred between Taryn and Amber took a great deal of effort—something Shaya had quickly come to learn over the last four weeks. As such, she was tapping her foot impatiently while she stood between the two females in the living area who ranted at each other, pointing fingers and scowling. Meeting her mate’s gaze, who was sitting on the sofa looking both amused and exasperated, Shaya struggled not to laugh at the insults being exchanged.

Amber had done exactly as Derren had said she would—she’d tried extremely hard to become close friends with Shaya. But when that hadn’t worked, she had instead taken to trying to provoke Shaya with sugar-coated insults and backhanded compliments that had been so cleverly delivered they sounded totally innocent to most people. Taryn, however, knew exactly what Amber was doing. Whereas Shaya’s response to Amber had been to act sickly sweet rather than snap—which would have made her seem unnecessarily bitchy and hostile toward Amber—Taryn was much too direct to cope with her shit. And now the bitch had done what she knew would piss Taryn the hell off: She’d touched her mate.

Amber threw her hands up in the air. “All I did was touch him with my fingertip—I was trying to heal the cut on his hand!”

Taryn sniggered. “Well thanks, E.T., but I can heal him myself! Touch him again, and—”

“Girls, girls,” intervened Shaya, sighing. She kept her tone even and calm as she spoke. “You’ve both made your point. The solution here is clear: Amber, it would be extremely smart if you didn’t touch Trey again.”

“It was just his hand!”

Taryn pointed hard at her. “That’s not the point, and you know it. Don’t think I don’t see you for the cunning little bitch that you are.”

“I just wanted to heal him.” Oh, Amber’s innocent act was good. “Nick, surely you’re not going to let Taryn speak to me this way!”

Nick simply shrugged. “I’m not your Alpha anymore, Amber. Your problems are yours to deal with.”

Right answer
, thought Shaya.

“But I just wanted to heal him! It’s part of who I am.”

Playing along to end the whole thing by being impartial, Shaya nodded. “And kind though it was, it truly wasn’t necessary—Trey’s paper cut was certainly not fatal, and Taryn was right beside him in any case, so she could have healed him if necessary. Plus, touching a mated male when you’re not mated yourself isn’t totally wise.”

Amber planted a hand on her hip. “Dominic touches you all the time. What’s the difference?”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed that the pervert is covered in nettle stings after I threw him in the bush for kissing Shaya,” said Nick, not even bothering to stifle his smile. Annoyingly, Dominic found the whole thing funny too. To Nick’s surprise, he’d actually come to like the pervert over the last month. The guy was pretty smart, very observational, and extremely loyal to his pack…but he just couldn’t resist provoking Nick from time to time.

“Now I think it would be wise if both of you stayed out of each other’s way until you’re both calm,” said Shaya. They looked about to protest, but then they gave each other one last scowl and waltzed away in opposite directions. Blowing out a heavy breath, Shaya went to stand between Nick’s legs. His hands immediately landed on her hips, his thumbs tracing her hipbones. “I think it’s safe to say that those two will never get along.”

Tugging her down so that she was straddling him, Nick kissed her lightly. “You’re really good at that.” At her questioning look, he explained, “Easing tension and stopping arguments.” So good that not only had she managed to calm two dominant females, but they had listened to her—not bristling at a submissive wolf interfering. Also, she had managed to remain impartial despite that she’d known how badly Amber was in the wrong
and
despite that she truly disliked her.

“I guess so,” she agreed a little breathlessly as his tongue licked at a mark he’d recently left on her throat. “Still, I can’t guarantee Taryn won’t one day launch herself at Amber and scratch her eyes out.” The thought was pretty appealing. The bitch was always lingering, uninvited. Not that Amber was the only one, to be fair. As Derren went wherever Nick went, the only time Derren wasn’t around was when he was sleeping in the motor home—it was empty other than for Bruce, as Nick now stayed with Shaya.

Although the Phoenix wolves all stayed in the shifter motel like Nick’s family, some of them visited at least once a day. Roni hung around a lot too, though she mostly remained outside. Not only that, Jesse, Bracken, and Zander patrolled the perimeter of the house “on guard”—and totally of their own accord. They returned home to bathe and change when they needed to, but that was pretty much it; they had apparently decided to attach themselves to Nick, though it was hardly surprising to her. As Derren had said, Nick drew people to him and inspired them—he just didn’t see it. Expectedly, having all these people around annoyed the shit out of Nick.

“You know,” began Nick, “I’m actually surprised that Amber was ballsy enough to touch Trey. The Alpha female isn’t someone anyone should go out of their way to aggravate. In fact, I’m equally surprised Taryn didn’t draw blood.”

“Personally, I think Amber was hoping that Taryn would try to attack her so you would fly to Amber’s rescue—after all, it’d be pretty instinctive for you, considering she was once under your protection.” That would then have resulted in Shaya going ballistic at Nick for siding with Amber, as Shaya’s loyalty lay with Taryn.

Recalling how Amber had turned to him for support, Nick thought Shaya might just be right. “Well, if she honestly thinks I’ll jump to her defense, she’s very mistaken.”

“The woman’s getting on my last nerve, trailing after you all the time. And her playing the ‘close friend’ card is annoying too.” Shaya cringed at how every word had dripped with jealousy.

“I don’t have friends, you know that.”

“Yes, you do. You just don’t realize it.” When utter confusion flashed across his face, she rolled her eyes. “Derren doesn’t stick with you just because he wants to guard you. He does it because you’re his friend. And what about all those friends who helped you track me down?”

“Contacts. They are
contacts
.”

“I suppose these people who repeatedly call you and Derren, asking if you need backup against the humans, aren’t your friends either,” she said dryly.

Nick shrugged. “I don’t bond.”

Shaya shook her head, sighing. “You’re a hopeless case, Nick Axton.”

“And
you’re
being jealous for no good reason,” he assured her gently as he collared her throat and then tipped her head backward. “I only want you.” He ran his tongue along her collarbone, loving the taste and smell of her. “When you’re finally ready to trust me totally, I’ll prove that by claiming you. Until then, I’m going to spend my time kissing you and biting you and fucking you ’til you accept that you’re mine.”

She didn’t say what she was thinking, that she had already accepted that she was his, and that the problem was she couldn’t fully accept and trust that he would always be hers. It was becoming less and less about the fact that he had once left her, and more and more about her own insecurities. How could she not worry that he would one day look at her and find her lacking because she didn’t match him in strength on every level? If he had been merely a dominant male, it wouldn’t be so much of an issue. But he was a born alpha. How could she not worry that he might one day resent her for being the reason he had left his pack and couldn’t hold an Alpha position anywhere? It would torture and stifle Nick’s wolf to obey someone else when he was a natural-born leader.

It was fair to say that he hadn’t given her any reason to believe that these insecurities were rational. In fact, over the past month he had made her feel nothing but cherished. Not with soppy words or actions, but by the way he gave her his total and utter attention—an unwavering focus that both ate her up and comforted her. When he thought she needed or wanted something, she suddenly had it. When he believed there was a problem, he took care of it.

She’d been right to think he wasn’t a guy who could ever be “managed”—his iron will wouldn’t allow it—but he didn’t try to manage her either. He didn’t try to walk all over her as other dominant males had done, and he was quick to snap if he thought anyone else tried to do it. He made her happy. But could
she
make
him
happy? Could she really hold someone like Nick? Could a mating bond ever truly be enough if it might mean he and his wolf were forced to live packless and with no territory to call their own? When it would mean that any children they had would be also be forced to live that life?

“You’re thinking too hard.” Nick lifted her head and bit her lip. “Stop.”

“Like it’s that simple.”

“If it’s a distraction you need,” he began with a devilish smile, grinding her against him, “I can happily help you out with it.” Taking her upstairs, he did just that.