Authors: Jennifer L. Allen
“I’ll tell you kids what,” she says as she finally releases Decker—who immediately hurries to my other side, far away from my mom, and grabs my hand, kissing it gently. “Me, your dad, and the Abrams all placed bets on how long it would take the two of you to get your shit together.” She’s pointing between the two of us.
I can’t quite get past the fact that my mom just said “shit,” but Decker is more focused on the gambling bit. “You placed bets? How much?”
My mom throws her head back and laughs. I haven’t seen her look this free in a long time, at least not since my diagnosis. Naturally I feel guilty since I’m the primary cause of her stress as of late. But the beaming smile and happy tears that decorate her face cause that guilt to recede. The hell I put my family through is never going to fully go away, but I have to hope it will get better.
“Five hundred bucks!”
“Five hundred dollars? Y’all bet five hundred dollars? On what exactly?” Decker asks, utterly flabbergasted our parents were talking about throwing that kind of money around on us.
“Well, I bet Casey was going to be the one to cave first. Your dad said it would be Decker,” she says gesturing to me. “Your mom guessed it would be mutual and your dad said, and I quote, ‘those two stubborn kids aren’t gonna realize what they’ve got until they’re forty, single, and wondering why they haven’t ever found the one.’” She says that last part to Decker.
I am momentarily stunned. Didn’t they have anything better to do than to take bets on us kids? Then I quickly do the math.
“That pot is two thousand dollars!”
My mom shrugs as if it’s nothing. “We were just gonna give it to you kids anyway. Use it towards your wedding or your first house or something.”
A wedding?
A house?
Those are things I never thought I’d have the opportunity to even dream about before. But now I can. Now I may be able to have all that and more…with Decker.
I look over and meet his eyes. One would think a declaration of weddings and buying houses by a guy’s brand new girlfriend’s mother would send him running for the hills. But not Decker. He’s looking at me with the same admiration that I’m sure is visible in my eyes. He’s not running. He’s not scared. Neither am I.
For the first time in a long time I’m not nervous and I’m not scared. I have hope.
Chapter Forty
Casey
The past few days were a flurry of activity in my hospital room. Decker spent the night, every night. The nurses eventually caved in to his charm, once they realized he wasn’t going anywhere, and brought in a cot so he’d stop sleeping in my bed with me—not that it had helped. He spent every night carefully curled around me in the narrow bed.
Turns out I do indeed have an infection and am now on some heavy intravenous antibiotics. Dr. Smythe checks on me at least twice daily, and the transplant specialist has been in and out going over every last detail of the process, from the wait list to recovery. Each time, Decker listens with rapt attention.
I have to actually force him out of the room every once in a while. He argues that since I have to be here, then so does he, but eventually caves. But that only happens when my mom is present to take his place. She’s been staying at my apartment and never mentions Kate.
I miss my roommate. My friend. Since Decker is my boyfriend now, I think I can safely say Kate is my best friend without a turf war breaking out. I understand her frustration with me. In retrospect, I’d be frustrated with me. Hell, I
am
frustrated with me. But I still hold out hope every day that she’ll visit.
Hope. That’s something I seem to have a lot of lately. And you know what? It feels damn good!
This is one of those rare moments when neither my mom nor Decker is not in my room. My mom hasn’t arrived yet and Decker stepped out to get coffee. It happens maybe once a day, but tends to last only a few minutes. I’m flipping through the channels on the TV, trying to find reruns of
Family Feud.
It’s usually on around this time of day.
The door opens, still blocked by the useless blue curtain, and I look at the clock. “Wow, seventeen minutes. That might be a record,” I say dryly, assuming the visitor is Decker.
My guest says nothing, and I look over to see Kate timidly standing at the edge of the curtain. We look at each other for several seconds, neither sure of what to say. I turn off the TV and set the remote down on the tray table beside the horrid green Jell-O Decker brought from the cafeteria this morning as a joke.
“Casey–”
“Kate–”
We both pause, still taking the other in, and then laugh. It
is
funny. I mean we’ve been roommates for almost three years and we’ve never, ever, had to struggle to find the words to say to the other.
“I’m sorry, Kate. I put you in a bad position, not only recently, but ever since I was first hospitalized and that wasn’t fair to do. I realize now how much pressure I put on you. How much you must have had to have been on alert with me, not knowing what may happen.” My lower lips tremble as I fight back the tears. “How scared you probably were every time you walked into the apartment or knocked on my bedroom door. I’m so sorry.” A few determined tears escape and run down my cheeks.
Kate steps over to the bed and takes my hand. “I’m sorry, too, Case.” She doesn’t tell me “it’s okay”, rightfully so because it’s not. I put the poor girl through hell. “I shouldn’t have given you an ultimatum. I kind of just lost it, you know? I was terrified. And I didn’t mean to stay away so long; I was embarrassed for the way I acted. Jay, Decker, and your mom finally convinced me that you were probably beating yourself up about it as much as I was and since you couldn’t come to me, I should just go to you. So I did.”
I smile and squeeze her hand. “I’m glad you did.”
She settles down in the chair beside my bed and looks up at me expectantly. “So you and Decker, huh?” she smirks.
“So you and Jay, huh?” I throw back with an equally as saucy grin.
“He’s been so wonderful to me these past few days.” She can barely contain her excitement, leaning on the edge of the seat. My roommate, the girl I never thought I’d ever see with a guy, has found herself one. And a sexy one at that, if I do say so myself. Not as sexy as my Decker though.
My Decker.
Still so surreal.
“That’s great. You deserve something wonderful, Kate.”
“You do, too, you know?”
“I know,” I nod in agreement. “And I’ve got Decker now.”
“I don’t think you ever didn’t have Decker. That boy is crazy about you.” She smiles as she leans back in her seat again.
“I’m kinda crazy about him, too.”
“So are you two together now?”
I had assumed my mom or Decker was filling her in on what had been going on. But I guess they left my relationship status out. I’m thankful for the opportunity for some girl talk.
“Yeah. We’re together. We’re going to see what happens.”
She rolls her eyes. “Like we all don’t know what’s going to happen. Yours is the forever kind of love, Case. Y’all have loved each other your whole lives, in one way or another. That’s jump-in-front-of-a-bullet kind of love.”
She’s right. I’d take a bullet for Decker. And I know he would for me as well. I smile at the thought, morbid as it may be.
“Jeez, you’ve got that same goofy look on your face as your boyfriend.” Kate laughs and I can’t help but laugh with her. It feels good to be so damn happy. Even though I’m practically tied to this hospital bed and indefinitely stuck in this room, I feel free.
“So tell me more about Jay,” I demand.
Kate gives a shy smile before sharing the details. “Well, I think I told you he’s a mechanic…”
I settle in and listen to my best friend animatedly talk about her beau. I smile and laugh along with her as she enthusiastically tells me about him visiting her at the restaurant and standing vigil with her the last few days at the apartment.
It’s so great to see her like this. I love that we can share the high of our new relationships with one another. Things finally feel so much lighter. For the first time in a long time, I don’t have a feeling of sorrow or yearning for what could have been…because I’m finally living my life again.
Chapter Forty-One
Decker
Everything had been going so well, it’s only natural we’d hit a snag. A valve in Casey’s heart is not closing properly. The doctor called it regurgitation. Which is exactly what I’d wanted to do when he told us.
His voice is starting to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher. Mrs. Evans is listening to every word with rapt attention. Casey is staring down at her hands, fisted in her lap. And me? I’m pacing the miniscule hospital room like a caged lion. Ready to strike out at the world.
While my heart is ready to beat out of my chest, words like valve repair and replacement are exchanged between Mrs. Evans and Dr. Smythe. Casey is fisting and twisting her hands in her lap, looking about ready to cover her ears and yell “la la la la la” at the top of her lungs to drown it all out. I can’t blame her. I’d do it, too.
After three more minutes of the same drivel, I’ve had enough. I stop pacing and yell for them to stop.
Casey’s mom and the doctor pause and look at me, stunned that I spoke out. I usually don’t. I’m usually the one at the edge of my seat listening to every word and asking all the questions. But I can’t right now. Not when this is so clearly tearing my girl apart. I look over at Casey who still has her head down. The slight movements of her shoulders indicate she’s crying. I step over to her bedside and pull her into me, kissing her on the top of her head as she silently weeps into my chest.
“Can we talk outside for a minute?” I ask, looking at her mother and the doctor.
“Sure,” Dr. Smythe nods and leads the way out of the room.
“I’ll be right back,” I whisper, kissing Casey on the head once more.
“What’s going on?” Mrs. Evans asks once the door closes behind me.
“You’re making Casey upset. If you’re going to continue to talk about this, I ask that you do it out here. I mean no disrespect, but it’s upsetting her, and I think she’s dealing with enough without adding more to it.”
“But we need to talk about this. We need to decide what to do,” Mrs. Evans pleads.
“I know that.” I do. “But all this doctor speak is freaking her out. To be quite honest, it’s freaking me out, too.”
Her shoulders slouch. “I just want her to have all the facts.”
“I’m sure Casey will make an educated decision. But we just got her to agree to the transplant. She’s terrified of the surgery, of the risks, now we’re going to ask her to have another surgery? I think we need to give her time to digest this.”
Dr. Smythe interjects. “We may not have a lot of time. The damage to her valve is extensive. We really need to operate as soon as possible.”
“But that’s another open heart surgery. We’re asking her to have two heart surgeries when she didn’t even want to have one.”
Dr. Smythe nods gravely. He knows what I know. Given the options before her, Casey may choose not to have either surgery. She’s spent the past two years practically waiting for death. Now it may very well be at her doorstep.
What will she choose?
***
Dr. Smythe has taken Mrs. Evans to his office to continue their discussion. They said they would come back in a little while to talk with Casey about the operation, giving me time to talk to her and see where her head is.
I enter the room and peek around the curtain. Casey is lying back in her bed, looking out the window. The moonlight is reflecting off the raindrops spotting the glass. A dreary sight for a dreary occasion.
I approach her side and take her hand in mine. She squeezes. My mouth opens and closes a few times, not knowing where to start. But before I can put together the words, she speaks.
“I’ll do it.”
She says it so quietly, I’m not sure I heard her right.
“What?”
“I said I’ll do it. I’ll do the surgery. I’ll let them repair or replace the valve. Whatever they need to do.”
I sit down beside her on the bed, always careful of her wires, and gently cup her face, turning it towards me. “Are you sure about this?” I ask, looking into her eyes.
Her eyes, the color of milk chocolate and perfectly clear, look deep into mine. “I told you I was in this whole future thing with you, Decker. I meant what I said. I’m not going to give up now. Not when I’ve finally got you. I’m still scared. Terrified even. But I have you and you’re all I need.”
Fact: Guys sometimes cry when they’re happy. Especially when their girl is the most amazing woman on the planet, and she says all the right things to make you feel like your life is complete.
I wipe my eye with a knuckle and lean in to kiss her on the lips, then I rest my forehead against hers. “I love you so much, Casey. You are so brave. So strong.”
“I haven’t felt very brave or strong. Not until you came back into my life. I guess I was always missing you. You’ve always been an integral part of my life, and when I didn’t have you, it was incomplete. Now that I’m whole again, I feel ready for anything.”
My smile stretches clear across my face. This amazing girl is mine. All mine.
“We’re going to fight this battle together, baby, and we’re going to win.”
“We’re going to kick my broken heart’s ass.” She laughs.
“That we are,” I agree.
The door opens, and Mrs. Evans calls out “knock, knock” just before she appears around the curtain. “Casey, why are you crying?” she asks when she catches sight of her daughter. Then she looks at me. “Decker, why is she crying?”