Carried Forward By Hope (33 page)

Carrie stared at her. “That’s how I feel too. What did you do?”

“I learned how to give my desires to God. I didn’t try to pretend I wasn’t having them. I didn’t tell myself I was selfish for being human.” Aunt Abby paused. “And I did what I could…”

“What do you mean?”

“When was the last time you slept in the same bed with Robert?”

Carrie flushed. “I haven’t wanted to disturb his sleep,” she replied defensively.

“So instead you have deprived both of you of physical closeness and intimacy,” Aunt Abby observed, her eyes kind.

Carrie looked down and back again. “I guess I never thought about it that way,” she said slowly.

“It won’t hurt Robert to sleep with him, will it?”

“No.”

“Would it make you feel better too?”

Carrie closed her eyes and thought of at least being able to snuggle up to her husband — even if he was no longer the strong, robust man she had married. To feel him close…to lay her head on his shoulder…

“Don’t bother to answer,” Aunt Abby said. “It’s written all over your face.”

Carrie opened her eyes and smiled. “I think tonight is going to be a good night.”

“For both of you,” Aunt Abby predicted. “Even if Robert doesn’t respond in any way, the knowledge you are there is still getting through to him.” She smiled. “Even when my husband was ill, he always wanted me there.”

Carrie nodded. “Are you hungry?” she said suddenly. If she was going to have a conversation like this with someone, she could only imagine it being with Aunt Abby, but now she wanted to think about something else. She jumped up and went to Granite, pulling off the saddlebags. “I’m ready for some breakfast.”

Aunt Abby played along. “I’m starving!” she announced. “I hope you have a lot of ham and biscuits!”

******
 

“This is it,” Moses said, struggling to tamp down his excitement. There had been too many disappointments in the last twelve days.

It had taken them a week to reach the plantation he thought his mama and Sadie had been sold to. When they reached it, they found the place abandoned — but for one elderly man in the slave quarters. He told them his old owner had sold off all his stock right after the war began and had gone into the city. The owner let him stay because he had no value left. He’d lived out the war by tending a small garden and a pen of livestock. He’d been astonished to discover he was free but didn’t plan on leaving unless he had to.

Careful questioning had revealed Moses’s mama and Sadie had been sold to another plantation owner further up the river. It had taken a couple days to figure out where it was and another two days to travel there. They’d been gone much longer than Moses had hoped, but he was determined not to give up until he found them.

Moses stared at the weathered sign attached to the dilapidated fence, most sections sagging to the ground. He refused to put words to what he was thinking.

Jeremy did it for him. “It looks deserted,” he said quietly.

“Only one way to find out,” Moses said shortly, knowing Jeremy was just trying to prepare him for more disappointment. “I’m sorry,” he said immediately.

“No need to apologize,” Jeremy responded. “You’ve been waiting for this a long time.”

Moses nodded, unsure how to say what he was thinking. Yes, he had been waiting for this day for a long time. He so wanted to see his mama and Sadie again. But it was more than that. He had carried the feeling of responsibility for so long. His mind flashed to the day he watched his daddy hang limply from the noose in the clearing, the flames from the bonfire licking at his feet. Moses knew then that he was the man of the family. It was up to him to take care of things. He had labored under the burden for so long. He had suffered so much when he was helpless to keep his family from being ripped apart. Finding his mama and Sadie would fulfill his responsibility. He hoped it would release something in him.

Jeremy gripped Moses’s shoulder and turned the wagon down the overgrown, rutted road. They sat silently as the mid-afternoon sun beat down on them. The only sounds were buzzing insects, chirping birds, and the jangle of their horse’s harness.

Moses knew Jeremy understood his feelings. Even if the hunt for his family was unsuccessful, he would always treasure these days with his brother-in-law that had brought them so close. No topic of conversation had been off-limits. They had forged a bond that would not have been possible without these days together.

Moses was silent when they rounded a curve and found the burned-out hull of a plantation home. Knowing they were in the path of the Shenandoah Valley destruction, he had anticipated this. Most of the places they passed had been burned.

Jeremy turned the wagon down another narrow road. The Union Army had not burned the slave quarters. They tried to talk all the slaves into leaving, but they made sure any that remained behind would have a place to live.

Moses held his breath as they broke out into another clearing ringed by wooden cabins. A quick glance didn’t reveal life, but that didn’t mean anything. “Hello!” he called loudly.

The only response was a more explosive chatter of squirrels.

Jeremy pulled the wagon to a stop and they both stepped down.

“Hello!” Moses called again, his hands clenched tightly as he battled the disappointment rising in his stomach like bile. He would not give up hope.

Jeremy gazed around and began to walk rapidly. “There’s a garden back here, Moses,” he called.

Moses joined him, looking down at the carefully tended garden. The rows were laid out perfectly and were clear of weeds. “Someone has to be here,” he said hopefully. “Hello!” he called again. Only silence echoed back.

He stared around again, noticing that one of the cabins had a different air than the rest of them. He strode over to inspect it more carefully. “Jeremy, there is a rope here for a clothesline,” he said excitedly. Something stirred in him…

“It could be anyone,” Jeremy cautioned.

Moses nodded but the stirring continued. “I’m feeling something,” he finally murmured as he stared out into the woods. “It’s like I can feel my mama.” Four years had not diminished the vision of her strong, loving face. He could still see her piercing eyes that could always see into his heart.

He stepped out into the clearing, cupped his mouth, and hollered. “Mama! Sadie!”

A sudden rustling in the woods behind him made him spin around.

“Moses?” A bent figure stepped from the woods. “That really be you, boy?”

“Mama!” Moses ran forward and grabbed her in a hug, quickly alarmed by how fragile she felt. He bit back his dismay when he felt how thin she was.

“Moses…” his mama whispered. “I knew you would come.” She turned around and called into the woods. “It be safe, Sadie. You’s can come on out!”

Moses gasped as Sadie limped from the woods, her eyes wide as she stared at him. She’d been twelve when they were separated. Now she was a beautiful seventeen-year-old woman.

Sadie was the first to break the silence. “Sure ‘nuff took yo time gettin’ here!”

Moses laughed loudly and leaped forward to grab her in an embrace. Suddenly both of them were crying and laughing, their joy ringing through the woods.

Jeremy stood to the side and watched them quietly, a wide smile on his face.

Moses finally stepped back from Sadie. “Why were you two hiding in the woods?” he asked.

Sadie cocked her head. “We tell ya, buts you gots to tell us when you done started talkin’ so fancy?”

Moses smiled. “We’ve got lots of talking to do. I promise to tell you everything.” He turned to his mama. “Why were you hiding?”

“We been hidin’ for the last year or so,” she replied. “Eber since dem soldiers came through and burnt eberthin’. Her eyes darkened. “They’s took de rest of Master Jake’s slaves wid dem. But not us,” she said firmly. “No sirree, dey not take us.”

“Why not?”

“I already knew you gonna have a right hard time findin’ us,” his mama said. “Weren’t gonna make it no harder.” Her eyes shone with pride. “I known you would find us, Moses. I known you would come get us. I aimed to be here when you did. Ain’t no soldier gonna take us away.”

Moses stared at her. “Have you and Sadie been here all alone for the last year?”

“Sho ‘nuff!” Sadie said. “We been doin’ just fine. I’s gettin’ a little tired of what we’s eatin’, but it ain’t so bad,” she said brightly. “They’s burned the house, but they didn’t touch nothin’ in the basement. The Jakes left most of it behin’ when dey ran away. We figured we would help ourselves.”

“We didn’t want to do no wrong,” his mama said anxiously. “You think we did wrong, Moses?”

Moses grinned. “I think you’re the two smartest females I know,” he replied. “Well, next to my wife, of course.”

His mama peered into his face. “Yo’ wife?”

“Prettiest, smartest woman you ever laid eyes on,” Moses said proudly. “I also have a son.”

His mama gasped. “My boy done got a boy?”

“Yes. You’re a grandmama,” Moses said. “Actually you have two grandbabies.”

“You done got two fine babies?” his mama asked, her voice almost breathless.

“No…”

“What you talkin’ bout, boy?” his mama demanded. Then her eyes grew wide and her lips began to tremble. “June?” she managed to whisper.

Sadie grabbed his arm. “You done found June?”

Moses laughed as he nodded his head. “I found her two years ago,” he admitted. He told them briefly how his captain had given him a break to go find her. “I knew I couldn’t make it up this far, so I had to settle for finding June.”

“And she have a baby?”

“His name is Simon,” Moses said. “She was so anxious to have it, she had him right on the side of the road in some bushes while I was helping her escape.”

His mama laughed, wiping away her tears. “Dat girl was always sho ‘nuff in a hurry to do eberthin’!”

Sadie turned around to stare at Jeremy. “Who dis be, Moses?”

Moses smiled and took Jeremy’s arm to pull him forward. “This is my brother-in-law, Jeremy Anthony. Jeremy, I’d like you to meet my mama. Her name is Annie. And this is my sister, Sadie.

“It’s wonderful to meet both of you,” Jeremy said warmly.

Silence fell on the clearing. Sadie was the first to speak. “Dat be a white man,” she finally said. “You done marry a white woman, Moses?” Her voice was disbelieving.

Moses laughed. “No. That’s quite a story too. I told you we had a lot of talking to do.”

******

The sun was sinking down below the horizon before any of them took a long breath. Stories had flown through the golden afternoon, wiping away the pain of the long years of separation.

Moses stood up finally, stretching his long legs. “We’ll have lots of days to talk. Jeremy and I will sleep in the wagon tonight, and we’ll leave in the morning.”

“How long it gonna take us to get down south?” Sadie asked, her voice trembling with eagerness. “I sho ‘nuff ready to leave dis place!” she announced.

“It should take us about five days,” Jeremy said.

“And you’s gonna be our old owner?” his mama asked.

Jeremy smiled. “Just if anyone stops us. Moses and I decided to play that little game on the way up. We let people think he is my devoted slave who couldn’t bear to be parted from his master, even though he’s free.”

Sadie snorted.

“My sentiments exactly,” Jeremy said with a grin, “but it got us out of some tight spots. We decided we could be right, or we could just do what needed to be done to find you. We’ll go back to fighting for equality when everyone is safe on Cromwell.”

“What eber you say, Master Anthony,” Sadie said demurely.

Jeremy laughed loudly. “You didn’t tell me your sister was so spirited.”

“Who knew?” Moses asked, staring at her. “She was only twelve when I last saw her.” He shook his head with amusement.

Sadie tossed her head. “It’s only my leg that don’t work,” she reminded him. “Not my brain.”

“And certainly not your mouth,” her mama said, pride shining in her eyes. “It done be a real good thin’ we be free now. I think Sadie wouldn’t have made such a good slave.”

Moses laughed again and then sobered. “I wish Daddy could see us all now.”

A solemn silence fell on the clearing as they thought of not just Sam, but of all the slaves who had gone before them, paying a mighty price that had resulted in their freedom.

“I think your daddy knows,” his mama said softly. “Dere ain’t a day dat goes by dat I don’t talk to your daddy about his chillun. I think he be right here wid us…”

******

“You done lived in dis house, Moses?” Sadie stared up at Thomas’s huge brick home. Her eyes had been wide as saucers ever since they reached the outskirts of Richmond, but now they were practically bulging. “And you wasn’t no slave?”

Moses shook his head. “No.” He had told them the whole story of his relationship with the Cromwells, but Sadie was having a difficult time accepting it as truth. He understood why. She had no point of reference to imagine any relationship between a black and white except as slave and owner. That would change, but it would take time.