Center Ice (17 page)

Chapter Twenty-Six

- Karen -

At first when the shadow fell on me, I thought it was Tyler, and I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to send him away again. I’d barely been able to do it the first time. I was too selfish to do what was best for him, even if I knew I’d end up hating myself for ruining his chances.

So when I half-turned and saw Natalie standing there, I was torn between relief and disappointment. It took me a moment to realize how upset she looked, and to trace her expression back to any sort of source.

“I’m so sorry you heard that,” she said, and I honestly thought she was talking about hearing what Tyler’s agent had said to me.

I figured out what she meant before I opened my mouth, but I didn’t have to change the words I was going to say. “It’s good that I heard it. I needed to hear the truth.”

“The truth?” Natalie sounded angry. “The truth is that I’m not a little girl and my parents don’t make my decisions for me. The truth is that you’re part of this family. Part of
my
family. You have a home with me, a home with your brother and your sisters, for as long as you want it. Do you understand?”

It should have made me happy, but it didn’t seem nearly as important as it had a couple hours earlier. “I wrecked your marriage,” I said.

“Oh, please.” She still sounded kind of impatient. “You don’t have that kind of power, Karen. Will and I damaged our marriage. His actions and my inactions. He ignored our vows, and I let him. That’s nothing to do with you.”

“So it’s just a coincidence that it all went wrong a couple weeks after I moved up here? Seriously?”

Natalie sighed. “No, I guess it’s not a coincidence. I suppose you were a bit of a catalyst. And Matt’s behavior was a bit of a catalyst. Honestly, hearing about Miranda and Tyler, realizing that my daughter was becoming a woman and was looking at
me
as an example of how to deal with relationships and how to demand the respect we deserve? Another catalyst. Sending my babies off for their last year of high school, starting to look seriously at where they’ll be this time next year? That’s another doozy.” She pulled her legs up onto the bench and sat cross-legged, facing me. “Life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. But there are some things that are simple, and one of those things is your place in this family. I know it’s not traditional, and I’m sure we’ll still have plenty of adjustments, but you absolutely belong with us. And I made that crystal clear to my parents.”

I tried to say something, tried to at least nod in a coherent way, but instead I just sort of—crumbled. I don’t know how else to describe it. If Natalie hadn’t been there, I probably would have fallen off the bench, all curled up and sobbing, but she
was
there. She caught me, wrapped her arms around me and let me cry into the hollow between her neck and her shoulder, just like my mom had always done when I’d needed her to.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but finally I more or less got control of myself and realized that I was probably snotting all over her shirt. But when I pulled away, she smiled gently at me as if she wasn’t too concerned about that. “Tyler said you didn’t want to talk to him,” she said.

“We shouldn’t start on that unless you want to get a lot more snot-covered.” I tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a sob.

“I can always change my shirt.” She reached out and took my hand. “What did he do?”

And that set me off again. “Nothing,” I managed to say, and then her arms were back around me and I was crying again. This time, though, I tried to keep talking. I didn’t want her thinking this was Tyler’s fault. I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone blaming him for anything—not when he already had way too much to worry about. “It’s not him. I just…he needs to focus on the game…this is his draft year. He needs to…needs to…”

Then Natalie’s hands were on my shoulders, stronger than I’d expected, and she was holding me away from her so she could look me in the face. “What are you saying, Karen? If he broke up with you to focus on hockey, that’s—well, I suppose it’s understandable, if that’s his priority, but why would you say it’s not him?”

“He didn’t break up with me.” I wanted back at her shoulder, but she held me away, so I kept talking. “I broke up with him. He wouldn’t want to hurt me, but that doesn’t mean I should be allowed to hurt him. I can’t distract him from…from…” I tried to remember all the words that had made such horrible sense when his agent had used them.

“You think you were hurting him, by being with him?” Natalie sounded truly confused. “Oh, baby, why would you think that? Did he say that?”

“Of course not! He wouldn’t say something like that.” Now it was my turn to want a little distance. “I keep telling you, this wasn’t Tyler’s idea.”

“It was
your
idea?” She sounded kind of skeptical.

“Not…not entirely.”

Natalie pulled her sleeves down over her hands and used the fabric to wipe my tears away. Then she took both of my hands in hers. “Okay. We’re going to start at the beginning. When you left the house this morning, everything seemed good between you and Tyler. So tell me now—what changed that?”

It felt good to go through it all. I hadn’t been able to tell Tyler, but telling Natalie felt almost as good, without worrying that I was guilting her into anything. When I was done, she shook her head at me and said, “Do you really think it’s your place to make that kind of decision for Tyler?”

“I care about him. So, I should do what’s best for him. Right?”

“How can you know what’s best for him without talking to him about it? How would you feel if he made that sort of decision on
your
behalf?”

“I wouldn’t like it,” I mumbled. I wasn’t convinced by the argument, yet, but there was a tiny flicker of hope growing inside me that maybe I
could
be convinced. Maybe I didn’t have to give Tyler up. I gripped her hand more tightly than was probably comfortable. “But don’t we have to look out for people we care about? Don’t we have to…I don’t know, make sacrifices for them? Worry about their happiness instead of our own?”

She leaned back a little, and I could tell she was trying to decide just how much she wanted to say to me. Finally, she smiled and said, “When I first found out about you—about Will and your mother—I thought about leaving him. I had two little babies and not a lot of money, and it would have been hard on my own, but that wasn’t why I stayed.” Another little smile, this one sad. “I stayed because I loved him. And when he cheated on me again, and again, and again… I stayed. I turned away and pretended I didn’t see. I sacrificed my self-respect because I was worried about his happiness. You know what I wish I’d have done?”

“Kicked his ass?”

Her laugh was quick and light, and even though her eyes were wet now, the sound felt real. “Yes. I wish I’d kicked his ass. I wish I’d demanded that he either follow the vows he made to me or have the guts to call off the marriage for good.” She shrugged and squeezed my fingers. “I think he’d have stayed. Because he loved me, and he still does. I just never… I never trusted that love. I never let it be tested, never relied on it to pull us through a tough time. Does that make any sense to you?”

“I think so. But Tyler’s not cheating on me. If anything, he’s cheating on
hockey
, by being with me.”

“Do you think hockey cares?”

“Maybe! The way the agent was talking, it could really matter. If Tyler doesn’t pay complete attention to everything this year—”

“Or, alternatively, if Tyler doesn’t have the release of being able to have fun and be with someone who doesn’t care so much about the game?” She tucked a chunk of hair behind my ear. “I can’t say what’s best for Tyler’s hockey career. But I don’t think you can, either. I think it’s
Tyler’s
job to figure that out. I think you need to talk to him about it, and, no. I don’t think you need to sacrifice for him and worry about his happiness instead of your own. I think if you’re going to be a real team, you need to worry about team happiness. Both of you. Not one more than the other. And I think you need to talk to each other to figure out the best way to make sure you’re both happy.”

“I can’t decide if I believe you because it makes sense, or just because it’s what I want to hear.”

“Maybe both?” She shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, I
am
very wise. Very, very wise. So obviously what I say makes sense.”

I couldn’t believe it, but I actually smiled at her then. “I wish—” I stopped. It might be what I wanted to say, but that didn’t mean it was what Natalie would want to hear.

But she peered at me, gently curious. “What?” she prompted.

“I know it wasn’t a good situation. I know you got hurt. But it wasn’t my mom’s fault, really, and I wish you could have met her. I think—I mean, in a different world, one that was less messed up? I think you would have liked each other.”

Now it was her turn to be a bit blubbery. Or, okay, maybe we were both crying a little. “I’m sure I would have, sweetie,” Natalie said, and then we leaned together and there was one more hug before she pulled away. “But, now. There’s a handsome young man about to step on the ice at the arena, and I think he’s probably feeling a bit confused about a few things. Probably a bit upset. Do you want to splash your face off in that fountain over there and I can drive you to the rink? Maybe you can get a word with him before he goes on the ice, or we can make a sign and hold it up in the stands, or we could engage in a madcap scheme to have you apologize over the PA system, or—”

“Let’s just try for the ‘get a word before he goes on the ice’ plan,” I said quickly and headed for the fountain. I knew I was behaving like a bit of a maniac, and Tyler would be completely within his rights to not want anything to do with me, but it seemed like the sooner I was able to talk to him, the less chance he’d have to realize he was better off without me.

The cool water made me feel a bit more in control, and I let it run all over my face and my arms before pulling away. I wasn’t looking too good, I knew, but Tyler had seen me covered in sweat enough times that I didn’t think a little rosiness and a lack of makeup was going to be a big turnoff. “Okay,” I said, jogging back to where Natalie was waiting for me. “I’m ready.”

“Let’s do this,” she said, and we headed off toward her minivan like we were on a mission.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

- Tyler -

I drove around for a few extra minutes to make sure I was kind of under control, but I guess it didn’t do as much good as I’d thought. As soon as I took one step into the locker room, Coach saw my face and jerked his head at Winslow. I knew what that meant, and sure enough, about two seconds later Chris was looming over me, his face good-natured and totally relaxed.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” I snapped at him. “I’m the captain. It’s my job to look after people, not to be looked after.”

Chris nodded and held out his left hand. “I’ve got a sliver, I think. But it’s one of those ones you can’t really see, you know? It’s right on this finger.” He extended his middle finger, flashing me the bird with an innocent smile. “Can you see it?”

“Fuck off, Winslow.”

“I thought you were going to look after me. I’m in pain, here.” He clutched his chest melodramatically. “‘Oh Captain, my Captain’…” He trailed off and shrugged. “And then some other stuff. I don’t know what comes next. The point is—I have an invisible sliver, and you’re no help at all. That’s a nice leadership style you’ve got there, chief.”

Oh, god, if Winslow was calling me ‘chief’ it meant he planned to keep this up for a lot longer. It was like he thought he could just harass people into being in a good mood, and it was truly frightening how often it actually worked. But in this case, he was out of luck, and any chance he might have had disappeared entirely when I looked over his shoulder and saw my dad making his way into the room.

I pulled my shirt over my head and unbuttoned my jeans. I didn’t need Dad bugging me for being late on top of everything else. But I guess losing a piece of clothing wasn’t enough to disguise the fact that everyone else in the room was already geared up and I’d barely started, because Dad’s first words were, “Where the hell have you been?”

“I had to see somebody,” I muttered, pulling my compression shirt over my head.

“Did you see any scouts out there, Mr. MacDonald?” Winslow asked, innocent and bouncy as a damn puppy.

Any other day that would have been enough to distract my dad and I would have owed Winslow huge, but I wasn’t so lucky this time. “You had to see that girl,” my dad said, ignoring Chris and making ‘girl’ sound like a dirty word. “God damn it, you should know better. Brett said he had this taken care of.”

I froze for a moment, then turned to stare at him. “What?” I demanded.

I could tell from his reaction that he’d said more than he planned, but of course he couldn’t just admit it. “You should know better,” he repeated. “This is your big year, and—”

“What did Brett say he’d taken care of?” My voice was low, but there must have been something in it that made my dad take me seriously.

Still, he didn’t give up entirely. “He takes care of
everything
. He’s your agent and your best friend. He looks out for you, in all ways.”

“I’m going to ask once more, and then I’m going to go figure it out myself. What did Brett take care of
with Karen
?”

“Don’t use that tone with me,” he tried.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and headed for the door, punching numbers as I went. When I saw a text from Karen—saw that it had been sent just a couple minutes earlier—I started moving faster.

If you have time, can I talk to you? I messed up. I’m really sorry. I don’t think I meant it.

I typed back
Where r u?
as I left the change room and headed toward the back parking lot. I felt a hand on my shoulder and whirled, ready to yell at my dad, and saw Winslow instead. “I can’t worry about the game just this second, Winslow!”

He shrugged. “That’s cool. But you should do up your pants, chief.”

“Shit.” I handed him my phone as I worked on my fly, and he peered at the screen with interest.

“She’ll meet you in the front lobby,” he told me calmly and didn’t complain when I grabbed the phone back to see the message for myself.

That meant going back the way we’d come, and of course my dad and now Brett were there, and they tried to intercept me. I brushed past them. There were things I needed to sort out with them, stuff I should have made clear earlier, but it wasn’t what I was most worried about right then. So I charged on, dimly aware of Winslow looming behind me, blocking Brett and my dad as well as he could without actually body checking either of them.

Once I got to the lobby, it took a while to find Karen because the area was crowded with people coming in for the game. “Over there,” Winslow said and pointed. He was easily three inches taller than me, so he’d seen her first, but as soon as I started moving, the crowd parted a little and there she was. Karen.

She looked unsure, and her face was kind of blotchy, but she was there. She’d texted me, and she’d said she didn’t think she meant it, and that made her look more beautiful than she ever had before. I got to her and froze. She’d said she
thought
she didn’t mean it. But that wasn’t quite enough, was it?

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I should have talked to you about it. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I don’t think I was. Can we erase everything in the park, and just start over again after the game? I can tell you what happened, and you can tell me what you think we should do.”

I had my mouth open to agree, but then my dad was there, stepping between us. He turned to face me, ignoring Karen completely. “Get your ass back in that locker room,” he bellowed, and the excited buzz of the crowd faded to nothing as everyone waited to hear what was going to happen next.

Again, I was just about to speak, and again, someone else did it before I could. This time it was Mrs. Beacon, sliding forward with a gentle smile, her hand reaching politely for my dad’s forearm. “I think this is something the kids need to work out on their own,” she said calmly. “I’m sure Tyler will go back to the game in just a—”

My dad ripped his arm away from Mrs. Beacon so hard she stumbled a little, and then he took an aggressive step toward her. “Stay out of my son’s business. We wouldn’t be in this mess if you could have kept your husband at home, you dried up bitch!”

I would have done something, once I recovered from the shock, but again I didn’t have time, because suddenly Mr. Beacon was there, pushing my dad away from his wife, then hauling off and landing a solid punch right in my dad’s face. “Don’t talk to my wife like that,” he growled.

My dad caught his balance and surged forward, blood streaming from his chin, but I was finally alert enough to step in and catch him. I was dimly aware of Winslow behind me, holding back Mr. Beacon, but mostly I was focused on my dad.

“Calm down and walk away,” I told him, still grappling a little, my voice quiet because my mouth was near his ear. “If you walk away now, you and me still have a chance. We might still be able to pull something out of this.” I pushed him back then because I wanted to see his face and be sure he understood what I was saying. “The loan, saving the house, everything that
might
work for you? If you walk away now, we can still talk about that. But if you stay here, and you make things worse? That’s it. We’re done. You understand me?”

His disbelieving stare made it clear that he comprehended the words, but maybe not the sentiment behind them. “Because of a
girl
?” he whispered.

“No.” I glanced at Karen’s tense face, and added, “Not completely.” I looked back at my dad. “Mostly because of
me
. Because this is my life, and I’ll make the decisions. Not you. And if you can’t accept that, then there’s no place for you.” It felt good to say the words, and even better to watch him as they sank in. More quietly I said, “I want to be a family. But not at any cost.” And then I let him go and waited to see what he would do.

There was a moment when I really thought he was going to plow back into it all, and I’d have to catch him and throw him out, and I was almost wishing it would happen. It would be so much easier to just be done with all this, and if he was the one who made the decision, he’d be the one who had to take the blame. Instead, he cursed softly to himself, looking down at the blood dripping onto his shirt. And then he turned and pushed his way through the crowd, heading for the front door.

I felt softness at my shoulder and half-turned to see Karen peering up at me anxiously. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Are you dumping me?”

“No. I’m not.”

“Then I’m fine.” I grinned at her, and it felt so good I smiled a little wider. “I’m better than fine.”

Winslow loomed over us, then. “So, if everything’s good here, maybe we should go play a little hockey? I hear that can be a fun way to spend an evening.”

“Is that okay?” I asked Karen. “Whatever went wrong before, it’s not going to go wrong again if I leave right now?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m good. We’re good.”

“Can I ask one question? Just a preview of the big important talk we’ll have after the game?” She nodded, and I said, “Was this because of something my agent said? Did he do something to freak you out?”

She made a face as if trying to decide what to say, then nodded again. “Sorry, yeah. He did.”

“Don’t be sorry.” I sure wasn’t. Maybe I hadn’t gotten a clean break with my dad, but this? This was much easier. I looked around until I found Brett hovering indecisively at the edge of the crowd, clearly wondering whether to do damage control with me or with my dad. “Hey, Brett,” I said casually. He looked at me, a quick, oily smile on his face and it felt really good to say, “You’re fired. Stay away from me, and stay the
fuck
away from my girlfriend.”

And that was it. One more look at Karen, enough to earn me a wide-eyed smile, and then Winslow was clearing a path through the crowd, dragging me back to the locker room. I let it happen. In terms of people pushing me around? Winslow, okay. But anyone else? No. I was done with that.