Casualties of Love (7 page)

“Look, I’m sorry, but talk to me. You used to be able to tell me anything.”

She had refrained from reminding him that that had been six years ago, thinking that it probably wouldn’t help given that she was the reason for the long separation and the painfully evident emotional distance.

“I know that.” She had turned from his with a sigh.

“What? You don’t trust me with the information?”

Jessica had turned back toward Tyson.

“I have always trusted you, Tyson. You know that.”

“You sure? You walked away without being honest with me. You say you want to tell me what happened, but you won’t. Doesn’t seem much like trust, Jess.”

“Have you considered that maybe I don’t know how to tell you? That I’m just barely holding on here? I know it seems simple to you, Tyson. Like I can just shout it out and get it over with. But, it’s not an easy thing. It’s not an easy thing to think about, much less tell.”

He seemed to sense she was upset, and had reluctantly decided to let it go.

“At least tell me what you’ve been doing all these years. How did you end up in the enlisted ranks?”

She had looked at him for a minute - quiet and unsure if he had been hedging bets for more.

“Come on, Jessica.  Give me something.”

Jessica had hesitated, but eventually she had started talking and found she wanted him to know about her life since being with him.

“I, um, went back to school after...after I was home for a while. Actually, the next fall I went to Georgia Southern. Had my hours transferred and really didn’t have to do much leveling until I got into my major. Almost everything counted toward the degree. I finished up in Biology-Pre-med. I decided on that, ah...a few months after I left the Academy.”
              “But why enlist? You got a degree. Why didn’t you try to go through a ROTC program at Georgia Southern or some kind of OCS?”

Jessica had known he didn’t understand why she would not have tried to become an officer candidate. She hadn’t really known how to explain it to him, but she had tried.

              “I wanted to be in the Army. You know that it’s something I’ve wanted since I was a kid. And at that time, I, um, needed to get away. I needed something to focus on. So, I enlisted. Did Basic. Trained to be a combat life saver.” She had directed her gaze to him.

“How did your grandmother take it? I’d guess she was thrilled you left the Academy. She never wanted you in the military. I can’t imagine her being happy to see you sign up after having left West Point.”

“She wasn’t as thrilled about me being back home as you might think. But you’re right, enlisting didn’t help our relationship any,” Jessica had stated.

“An your dad?”

“Daddy was...fine with whatever decision I made.”

“You’ve obviously worked hard. Making Sergeant in what seems like a pretty quick progression. And you’re soon to be considered for E-6. Why not train for officer status?”

“I don’t really want it.” She had continued on at his look of frustrated confusion. “Look, I don’t regret it. There are things I regret, Tyson, but being an enlisted Soldier instead of a commissioned officer is not one of them. I love what I do. One day, I’ll go to medical school, maybe even after this tour, but for now I’m happy with my job.”

“And your life, Jessica? Are you happy with that?” Tyson had asked.

“Sometimes,” Jessica had said softly. She had looked at him closely. “Other times, there are things I wish I could change.” She had paused before asking, “Are you, Tyson? Are you happy with your life?”

Tyson went silent. And there had been the awkwardness. It has halted their conversation like a brick wall to a car. Jessica didn’t know why she had returned the question. Part of her had hoped he was happy. Regardless of how she felt, Jessica wanted Tyson to be happy. Another part of her had hoped that he regretted the loss of their relationship as much as she did.

Tyson had also seemed surprised that she had turned the question back on him. He had paused a long time.

              “You don’t have to answer that,” Jessica had said to save Tyson from having to come up with a response to her question. Maybe it was also trying to save herself from the answer. “While you deserve an explanation, actually have a right to one, I don’t.”

“No, I’m just trying to figure the way to answer.”

He had studied her before continuing. Jessica had been just about ready to tell him to forget she had asked when he spoke again.

“You know that I tried to stay connected,” he had said. “I couldn’t believe you were gone. It was hard to finish up without you. But I’d call, trying to keep what was between us...alive, I guess. Some days, we’d talk and it seemed like you were close to letting me back in. But, then, you cut me off. It hurt like hell, Jess.” His words had pricked her heart, but she had not interrupted him. “When you kept shutting me out, it hurt more to keep trying than to let go. So, I trained myself to live without you. I moved on.”

He’d moved on. Wow, that had hurt to hear. Then, Tyson shook his head as if confused.

“At least I thought
I did,” he had said, as much to himself as to her, Jessica had thought.

She had asked Tyson what he meant. She had wondered if it meant that there could still be something between them. But, he’d said he didn’t know and that he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted anything between them.  That had hurt, too, but what could she really say except “I understand”? And, she did understand, even if it made her sadder than she could have ever expected. 

Jessica flipped over in her bed and blew out a breath of frustration over her thoughts. What was even more sad was that hearing him say that he’d moved hadn’t done a thing to curb her desire for him. She longed for Tyson. It was like her body had been recharged with his touch and his kiss. She could barely stop herself from reaching for him when they were together, from begging him to kiss her again, to make love to her again. At this point, she would settle for the simple caresses he seemed to offer without thinking. At unexpected times, he would brush his fingers across her flesh – a touch on her arm, a brush along her shoulder, a squeeze of her hand. He’d then catch himself and retreat, though it left her wanting more, wanting to take things much farther. But, that might never happen.

Jessica closed her eyes tight. It certainly wasn’t going to happen at the moment, so she had to do her best to settle herself and go to sleep. Her unit was going out again tomorrow and she needed to be on her game. She couldn’t do that if she spent all night thinking about Tyson Kidd...again.

*****

“Hey. Didn’t you promise to stop flirting?”

Marcus turned toward the censuring voice to find Jessica Watts standing behind him.  She was smiling. Marcus quickly assessed her features. She really was a very pretty woman. It wasn’t hard at all to understand her appeal and Tyson’s near obsession.

“No. You
told
me to stop flirting,” he said with a grin. “I don’t think I ever agreed.” He walked toward her on his crutches.

“Well, with all the attention you get, I can see why you wouldn’t,” Jessica said with a head nod toward the pretty young enlisted Soldier that had her eyes on him. Marcus simply shrugged.

It wasn’t unusual. Marcus knew he was attractive, had been told so all of his life. He’d never seen the point in pretending otherwise or playing coy. He liked women, and he wanted them to know it. It was just his luck they happened to like him, too. He was also the type of guy that liked to have fun, though neither his looks nor his lack of potential company had led to very much fun lately. There wasn’t a shortage of willing participants. He just wasn’t interested. These days, Marcus stuck to just what Jessica accused him of – flirting. Nothing more than that. He wanted something meaningful, but hadn’t met anyone that motivated him to offer more than a few dates and casual sex. And frankly, he was getting bored with the no-strings-attached sex. Well, for the most part. A man did have needs.

“Yeah, well it’s only flirting, so no worries. Are you headed to see Tyson?”

Marcus could tell Jessica was a little thrown by his sudden shift in topic, but she recovered quickly. He was a little surprised she didn’t hedge in her answer.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why, what?”

“Why are you going to see him? You are not his attending physician. I know you don’t work in the infirmary. You know him from West Point, but that doesn’t explain your constant visitation. So, why?”

“I...care about him. We were close once.”

“Close,” he repeated. “Lovers, you mean?” She looked at him warily. “Was it serious? Exclusive?”

“You should ask Tyson.”
              “I have. I wanted to see what you’d say.” She frowned at him. He shrugged. “Hey, I can appreciate your discretion. Some women don’t know much about the concept.”

Jessica just looked at him in silence.

“I owe you an apology,” Marcus said abruptly.

“For being nosy?” she quipped with a raised brow.

He chuckled and gave her props for checking him.

“No, for my blunder. I didn’t mean to out you about the Academy. I was just surprised, is all.”

“It’s fine. It’s dumb luck I didn’t get found out sooner.”

“Or maybe you’re good at hiding things,” he said. He knew how it sounded. It could certainly be construed as a jab. He wondered if she’d respond. She didn’t, so he went on. “Do you regret it?” Marcus wanted to know if she regretted walking out on Tyson, but he also wanted to know how she’d interpret his question.

“Regret what, exactly? Why don’t you get specific, sir?”

Marcus smiled; he liked her. Jessica was smart enough not to get caught up.

“Just wondering if you wish things had worked out differently.”
              “Look, Lt. Jones, there are a lot of things I would do differently, but leaving the Academy isn’t one of them. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish things between me and Tyson had turned out differently.”

“The two don’t seem mutually exclusive, Jessica. And, no need to relegate this friendly discussion to the use of ranks and titles,” he said.

“You appear to need a friendly reminder about the benefit and courtesy of boundaries,
Marcus
. And wanting to leave and needing to leave
are
two different things.”

She turned away from him, but Marcus followed her, wondering about her “need” to leave West Point.

“It seems like you’ve got some things to explain to him, then.”

“Did he tell you that or are you fishing again?”

“A little of both,” Marcus admitted. “I know you were the one who walked away. And I know he wonders why. Even after years between the two of you, he wonders why you left him.”

“I didn’t really leave him. Things happened...” Jessica started. Then she seemed to catch herself. She stopped talking and kept walking.

“It seems strange that you’d ignore him for so long only to seek him out so often here. The same kind of strange that has you leaving the military academy only to join the Army as an enlisted. What gives?”

“As far as me joining up enlisted, that’s none of your business. As for my interest in Tyson, like I said, I care about him.”

“Yeah, it’s really obvious. You hover,” he said with a grin.

“I do not,” she argued, but Marcus just gave her a blank look. She chuffed. “You guys are close, huh?” She stopped to observe him with a cocked head. He faced her full on.

“He’s my best friend. And, now that Lassiter is gone, Tyson is pretty much my only family.”

“You don’t have family?” She gave him a look of surprise, and Marcus was actually a bit shocked he’d said the words to her.

“None that I’m close to.”

“I can relate,” she said softly, but didn’t elaborate.

“What do you want from him, Jessica?”

“Just to spend time with him; just to make sure he’s ok. I don’t want anything.”

“Not even to reconnect?” he asked gently.

Jessica squared her jaw. Marcus thought she might ignore the query, but surmised her true feelings for Tyson when she spoke again.

“He said he’s moved on, so I don’t know if that’s possible.” Her voice was low and controlled.

“Maybe he said that because he’s afraid you’ll walk out again.”

“You can’t walk out on someone who doesn’t care if you to stay.”

She turned and started moving again. Marcus followed. He supposed that Jessica had a point, but he was certain she was in error about Tyson having moved on. Maybe the guy thought he had moved on. Marcus even knew why Tyson thought that way, but wasn’t convinced that was truly the case. Not the way he had reacted to seeing Jessica, and not the way Tyson seemed to need her come around as much as she seemed to need to check on him. Beyond those things, Marcus has witnessed that kiss they’d shared. There was a whole lot of something between those two – whether unresolved or newly developing or some blending of both. At any rate, it didn’t look like anyone had moved on. Marcus hoped that whatever was going down it didn’t cause more harm that good.

******

              Tyson looked up to see Marcus enter his room at the infirmary with Jessica. He raised a brow at seeing them together. They both appeared somewhat in thought. He wondered what had happened.

              “Hey,” he said to them both. He got the same in return. “You two ok?”

              “Yep,” Marcus said and took a seat in the chair near the foot of Tyson’s bed. He grabbed up an old magazine and started flipping pages.

              Tyson looked at Jessica, who gave him a small smile. He assumed it was to indicate that everything was fine. He was glad to see Jessica, but was disappointed she wasn’t alone. He’d been hoping to see her today. Just as he’d hope the day before and the one before that.

              “I only stopped by to check on you real quick,” she said. “Thought I’d take a look at your wound if they already haven’t.”

              “One of the doctors came in about a hour ago. Said it’s all good,” Tyson told her.

“Oh. Well, that’s good. I don’t have to poke and prod you then,” she said softly.

He let his gaze flow over Jessica. She was casually dressed, not in uniform. Her hair was loose and it made her look softer, utterly feminine. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, giving her a healthy glow. He could see her breasts pushing against the fabric of her shirt, but didn’t let his eyes linger there. It only made him want to put his hands on her. They hadn’t touched since he’d kissed her days ago. Not really. A few grazes of flesh here and there, but that was all. Some of them were accidental; others he orchestrated to appear accidental. He wanted to touch her now, so he reached for her hand.