Love? Him?
But the sentiment held firmly. Made him shake even more.
Fine time for a revelation.
“Nikki!”
Pete winced at Chief’s shout and released her.
The man crossed the room in two strides, medics on his heels. Their boss grabbed her by the shoulders, despite Nikki’s immediate protest that she was fine. As soon as Paul Martin seemed to realise she was indeed unhurt, he pulled Nikki into his arms and held her tight.
Her grandmother muttered something under her breath, and Pete glanced her way.
Guess Chief was right when he’d said she didn’t like him.
Mrs Jenkins had her thin arms crossed over her chest, glaring at Chief Martin.
Seeing his boss holding the woman he loved was a slap in the face. ‘
If you touch her inappropriately, or one hair on her head is harmed by anyone or anything, your ass—your badge—is mine.’
Pete shoved his hand through his hair. He was fucked.
Cole sidled up to him when he backed up so the paramedics could check out Mrs Jenkins and Nikki, despite their loud objections.
Pete smirked.
Like grandmother, like granddaughter.
“You good?” Cole asked.
He forced a nod. “Yeah. You call Andi?”
“Yup. Didn’t want her to worry.”
“Good.”
His buddy stared him down. “You sure you’re okay?”
Not in the slightest.
“Of course.” Pete squeezed Cole’s shoulder.
Cole scrutinised him until he wanted to squirm, but finally nodded. Pete released a breath he’d not realised he’d been holding.
“We got a lot of cleanup before we’ll be able to hit the sack tonight.”
“Not like you’re sleeping much anyway, with Micah,” Pete said.
“You said it. But who needs sleep anyway? I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Cole grinned, flashing dimples.
Lee joined them, but her voice didn’t signify as he caught one of the medics sitting Nikki down on the end of the bed, pulse monitor to her finger. His love was being compliant, but her expression shouted she wasn’t happy about it.
Pete stared, his own heart skipping as Chief and Gram hovered.
Look at me
. But she didn’t. He told himself it was for the better.
Luciano Marchetti was dead.
She could move out of his place, settle back into her apartment. Get back to normal. That was what they both needed. Wanted?
“Pete?” Lee’s voice made him jump.
“What?”
“Did you hear what I said?” Her brow furrowed.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Amusement rippled across Cole’s face, but he said nothing. No doubt the guy had followed Pete’s gaze.
Pete squirmed like he’d been caught watching porn.
“The body count is high. Six dead, more than a dozen injured,” Lee said.
“Bastard,” Cole muttered.
“Crowley and Benton?”
“They’ll both live,” Lee said. “Crowley’s hit three times, nothing vital. Benton’s vest stopped two to the chest. When he fell, he hit his head. Nasty gash, maybe a concussion.”
“Could have been way worse,” Pete said.
Lee murmured agreement and Cole nodded.
“Crane, a word please.” Chief joined their group, but Cole and Lee made themselves scarce in about two seconds flat.
Traitors.
“What’s up, boss?”
“Nikki’s coming home with me tonight.”
From the end of the bed, Nikki looked up. She must have heard her name. Their eyes met then Pete looked back at his boss. His instinct was to shout
Hell no,
but it really was for the better. She could come get her things from his place in the morning. There was no reason for them to remain under the same roof, really. “All right.”
From the corner of his eye, he saw her brown eyes widen. Hurt flashed as she locked her jaw and looked away.
Pete fought the urge to close his eyes. He squared his shoulders and breathed through the pressure in his chest, ignoring the pain that threatened to creep up on him.
Chief nodded and threw his hand out. “Good job tonight.”
He shifted on his feet, taken aback by rare praise from his boss. “Uh…you got this here? I’m gonna help Lee and Cole get statements and head to the station to write this up.”
“You don’t have to do that tonight.” The Chief studied him, hazel eyes intense.
“I want to.”
“Okay.” His boss backed off, returning to Nikki’s side.
He watched Mrs Jenkins begrudgingly shake Chief’s hand.
Nikki wouldn’t look Pete’s way.
It’s for the best.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
He hadn’t fought for her.
Tears streamed down Nikki’s cheeks and she twisted her hands into tight fists, ignoring the sting when her nails bit her palms.
All right.
Two words reverberated in her mind. Pete hadn’t batted an eye when their boss had made yet another decision for her. Without asking her.
So instead of snuggling into the warmth of the man she loved, she was curled on a bed at her boss’s house. Alone.
She closed her eyes and swallowed the sob that inched up her throat, threatening to burst out. Chief’s room was across from the guest bedroom. With her luck, the man was the world’s lightest sleeper. Nikki had no desire to explain her tears.
It’s over.
Marchetti was dead. Her reason for being at Pete’s house. At his side.
Relief should be flooding her, especially after tonight. Gram was okay. More than okay. In yet another new room, but she’d be back home soon. Despite the heart issues, and stress from the Marchetti situation, she was recovering from the stroke nicely. Dr Bishop had come to Health Solutions
to examine her and help the others in any way he could. His prognosis for Gram was the only good news she’d had all night.
The poor people who had died tonight… Nikki bit her fist and called herself every name in the book for being selfish. Not thinking about them, despite the prayers she’d said.
She couldn’t focus on the tragedy, the loss. What she’d witnessed tonight. Dr Greene had died instantly, as had the nurse Luciano Marchetti had dragged into Gram’s room.
Rebecca was going to make it, but others had died. Many more had been injured.
The scene swirled in her head. She didn’t want to think about it. The other alternative was therapy for the rest of her life. How much could a person’s mind take?
Then again, Pete’s rejection was probably enough to land her there anyway. It was too much. Salty icing on a big crap cake.
He’s done with you.
He doesn’t love you.
“What did you expect?” The whisper felt like a shout.
They’d fallen into the situation together. They’d fallen into bed together. Nikki shouldn’t have fallen in love.
She needed him. Needed his arms around her, his lips against hers to banish everything. The screams, the gunshots… The blood. People…had died. In front of her. Because of her.
The bed spun and Nikki rolled onto her back. Clutched the sheets with both hands. Her heart pounded. Every breath was like a dagger piercing her lungs. “No.”
Sweat broke out on her top lip and brow as everything centrifuged together in her mind, amplifying. Watching a movie on fast-forward with full volume.
Bile rose and her stomach lurched.
No!
The shout wouldn’t breach her lips.
The bedroom door burst open and Chief Martin was at her side in seconds. “Nikki.” When he sat and tried to gather her to him, she thrashed.
No…no…
Nikki couldn’t be encased. Enclosed.
Don’t touch me!
“Nikki.” His voice was firm as he helped her sit up, resting his hands on her shoulders. “I think you’re having a panic attack. Take a deep breath.”
She shook her head and tried to push him away. Chief held her firmly, without hurting her.
“Look at me.
Look at me
and take a deep breath. Breathe through it. C’mon, we’ll count it out. One…”
Nikki sucked in air, cursing the hot tears on her cheeks.
“Two…three… That’s it… Four…”
Her chest rose and fell in rhythm with his calm tone.
“One more… Good job.” He paused, looked deep into her eyes. “Better?”
Nikki rushed forward and hugged him. Closed her eyes against his thick shoulder and prayed her tears would cease.
Chief held her until her heart calmed.
She pulled back and nodded. Cleared her throat. “I’m good. Thank you. Never had a panic attack before…”
“It’s only natural after what you’ve been through.”
“Please don’t remind me. I…need to move on…”
From this, and from Pete.
“I know.” Chief nodded. “I’ll help you any way you need. I want you to take some time off.”
“No,” Nikki said quickly. “No. Please don’t make me. I…need…to work. I need to get back to normal.”
“Honey, you can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”
“I know. But…please…”
The man who’d been like her second father, despite the blame Gram had for him, frowned. Bushy salt and pepper brows drew tight. “Nikki—”
“Please. If you want to help me, you’ll let me come to work.”
After a long moment of appraising her, Chief nodded. He reached for her hand and squeezed. “I want you to talk to someone. Soon. Call tomorrow and set up an appointment.” He didn’t have to use the words
psychologist
or
psychiatrist.
“I actually think I will.”
“Good.”
They sat on the bed in his guest room in silence. It was companionable. Didn’t fix the hole in her chest, but it helped. A little.
“Nikki, I wanted to talk to you about something. Not sure now’s the right time, though.”
“I’m okay. Go ahead.”
He met her eyes, taking a deep breath, as if this was difficult for him. That could only mean one thing—or person, as it were. Nikki swallowed back a gulp.
“What was wrong with Crane tonight?”
Her stomach flipped.
Here goes.
“What’d you mean?”
Chief stared her down, hazel gaze intense, shrewd. “Did you have a fight?”
Nikki smirked. “Not tonight.”
“He wasn’t normal tonight, kiddo.” Her boss looked away for a moment, expression thoughtful. “I’ve known the man a long time. Seen him in many a stressful situation. He knows how to handle himself, and his business. Something was wrong tonight. Something happened. Something involving you.”
She couldn’t play stupid. Chief had known her a long time, too. And he wasn’t referring to the shooting. “He did handle things tonight,” Nikki said, even though it wasn’t going to get her out of the third degree.
“Right. But that’s not what I’m talking about.”
We both know that
went unsaid.
She looked down. “It’s complicated.”
Chief gently tilted her chin up, forcing her gaze to his. “Uncomplicate it for me.”
Closing her eyes, Nikki took a breath. Words wouldn’t come.
“Do you have feelings for him?” Chief asked.
“Yes.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time. Then her boss nodded.
“Don’t try to tell me it’s like Stockholm Syndrome or that crap.” Nikki winced at her defensive tone.
Chief’s moustache twitched as he fought a smile. “I didn’t say a word.”
“So, you’re okay with it?” she whispered. “I know there’re rules…but Andi and Cole—”
“Are not you and Pete Crane.”
Nikki narrowed her eyes. “Is this really about Pete or is it about me?”
The man sighed. “Both.”
“I don’t need to ask your permission.”
Besides, he doesn’t want me. So why am I telling you all this?
“Detective Crane is a good man,” Chief Martin said finally, as if she hadn’t snapped.
“Most of the time.”
Except for tonight when he pushed me away.
Nikki forced a nod, trying to ignore the ache in her chest. Being a good man hadn’t kept him from crushing her tonight.
She stared at her boss who was so much more than just the man she worked for. It wasn’t like him to back off. So why wasn’t he laying into her about Pete? He couldn’t possibly be
okay
with it. He’d never liked a single one of the few boyfriends she’d had.
“Try to clear your head before you make any decisions. You’ve been through too much. Nothing I ever wanted for you. It’ll be bad for a while. But eventually the nightmares will stop.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat.
Shock and pain mixed with old loss hit her. Not the subject change she would have wanted, but Paul Martin was talking about his own nightmares. About her parents—something he never voiced. At least not to her.
“You know I don’t blame you, right? I never have. I read all the articles, watched news clips, read police reports. It wasn’t your fault he killed them. Gram is wrong for the way she feels. And I’m grateful you’ve always been there for me, despite how she treats you. You never stopped coming to see me. Never missed a birthday. Gave me a job I love.”
He made a choked noise and looked away.
Nikki pulled back, studying his profile. This man was proud and stubborn. And about to break down. She’d never seen that her whole life. If she acknowledged it in any way, Paul Martin would be gruff with her. She didn’t want a wall between them. She loved him.
Squeezing his hand, she smiled when he looked back at her, ignoring his misty eyes. “I think I can sleep now. Thank you.”
Chief gave a curt nod.
She pressed a kiss to his cheek.
He stood, one corner of his mouth up. “So, work in the morning?”
“Yes, sir. You have a meeting with the mayor.”
Chief groaned. “What time?”
“Noon, it’s a lunch meeting.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
He smiled. “Yup. We’re going in late.”
Nikki managed a small laugh. “I won’t mind sleeping in. It’s been a long night.”
When he retreated from the room, pain and sadness came back full force and she tried not to think about Pete.
* * * *
Pete looked at the beer and sighed. “Pretty sad you’re drinking at four p.m. on a Tuesday.” First time he’d heard a voice all day. Too bad it was his own. And besides, what the hell else did he have to do?
Grounded. Benched.
Administrative leave. Kurt Jamison, his friend and fellow detective, was heading the internal investigation. Expect to hear from him soon, and take it easy. Like a paid vacation, Kurt had joked.