“You okay?” His voice dipped even lower than usual as his knee pressed against her.
Her sensitized inner muscles begged for more. She could feel her body grow wet and her head dropped back, pressing harder into his palm. “Perfect.”
He nodded. “Where’s your bedroom?”
She pointed in the general direction of the room. Truth was they could end up in the bathroom and she’d be fine.
But she needed to set down one rule. “We are not fucking. Not tonight.”
She didn’t even remember why that was so important. Something about maintaining control and refusing to mix business with pleasure. It all sounded like nonsense in her head right now.
“There are so many things we can do without me getting inside you.” His hand caressed her head. “I’m happy to walk us through every single one of them.”
A mix of desire and need clogged her throat. “Jesus.”
He kissed her again. Short but no less explosive. Her nerve endings tingled.
When he lifted his head that intense gaze searched her face. “Is that a yes?”
She couldn’t force a word out so she nodded. Not the sexiest response ever but she guessed she was going to need her energy for whatever was about to happen.
Starting now.
She broke away from his embrace. He let her go but his gaze never left her. She glanced over her shoulder and held out a hand to him. “Let’s go.”
“Yes.”
She half expected him to run. She thought about jogging but went with a slow sexy dance through the living room and down the short hallway. One filled with touching and kissing. He even managed to untuck her shirt as they knocked against walls and tripped over carpet.
When she reached the bedroom she flicked the light on. A warm white made the room glow. From the high double bed with the fluffy blanket thrown over the end to the deep blue walls, the room said cozy.
But right now she wanted to rip his clothes off.
Between dragging kisses and the caress of his hand against her back then her butt, she managed to unbutton his shirt. One white button then another. She opened the edges wide, revealing the gray T-shirt he wore underneath.
The driving need slamming into her took over. She shoved the long-sleeve shirt off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Next came the tee. In her desperation to get to skin she almost shredded the thing ripping it over his head.
But then her palms smoothed over his chest and the world slowed down. Her fingertips outlined the puckered scar right near his collarbone. There was another old wound low on his stomach. The pain and danger behind those injuries hit her.
She blocked the mix by concentrating on the tattoo. Simple and clear. His pledge to the uniform and the country he served.
“I want you naked.” He said the words between kisses against her hair.
She looked up at him, full of hope and ready for anything. “Do it.”
He pushed her back on the bed. A little rougher but still in control. His hands went to the snap on the waistband of her jeans. He opened it and her zipper ticked down.
She lay there with her body primed. Each brush of his hand over her bare skin sent a new wave of need crashing through her. Energy pinged around them and the bed did a small bounce up and down as he crawled up her body on his knees.
His mouth found hers again, just as his body pressed hers deeper into the mattress. Those long fingers slipped by the elastic waistband of her underwear and slid deeper. With his body pinning hers, she could barely move but she spread her thighs to give him room. His chest pressed against hers and the friction made her wild.
Those expert fingers dipped inside her, barely but enough to have her lower body tightening. At first a soft brush. His fingertips rubbed against her, forcing her shoulders harder against the bed.
“God, yes.” She said the words on a harsh exhale.
One finger slipped in deeper, plunging then retreating. His thumb found the most sensitive part of her. Round and round, side to side until he had her hips bucking in time with his hand.
Her head shifted from side to side on the comforter as her hand slid into his hair and tightened there to hold him close. As his mouth traveled down her neck and along her collarbone, her breathing kicked up even faster. Her chest actually hurt from the force of the air moving through her.
When a second finger joined the first, her body clenched around him. Everything pulled tight inside her, ready to spring. And he didn’t stop touching. His lips traveled and his hand kept up the sexy torture. The rhythmic pressing that had her whole body shaking.
Her body curled forward and she knew she was on the brink. Desperate to make it end even while part of her wanted the pleasure to go on, she released her hold on the sheets. Her hand covered his as she pressed his fingers inside her even deeper.
That did it. Her body let go and her thighs trembled. The orgasm hit her with a jolt and everything inside her broke free.
She heard harsh breaths. Even picked up a rumbling groan. It took her a few breaths to realize the noises came from her. He’d spun her up until she closed her eyes and just rode the feeling.
With her eyes closed she tried to relax as the last of the pulses subsided. Every muscle turned to liquid as her hands fell to the comforter next to her thighs and stayed there. She couldn’t have moved if she wanted to. He’d left her drained and so satisfied.
As she lay there, trying to bring her breathing back under control, he leaned over her. One hand held up his head and the other rested on her bare stomach.
“Okay.” She forced her eyes to open so she could stare at him a little more. “So, that was pretty great.”
He traced a fingertip around her belly button. “You’re sure about this no-fucking rule tonight? I mean, we’re clear on that, right?”
“Unfortunately.”
“This is the problem with rules.” He lowered his head and kissed along the line of her neck. “But we’ll stick to them.”
It would have been easy to just lie there and let him spin her up again. Especially since her insides had turned to goo. But she wanted more. Needed to see him lose control. “You’re the one who talked about
all
these things we could do instead.”
His head shot up. “I like your style, Hailey Thorne.”
Looking at him now, she could see that some of the tension that normally thrummed off of him had disappeared. From his shoulders to his body language he stayed stiff but the satisfaction in his eyes was tough to miss. And she loved that she was the one who put it there.
But she wanted more and she would bet he did, too. “Then I think you’re really going to like the next round.”
His eyes narrowed. Slight but it still happened. “Why?”
“Take your pants off and I’ll show you.”
Chapter Nine
Hailey kept her promise. That thought ran though Sawyer’s mind fifteen minutes later when he looked down his body and saw her sprawled on the mattress between his legs. Her hand wrapped around his base as she plunged him deep in her mouth.
He’d been trying to watch her the whole time. Piled the pillows behind his head to get a better view of her wet mouth. The way she licked her tongue across his tip. How she would peek up at him, all intense and hot.
He was ten seconds away from losing it.
He cupped his palm against the back of her head while his other hand curled into the sheets next to him. Tried to focus but the rhythmic pump of her hand had his hips bucking. The need to come pounded through him. He bit his lip, trying to hold off the flood of sensations. Not wanting to lose contact with her mouth or lose the feel of her body around his.
She had him mesmerized and acting stupid. Thinking dangerous things.
And then he couldn’t think at all. She sucked in while she tightened her hand and he came. Hard and fast. His shoulders off the pillows and his thighs tightening against her shoulders. By the time he fell back onto the mattress again breaths rushed out of him in heavy pants.
When she crawled up his body, he groaned. The soft brush of her hand against his dick hit him like a body slam. His suddenly sensitized skin brought pleasure to the point of pain.
At least the ache inside him had calmed. He had a feeling the relief wouldn’t last long. Just smelling her hair had his body winding up for more. Probably had something to do with the way her body sank into his as she lay on top of him with her head tucked under his chin.
He rubbed his hand over her back as he fought to keep his eyes open. “You should feel free to do that any time you want.”
She laughed and the sound wound around them. “Right there in The Bakery. I can just tell you to drop your pants?”
“Hell, yeah.” His hand closed over the one of hers resting on his chest. “Do I strike you as the shy type?”
“I’m impressed you wore pants to dinner.”
“Well, come on. I’m not an animal. I can keep my zipper up for sometimes a half hour at a time.” He could feel her smile against him and wondered what other things he could say to make that happen again. Seeing her happy made him happy, though he had no idea why.
“I’m trying to imagine Kat’s face if you walked into her place naked.”
He tried to call up a memory of Kat. All he could see was Hailey. Something about her knocked the face of every other woman out of his head. He wasn’t a commitment guy, not because he didn’t believe but because the spark had never been there and the timing had always been wrong. Just as it was wrong now. Really wrong.
He tried to stay on topic and not let his mind drift in any direction other than enjoying this moment. “Is Kat the shy type?”
Hailey lifted her head. “You think Rob would propose to a pushover?”
That part didn’t fit with the larger-than-life man he knew. “Not really.”
“She’s still in mourning. His death wiped her out. It took me months to get her to venture out of the house for more than an hour at a time.” Hailey used the tip of her fingernail to trace a pattern over his chest. “The Bakery saved her. Gave her focus and something to fill the days.”
“You probably had a lot to do with that.”
“I was a mess.” She turned over on her back, trapping his arm underneath her. “I’m still trying to fill the hours.”
A window opened into who she was and he wanted to take a long look. He rolled over, drawing his arm out from under her and balancing his weight on his elbow, and pressed in closer. “Do you work?”
“I used to write grant proposals. Give presentations.” She threw her arm across her head, covering her eyes. “I’m on leave. Rob left me enough money in addition to the property to take some time off.”
Sawyer touched her then, mostly because he couldn’t
not
touch her. As soon as he rested a hand on her stomach, she covered it, slipping her fingers through his but still not unshielding her eyes. “I’ve found that having too much time off means you have too much time to think.”
“You mean wallow.”
He’d tried not to use that word but since she did... “Sometimes, yes.”
“I’ve been so busy making sure Kat is okay and Jessie is okay...” She dropped her hand over her head and looked up at him. “That’s not fair. It’s not their fault. It’s mine. I’ve just felt restless, like I can’t find my place.”
“We have a lot in common.” He glanced around her bedroom. Noticed the lack of knickknacks. No piles of clothes. Just clean lines and a big comfortable bed. “More than I imagined we would.”
She snorted. “Oh, please. You survived basic and had this big career.”
“And now I’m...”
Shit
. There was no way he could go there and offer a big explanation. Last thing he wanted was for her to close down. Worse, to get kicked out of her bed and out of her house.
“What is it?”
He winced. “It’s business talk.”
“You can say it.” She gave his hand a squeeze as if trying to urge him on.
This felt like a trap. “I don’t think so.”
“You have my permission.”
He trusted her on that. “I’m trying to build a business so I can keep the people I care about close by and make sure they’re safe and happy.” He groaned as he fell back into the pillows again. “It sounds so fucking stupid.”
One minute he was staring at the white ceiling and the next her face hovered there. She bent down and kissed him, quick and sweet. When she started to sit up again, he caught the back of her head and brought her in for another kiss. This one long and lingering, smoldering under the surface but promising an explosion of heat.
Her foot waved in the air behind her as her body slid over his. “I think it’s sexy.”
Whatever “it” was he wanted to do it again. “Be more specific.”
“As much as the rescuer type scares me because I worry it means you can’t stop from fighting—”
“That’s not true.” She had that all messed up and wrong. He knew the confusion came from emotion and not any rational place. Still, fighting such a wrong perception proved frustrating.
“¾there is something so sexy about a man who cares that much for other people.” She brushed her fingertips over his cheek. “You cared for Rob that way, right?”
“We spent a lot of time together.” Since that sounded so superficial, Sawyer tried again. “Got to know each other. Trusted each other.”
She smiled. “Is that a yes to my question, big guy?”
Sawyer didn’t know why he avoided the answer the first time. Some part of his mind warned him to tread carefully. “Yes.”
She laid her head on his chest as her hand slipped up and down his arm. The position got to him. The entire conversation did. Hot fucking, he could do that. The lingering after usually made him twitchy. But not today.
“I wish you’d been there,” she said.
The words wouldn’t process in his head. “Where?”
“In Afghanistan when Rob died.” She sighed and sunk deeper against him. “From what I can tell, though it’s hard because the information is confidential or whatever and no one tells us anything, he stepped up and protected everyone and took the shots.”
Every cell inside Sawyer froze. The memories he’d tried to lock away, the ones that haunted him, walloping him with guilt every day, pounded his brain. He could still smell the stale air of the encampment, see the body being carted away.
She hugged him. “But you would have saved him.”
The life drained out of Sawyer. For a few minutes he’d forgotten the truth. That he’d failed Rob.
She was wrong. Dead wrong. He’d been there and failed. And now he knew something much bigger than property stood between them.
* * *
Molly used the key to her brother’s house. Walked in with a takeout coffee cup in her hand and another one for Sawyer then stopped. Quit moving and humming. Something wasn’t right. The usual sounds of the house waking up in the morning and the smell of breakfast didn’t fill the air.
That would teach her to drop by unannounced.
She was just about to call out when she heard footsteps. Jason peeked around the corner from the extra bedroom. The one he was staying in until the place he intended to share with Marcus was ready. Jason had refused to make the back-and-forth drive from Marcus’s current apartment in Coronado, way down south below downtown, every day.
Molly hated the roommate setup. It made the casual drop-in to visit with Sawyer tough. There was usually at least one other man, and sometimes more, hanging around. The fact he used the rental as his home and office didn’t help the privacy issue either.
She ignored the boxer briefs and slim tee, tried to pretend she didn’t feel something for the man underneath. “Where’s Sawyer?”
“Not home yet.”
She set the extra coffee cup on the small table near the entry. “Is he running errands, or just out exercising or something else?”
Jason shot her a look that said “duh” without actually saying the word. “Not home from his date.”
“Are you kidding?” Last she heard Sawyer made plans for dinner with Hailey. Something about a non-business meal. Molly didn’t really get it, but she also hadn’t expected an overnight. She wondered if Sawyer had.
“No.” Jason crossed his arms and leaned against the jamb in the open doorway. “He should be doing the walk of shame any minute now.”
“I’m wondering if him still being out is good or bad for the business.”
Jason shrugged. “No idea but it’s probably pretty damn great for him.”
“He said it was...” The blond hair stopped Molly first. The tan legs and fact the other woman wore a male T-shirt that barely covered her crotch had Molly stuck until she forced a word out. “Hello.”
“Hi.” The other woman barely spared Molly a glance before resting her hand on Jason’s chest and draping her half-clothed body over his arm. “I need a towel.”
Jason gestured with his head. “Closet in the hallway.”
“Thanks.” She winked at him. “Come join me in the shower?”
Everything inside Molly went numb. It was as if her heart slowed and her body withered.
He nodded. “I’ll be in soon.”
The woman leaned up and kissed Jason on the corner of his mouth. “I’ll keep the water warm for you.”
Seeing her saunter away brought on a fighting rage. None of this was the woman’s fault. No, Molly had no one to blame but herself. For caring, for waiting...for showing up today. For not moving out of San Diego when Jason announced he planned to stay.
She had to get out of the house. Now.
Turning on her heel she headed back for the front door. Had the knob in her hand and her breathing almost under control when Jason’s palm slapped against the door by her head and held it shut.
“Wait,” he said from right behind her. His words blew across the back of her neck.
That would teach her to put her hair up in a ponytail. “You’re busy.”
And she had to go. After a lifetime of loving him and watching him sleep with everyone else, make his way through a list of women that didn’t include her, she was done. Or she would be after she went somewhere private and screamed for an hour or so.
“She’s—”
Rage rose up out of nowhere. It started in her gut and formed this gigantic ball. Before she could put on the emotional brakes she whipped around. “What, Jason? What is she?”
The move had him stepping back. “Nothing.”
Just another nameless face. Another woman he would sleep with then forget. The guy had a pattern that tore at her. “That makes you sound like an asshole.”
He didn’t get angry. Didn’t raise his voice. It was as if the argument and her fury didn’t even register for him. “A friend then.”
Molly dropped her back against the door and balanced her weight there. “You’re an idiot.”
“I’m legally separated. I’m not cheating.”
“I know that.” She knew all about his marriage. Every miserable detail.
“Heather dumped me.”
“Stop acting like I don’t know about your marriage.” Hell, she was the one who accidentally introduced them. Brought her friend home. Went to a party that led to Heather sleeping with Jason then to the unbearable.
“Then what’s the problem?” A severe frown marked his forehead.
God, he didn’t even understand the source of her rage and frustration. How she’d loved him then waited for him and now she had to watch him race through other women. “You cannot be this stupid.”
“What’s with the name-calling?”
She wanted to call him worse but refrained. “It fits.”
“Is this about the woman? I told you, she means nothing.” But he lowered his voice. “It was just sex.”
The woman
. So dismissive. Molly started feeling bad for the woman who even now stood in the shower waiting for Jason to join her. “Only a guy would think that sentence makes this situation better.”
“You’re actually trying to make me feel guilty about having casual sex?”
“This is the second time in two weeks I’ve come here and tripped over your morning after.” It actually hurt to say the words. Each syllable ripped out of her, leaving a hole behind.
The emotion left his face. “There’s an easy response to that.”
Right, as if she was the one who should leave. “This is my brother’s house.”
“He doesn’t limit my overnight guests.”
Each comment dug the wound a little deeper. “Do you even know this one’s name?”
Jason pressed a palm against the door and held her there. “My private life is none of your business.”
Her mouth clamped shut on her response. She bit back the smartass comment and went with the truth, no matter how much it hurt. “You know what? You’re right.”
It would take a shove to get him to move away and she didn’t hesitate. Two hands planted on his chest and she pushed. Then she had the knob and got the door open.
“Molly...shit. Wait.”
She heard him behind her but it was too late. She stepped off the small porch and hit the pathway. “I’m done waiting.”
The voice in her head added “finally” but she couldn’t say it out loud. Not yet. But she would. Because the days of loving Jason were over.