"Who shit in his cereal?" Poley asked. They all turned and stared at the robot. "What?" he asked with a shrug.
Exhaustion was starting to take its toll on Janad. The metal rolling thing had been almost upon her before she woke up, and she'd barely gotten away. She couldn't remember the last time she'd managed more than a few minutes sleep in a row, got to eat a whole protein bar at one sitting, or even gone to the bathroom without having to jump up and run to stay ahead of the relentless metal bastards.
She'd learned the hard way what would happen if they caught her. She hadn't moved fast enough, and one had shot a beam of light like the weapons she'd seen the Reliance soldiers use. It hit her arm leaving a bad burn. Left untreated, it caused an equally bad fever.
She didn't know how much longer she could hold up.
"Because I don't want them to go, that's why!" RJ said insistently. "I don't want them with me."
"You said
them
.
I'm assuming that means you're all right with me going, then," Topaz said.
"I understand your reasons for wanting to go
. . .
"
"You forget who the hell you're talking to!" Topaz said losing patience with her for the first time during their conversation. "I know
exactly
why you don't want them with you.
Because they're going to die
.
You, me, Poley, we're not likely to die. But David and Levits will. You think if you remove them from your life now you won't have to live through losing them. But the truth is you'll just lose them sooner. Normal people die, RJ, and people like you and I have to learn to live with that. They want to go with you
. . .
"
"They don't want to go. David insists on going because he thinks he has to pay for his crime by suffering as much as I do, and Levits. . ." she laughed. "He doesn't want anything to do with any part of this mission. He is only now insisting on going for what you and I know is the most stupid of reasons. . ."
"Because he loves you," Topaz said with a gentle smile, "that's not such a stupid reason."
"That's not what I was going to say," RJ said nervously.
"But it's the truth. I'm not an empath, and I know it, so I know that you know," Topaz said gently.
RJ sighed. "The mission has a lot more chance of succeeding without them getting in the way."
"I disagree; I think it has a better chance of success with them," Topaz said.
"How so? Levits hates David, and he never wants to go into space again. David hates Levits, and he knows nothing about space or space travel. In a lot of ways he's still just a green work unit."
"Levits is a starship pilot
. . .
"
"Who's terrified of space and flying
. . .
"
"But he knows what he's doing, RJ. You're a quick study, but you've never actually flown a starship; he has. David thinks on his feet when his dick doesn't get in the way, and whether you want to believe it or not, you need them. Look at what you have accomplished together. True, there were setbacks. But together you freed a country," Topaz said.
RJ seemed to accept what he was saying. She sat down and ran her fingers through her hair before looking at him again. "But, Topaz
. . .
Don't you see? If they go with me there is a very good chance that they will never see Earth again. That they will never have normal lives. They could have that here, but only if I leave. I want them to be happy."
"Levits has already lost one woman that he loved. Do you really think he could survive losing another? As for David, I think he only lives for the chance of redeeming himself in your eyes. If you can look me in the eye and tell me that either of them will be happy if you leave them here, then I'll quit arguing with you right now."
RJ looked at Mickey, and Mickey looked at her. "You're leaving me here. Can't you see how that makes me feel? You're all going away, and I'm staying here."
"I will miss you, too, Mickey, but it's the only way. You're too important here
. . .
Besides, you have a life here. None of the rest of us really do. You have to stay here and have a normal life for all of us. You have to stay and be our eyes and ears here on Earth. Someone has to stay with Marge; someone has to maintain her."
"If you go. . ." he shook his head and tried not to cry. "I'll never see you again. I know that, RJ. I know when you leave that you'll never come back."
She knew he was probably right. "I may come back."
"No you won't. I know you won't." His tears fell then. "I know I have to stay, but I don't think you
have
to go. I think you
want
to go. That even Levits who is bitching and moaning
wants
to go. But you can't run from your pain, RJ. It won't stay here; it will follow you."
She nodded. "What can I say? You're right. I know you're right." She turned to look at the mainland. "But there is nothing for me here but pain, Mickey. I don't want to leave you behind, but I do
want
to go. I can't stay here. Something has happened to me, and I have to try and fix it because I don't like the way I feel."
"Why
. . .
Why did you make me President?" Mickey asked. "Surely I was not the best choice! Topaz, or David, or Levits. . .
you
."
"Me!" She laughed. "No, not me, Mickey, and not David. Never David. No one trusts David anymore. Topaz? We all know Topaz isn't playing with a full deck. Besides he belongs to another time. And Levits? Levits has been in a leadership position before. Something went wrong, and he never wants to be in that position again. Don't you get it, Mickey? We're all crazies in one way or another. You're the only one of the inner circle that's sane – normal."
The little man laughed. "Me, normal! Look at me. I'm not even three feet tall."
"But your head is normal, Mickey. Your wants, needs and desires are normal. You're not filled with hate or fear of failure. You aren't consumed by grief or looking for things you haven't lost yet. When the chips were down, you came through. Under pressure you kept things going. The people know they can trust you if there is a crisis. They also know you're one of them; that they can trust you to do what's right."
Mickey dried his face. "I've never had to do any of it alone before."
"You're doing it alone now, Mickey," RJ said. "When is the last time the inner circle made a decision on policy? Besides, you won't be alone. You have a wonderful mate in Diana, you have surrounded yourself with capable people, and don't forget you'll have Marge. We'll be able to communicate over com-link most of the time."
Mickey nodded and swallowed hard. He couldn't make her feel bad about leaving because he realized she had to go, and the others had to go with her or
she
would be alone.
He mustered a smile. "At least say you'll try to come back to visit."
She nodded, her own tears spilling onto her cheeks. "I'll try." She hugged him tightly.
"Careful, RJ. You'll break me."
They both laughed and talked about something less serious – matters of state.
Topaz saw her walking on the wall and went to join her. She was brooding again.
"You know leaving won't change things," he said at her shoulder. She didn't jump; she'd known he was there. He wished just once he could sneak up on the bitch and scare her silly. "You can leave all that behind, but you can't run from what's inside you."
"So I've been told. But I can sure as hell give it a try," RJ said.
"You have to let go of your grief, RJ," he said quietly. "It's consuming you, stealing any happiness you might have. They wouldn't have wanted that. Not Sandy, and certainly not Whitey."
"I can't help the way I feel, Topaz. I can't just turn it off," RJ said.
"How do you know? You haven't even tried. I'm not asking you to turn it off, just turn something else on. Open yourself back up." Topaz drew a deep breath and released it slowly. "Listen to me. I know how you feel. Don't you think I've had grief? Here's a simple, inescapable fact – they're all mortal; you and I and your metal brother are not. Unless a meteor drops on us we will probably go on living forever. I've been doing it longer than you have; I know what it's like to watch everyone you love die. Realize this, you would have lost him eventually anyway. Best-case scenario you would have watched him grow old and sick and die. Let them go. Start to live again. You can't grieve forever."
"Have you ever had your beating heart ripped from your chest?" RJ turned to face him, her expression a mask of rage. "No, you haven't. So don't tell me you know how I feel, because you don't. No two people feel things in quite the same way, and as you have just so carefully reminded me, I am very capable of grieving forever." She turned on her heal and stomped towards the building.
"That doesn't mean you should!" Topaz yelled after her. He looked out at the mainland and mumbled. "Damn hard-headed girl. Sometimes she reminds me of myself."
It was a Reliance trans-mat station located deep within the bounds of Reliance-held territory, far away from the rebels in their starving, disease-riddled state. It was run by the military as were most things Reliance, but they were not a military installation, and most of the personnel were common class two labor units.
They did a valuable service for the Reliance. They transported items from the planet's surface to the moon to be shipped to the outer worlds. They also received from the moon goods that had been transported from the outer planets.
Lately they'd mostly been shipping crates of cotton and wool fabrics, simple metal farm equipment, and cooking utensils. They'd been receiving hundreds of brown colored humanoids from the planet Beta 4. These humanoids were to be trained briefly and used as shock troops in the event of any new attacks by the rebels.
The new free state was a total failure. All military personnel had been warned and placed on alert. The Reliance felt that it was only a matter of time till the rebels, driven by hunger and out of hope, would attack other Reliance held zones in the hope of securing much needed food and medical supplies.
But this far from the front Jake wasn't worried about the rebels. Jake wasn't worried about anything. He watched as the truck backed in and the forklift took the crate off the back and brought it towards the trans-mat loading area. He knew what was in the crate before he even looked at the manifest the truck driver handed him. More cotton. All morning it had been cotton. He nodded his head, and the forklift put the box down in the trans-mat loading area. He pushed a button and watched as it disappeared before his eyes. As many times as he did this in a day you would have thought it would have become routine, but he still marveled at the process. Something that big and that heavy just vanishing only to reappear thousands of kilometers away on the moon! Several people had tried to explain to him how it worked, but he still didn't have a clue. So for him the moment when something disappeared, or appeared was still magical. He signed the trucker's manifest and handed it back to him.
Just when Janad was sure she couldn't make it one more day the soldiers came back, and the metal rolling things went away. Relieved, she found a locker she had used to hide in before and crawled in. Her arm throbbed in pain, and her head pounded. She was fevered, so sleep was a long time coming. Finally exhaustion took over, and she fell into a fitful sleep.
"Hey!" Thomas said. "Look at this data from the robot."
"Looks like we have a stow-away," Michel said rubbing his chin. "You suppose it's the same girl we were chasing around on the way in?"
"If it is, she's a hell of a lot smarter and quicker than I would have thought these primitives would be," Thomas said. "We better hunt her up before we go. Shoot to kill."
Janad didn't get much sleep. She awoke to the sounds of the crew pounding on the walls and screaming, and she didn't have to wonder what they were looking for – she knew. They had apparently turned the metal things back on, because she could hear the all too familiar clicking sound they made when they moved. Resigned to the inevitable, she sunk down in the locker. She was too tired to keep fighting and in too much pain. She didn't have the energy she needed to escape them. Maybe if she stayed put they wouldn't find her. It was unlikely, but if she came out now they'd find her for sure.
RJ stood on one side of the crate and Poley on the other. With one kick they sent the door flying across the cargo hold. Topaz, Levits and David jumped out with lasers at the ready. They were sort of disappointed when no one was there to greet them. Just crate after crate of cotton cloth.
Levits walked up to RJ and whispered in her ear, "All right it worked, but it still sucked." Levits hadn't appreciated being nailed into a crate and basically delivered into the hands of the Reliance.
"It wasn't my idea; it was Topaz's," RJ whispered back.
"Actually, I stole it from some old Greek dudes," Topaz said.