Certain Sure (22 page)

“No, you know that’s not true. We’ve been through this before. And he’s not mine. He’s never been mine. And I’ve never been his.”

“Mary, love, don’t cry. I could never stand it…”

A scream rose in Katie’s throat, but she clutched her mouth and hurried past to the stairs, running up. Mary stood by the stairs when she came back down with her mom’s purse.

“Katie…” she began as Katie walked past, glaring at her. “Stop, please, let’s talk.”

“I can’t.”

“Katie Dillon, you listen,” her dad said as she passed the doorway.

“You. What now Dad? Are you going to leave Mom? Did you ever--”

“Your father loves your mother, he would never leave her, nor would I want him to. Did you not hear me tell Fin there are many kinds of love, Katie? Your father and I will always care about each other and your mother knows that. Maybe she’s the one you should talk to.”

“I will, believe me.”

Katie’s father sighed as she walked out.

“Tell Rose I’ll be over soon,” Mary said. “I’m going to make your father some lunch.”

“Take your time,” Katie said over her shoulder. She slammed the door behind her.

Somehow Katie managed to pretend. She’d gotten good at it this last year. At least she could be herself at the pub. The after dinner crowd, not that it was one, on Tuesdays was mostly regulars, so there were no uncomfortable moments. Except when she thought about Fin and why he hadn’t called when he said he would. At least she knew things were okay with Fergus and Maureen, from what Mary and Rose had said.

Katie worked hard cleaning and moving her computer into the office. Fin had asked her mom if Katie would. She wondered why, but there was so much to think about Katie stopped really thinking at all and, by the time she got home, was just tired. She crawled into bed and fell asleep.

“Where’s Dad?” Katie asked her mom the next morning when she came down to the kitchen to get some breakfast.

“He walked down the street to the Drews’ again. I think Mrs. Drew likes having him come there. It’s been hard on her since Bob retired a few months ago. Though I don’t know how she’ll feel once your dad’s back at the pub. He’s asked Bob to come there for checkers or darts. There’s never an ideal, you have to take what you can.”

“Do you? Did Dad tell you about…”

“His conversation with Mary? No, but Mary did. You can love more than one person, Katie.”

“Do you love someone else too? Danny Boyle?”

“I guess your aunt Aleen mentioned him?” Her mom swirled her hand over the counter.

Katie nodded.

“Yes, we dated for a couple years in college then we broke up. I wanted to finish my degree and teach and he wanted to get married. He was my first real love. We met again when your dad and I separated and I was in Ireland, but I saw I was meant to be with your father.”

“You saw?” Katie’s stomach jumped. Her mom had visions too? Did all the women in their family have these crazy flashes?

“You wouldn’t understand and it’s hard to explain.”

“What if you made the wrong choice? What if who you saw wasn’t Dad?”

“I made my choice and I haven’t been sorry. I could have been happy with Danny, but I love your father, he needs me, and we had you two girls. I still care about Danny, as your dad does Mary. You can’t help who you love, can you?”

“I guess not.” Katie hugged her arms. Her mom brought her some toast and sat down next to her.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“No. I just don’t understand. Doesn’t it bother you that Dad still loves Mary?”

“Don’t you love Fergus?”

“I never slept with Fergus.”

“If Maureen weren’t in the picture, can you honestly say you wouldn’t have? I know how Fergus feels about you, very protective and loving, like your dad feels about Mary. Your dad’s had more cause to feel betrayed. I almost left him for Danny those twenty years ago, but he and Mary would and will never want to be together as a couple again. I think I’ve said enough, maybe too much.”

“But--”

“No, there are things you don’t need to know. When you have children, you’ll understand,” her mom said while she stared off out the window and Katie shifted uncomfortably as she munched on her toast. She wasn’t sure she’d ever have children now, not unless they were Fin’s, and how that would happen she didn’t see. Except she was still late. It must be something else; it seemed unlikely she’d be pregnant from one time. Yet something loosed in her, a deep joy, thinking she and Fin made a baby, the sweet girl in her vision.

When Katie walked into the pub that evening for family night with Rose and Mary, the first person she saw was Fin. In the few days she hadn’t seen him, all her annoyance with him faded, and she only felt how her skin prickled pleasantly around him and how sweet he was. She knew not only how good he was with Rose, who now screeched over to hug her parents, who sat talking at a table with James and Aunt Aleen, but also what a good brother he was. Katie hadn’t said what she wanted at Fergus’s that night. She didn’t know what to say to Fin and their attention was on Fergus. Maybe she and Fin were better off not talking, as they seemed to bicker when they did.

Fin leaned against the table when Rose came over. Katie noted each shift in his muscles, each movement of his hands as he hugged Rose, stood, and brushed back his hair with his right hand. Katie flushed when he turned and spotted her, though he made no sign of seeing her. He greeted his mom instead. Katie wended her way over, saying hello to some of the staff until she stood next to Fin. Mary sat next to Fergus, who held Rose on his lap. Two chairs remained vacant, next to Aunt Aleen. Fin pulled out the chair next to her for Katie, who sat, without a word.

“Katie,” James said, “Mary tells me you’ll be staying on at the pub?”

“I’m not sure. I’m sorry,” Katie said as Fin sat next to her. The pub hummed with noisy families but Katie knew her dad had called Jim in to cover for Fin so he could enjoy dinner with his family. She hoped Jim wouldn’t quit after being inundated with the underage set.

“We haven’t been clear with you, either,” Fergus put in. “Take your time deciding.”

Katie glanced at Fin, who turned his head to her briefly before running his finger along the side of his frosty water glass.

“I hope you’ll take the job,” James said. “We need someone capable like you.”

“We need her here,” Fin said as he stood. “I better check in with Jim. I’ll be right back.”

Katie watched him walk away, forcing herself to look back at the table when she began to stare at his firm backside.

“Did you know we’re moving into Grandma’s?” Rose asked Katie. “I can see you and Uncle Fin and Grandma and Grandpa and everyone lots. And Mommy says I’ll love the school here and she’ll take me shopping at Stanford.”

“I heard,” Katie said, knowing Rose loved the outdoor areas at the nearby Stanford Shopping Center. Shopping was in her blood; Maureen had taken a two-day-old Rose to Saks Fifth Avenue there on the way home from the hospital. “I’m really excited.”

“But, will you be here?” Rose said.

“I don’t know, my girl, we’ll see.”

“I get to help Grandpa James and Aunt Aleen look for a new house. They want to move near everybody too!” Rose said. Fergus whispered to her and he and Maureen took her over to get her face painted.

“You’re selling your cottage?” Katie asked her aunt.

“Yes, James and I need more room. With the sale of my place and the Burlingame house, we should be able to get something that works for us both.”

Katie knew James owned Fergus and Maureen’s house. Katie also knew Maureen couldn’t wait to get out of that house and into Mary’s, where Maggie and the weekly housekeeper did all the cooking and cleaning. Maureen could finally live the way she believed she should. Katie hoped it would be enough.

“Besides, we need an extra room for you, when you fight with Pat or…” Aleen continued as Fin sat back down.

“What room for Katie?” he asked.

“Aleen and I are buying a house together,” James said. “We want to have room for Katie, Rose, or other guests.”

“You’re staying?” Fin said. Katie raised her eyebrows, incredulous that he’d made no comment on his father and Aleen’s plans. “You think I don’t want you?” Katie flushed.

“I’m sure Katie knows we all want her to stay here,” Mary said.

“Except him.” Fin motioned to his dad.

“That’s not true. I’m only trying to give Katie an opportunity, one she’s not getting here. I can’t help it if…” James stopped when Aunt Aleen put her hand on his.

“Let’s not argue. Rose will be back in a minute. Katie can make up her own mind. You all stop trying to wrangle over her,” Aunt Aleen said.

Katie chatted with everyone over dinner, except Fin, who was again unusually quiet. She guessed he had a lot on his mind with his family’s situation. She would have liked to talk to him about everything, but she couldn’t with everyone there and he stayed at the pub when it was time for her to drive Mary home. Maybe she would see him the next day, if her dad didn’t change his mind again.

“You seem preoccupied,” Mary said as they drove. “Are you worried about Maureen and Fergus?”

“Yes, that’s part of it. I worry about Rose, about all we do affecting her.”

“I understand. I’ve always felt that way about my children and you, too.”

“Is that why you stayed with Mr. Dunbar?”

“Partly, yes. I think you know my other reasons. I hope Maureen will realize we all love her. I know she wanted to move in with us before, but James forbade it.”

“Why?” Katie asked.

Mary’s cheeks turned pink. “I think he was disappointed,” Mary said as she clasped her hands. Katie pulled into the driveway and turned to her. “You must have guessed we, especially James, hoped Fergus would marry you.”

“Oh,” Katie said.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s okay. I had guessed it, but I wasn’t sure. It doesn’t matter. Fergus and I don’t feel that way about each other. He really loves Maureen. I just wish she’d appreciate him.”

“I think she does. Like most of us, she forgets sometimes. Don’t you worry about all of us, now. You take care of yourself.” Mary kissed Katie’s cheek. “I’ll see myself in. Give your parents my love.”

Katie nodded and watched Mary walk inside. As she drove home, she thought about going back to the pub, but decided against it. She wouldn’t know what to say to Fin in any case.

“How was dinner?” Katie’s mom asked when Katie shut the side door behind her. Her dad sat in the family room reading the latest Tom Clancy book.

“Fine, thanks. Mary sends her love. And you?”

“As usual,” Katie’s mom said as she poured a couple cups of coffee. Her dad set his book down.

“Jim still sane?” he asked with a small grin.

“Yes, Fin sent him home and stayed when we left. James Dunbar asked me about the job again. I told him I might stay at the pub. Am I?”

“Ask Fin.”

“Why? He doesn’t own the pub.”

“No, but he’s my partner and he’s in charge right now.”

“What about when you come back?”

“Stop asking so many questions, girl. I tell you, talk to Fin.” He crossed his arms and turned on the television, his signal that he was done.

“But Dad…”

“Shush,” he snapped, as Katie expected. Still, it was worth the try.

She sighed and sat next to her mom on the sofa, all the while thinking of what to say to Fin and trying to control her temper that she would have to ask his permission to stay at the pub. She had more right to be there than he did. Katie got up, stretching.

“I’m going for a walk,” she said and strode out into the cool, darkening night.

Chapter Nineteen

Katie took another walk the next morning. She loved the summer when so many roses bloomed and the air was hot and fragrant with warmed earth, grass, and ripening fruit. On Sundays, she, her mom, and Mrs. Knight went to the farmer’s market where Katie sampled juicy peaches and nectarines, smelled ripe tomatoes and melons, and brought home bags laden with the summer harvest. Maybe they would take Rose out to Half Moon Bay again this August, where they could run in the sand barefoot, playing chicken with the waves. Katie wished she could go barefoot now, but she settled for her sandals since the pavement was no place to go shoeless. As she strolled near Mrs. Knight’s, glancing up at the clear blue sky, she stopped on feeling a presence. Fin jogged to her.

“Walking?” he said with his grin.

Katie nodded, quickly licking her lips at the sight of Fin, glistening with sweat in only shorts and running shoes. She shut her eyes as he appeared about to laugh at her. “I’ve been for a run. This is a great neighborhood.”