Read Cattle Valley 27 - Alone in a Crowd Online
Authors: Carol Lynne
Ben directed Ryan down a series of dirt paths until they reached an area of the reservation he’d never been, where Ben told him to stop. “What is this place?” Ryan asked as he got out of the car. He went around to help his father, who waved him away.
“This was my home for many years.” Ben handed Ryan the scratched metal box before grabbing his cane out of the car.
Ryan studied the terrain. The area wasn’t inhabited and likely hadn’t been for at least one hundred years. “Where?”
Instead of answering, Ben started walking. Ryan followed, praying they wouldn’t get lost. With no visible path to mark the way, he kept a close eye on surrounding landmarks. “You sure you know where you’re going?”
Ben glanced back at Ryan. “Patience.”
Ryan shook his head when his dad continued on. The man walking in front of him was nothing like the father he remembered. There were times he felt he’d been transported to an alternate reality, and others when his anger threatened to overwhelm him. It was obvious there must’ve been a good person inside of his father all along, so why when Ryan had needed him the most, had his father chosen to be an abusive asshole?
He tried to shake off the negative thoughts, deciding to concentrate on the journey at hand instead of the walk down Memory Lane. There would be plenty of time to deal with his confused emotions once he returned home.
At the base of a large, rocky hill, Ben stopped. “I’ll need your help.”
Ryan joined his father and stared at up the treacherous incline. “It’s not safe for you to go any further.”
“I’ll crawl if I have to,” Ben informed Ryan. To prove his point and a stubborn side no stroke could erase, Ben started to lower himself.
“Stop.” Ryan sighed and wrapped his arm around his father’s waist, propping up his weaker side. “Promise you’ll let me know if it’s too much.”
“If I die, I’ll become heavier,” Ben mumbled.
“Is where we’re headed worth dying for?” Ryan slowly picked his way up the slope.
“Why not? What else do I have?” Ben glanced at Ryan. “Wouldn’t you rather die doing something important, or are you the kind of man who’d rather go in his sleep like a coward?”
Ryan didn’t like being sized up by the man who’d beat him time and time again. “You don’t know anything about me!”
“You’re right, so why don’t you fill me in?” Ben looked up. “We’ve got time.”
It was the first time his father had asked, which suddenly hit Ryan as extremely shady. “Why now? You’ve been talking to me for two days, so why do you suddenly care who I am?”
Ben stopped and looked around. “There.” He nodded his head towards a thick stand of scrub brush. “Home.”
Ryan helped his father over a series of small rocks to the indicated area. It was convenient how Ben had spotted the location just as Ryan had questioned him. The cop in Ryan made him naturally suspicious, but his dad’s actions made him even more so.
“There used to be an opening, just big enough for me to crawl under,” Ben remarked, studying the thorny brush.
Ryan used his boots to break the bushes enough to get into the cave hidden behind it. “I didn’t bring a flashlight.”
“I don’t need one. It’s been over fifty years, but I remember every inch of this place. Stay here. I’ll light a candle.”
“Wait a minute. Do you think that’s safe?”
Ben chuckled. “Of course it’s safe. You’ve become a city boy.” Before Ryan could stop him, his father entered the cave.
It took several moments for his father’s statement to sink in, but when it did, it nearly knocked Ryan on his ass. He charged in blindly. “You know exactly who I am, don’t you?” Ryan asked the darkness in front of him. He heard shuffling before a match was struck.
Ben’s withered face was cast in an eerie orange glow as he held the match to a candle. “Not right away, no.” He struck another match and lit three other candles that were scattered around the cave.
With the interior illuminated, Ryan’s attention turned to his surroundings. A small pile of dusty blankets sat along one wall along. “Did you really live here?”
“Yes.” Ben walked over to Ryan and stretched out his good hand. “Can I have my box?”
“Not until you tell me the truth.” Ryan tucked the box under his arm, keeping it from his father’s grasp. “When did you remember?”
“Yesterday. Not right away, but I noticed the tattoo on your forearm, it’s the same one your grandfather, Jon Acorn, had.”
Without taking his eyes off his father, Ryan thought of the faded red owl tattoo. It had been one of his first, done mere months after he’d left home. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”
“Because as long as I pretended not to know you, you stayed.” Ben walked away. He retrieved another box, this one older than the one in Ryan’s hands, and held it out. “This was my father’s. My grandpa’s in here, too.”
“Good for you. Now tell me why the hell you hated me so much?”
Ben moved to the blankets, a plume of dust rose as he half-sat, half-fell to the pile below. He bowed his head, suddenly looking defeated. “I don’t know. I’ve spent the last ten or so years trying to figure that out.” Ben gestured to the box in Ryan’s hands. “Open it.”
Ryan gripped the cold metal, warring with himself over whether or not to do what his father asked. Would he be giving in once again? “You tell me what’s in it first.”
“The things I have yet to answer for.”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
“My grandpa believed everyone was worthy of heaven as long as they didn’t allow their pride to send them to hell.”
Although Ryan had never heard his dad talk of his grandfather, Ryan thought he might’ve liked the man. He sat on the dirt floor next to one of the burning candles and opened his dad’s box. There were several folded newspaper articles, Ryan assumed were the ones he’d read online. He set the box on the floor and unfolded the first one. He was wrong. The small clipping of a police report was dated eleven years earlier.
Ryan’s breath froze in his chest. He couldn’t believe what he was holding. “You tried to kill yourself?”
Ben nodded. “Like father like son.” He opened the box he held in his lap and pulled out a solitary item, an object Ryan was familiar with. “This is the bullet my dad shot through his head when I was thirteen.” He pointed to the cave wall behind Ryan. “It was after a terrible beating. I thought he’d passed out, so I curled up and went to sleep, hoping things would be better the next day.”
Ben shook his head as if shaking off unwanted memories. “He sat there, with me asleep right here, put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.” He held up the misshapen slug. “I dug this out of the wall when I realised he hadn’t prepared a box.”
Ryan had seen his share of dead men in his life, but he couldn’t imagine how the mind of a thirteen-year-old could handle something like that. “What’d you do, did you have someone you could go to?”
“No. It was just the two of us. I knew if I went for help they would take me away.”
There was something about the way his dad said it that turned Ryan’s stomach. “What did you do, dad?”
“I hid him.” Ben glanced towards a small opening at the back of the cave. “The smell was overwhelming for a time, but it eventually faded.”
The proclamation made Ryan’s stomach roil. His eyes started to burn as the pain of his own childhood was held up against the torment of his father’s. “If you knew what it was like to live with someone who beat you, why would you do it to your own son?”
“As much as I wish otherwise, we both know you’re not my son.”
“So that gave you the right to hit me? I was a little boy, for fuck sake!” Ryan shouted, his voice echoing within the cave’s depths. He briefly wondered if the vibrations had shifted his grandfather’s bones, before he returned his attention to his dad.
“And I was completely out of my mind,” Ben whispered in return. “Still am.” He lay down on the dusty blankets. “This is where I deserve to be. This is where I’ll stay. You can go.”
“I’m not leaving you here to die,” Ryan protested.
“Of course you wouldn’t.” Ben chuckled. “Because my blood doesn’t run through your veins.”
Left with little choice, Ryan began to carry his dad back to the car, berating him the entire way as thunder sounded in the distance. “I can’t fucking believe you’d put me in this position.”
“I didn’t put you in anything. If you hate me as much as you think you do, you’d have left me to die,” Ben argued.
“Shut up or I’ll carry your ass back up there.” Ryan had no fucking idea what the hell he was doing. Should he just drop his dad off at the nursing home, or had they turned some kind of strange, fucked up corner in their relationship?
With each carefully placed step, the pain Ryan had endured as a kid seemed to fade into the background. His dad was right, he wasn’t a true Blackfeather, but he’d been raised like one. The difference between them being he’d risen above his name and his father had lived up to it.
Unlike his father, Ryan didn’t believe in the box being a man’s way to get into heaven. “You know, Dad, if you want to make things right, do it before you die.”
Ben remained quiet until they reached the car and Ryan had him safely settled inside. “How can I possibly erase what I’ve done to you?”
“You can’t. No one can undo the past, that’s why it’s called the past. But, you can rise above, and that’s exactly what I’ve done. I want to take you back to Cattle Valley with me, so you can see for yourself that I’m worthy of love and respect.” Ryan stepped back and shut the passenger door before his dad could answer. He’d had no intention of inviting his father into his home, so why had he just issued the invitation?
“Shit!” He kicked at the dirt. It wasn’t Nate and Rio he worried about, his partners would be as kind and understanding as they always were, but did he want to take the chance of opening his private life to his dad?
Decision made, Ryan opened the driver’s door and got behind the wheel. “If you promise to respect my family, there’s a spare room in my home you can have.” He started the car, but before putting it in reverse, he thought of one more condition. “And you have to promise to stay in your room every Thursday evening.”
“What happens on Thursdays?” Ben asked.
“Naked dinner with my partners,” he stated, smiling to himself.
Rio stood in the doorway, scratching his head, when he felt a warm, tight body push up against him from behind. “Morning.”
“I woke up to an empty bed,” Nate said, pressing his cheek against Rio’s bare back.
“I have to be at The Gym early, so I wanted to make sure the room was ready.” The call from Ryan the previous day had sent them into a frenzy, trying to outfit the room and en suite to make them handicap accessible.
Nate moved to squeeze in between Rio and the doorframe. “It looks good. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not comfortable around parents,” Rio admitted. “What if he doesn’t like me?”
“Then he’s a fool. Because you have the biggest heart I’ve ever known.”
Rio hugged Nate. “Ryan won’t admit it, but this means a lot to him.” The call had broken Rio’s heart, but more than the story of what his father had gone through, it was the raw emotions of pure sadness in Ryan’s voice that affected him the most. Ryan was the strong one. He’d always made sure he was the rock in every storm their partnership had weathered, and now that Ryan needed someone else to be strong, Rio prayed he wouldn’t let him down.
“How long do you think Ben’ll stay?” Nate asked. “Not that I have a problem with it, I just hope I remember to put on clothes when I get up in the morning.”
The idea of Nate not walking around the house naked at all times of the day was something they’d all have to get used to. “From what Ryan said, his dad’s given up on life, so he doesn’t expect him to be around much longer.”
“I hope I don’t say something wrong. You know my filter doesn’t always work. What if I say something like, so, Ryan tells us you stuffed your dead dad in a cave?”
Rio couldn’t help but laugh.
Nate bobbed his head and pointed his finger at Rio. “You’re laughing because you know I’ll say something stupid like that, right?”
Rio shut Nate up with a deep kiss. “I’ll admit, you do have a filter problem at times, but Ryan loves that about you as much as I do. If you do say something that’s inappropriate, we’ll forgive you.”
“Yeah, but will Ryan’s dad,” Nate mumbled.
After Ben’s white-knuckled plane ride to Wyoming, he slept during the drive to Cattle Valley. Nate had wanted to meet Ryan and his dad at The Canoe, but Ryan felt a more private introduction was necessary, besides, although his dad hadn’t complained, Ryan could tell he was in a lot of pain.
Ryan had found it relatively easy to tell his dad that he was gay and living with two men. It wasn’t that he’d been in the closet growing up, but his dad hadn’t earned the right to know anything about who he was as a person.
Ben’s reaction to the news had really thrown Ryan off balance. He’d simply nodded and continued packing. Ryan prayed the transition would be that easy, but his feelings about his dad were still all over the place. He reached over and laid a hand on his father’s shoulder. He could’ve taken the back roads to the house and bypassed downtown, but he was proud of his community and wanted to show it off a little. “Dad? We’re almost there.”
“That’s Brynn’s Bakery, the best cinnamon rolls in the country, bar none.”
“I don’t usually eat sweets.” Ben glanced at Ryan. “But I’ll try one if you really think
they’re the best.”
It’s a start
, Ryan thought.
Rio stood in the driveway with his arm around Nate, waiting for Ryan. “Dinner’s ready, right?”
“Yeah, it’s pot roast, so as soon as they’re ready to eat, we’re ready.” Nate tried to pull away, but Rio only held him closer. “Are you sure this is the first thing you want Ben to see?”
“It’s exactly what he needs to see. I don’t mind having him here if it’s important to Ryan, but I won’t hide who I am.” Rio kissed the top of Nate’s head as Ryan’s SUV pulled into the drive. “Guess we’ll know soon enough.”
Rio waited for the SUV to come to a complete stop before stepping forward. Even knowing Ben wasn’t Ryan’s biological father didn’t prepare him for the stark difference in their appearance. Where Ryan was tall and sinewy, Ben’s head barely reached the headrest, a good indication of his short stature. His rounded face was okay, but not near as handsome as Ryan’s.
“It’s so good to have you home,” Nate said, breaking away from Rio to launch himself at Ryan.
“Good to be home.” Ryan held Nate for several moments before reaching for Rio.
Rio accepted Ryan’s embrace gratefully.
“Thanks for letting me do this,” Ryan whispered in Rio’s ear.
“Don’t thank me. I’m sure we all wish we could go back and make things right with our parents. This is your time, make the most of it.”
Ryan broke away and stared into Rio’s eyes. “After Dad gets settled tonight, I need to talk to you and Nate.”
“Of course. You know we’re here for you.” Rio glanced at the man still in the front seat. “Are you sure he’ll be cool with this?”
“He said he was.”
Rio smoothed the dark circle under Ryan’s left eye. “You’re not sleeping.”
Ryan leaned into Rio’s touch. “Because I’ve been sleeping alone.”
Despite Ryan’s predictable response, Rio had a feeling the situation with his father was weighing heavier on Ryan’s mind than he was willing to admit. “We’ll make it work.”
“Is your dad planning to ever get out?” Nate asked.
Ryan grinned. “I think he’s as nervous as we are.” He walked around the SUV and opened the passenger door. “Do you need your cane?”
“No.” Ben let Ryan help him out of the vehicle.
Nate was the first to extend his hand in greeting. “I’m Nate. Welcome to our home.”
Ben shook Nate’s hand. “Thank you.”
Rio moved up next to Nate. He waited until Nate left to help Ryan with the luggage before reaching for Ben’s hand. “Welcome,” he simply said.
“There’s more you want to say. I see it in your eyes,” Ben replied.
“You’re right, but out of respect for Ryan, I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. However, if you’ve come here to hurt him further, I’ll put you back on the plane and send you home.” Rio meant every word. There was something in the man’s expression he didn’t trust, and he wasn’t afraid to say so.
“You coming?” Ryan called, walking in through the open garage door.
“Yeah,” Rio answered, releasing Ben’s hand.
“Ryan asked me to come. I figured after what I’ve done to him, I couldn’t say no.”
“And I hope he gets what he needs, because that’s why you’re here.”
“I’m ready to die,” Ben admitted. “From now on, every morning I open my eyes is for his sake.”