He ran a hand over the curve of her ass. “Does the plug hurt, love?”
“No,” she murmured, too tired to lift her head.
“Good. ’Cause it’s staying in for the nap.”
She mumbled some unintelligible string of syllables.
He sniffed. “Think you can nap now, love?”
“I’m already asleep.”
He laughed and slipped beneath the sheets with her, rolling her to her side and tucking
her backside against him. Even in her totally satiated state, her sensors perked at
the hard ridge of his erection rubbing against the curve of her bottom. “Good.”
“What about you?” she asked, reaching back and stroking the firm muscle in his thigh.
“Don’t worry about me, love. I’m going to get more than my share later. Get some sleep.”
She nestled into him, already feeling her thoughts drift and stretch toward sleep.
“Thank you for getting my mind off what we have to face later.”
“My pleasure. And don’t give tonight another thought.” He rubbed her arm with the
backs of his knuckles. “I’m not. You are so goddamned gorgeous. And sexy. And strong.
When I walk out there with you tonight, all I’m going to be thinking about is how
fucking proud I am to be with you.”
She kept her eyes tightly shut, the words pulling emotional strings she didn’t want
tugged, and forced her breathing into a deep, regular pattern. Maybe if Wyatt thought
she’d fallen asleep she wouldn’t have to face the very real fact that she was beginning
to love this man.
TWENTY-THREE
Wyatt rolled over lazily, reaching across the bed and
seeking Kelsey’s warmth, but only ended up with a handful of empty sheets. Swallowing
back a sigh, he grabbed his glasses off the bedside table and slipped them on, blinking
in the bright afternoon light of the cabana. Even though he’d already confirmed she
wasn’t there, he looked to the vacant side of the bed again. A little pang of disappointment
went through him. Even after these days together, Kelsey still couldn’t seem to stay
sleeping next to him—not even for a simple nap.
She’d either get up in the middle of the night or super early in the morning and slip
out. Some mornings he’d found her outside on the deck writing in what he’d deciphered
was a journal or he’d find her dozing on the couch in the living room. He hadn’t called
her out on her nightly escapes, knowing she’d go into combat mode if he questioned
her. But he’d hoped that as she grew used to him, she would feel comfortable enough
to truly share his bed.
He rolled back to stare up at the ceiling. Kelsey was still running. He’d told her
on the plane that he wasn’t trying to catch her, but maybe she’d sensed that it’d
been a lie—even if he had believed it himself at the time. Whether he wanted to acknowledge
it or not, he’d been hunting her for months. Every day he went into that cafe had
been one more step in a chase he hadn’t realized he was on. And now he had her right
there in his grasp, but each time he thought he had a good handle on her, she’d dissipate
like fog through his fingers.
You can only have this little piece of me for a while.
Every subtle step she took backward repeated those words to him. And he’d thought
that would be enough for him. He, of all people, shouldn’t want to poke too deep into
the psyche of the woman he was with, especially one who was waging war with so many
old monsters. But the more and more time he spent with Kelsey, the more he knew in
his gut that she was nothing like Mia.
Mia had been fragile from the moment he met her, emotions swinging from one end of
the spectrum to the other at a rate impossible to predict. Wyatt had been young, and
after not exactly walking into college with a ton of experience with women, she’d
seemed like some exotic bird. Wild. Rebellious. Daring. Everything he wasn’t supposed
to date. The attraction had been too hard to resist. She’d pursued him, and he’d been
a willing target. After just a few casual dates, she’d brought him to a play party
at one of the professor’s houses off campus. He’d had no idea what he was getting
into or where that introduction would lead. But a year later, he’d found himself in
a full-time D/s relationship with Mia.
It’d been both the best and worst time of his life. He’d experienced highs he’d never
thought himself capable of reaching and then lows filled with all the anxiety that
came along with having someone else’s well-being in his hands. He’d been pompous enough
to think he could help balance Mia, soften her destructive edges. But the more he
gave her, the more she wanted. He went down the path willingly with her—the light
stuff they started with eventually progressing into heavy pain play, long-lasting
marks, humiliation. Some of it he’d been into, some of it he did simply because he
knew it was what she craved. The darkness of it all had been both frightening and
enticing.
But when he started to see Mia’s moods dip to more dangerous depths, he’d told her
he was backing off until she talked to someone. As her master, he’d commanded it.
And she’d listened . . . for a while. But then right when it seemed like things were
getting better with her mood, she began to make more demands on his time, to develop
a neediness that had never been there before. He’d been in the thick of his graduate
program at the time and couldn’t afford to be with her every second. So she called
him with emergencies all the time, pulling him out of class. When that stopped working,
she went after the jealousy card.
The day before she took the pills, she’d called him in class again, telling him he’d
regret it if he ignored her this time. He’d shown up at her apartment and the place
had reeked of sex, booze, and cologne that wasn’t his. Two guys he’d never seen before
had been passed out in her bed, naked. She’d been wildly apologetic, of course, but
he’d heard the threat she was trying to convey.
Leave me alone, and I’ll make you pay for it.
Then she’d begged him to punish her for her transgressions—right there, with those
two fucking guys sleeping in her bed.
In that moment, he’d realized he had become a pawn in some elaborate game he no longer
wanted to play. He
knew
that something had tilted way off kilter within Mia and suspected that he had played
a hand in it. He’d taken a fragile girl into a world of mindfucking, a world built
only for the strong.
But he’d been so livid that night. He
loved
her and she’d fucked two strangers just to get attention. He couldn’t handle it,
and he’d put an end to it right there. She’d grabbed at him, begged him not to leave,
had told him she’d take whatever punishment he wanted to give her.
He’d pried her off him and had given her the punishment he knew would hurt her the
worst—space.
Two days later he’d gone back to her apartment, worried that she hadn’t made any attempts
to contact him. And he’d found her in bed, an empty pill bottle on the floor and a
note tucked into it.
There is no space for me in this world anymore.
Wyatt scrubbed his hands over his face as he lay in bed, the memory like a sack of
rocks pressing on his chest. His brother was the only one who he’d ever told the whole
story to. And Jace had told Wyatt that he wasn’t to blame, that Mia clearly had some
underlying mental issues that led her to suicide. Logically, Wyatt recognized that,
but in his heart he knew exactly what had pushed her over the edge. That note left
no doubt. He should’ve never walked out and left her alone when she was in such a
frantic state. Even if he’d wanted to end the relationship, it was his responsibility
to make sure she was safe.
And he’d never ever wanted to take on that kind of responsibility for someone again.
But these last few days with Kelsey had lit up old, shadowed parts inside him, showing
him a glimpse of how D/s could feel when shared with someone who could handle herself.
Kelsey worried that she was weak and vulnerable to her old addictions. But Wyatt saw
nothing but strength within her.
The girl had fought her way out of a life that few ever escaped, had been raped and
tortured, hunted by gang members. Yet each time, she’d picked herself up and moved
forward, always with a goal in mind. Alcohol had been abundant on this trip so far,
and she’d barely spared it a glance. Even today, she’d probably faced one of the most
embarrassing situations anyone could think of when she’d walked into that group of
women, yet she wasn’t curled in a ball crying about it. She’d simply moved forward
again. Shake it off. Form a new plan. That seemed to be how she handled everything.
And that’s what made being with her so damn fantastic and different from anything
he’d experienced before. She didn’t
need
him to be her caretaker. That heavy weight that had been constantly present in his
and Mia’s relationship wasn’t there. Kelsey’s submission wasn’t a desire to give over
responsibility of her life. Instead it was a mutual exchange between them. They both
fed off each other. Balanced.
She didn’t need a hero to save her. She’d already saved herself. And maybe had even
saved him. He hadn’t felt this happy and carefree since . . . well, ever, really.
But it was clear that she didn’t see that side of herself. She feared really feeling
things. He could see it mar her afterglow every time they made love. The sex would
open her up, and then the moment would cool and the guard rails would snap back in
place. He’d let her get away with it because he’d promised he wouldn’t hurt her, wouldn’t
give her the impression he could give her something he couldn’t. But his resolve on
that front was about as strong as tinfoil now.
When Wyatt had seen her with Kade Vandergriff that first night, he’d been jealous
and hadn’t liked the vision of his future without her in it. No, his life wasn’t set
up for a girlfriend, but who the fuck created that jam-packed schedule? He did. Would
the company fold if he ended his day at six instead of ten? Would the world stop spinning
if he took a Saturday off? Obviously, no mushroom cloud had appeared in the distance
when he’d stopped calling work earlier in the week.
Plus, he hadn’t felt this relaxed, this fucking
good
in longer than he could remember. And he knew that state had nothing to do with the
beach vacation and everything to do with the blonde who’d snuck out of this bed a
little while ago.
The girl who didn’t want to be caught.
He couldn’t bait Kelsey with a promise that if she let her walls down things would
definitely work out, that this could actually become something. He didn’t have a crystal
ball. The life they’d return to after this trip was much more complicated than lazy
island days. But maybe there was some way he could show her that being open to the
possibility was an option.
But he’d learned the hard way that words scared her. Earlier, she’d agreed to another
few weeks with him, and he’d wanted to tell her he didn’t want a time limit on it,
but he’d bit his tongue. His few slipups before now had sent her scampering. Words
wouldn’t do it. Action. That’s what she couldn’t help responding to. Lucky for her,
action was exactly what he had in mind this afternoon.
He pushed the covers aside and climbed out of bed. After a quick trip to the bathroom
to brush his teeth and wash his face, he pulled on a pair of shorts and went to search
for Kelsey. Her key was still sitting on the dresser so he doubted she’d left the
cabana. He headed toward the living room, expecting to find her napping on the couch,
but the room was empty.
However, when he glanced toward the glass doors that led to their private deck and
the view of the beach, he saw a flash of painted toenails peeking off the edge of
one of the loungers. Smiling, he made his way across the living room and slid open
the door. But what greeted him on the other side of the glass damn near knocked him
back inside. Kelsey had her face tilted toward the sky, a pair of big sunglasses and
a hat shielding her, and a paperback had been set on a side table. But the hat and
sunglasses were all she wore. Laid out in the dappled sunlight that peeked through
the surrounding palms, her breathing in the even tempo of sleep, Kelsey was blessedly
naked, adorned only by tan lines.
Christ.
A rattle of hard, pounding need went through him.
Her skin gleamed golden in the late-afternoon rays, her nipples were hard from the
kiss of the breeze coming off the water, and her legs were parted just enough to let
him see her pretty pink folds and the lavender base of the anal plug peeking out.
He went hard as steel in the space between seconds.
His woman was naughty. So gut-wrenchingly sexy that he didn’t even have words for
it. She made him feel like he’d spent his life on some colorless planet, only existing
in black and white until she’d stepped into his orbit. And now everything was in color—bright
and full and passionate. Unpredictable. Real.
After drinking in the spectacular view for another long moment, he went back inside
to grab a few things. When he came back out, she was still sleeping. He set the items
he’d grabbed on the table with her book.
Nap time’s officially over, Ms. LeBreck.
* * *
Something tickled Kelsey’s hand, drawing her slowly
into awareness. Awareness that she was deliciously warm, that she wasn’t dreaming
anymore, and finally that she couldn’t roll over. Her eyelids fluttered open, the
sunlight dazzling her for a second before the tall backlit shadow in front of her
came into focus. Wyatt.
“You left me in bed alone again, love,” he said, his voice as balmy as the sunshine
beaming down on them.
She tried to shift but her arms had been tied above her and secured to the lounge
chair. “I couldn’t sleep.”
Because I was freaking out. And I could have feelings for you and I needed to get
the focus back on the safe side of the playground—on sex
. “So I thought I’d surprise you with your suggestion from this morning.”
“Hmm,” he said, his gaze sliding along every bare part of her. “I approve. Though
I wish I’d been here for the sunblock application.”
She smiled under his blatantly carnal perusal, feeling back on solid ground. No tenderness
or sweetness there, just pure filthy lust. That look she could handle. “I’m probably
due for a reapplication.”
“One step ahead of you, love.” He moved forward and grabbed her under her knees, spreading
her until each foot planted on the deck beneath. Then he sat on the end of the lounger
and reached for something on the table next to her. “I’m a little surprised you chose
to put temptation for me out here, though.”
She looked toward the beach beyond the railing. The part of the shore their room faced
was too rocky to walk on, and the sides of their deck were shrouded in trees with
no other cabanas near. “How come? It’s private enough.”
He smiled as he drew a palm up along her belly and cradled her breast in his hand.
“Yes, visually private.”
He leaned forward and sucked her nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around
it and teasing it to a tight, pulsing point. She dragged her bottom lip between her
teeth, watching his dark head bob against her, his tanned fingers pressing into her
paler flesh. He always made her feel so . . . handled. Like she could give herself
over completely and know that he’d give her exactly what she needed even if she didn’t
know exactly what that was. He sucked hard for a moment, the luscious snap of pain
drawing a whimper from her. Then moved to offer the same treatment to the other side.