Will turned and stared at his son in open-mouthed shock. “Seriously?”
Shane nodded and held his father’s gaze. “If I hadn’t already stopped, I would have when Michael told me what happened to him. I honestly don’t want that to happen to me.”
“I know waiting gets a little lonely, but being selective doesn’t mean the right one won’t come along sooner than you think,” Will assured his son. “Trust me. I just stopped by the café for coffee, and the next thing I knew I was zipping to Berea with a sexy redhead wrapped around me on the bike.”
“God, that sounds good,” Shane said, sighing. “I’d like to just have a girlfriend to do things with when I wasn’t working. That’s actually what I want.”
“Well, having a girlfriend is good,” Will said, nodding. “Having a wife is even better, but that may take a while to happen. The best relationships always seem to need the most work.”
“Well, my money is on you marrying Jessica,” Shane said, smiling. “Michael though is going to need some divine intervention because he doesn’t stand a chance in hell of making up for what he did to Carrie in college. He doesn’t even get why it still hurts her, but that kind of betrayal causes some major damage. Trust issues are probably going to come up time and again in their relationship, even if by some miracle she ends up staying married to him. Their odds are not good. I told him he needs to start planning on being a single father.”
“Maybe, but sometimes you just have to believe in what you feel and go for it,” Will told his youngest. “Screw the odds.”
“
Screw the odds
,” Shane repeated. “Now that sounds like a good chapter title for my book. I think it belongs on the one about the father who remarries a tall sexy redhead after his traumatic divorce from the cool sexy blond who threw him over for a younger man.”
Will flicked him sharply with the dish towel again, sending Shane dashing for the kitchen door while he laughed.
*** *** ***
“Jessica! It’s so good to see you. I’m sorry to get you in so late in the day, but I asked the office to schedule you as soon as possible. I can’t stay over, but hopefully we can still get to some of what you need to talk about. My notes said you had a new issue to discuss.”
Jessica smiled at the woman who was a decade older than her, but looked a decade younger with her trim pink suit and a fashionable haircut that a runway model would envy.
“Dr. Whitmore, are you hiding the fountain of youth somewhere and not sharing? I swear you look younger every year,” Jessica told her. “You could practically pass for my daughter.”
“Look who’s talking,” the woman replied with broad smile. “Your body still looks like it did when I met you, or at least like it did after Brooke was born. Super models would kill for your trim figure.”
“My figure is an optical illusion created by quality spandex and expensive lace support bras,” Jessica teased. “My breasts have succumbed to gravity at last. It makes me sad even though the guy I’m with right now doesn’t seem to mind that they sway in the breeze. He seems to think it’s sexy. I really appreciate that about him.”
“Is that what you need to talk about today?” Dr. Whitmore asked, leaning excitedly on the desk. “I’d love to hear about a new guy. Is he as yummy as all your others?”
Jessica sighed at the old term they’d shared for all the years she’d been seeing the same therapist.
“Yes. Will is very yummy. The problem is that he reminds me of Nathan. I’ve been having dreams. Some of the memories of my time with Nathan are starting to return.”
“Really? After all this time, that’s pretty amazing. Does this seem like a good thing to you?” Dr. Whitmore asked carefully.
“I don’t know,” Jessica said honestly. “He—Will reminds me of Nathan in many ways and encourages me to remember him. I don’t get them confused, but I also don’t know how I feel about either man sometimes. Do you think I could still be grieving for Nathan after all this time? Every time I think about how I feel about Will, I start to feel guilty and think of Nathan. Is that normal?”
Dr. Whitmore laughed. “Anything can be normal. The question is does it
feel
normal to you? If it does, then it’s normal.”
“I’ve never cared about any other man enough to walk through your office door and talk about marrying again, so no—what I feel about Will doesn’t feel normal to me,” Jessica said, closing her eyes. “But the idea of never being with him again feels worse.”
“Are you falling in love at last?” Dr. Whitmore asked, trying not to sound as surprised as she felt. “What was his name again—Will?”
Jessica nodded. “Yes. Will—Everett Williams. I like him. I care about him. I don’t want to date other men. Do you think I’m falling in love with him? I never loved the other guys.”
“You’ve forgotten how this works,” Dr. Whitmore teased. “I’m the therapist and I get to ask the questions. You have to answer them. So what do you like about this man.”
“Will is a stone sculptor. He does nudes,” Jessica confirmed. “They’re incredible. That’s all he does as far as I can tell, but he seems to make a good living from it.”
“Why would you care if the man is financially successful?” Dr. Whitmore asked. “Is his success important to you?”
Jessica suddenly had trouble swallowing past the lump in her throat. “It’s important to me for Will to be happy.”
Dr. Whitmore leaned over her desk and smiled at Jessica. “Do you know what would make Will happy?”
Jessica squirmed in her chair. “Being with me—being married to me. That’s what Will says he wants.”
“How about you? What do you want?” Dr. Whitmore asked, trying to settle her heartbeat as she studied the flushed face of a woman who had struggled her way out of the darkness of her past. If anyone ever deserved a happy ending and a husband who loved her madly, Jessica Daniels did.
“I don’t know what I want—other than to not be confused,” Jessica said softly.
“Do you want Will?” Dr. Whitmore asked.
“Yes,” Jessica said, breathing a sigh of relief to be able to say at least one thing with confidence.
“Do you want to keep Will in your life?” Dr. Whitmore demanded softly.
Jessica searched for that answer and found it waiting in the same place as the other one. “Yes. I want to keep him in my life. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to extend a relationship.”
“So start there,” Dr. Whitmore said. “Make keeping Will in your life okay for yourself and just see how it goes. Come back in about a month and we’ll talk about whether you are falling in love again.”
“What about the memories of Nathan?” Jessica asked.
Dr. Whitmore stood and walked to her bookshelf. She pulled a book and brought it back to pass to Jessica. “Take this and read it. This book offers some practical ways to deal with your grieving. I believe you’ll find it helpful. Most grieving is just a process of letting go. You’re a master at that, Jessica. So use those skills to help yourself let go of Nathan. I believe it’s time.”
“Is there any way around remembering or going through all the crying stuff?” Jessica asked.
“No. Not really. If you have a bunch of grieving stored up, you have to let it out. But the big grief eventually passes, and then if you’re lucky, sweet memories linger. There’s no one process that works for everyone,” Dr. Whitmore said kindly. “In the meantime though, I would suggest you limit talking in bed so you won’t accidentally call Will by Nathan’s name. I’ve known that to cause problems.”
Jessica flushed remembering all the times she fussed at Will for talking too much.
“I don’t like to talk anyway,” she said, half laughing. “It messes with my concentration. I don’t like my lovers to talk either.”
Tucking the book under one arm, she stood to leave, and so did Dr. Whitmore.
“Do come back in a month,” Dr. Whitmore entreated. “Let’s move you past this quickly.”
“Sure,” Jessica said, not really intending to visit again. “Sure. I can do that.”
***
Against his better judgment, Will drove by Shane’s and picked up Ellen on the way to the retirement dinner. He really wanted to reach some sort of platonic level of friendship with his ex-wife, but didn’t hold much hope Ellen would meet him on that playing field. He would try for Michael’s and Shane’s sake, but they were his only reasons.
“I really didn’t feel like driving. Thanks for giving me a lift,” Ellen said quietly. “I also didn’t want to spend another evening alone with Shane. The only time that boy ever sits is when he’s drawing. Then a bomb could go off and he wouldn’t notice.”
Will laughed and nodded. “At least he’s learned to focus all that energy on one or two things. I still don’t know how he got through school and did so well. Remember the tutors through Middle School who said he’d never be able to concentrate long enough to learn anything?”
“Remember the High School counselor telling us we would be wasting money if we sent him to college?” Ellen asked, smiling at Will.
“Oh yes. We always knew the counselor was wrong. Michael said Shane’s going to submit his dissertation for review this year,” Will said proudly.
Ellen’s eyes were huge. “Well, why hasn’t Shane said anything to us about it?”
“I don’t think he wants us to know until it’s done. So don’t say anything,” Will said, grinning. “I’m sure he’ll tell us eventually. Actually, I think Michael dared him into finishing his degree. They have a thousand dollar bet riding on it.”
Ellen laughed, leaned her head back, and closed her eyes. “Reckless heathens. Your sons are heathens, but brilliant, handsome ones. Thank you for being a good father, William. I truly am grateful for that and how you stay so involved in their lives. Luke’s daughter barely even talks to him.”
“Well, you always wanted a girl. Maybe you can win her back to the family,” Will said easily. “It can be another chapter in Shane’s book. We’ll be that weird blended family everyone talks about, and we’ll sue Shane for a share of the money he makes during the TV interviews about us.”
Ellen was openly laughing now. “Shane and his damn book. Are we really that awful?”
Will stopped laughing and glanced over at the woman he’d spent most of his life with, but no longer wanted in the same way. “We’re not awful at all. We’re just changing and trying to do it with as much grace as possible.”
“Forcing us to change was my fault,” Ellen said morosely. “I became terribly unhappy with both of us and just couldn’t figure out what to do about it. When I met Luke, he made me happy again for the first time in years. My leaving was never about you, Will. That was just about some restlessness in me. I hope you can believe that.”
“I’d like to believe it. So why the press to get me back? I know you still love your husband,” Will told her sharply.
Ellen looked at her hands. “Yes. I still love Luke and I want him, but he’s not making me happy anymore, either. I feel like his social director more than his wife. Frankly, I was less miserable with you than I am with him now. Luke says he can’t stand seeing me unhappy, but I don’t know how to fix myself. I’m in the same place I was right before we divorced.”
“So let me get this straight—you just wanted me back because I was the lesser of two evils and more tolerant of your miserable personality,” Will summed up, grinning.
Ellen sighed and shook her head. “It’s not as bad as you’re making it sound.”
“It’s not good either,” Will declared, laughing. “I don’t want to be your back-up plan, Ellen. Have you told Luke how you feel? Maybe he might have some ideas about how to make you happy.”
Ellen nodded. “He’s logical, but not in the same way I am. He didn’t even get mad at me when I told him I was unhappy in our marriage. He just withdrew, and now we’re hardly talking. He wouldn’t come with me tonight. I’m guessing I’ll be getting divorce papers from him shortly. Legal speed is a side benefit of marrying a lawyer.”
Will sighed in sympathy but firmed his tone to make sure Ellen knew he was serious. “Well, I’m sorry about the problems between you and Luke, but you need to get your shit straight about men.”
She shrugged. “I know. I brought this on myself. Maybe I’ll move in with Michael and his new bride after the baby comes. I can be a live-in grandmother. That will give me something to do.”
Will roared with laughter. “You’re going to want to steer clear of that couple unless they beg for help. I’m getting my own place in a couple of weeks because Michael’s house is going to be an emotional war zone for a while. They have a lot to work through.”
Ellen laughed. “I know you’re right. Michael and his stubbornness are not easy to live with anyway. So what do you think I should do then? Retirement is boring. Luke’s career gave me a hobby at least. Without him, I have nothing to do.”
“You have your Master’s Degree. Go back to teaching. Teach at the college level this time. It will be a whole new group of friends too,” Will suggested.
“I guess that would be better than doing nothing,” Ellen said, sighing. “I can’t believe you’re happier now.”
“I took my time and waited for the right person to come along. That’s part of it,” Will told her. “The other thing is that I have always had my art. I know you don’t get it, but it’s the most important thing I do with my time. When I see a finished piece, it satisfies me in a way nothing else can.”