Catalyst (17 page)

Many of her habits annoyed him. He had told this to
nobody, not even Renee.

"What is it, Jack?" Amy's voice interrupted his
thoughts.

"I'm just thinking about us," he replied.

Amy jerked up, switched on the side lamp and swung to
face him. "What has your daughter been saying, Jack?" she said in a
cold voice.

"Nothing."

"You've spoilt her. My God, I guarantee she hasn't
even thanked you for thinking of selling the farm and investing in
her firm."

"No, she never said a word."

"There you are."

"Because I never told her, Amy. She doesn't know
anything about it. Anyhow, William Usborne's shares haven't been
placed on the market yet."

Amy stared at him. In the dull light, she did not
look the sexy woman of a few moments earlier but a wrinkled,
demanding lady.

"Is that so?" she muttered. "You're a fool if you
pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a failed business to
prop your daughter up. Her boyfriend is practically a millionaire,
anyhow. She doesn't need the money."

"And you do?" Jack interrupted.

Amy stopped and glowered. "What do you mean,
Jack?"

"I think you know," Jack continued. "It's not working
out, Amy. It's nothing to do with Renee, Courtney, or anybody else.
It's us."

Amy shivered and a faint gasp came from her lips.
"After the sex we've just had?"

"That is marvelous, Amy. Making love to you is the
most wonderful thing that's happened to me for a decade." He
stopped, saw the hurt eyes but decided he had to continue. "But
that's it, Amy. Our sex life is what keeps us together. You're a
fine woman who has helped me through a difficult time of my
life."

"But?"

Jack gulped. "I respect and like you, Amy. I
appreciate everything you've done for me and how you've helped
Courtney." He hesitated. "It's just physical attraction, I'm
afraid. I like having sex with you. You're a dynamic woman."

"An object of your lust."

"It's not just that. I like having you here, your
company, the wonderful changes you've brought into my lonely
life."

"But you don't love me," Amy whispered.

"That's about it. And I don't believe you love me
either."

"But who does love at our age, Jack?" Amy's voice
changed to a plea. "You can't live on memories. You have to live
for the moment or shrivel up and die."

Jack glanced away but remained silent.

"It's Renee. She's a little vixen sucking you dry,
Jack."

"And Courtney is a little angel?" Jack felt anger
surge through him. "All you do is scream at each other."

"Renee's warped her mind, too."

Jack turned. "Let's not bring the girls into it.
They're just side issues, aren't they?"

Amy heaved a loud sigh and nodded.

"I tried, Jack," she whispered.

"You did." Jack wanted to say more but the words
dried up. What does one say to a woman in this situation?

"I'll leave tomorrow." Amy's blunt statement filled
the air. She clicked the light off. "Night, Jack."

"Goodnight, Amy."

He felt annoyed with himself but relieved. Though the
words weren't spoken, he was sure Amy was interested only in having
a nice home around her. She had hinted about assets in the east but
thinking back, she had contributed little to their finances. That
was not fair but he knew she had not hesitated to pay Courtney's
college fees.

He rolled over and dropped into a troubled sleep. His
dream was not of the woman beside him but his dear wife. He relived
the final moments in the hospice. Sally had looked at him with her
tiny hand in his and said, "You're my man, Jack." Those were the
last words she had uttered. Moments later she had dropped into a
coma from which she never awoke.

Even though it was only a dream, tears rolled down
his cheeks.

****

The next afternoon Jack drove Amy to the airport at
Bellingham and waited in embarrassed silence as she had her luggage
and tickets sorted.

"I'll be fine," she said to break the impasse.
"Courtney's mother will meet me and I'll stay with her awhile."

"You've had contact with her? I never realized
that."

"Oh, yes," Amy said in a quiet voice. "Lizzie is
still living with Selwyn Benson. I told her about Courtney being
here and she's so relieved she is safe. However, she doesn't want
to talk to her."

"But why?"

Amy shrugged. "I guess she's still hurt. Anyway, I
abided by her wishes." She took a letter from her purse. "Will you
give this to Courtney? It explains a few things." She stopped and
gazed into Jack's eyes. "I'm sorry about last night, Jack. Renee is
an excellent daughter and you can be proud of her."

"I know. And so is Courtney."

"Look after them, Jack," Amy whispered. "Will you
drop me a line sometime or get Courtney to write?"

"Yes."

"And Jack, visit Diane Ellis. Your neighbor has a
romantic interest in you, you know."

"What? She's at least fifteen years younger than I
am."

"But a lonely woman. Believe me…"

Amy's sentence was interrupted by the final boarding
call. She kissed him on the cheek and was gone.

****

Jack drove home deep in thought. He switched his
thoughts to Diane, his neighbor for years. She had been a widow for
five and had always been part of the district, someone to chat to
on occasion. She fed the cat and took Zona when he was away. In
return, he fed her animals when she left her farm. They were good
neighbors and she was so young, more Renee's generation than
his…well, sort of in the middle.

When Jack reached home he gritted his teeth and
turned right instead of left, up a long drive. At the end was
another farmhouse, remarkably similar to his. He climbed out of the
wagon, walked to the back porch and froze. This was stupid. He
swung around and was about to return to his car when the door
opened. Diane stood there.

"Hello Jack," she said. "I thought I recognized your
Blazer. It's good to see you."

"I've just dropped Courtney's grandmother off at the
airport and nobody is home. Renee won't be back until Monday
evening." He stumbled over his words and tried to find an excuse
for being there. "I noticed your road fence was down. I reckon a
car ran into it and thought you might like me to patch it up."

"In your town clothes?" Diane's expression was
unreadable.

"Yes, well." Jack was flustered. "I saw it just now.
I'll go home and change, of course, then come back."

He turned and limped away. The limp was more
pronounced when he was apprehensive.

Diane stepped forward and touched his arm. "You must
be hungry, Jack," she said in a soft voice. "Going all the way to
Bellingham and back, I bet you never ate anything."

"Well, no I didn't..." Jack smiled.

"Come in," Diane said. "I was about to whip something
up for myself. Have lunch with me. Then we can go and inspect the
fence. There's no hurry." She smiled. "It's been down for ten days,
you know. The field is shut for the winter, so I didn't worry about
it."

Their eyes met and a message transmitted across that
farmhouse porch. Jack nodded and walked into the warm kitchen.

"When is Amy coming back?" Diane asked in a too
casual voice.

"She isn't," Jack whispered. "We've still got
Courtney, though. She's starting college in Seattle after the New
Year and…" The tension drained and he continued. Diane was the
neighbor across the road…but was she? He glanced up and their eyes
met again.

My God. Amy was right. He coughed and reddened.

Diane noticed and flushed. "I'll put the coffee on,"
she said, catching his gaze. "I'm glad you came, Jack." She brushed
his hand.

Somehow, that tiny brush of skin against skin made
Jack feel strange and sort of excited. Amy was forgotten, Sally a
distant memory but Diane Ellis, a neighbor for years, was here now.
The jersey and jeans she wore looked so…everything was happening
too quickly.

****

When the Cavalier screeched to a stop in the driveway
on Monday evening, Jack knew the teenager was at the wheel but his
mind was on other things. He walked out and stood sheepishly on the
back steps. His explanation for Amy's absence was ready and he
hoped the words would come out right.

Renee stepped out of the passenger's side of the car
with a compassionate expression, walked across to him and tucked
both arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry, Dad," she said. "Amy rang me at work a
couple hours ago. She said to tell you she arrived safely at the
airport and was met by Elizabeth." She paused. "Oh Daddy, if your
breakup was because of me, I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't, Sweetheart," Jack replied. "It was
nobody's fault. The chemistry wasn't there, that was all. I
realized I was a lonely old man infatuated by the attention Amy
provided."

During the conversation Courtney remained silent
three steps away with her head bowed. Blonde hair hid her face.

"Excuse me, Sweetheart," Jack said and walked to the
youngster.

He placed an arm around the girl but did not expect
an immediate reaction. The girl clutched him, her chin shook and
she burst into tears.

"You know, Courtney." Jack stroked her hair. "At
times it seems I have two daughters, two beautiful young women that
I am so proud of. What happened between your grandmother and me
doesn't affect our friendship one bit."

"Oh, Jack." The girl looked up, wiped her eyes and
broke into a smile. "Renee said you'd be like this but I wasn't
sure."

"Is that why you're so distressed?"

"It's just the memories." Courtney sobbed. "Whenever
I feel wanted or needed, something happens to screw it up. It's
been like this since grade school. It's as if I'm one big nuisance
to everyone."

"Well, you aren't," Jack said. "And I know Renee
agrees."

"She does," Courtney replied. "But when I saw you
waiting on the steps, I thought you'd want to talk to Renee and I
would be in the way. If it wasn't for me you would not have met
Grandma, so it was my fault."

"Nothing was your fault, Courtney," Jack continued.
"By the way, there's a letter from your grandma on the mantelpiece
in the living room."

"Thanks Jack." She smiled at Renee and walked
inside.

"So what really happened, Dad?" Renee asked.

Jack shrugged. "It had been coming on for a long
time. You know I hate classical music and a house too tidy. She was
the visitor but tried to take control of our lives."

"Oh shit," came Courtney's voice from the back door.
She stood there with the opened letter in her hands.

"What's wrong?" Renee swung around in alarm.

"The letter is not from Grandma but Mom. She says
she's still with Selwyn Benson and will marry him when Daddy's
divorce comes through."

"That wasn't unexpected, was it?"

"No but the next bit is." Courtney bit her lip and
looked as if she was about to burst into tears again.

"What is it?" Jack asked.

"My college fee. Grandma never paid it. According to
Mom's letter, she had no money."

"Then who did?" Renee asked.

"Selwyn," Courtney whispered. "Mom's boyfriend
paid."

Jack glanced at Renee and shrugged. "I guess that's
because he loves your mom."

"They may have regretted how they treated you before
you ran away," Renee added.

"Yes." Courtney sighed as she folded the letter and
tucked it back in the envelope. "You could be right." She turned
her eyes to pair. "I'd rather be here, though, if you still want
me."

"Courtney." Jack tried to appear serious. "We're not
going through all that again. If I remember, it's your chore to
feed Zona tonight. The poor dog has been out in the barn yelping
ever since you arrived. Bring him inside if you like."

"Yes, Daddy," Courtney replied. Her face broke into a
grin as she stuck the letter in a pocket and ran across the yard
towards the barn. Just before she went inside she turned and
shouted, "I love you both, you know."

Jack chuckled and placed his arm around his
daughter's shoulders. "I have some other news, sweetheart. Nothing
big but it's important to me."

They turned and walked inside.

****

Phil, Diane's married son who farmed a property up
the valley with his wife and two young children, called the week
before Christmas and approached Jack while he was doing chores in
the barn.

"I've never seen Mom so happy," he said and reached
out to the older man. "I wanted to say thanks, Jack. We go back
many years." He chuckled. "I remember when I was at school with
Renee. She's five years older than me and seemed so sophisticated
and self-assured. I reckon I had a bit of a crush on her but I
guess from her point of view, I was a cheeky kid to boss
around."

"I remember," Jack said. "Those were good days, Phil.
Your Dad and I used to help each other and after he passed on I
kept helping your mom." He gazed out the open barn door at yet
another drizzly day. "It's funny, sometimes you search the world
for happiness when it's there beside you all the time and you don't
realize."

"Yes, Mom always kept her feelings to herself," Phil
continued. "Look after her, Jack and if it goes any further I fully
approve."

"Aye Lad but it's more Diane looking after me, I'm
afraid." He gazed at the young man. "With our age difference and
all."

"I mentioned that to Mom but remember this, Jack. If
Dad was still alive he would have been as old as you." Phil
grinned. "Perhaps Mom likes older men."

"Could be," Jack said and glanced into the yard where
a worried looking Diane had appeared. "You'd better tell your mom
what you just told me."

"Hello Phil," Diane said in a hesitant voice when she
joined the pair. "Is there a problem?"