Calvin gaped at him. “You did?”
“Yes.” Ethan felt his cheeks heat up. There wasn’t much he kept from Calvin, but this was one of those instances where he’d believed keeping his thoughts to himself would be best for the both of them. “Lots of times.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I was scared. Scared you’d stop being my friend. If I lost you….” That earned him a scowl, and rightfully so. In his heart, Ethan knew Calvin would never stop being his best friend, but convincing his head was another matter.
“After everything we’ve been through together, did you really think I’d leave you, and over something like that?”
Ethan’s mind fought against him like it did with so many other things, allowing his fear to paralyze him. Fear was one thing that never factored into his relationship with Calvin until things started changing between them. Now he couldn’t seem to shake those fears. Change was difficult for him. Always had been. One day, when he was little, they didn’t have his favorite cereal in stock, and his mom brought home one he’d never had before. He’d cried for days. Despite being young, he knew his crying was irrational. No one had died. But to him, it felt like his world was crumbling around him. Seb helped him challenge those distorted thoughts, and soon Ethan could do it on his own. Didn’t mean it was easy, but at least he hadn’t cried over cereal since.
“One night, when you slept over, I watched you sleep. I wanted to kiss you, but my head wouldn’t let me. I told myself I had to stop thinking about you that way. How I was lucky to have you there with me. You were my whole world. You still are. After a while, it worked. I loved you, just not the way I wanted to love you.”
“Jesus, Ethan.”
Calvin swallowed hard. A host of emotions seemed to flash through his eyes, and Ethan would have given anything to know what his best friend was thinking. His shy smile squeezed Ethan’s heart.
“How did you want to love me?”
Ethan stroked Calvin’s hand as he held his gaze. His eyes were so blue. Like the ocean. Ethan loved the ocean. Why couldn’t he be more eloquent? The more he wanted to say something, the less he could say it. Like his vocal cords didn’t work. He opened his mouth, and his throat tightened. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and tried again. His pulse sped up, and he couldn’t say a damn word. Calvin put his hand to Ethan’s cheek.
“It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay. It was frustrating and embarrassing. This was important, too important to mess up, to leave to chance, or for the moment when he could relax enough to mumble a few words. It wasn’t good enough. Not when it concerned the man who’d had his heart from the very first day they met. Who’d shed blood, sweat, and tears at his side.
Unable to draw sound for the words in his heart, Ethan kissed Calvin, intent on showing him what he meant to say. No one understood him better than Calvin. He prayed this time was no different.
Calvin blossomed at his touch, his lips parting so Ethan could slip his tongue inside his mouth to taste every crevice. Ethan lost himself in Calvin’s scent, in their hungry kiss and the desperation flowing through him at wanting to feel more of Calvin’s skin. He longed to kiss every faint freckle peppered across Calvin’s nose and cheeks, over his shoulders and back. Calvin eagerly returned his kiss, a soft gasp escaping him when Ethan wrapped his arms around him and brought him up hard against Ethan. Their breaths grew ragged, their hands exploring, fingers digging into flesh. Ethan needed Calvin to understand how much he wanted him, even if at times he didn’t know how to say so.
Ethan’s tongue swirled around Calvin’s before he pulled back. He trailed wet kisses down Calvin’s chin, up his jawline to his neck. His hands slipped under Calvin’s T-shirt, his fingers caressing soft skin before moving down to Calvin’s waist. Ethan delved in for another hungry kiss, loving the taste of him. With every caress, Ethan craved so much more. He unbuttoned Calvin’s jeans and tugged them down with his boxer briefs, groaning when Calvin lifted himself enough for Ethan to get his jeans and underwear down around his knees, releasing his leaking cock.
Ethan palmed Calvin’s erection, a low growl rising up from his chest at his best friend’s whimpers. No one would make Calvin sound like this but him. Never again. It had been different for Calvin with Felipe. Ethan’s heart broke when he thought about how Calvin hadn’t been completely faking it. Thankfully, Calvin had managed to get the information he needed from Felipe before things could go too far. Ethan knew Calvin well. It had been agonizing listening to them. At one point he’d been forced to remove his earpiece. It was different now. The sounds Calvin made, the gasps, pleas, and moans, the way his fingers dug into Ethan’s shoulders as Ethan got down on his knees and wrapped his lips around Calvin’s dick, were unlike any he’d heard come from his best friend before today. The sounds were new, his pleasure greater, like he couldn’t get enough of Ethan. Job or no job, no one was going to be kissing Calvin’s lips but him. His inner Felid roared at the thought.
“Oh God, Ethan.” Calvin’s fingers slipped into Ethan’s short hair, holding on tight as Ethan sucked, licked, and nipped at Calvin’s cock. His whimpers and pleas urged Ethan forward. He wanted to consume Calvin, wanted to hold him close and never let go. Calvin’s hips lifted, and Ethan held him, his mouth taking Calvin down to the root. His best friend smelled faintly of soap and his own heady musk, the scent filling Ethan’s nostrils and driving him crazy. He doubled his efforts, sucking at Calvin’s head then licking his slit, lapping up any precome on offer. Ethan’s fingers squeezed at Calvin’s asscheeks. They were round and firm and begging for Ethan to bury himself in between them.
“Ethan,” Calvin gasped his warning, his hips bucking. Ethan tightened his lips around Calvin and picked up his pace, his tongue pressed against the underside of Calvin’s cock, his moan reverberating against Calvin and sending him over the edge. Ethan’s warm mouth filled with the taste of Calvin, and he eagerly swallowed every drop. He continued to suck Calvin until Calvin hissed at the tenderness. Gently, Ethan pulled off him. He licked at the corner of his mouth, his gaze on Calvin, who shuddered, his eyes hooded and filled with lust. He tenderly pulled Ethan to his feet before pushing him away so he could hop down. His intense blue eyes remained on Ethan while he tucked himself away and sorted out his clothes. Then he stepped up to Ethan, his voice throaty and rough as his fingers stroked Ethan’s arm and chest.
“Tell me what you want.”
Ethan unzipped his jeans and pushed them down, his thick, hard cock jutting up against his stomach. He was painfully hard, and Calvin’s low moan, along with the way he licked his bottom lip, didn’t help. The sight of Calvin on his knees looking up at him from under long blond lashes had him letting out a low groan. Calvin’s plump lips around Ethan’s dick almost undid him. His face grew warm, and he wondered if his cheeks were as flushed as Calvin’s. Probably not. Calvin’s fair skin flushed easy, a sweet rosy hue that made Ethan smile. There were nights his imagination ran wild, and he’d dream of this, of Calvin’s mouth on him. He’d wonder what his best friend tasted like, what his skin felt like. Usually it was followed by guilt. Now there was only the sheer pleasure brought on by Calvin’s mouth and hands on him. Ethan’s heart pounded fiercely, and his body was on fire, or at least that’s what it felt like.
Ethan placed his hands on Calvin’s soft blond hair, his fingers closing over fistfuls of it. He closed his eyes, losing himself to the sensation of Calvin’s firm grip on the base of his cock as he sucked Ethan off, his full lips sliding up and down, his tongue pressing into his slit. When Ethan felt Calvin’s free hand on his balls, he gasped, and his eyes flew open. He met Calvin’s sparkling blue gaze, the heat and need in them hitting a very primal part of Ethan. He wanted to grab Calvin, bend him over the trunk, and plunge himself deep into his ass. Instead he let Calvin drive him crazy with his mouth. He wasn’t going to last. It had been so long.
Calvin doubled his efforts, and Ethan’s muscles tightened. He gave Calvin’s hair a gentle tug, warning him he was about to come. Calvin moaned around Ethan in approval, allowing Ethan to do as he wanted. Ethan thrust his hips and drove himself deep into Calvin’s mouth. His best friend didn’t flinch. He took all of Ethan’s length deep into his throat.
Oh shit.
Ethan wasn’t small by any means, not in length or girth, but Calvin eagerly took him all in. Ethan’s muscles tightened with his impending orgasm, and a strangled exhale escaped him. He doubled over, holding on tight to Calvin’s head as he came. It seemed to go on forever until finally he was spent, his brow beaded with sweat. Carefully, Calvin pulled off him to stand. His face was flushed, his lips swollen from being kissed. He wrapped his arms around Ethan.
“I love you.”
Ethan opened his mouth, when he heard a key being inserted and turned. The door burst open and a couple came barreling through, their hands tugging at each other’s shirts while their mouths tried to devour each other. Ethan cupped himself, his eyes wide. Then he realized who it was.
“Holy shit!” Dex gave a start and flung a hand to his chest. Sloane looked just as alarmed. “You two scared the fuck out of me!”
Calvin threw a hand up. “Dude, seriously?”
Sloane closed the door behind them, his face as red as Ethan’s felt. This was becoming a very disturbing habit.
Dex turned his face up to the ceiling. “Why me? Why’s this keep happening to
me
?”
“I think the answer’s pretty obvious,” Calvin muttered.
“It is?” Dex frowned in thought.
“You attract crazy,” Calvin replied sincerely. “Like bees to honey.”
“Thanks.”
Sloane turned to Dex, his expression wary. “I’m all for getting adventurous, but I gotta say, I’m a little concerned right now.”
“Really?” Dex folded his arms over his chest, his expression uninspired.
Sloane shrugged. “Just saying. I mean, that’s twice now.”
“I’m not doing it on purpose!” Dex spun toward them. “Sorry, fellas, but you’re going to have to find yourselves another utility closet. This one’s spoken for.” Dex frowned at Ethan. “Dude, pull your pants up.”
Ethan nodded, then realized he’d need his hands to do that. His hands were kind of occupied at the moment. He motioned behind Dex.
“He wants you to turn around,” Calvin said.
“Oh, so
now
you’re feeling modest?” Dex shook his head in amusement as he turned, Sloane rolling his eyes as he did the same.
Ethan quickly pulled up his underwear and jeans, zipping himself up before straightening out his clothes. He cleared his throat, and their friends turned back to them.
“Good,” Dex said cheerfully. “Now get lost. It’s our turn.”
Ethan did not need to know that.
They headed for the door, when Calvin stopped to ask Dex, “How’d you get in here anyway? The door was locked.”
“It’s always locked.”
“It wasn’t when we came in here.”
“Yeah, I know.” Dex held up a key, his grin wide. “Because I unlocked it. We got caught up when Dimples the Firefighter showed up. We really need to ask Letty what the dude’s name is. I feel kinda weird calling him Dimples to his face.”
“You could not call him that,” Sloane suggested. “I have a feeling he would prefer you not call him that.”
Calvin frowned. “Why do you have a key to the utility closet?”
Dex arched an eyebrow at him.
“Oh.” Calvin scrunched up his nose. “Ew.”
“Ew? It stinks of sex in here. Thanks for that.”
Calvin’s face went beet red, and he grabbed Ethan’s wrist, pulling him out of the closet to the sound of Dex’s laughter. “Dick,” Calvin muttered as the door was shut behind them. He stopped in front of the exit that led out into the bar. “So, um, where does this leave us? Not that I’m complaining about what happened,” Calvin said with a shy laugh.
Ethan didn’t know how to respond. His expression must have said as much, because Calvin let out a heavy sigh, one that went straight to Ethan’s heart.
“Don’t worry about it, okay? I know you don’t want me with anyone else. Not a problem, considering you’re the one I want.” He stepped up to Ethan and put a hand to his cheek. “I need to know what’s going to happen with us, Ethan. I need to know where we stand, and I can’t… wait in this limbo forever. I’m trying to be patient. I really am. It’s getting too painful. Whatever you decide, I’ll always be here.” Calvin walked out the door before Ethan could respond. Calvin was right. It wasn’t fair to leave him hanging, wondering if they were more than friends with benefits. He needed to get his thoughts in order, to accept once and for all that Calvin was more than his best friend, and not just in secret, but out there.
Ethan left the back end of Dekatria and found Calvin at the bar ordering a drink. Ethan put his hand to the small of Calvin’s back, earning him a warm smile. Calvin ordered him a beer, and they headed back to their table, where the rest of their team was gathered, minus Dex and Sloane. Bradley pulled a small square table next to them with a chair to each side of it. Looked like Ash and Sloane were actually going to arm wrestle. Ash took a seat on one side with Cael kneading his shoulders. Did they know Sloane was… busy?
“Where the hell is he?” Ash grumbled. As if summoned, Sloane materialized with Dex at his side. It was pretty obvious what they’d been doing.
“Jesus, really?” Ash shook his head in disgust. “Sit your ass down, Casanova.” He thrust a finger at the chair opposite him, and Sloane sat with a wide grin on his face.
“All right, let’s do this.”
Ash faced Sloane, their hands flat against the table surface as Bradley went over the rules. The whole bar stopped to see what was going on.
Calvin leaned into Ethan, his voice low as Dex and Cael gave their boyfriends pep talks.
“Who’s your money on?”
Ethan thought about it. Ash was stronger than Sloane, but Sloane was more focused. It was a tough call. Ash clamped Sloane’s hand with his, a wicked grin coming onto his face as he shifted his gaze to Dex.
“You’re going down, Daley.”