Authors: Melissa Brown
“
So, I guess this is it,
”
she says. The glow of the streetlight reveals just how many tears Chelsea has shed over me and my dumb ass. I step towards her and wipe her cheeks with my handkerchief. She closes her eyes and doesn
’
t move.
“
I like you, Chelsea. I know that
’
s not what you want to hear right now. And I feel like such a shit that this is happening. I knew she
’
d be there, that
’
s the truth. But, I didn
’
t know she
’
d mess with my head like this.
”
“
What really gets me, Evan, is that you left me sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers so you could rekindle whatever the hell you had with her,
”
she snaps.
“
I
’
m so sorry, that wasn
’
t my intention. I saw her and I didn
’
t think
—
.
”
“
You didn
’
t
think
?
”
she asks incredulously, making the word sound ridiculous. I guess it is.
“
Chels, I
’
m sorry. You deserve better than this.
”
“
I know,
”
she says, pulling her keys out of her purse.
“
I hope you
’
ll forgive me one day,
”
I say sincerely. The thought of Chelsea hating me is like a punch in the gut.
“
You
’
re right, I do deserve better and I
’
m not going to waste my time waiting for you to feel something for me one day. I deserve to have someone love me the way you obviously still love her!
”
“
You
’
re right,
”
I answer simply, shrugging my shoulders and nodding my head.
Here she is, spewing her heart out at me and those are the only words that I can manage to say.
Chelsea brushes my fingers with hers ever so slightly before turning away and walking into her building. I feel terrible. I finally had someone who was interested me, who was fun to be with, who I wanted to spend time with and I screwed it all up because of Kate. Because I can
’
t let go. Why the hell can
’
t I let go of her? Her words echo in my head and I can
’
t get them to stop.
I never cheated on you. You need to know that.
Can I believe her?
Should
I believe her? I have no idea what to think or feel. Something is building inside of me, and it
’
s so unbelievably strong.
Anger.
After two years of being apart, she
’
s still messing with my head.
Climbing into my car, I start the engine and speed off towards Evanston, towards the bar that has just closed for the night. I
’
m so pissed off that I can hardly see straight by the time I park the car in front of the bar. The outside sign is still lit and the bar is bright inside. Walking up to the glass door, I see Kate hoisting chairs on top of tables. S
he wipes her brow and says good
night to someone in the back room. She
’
s so beautiful, which just makes me angrier. I take a deep breath before knocking on the door.
Kate
One minute later . . .
A knock on the bar door startles me. My heart races as I see a familiar face at the door.
Evan
.
Quickly
running my fingers through my hair, I walk to the door and open it, allowing him in. Before I can even say a word, he storms past m
e, standing next to the oak bar and
leaning his weight into the wood. His chest is heaving, his face is red and he looks so furious it makes my stomach churn.
“
What are you doing here?
”
I ask, my voice barely audible as I choke out the words.
“
What do you think?
”
Evan asks, his nose flaring.
The anger in his voice is familiar, reminding me of the night he walked out of my life. It makes me feel lifeless, powerless and exposed. My lungs feel heavy and my neck is starting to sweat.
“
I don
’
t know, Ev.
”
“
Stop it! Stop calling me that! I told you two years ago, you
lost
that right.
”
“
Fine, I
’
m sorry!
”
I yell, throwing my hands up in defeat.
“
I broke up with Chelsea,
”
he says matter-of-factly.
“
Oh,
”
I reply, not sure what else to say.
“
Why the hell won
’
t you leave me alone, Kate?
”
he yells as I wince.
I
’
m so grateful that my coworker Keith left early to take the deposit to the drop box at the bank. I
’
d be mortified for anyone to hear Evan yelling at me like this.
I pull down the shade on the front door before storming towards him.
“
You
’
re the one who came to me at the wedding! You
’
re the one who struck up conversation! I was packing my things, getting ready to leave.
I wasn
’
t going to say
anything
to you!
”
I yell back, feeling the need to defend myself. I
’
m tired of being the bad guy, of being the scapegoat for why our relationship fell apart when I did nothing wrong.
“
I was trying to be polite,
”
he sneers,
“
but then you got into my fucking head. Calling me Ev, kissing me on the cheek, saying what you said
. . .
why can
’
t you just leave me alone and let me get over you?
”
My world stops with those words.
He
’
s not over me?
Feeling bravery building in my bones, I walk steadily towards Evan, standing just a few feet in front of him.
“
You
’
re not over me?
”
I ask, my hands shaking. I cross my arms so Evan can
’
t see just how shaken I really am.
“
Stop it, Kate. Don
’
t goad me!
”
Evan glowers at me, his hands are on his hips and his chest is heaving.
“
Tell me, Evan, please!
”
“
Tell you what?
”
he yells, throwing up his arms.
“
The truth!
” I stomp my foot as
I scream.
“
The truth? You were my first and
only
love
,
and you ripped my fucking heart to shreds!
”
he yells.
I want to cower under the nearest table, but instead, I stand tall in defiance, not letting him see the effect he
’
s having on me, not letting him see that my fingers are trembling. Taking my body language as an unspoken challenge, he doesn
’
t stop with his rant. He just gets louder.
“
You demolished me! You turned me to fucking rubble, and I
’
ve
never
been the same.
”
He stares at me, waiting for a reply. But, I don
’
t have one. I just stare at him in silence with my arms still crossed defensively against my chest. And so he continues.
“
Is that what you wanna hear? That I
’
ve been a wreck ever since I walked away from you? That the last two years have been hell? What do you
want
, Kate?
”
“
They
’
ve been hell for me, too!
”
I
yell back
, wiping the tears building in my eyes.
“
Well, I hope you
’
re proud of yourself for destroying what we had! I hope Shawn was worth it,
”
he taunts, tears building in his eyes, his voice cracking as he glowers at me.
“
I
never
slept with Shawn when you and I were together.
Ever!
Why can
’t you b
elieve that?
”
“
I can
’
t!
” he shouts, shaking his head.
“
I just can
’
t. I know what I saw.
”
“
No, you don
’
t! But, I can
’
t keep going over this and over this with you! It
’
s fucking exhausting!
”
I get in his face. I
’
m so incensed that I can
’
t hold back any more. He
’
s pushed me to my breaking point.
“
I did nothing wrong, Evan!
”
“
Right, is that what you told all your boyfriends?
That you did nothi
ng wrong? I bet they bought it:
hook, line and sinker. But, I have a brain, Kate. And, I
’
m not buying any of it!
”
“
The worst mistake I
ever
made was telling you about my past. If I hadn
’
t done that, this wouldn
’
t be happening. You never would
’
ve ruined us like you did.
”
“
I ruined us? You
’
ve gotta be kidding!
”
“
No, Evan,
you
did this.
You
walked away because you wouldn
’
t let yourself trust me
,”
I say, shaking my head. Evan
’
s eyes look like they might pop out of the sockets as he stares at me in disbelief.
“
That
’
s not true. I didn
’
t want this, I didn
’
t,
”
he says, shaking his head in denial.
Feeling brave, I walk towards him, placing my hand on his cheek. He flinches at first, but then places his hand on my forearm and squeezes. This simple movement is all I need.
“
Ev, I still love you. I never stopped loving you. Please
. . . ”
Evan closes his eyes as I say the words. He has to know, he has to know that we
’
re not done. Not yet.
“
Why are you doing this to me?
”
he whispers bitterly, looking me dead in the eye.
“
Because it
’
s not over,
”
I say, my eyes pleading.
“
It has to be, Kate
—”
he says, swallowing hard.
“
No, it doesn
’
t
.”
Inching towards him, I stroke his cheek with my other hand as he continues to grasp my arm. A tear rolls down his cheek and brazenly, I kiss it from his skin. His chest stops heaving. He
’
s holding his breath. We stare at one another for a moment before he releases my arm and pulls my waist towards him, kissing me on my mouth with so much fervor I feel like I might explode. Two years of frustration, two years of heartache, two years without one another. It
’
s just too much.