Authors: Kimberla Lawson Roby
I
’D BEEN HOME FOR MORE THAN FIVE HOURS,
but it was still taking everything in me not to call Marvin. I wanted so badly to call him up and tell him what type of woman he was married to. I wanted to tattle on Charisse the same way I had tattled on my sister to my mother, and I didn’t know how I was going to stop myself. In a word, I was consumed. I wanted more than anything to get revenge on the woman who had ridiculed me. And why shouldn’t I give Charisse exactly what she had coming to her? Because it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t like she had ever spoken favorably about anyone I could think of. Not to mention some of the wicked things she had done that no one except me was aware of.
So, yes, Charisse deserved whatever I did to her and then some. And if those words she’d called me didn’t stop playing in my head sometime soon, I was going to take action. I was going to snatch away Charisse’s lifelong disguise once and for all. Taylor, of course, wouldn’t be happy about it, but I couldn’t concern myself with that right now. I did care what Taylor thought, but my priority rested with paying back the person who had hurt me.
I sat down on the sofa and picked up a fitness magazine that I had purchased earlier at the pharmacy. There was an article about a new weight loss program that I’d already started reading, and I definitely wanted to finish it. The program did sound strenuous, but the results that hundreds of women had already experienced were out of this world. The idea was that you needed to drink at least one low-carb protein drink for breakfast and then mainly healthy protein choices such as chicken or fish and vegetables for lunch and dinner. But the killer part of the regimen was that you had to work out a minimum of ninety minutes every other day, doing both cardio and resistance training. Not to mention you had to walk for at least a half hour on the days in between. Still, I was starting to believe I could do this, and now I knew why Rico had wanted me to increase my repetitions and number of minutes on the treadmill. I hadn’t wanted to hear what he was saying because working out was such a struggle for me, but now I agreed that it was necessary. I now realized that I would begin to shed a lot more pounds and certainly more inches if I followed his instructions.
And why shouldn’t I listen to what he had to say anyway? Because the man was still showering me with attention and giving me the best sex I’d ever had. And I could tell he wasn’t being phony. He was really into me and he truly cared about the way I felt, and well, he cared about me as a person. I’d been so afraid that my weight issues would eventually diminish his interest in me, but after last night I’d decided immediately that he was being real. I’d decided that it was time I let my guard down and that I should finally go ahead and trust him.
But the entire evening had sort of evolved without any planning, because when I’d called him from the hospital yesterday morning, he’d said that since I was going to be at the hospital most of the day, he was going to hang out with some of his friends. But as it had turned out, Cameron had come to see Taylor around seven and I had decided to leave. And when I’d arrived home, Rico had left me a message telling me he hadn’t wanted to interrupt my time with Taylor, but if I ended up coming home earlier than I’d expected, he wanted me to call him. Which I did, and he’d jumped in his car and driven right over.
And oh, how it had been the night of my life! It had been so amazing that I could still picture everything in its entirety.
“What made you change your mind about going out with the fellas?” I asked.
“You,” he said, walking in and leading me straight to my bedroom.
“Then I guess I should feel flattered.”
“Why? Because no man has ever treated you like this before?”
“If you want to know the truth, yes.”
“Well, I really enjoy being with you. More than I was planning on. I mean, you know how it is when you meet someone. You start dating them so you can get to know them and usually it just doesn’t work out. But with you it’s different. With you, I feel really content.”
“I feel the same way,” I said, and Rico started undressing me.
I looked at him shamefully, because I still didn’t feel good about him seeing me this way. It was true that I’d lost twenty-five pounds, but I longed to have him see me when I’d dropped so much more.
But Rico kept insisting that he didn’t care about that, and to prove it, he sometimes asked me to lie across my satin sheets on my back with nothing on, just so he could admire me. Of course, I didn’t like that either, but I did what he told me.
Rico slid my underwear, the last thing I had on, down to the floor and then undressed himself. I sat on the edge of the bed, but all the while he was removing piece after piece, he never took his eyes off of me. When he leaned me back, he kissed me and caressed my body in every place imaginable. For some reason, we were both extremely turned on. More so than usual, and we both realized that foreplay just wasn’t necessary. It was almost as if we’d been waiting all day to pleasure each other, and when he entered me I knew we were in love. Not just me with him but I could tell the feeling was mutual. And for the first time since I’d started dating him, I knew he was being genuine.
When we came, Rico rested on top of me, both of us breathing like sprinters. But then, out of the clear blue, tears streamed down both sides of my face and I couldn’t hide them.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’ve never felt like this before,” I said, sniffling.
Rico kissed me on the lips. “Believe it or not, I feel the same way.”
“No, I don’t think you understand,” I said, sighing. “I’ve been in love before but never like this.”
Rico raised his head and looked at me.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “But I can’t pretend anymore. I’ve loved you since the first week we started dating, but I never said anything because of what you said.”
“Which is what?”
“That we needed to get to know each other, and that if you decided to sleep with anyone else, you would have no problem telling me.”
“And I guess I did mean that in the beginning, but that was before I started feeling the way I do now.”
“So, how do you feel?” I took a chance on asking him.
“Like I haven’t felt in a long time and it’s really caught me off guard.”
I smiled at him.
“The thing is, Whitney,” he continued, “I love you, too. I didn’t know it at first, but when I started thinking about you day and night, I knew what was happening.”
I tried to say something, but now I was weeping again and couldn’t.
So, Rico wiped my tears away and kissed me passionately. And then we made love a second time.
When the doorbell rang, I snapped out of my daydream and hurried over to answer it. I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I got excited when I looked out and saw Rico. He wasn’t supposed to be here for another couple of hours, but I was glad he’d stopped by beforehand.
“Hey,” I said, opening the door. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Really?”
“Yep,” I said, and we walked over to the family room and sat down next to each other.
“So what were you doing?” he said, but his tone sounded sad.
“Just reading an article and that was pretty much it.”
“Is it a good one?” he said, seemingly a lot less enthusiastic than usual.
“Yeah, it is.”
Next, we just stared at each other until Rico dropped his head into the palms of his hands. And I knew that whatever he had to say wasn’t going to be good. I could see it in his facial expression as well as in his body language.
“You don’t know how hard it was for me to come over here,” he said, and my stomach started tussling. “But there was no way I could go on without being honest with you. Not after last night.”
“Rico…”
“No, let me finish before I lose my nerve.” He sighed. “God, I can’t believe I did something like this.”
“Like what?” I said, becoming more flustered by the second.
“Remember the time we were at the health club and this guy Terrance came up and I introduced him to you?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, it wasn’t really his first time seeing you. He was there that first night I met you, but he’d left before you came over to the water fountain.”
“Okay.”
“Well, when you first came in and got on one of the bikes, Terrance asked me if I had ever been with a woman as large as you and I told him no. So, then he said, ‘You should try it sometime, man…you know, just as an experiment.’ But I told him that big women just weren’t my type. And then he said, ‘I’m tellin’ you, big women sometimes give the best sex in the world, so you really ought to try it. I got me a couple of ’em on the side right now, and when my main girl won’t give me what I want, I have no problem calling either one of them with the quickness.’ Then he told me about some of the things these women had done to him, and when he kept going on and on about how good they made him feel, I guess I just got caught up. And then the next thing I knew, he left the health club, you came over to where I was, and I decided to go for it.”
I heard what Rico was saying, but no matter how bad this got, I wasn’t going to cry over it. I wasn’t going to let him see how much he was ripping me apart—how he was tearing me to shreds with one word after another.
“And Whit, that’s not even the worst part,” he continued, and I scooted a few inches away but didn’t take my eyes off of him. “My divorce won’t be final for at least another two months.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head and trying to register this catastrophic news flash of his. “Please don’t tell me that you’ve been sleeping with me, knowing that you have a wife.”
“I know. And I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry for doing this to you.”
“Rico, just go, okay,” I said, with tears flowing because I could no longer prevent it.
“Whit, please don’t do this. I’m sorry for what I did, but when I told you last night that I was in love with you, I meant it. Yes, this thing started out as some stupid experiment, but as time went on I really started to care about you. I mean, you have to know that from the way I’ve spent all my time with you.”
“And that’s supposed to make everything okay?”
“No. But what I’m saying is that I really want us to be together and that’s why I decided to come clean about my original intentions. I didn’t want what we have to be based on a lie.”
“But it is based on a lie, Rico. Can’t you see that? I mean, how can I ever trust you again, knowing that you deceived me like this? And to think you actually came on to me just to see what it was like to be with a fat person. I mean, how could you do that? How could you get me into bed the first night I met you and now lie about being in love with me?”
“But that’s just it, I’m not lying about that. I really am in love with you. I know you don’t believe it, but I’m very serious about that.”
“Well, at least now I know why you told that chick at the health club that you and I were just friends. You were ashamed to be seen with me just like I had already imagined.”
“But I’m not anymore.”
“Oh, so you admit it?”
“Yes, but the only reason I felt like that was because I allowed my ego to get the best of me. But I’m telling you, I’ve enjoyed every single day that I’ve spent with you. And then over this last week, I realized I was in love with you. I realized how empty I feel when we’re not together.”
“You are such a freakin’ liar,” I yelled, standing up and walking over to the entryway. “And I want you out of here.”
“Baby, I’m begging you, don’t do this. Let’s do whatever we can to work this out,” he said, coming toward me with open arms.
“Don’t you even think about touching me,” I said between clenched teeth. “Now, for the last time, get the hell out of my house.”
“Look, I know you’re upset, but if I wasn’t being on the up-and-up, would I be telling you any of this? Because even though you would have eventually found out that I was married, there’s no way you would have found out why I started seeing you. I told you that because I didn’t want any secrets between us and because I told you from the beginning that I like to be straightforward about everything.”
“If I have to ask you again, I’m calling the police.”
“I don’t believe this,” he said, and I almost laughed at him.
“
You
don’t believe this? Then how on earth do you think I feel? Huh? I mean, what if the script was flipped and I’d come over to your place telling you how I’d been laughing about the way you look behind your back and then I planned and plotted to take advantage of you?”
“But the thing is, I decided to tell you everything before it went too far. We’ve only been dating for barely a month but I didn’t feel comfortable with what I was doing.”
“Oh yeah? Well, I won’t feel comfortable until you leave here.”
“Fine,” he said, stepping outside. “Now, I wish I hadn’t told you anything.”
I slammed the door, closed my eyes, and whispered out loud, “I wish you hadn’t either. Even more, I wish I’d never met you.”
G
OOD MORNING,”
Dr. Green said, strolling into my room.
“Good morning.”
“So how’s it going?”
“Just fine, but I’m really ready to get out of here,” I said, laughing. “I’m starting to feel like I’m claustrophobic.”
“I can imagine. Well, for whatever it’s worth, you look good. Almost like you haven’t even had surgery.”
“Why, thank you. I really appreciate hearing that. Especially when I know I’m looking a mess.”
He smiled at me like he knew I was being modest and he was right. Because the truth was, I’d already taken a shower, slipped on a fresh gown, and put on my makeup. Of course, I hadn’t given myself some full-fledged glamour job, but I’d made sure that I, at least, was presentable.
“No, you definitely don’t look a mess,” he said, reading through my chart. “But I seriously doubt if you ever could.”
“Thanks,” I said.
We conversed about the weather, how stressful our careers were, and how neither of us had had a vacation in a long while. After that, he gave me a mini-examination and explained that he wanted to see me in a week.
“I want to thank you again for taking me on as a patient and for getting me in so quickly,” I said.
“You’re quite welcome.”
We both paused awkwardly and then Dr. Green said, “Well, I guess I should get going. One of my patients is in labor, so it looks like I’ll have to be here for a while.”
“No rest for the weary, huh?”
“No, I guess not. But anyway, you take care and I’ll see you in my office.”
“Thanks,” I said, and he winked at me on the way out.
Okay, now I knew that Whitney had been right. Because whether I wanted to admit it or not, there was certainly chemistry between Dr. Green and me. But at the same time, I couldn’t dismiss the long talk that Cameron and I had had either. He’d come up to see me in the afternoon and then he’d come back just before my parents had left to drive back home. My mom had wanted to stay here until sometime this afternoon, but since their church was celebrating its fiftieth anniversary and Daddy was chairman of the program committee, they needed to be there.
And while I hated to see them go, their leaving had given Cameron and me an opportunity to talk about everything. I’d told him that I couldn’t continue being his girlfriend and that I would understand if he still didn’t want to be married. He’d responded by saying that he still thought we needed to wait but at the same time he didn’t want to lose me. He’d told me that he loved me, that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and that as soon as I was well enough, we could start looking at rings. He’d said that we could schedule a wedding date for next year sometime.
So, regardless of what vibe I was feeling toward Dr. Green, it just wasn’t that important. Not when I was finally going to marry the man I loved and whom I wanted to have babies with. After a while, Cameron and Whitney walked into my room at the same time.
“So, what’s this?” I teased. “You guys hanging out together behind my back or something?”
We all laughed, but there was a sadness about Whitney that concerned me. I wasn’t sure what could be wrong, but I was willing to bet it had something to do with Charisse. All I could hope was that the two of them hadn’t had another blowup.
“Are you ready?” Cameron said.
“Yep. All we have to do is ring the nurse so she can order a wheelchair,” I said, pressing the call button.
“Geez,” Whitney said. “Last I checked, I was supposed to be helping you get dressed and then packing some of your things.”
“I know, but I guess I was so anxious I couldn’t wait.”
“Apparently not,” she said, trying to look cheerful, but she wasn’t fooling me in the least.
“You and all these flowers,” Cameron said. “Whit, you might have to take a couple of them with you.”
“That’s fine,” she said, and to be honest I hadn’t thought much about it or how they were going to fit. Because there were now actually five vases. Those from the firm and Skyler, one from my parents, one from Cameron, and one from my next-door neighbor.
It didn’t take very long for the elderly volunteer to arrive with the wheelchair, and now I was sitting at the entrance waiting for Cameron and Whitney to pull their cars around. When they did, Cameron helped me inside and Whitney took care of the flowers, splitting them between both vehicles. After that, we headed out of the parking lot.
“You’re not hurting, are you?” Cameron asked.
“Not really. I still feel a little soreness, but it’s nothing to complain about.”
Cameron pulled out into traffic and turned on the radio.
“Hey, did Whit seem upset to you?” I said.
“Sort of. Why? What’s wrong with her?”
“I don’t know, but she and Charisse really had it out on Friday and it wasn’t good.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I just hope something worse hasn’t happened.”
“You should just ask her.”
“I will when we get home.”
“Did you want something to eat?” he asked.
“Maybe later.”
“Well, the thing is, I have to go into the office for a few hours.”
“For what?”
“It’s that city proposal crap again.”
“On a Sunday?”
“They want to meet with us again tomorrow and I promised that I would have a revised version prepared for them.”
I sighed and looked out of the passenger window.
“Look, Taylor, it can’t be helped. I spent most of yesterday and most of last night with you, so it’s not like I had time to work on it.”
I still didn’t say anything and continued looking at the buildings we were now speeding past. It was obvious that Cameron was in a hurry.
“This is just great,” he said, changing the radio station to 106.3. “You try to do the right thing but it’s still not enough for some people.”
I finally turned and looked at him.
“Well, excuse the hell out of me, Cameron, for wanting to spend more time with you.”
“And that’s what I want, too, but what do you expect me to do? I mean, it’s not like I’ve ever asked you to leave work early or forget about working on weekends when I know you have a big case coming up.”
“But how many times have I put my work before you when it was important? I have always tried to be there for you whenever you needed me, and in case you haven’t realized it yet, I just had surgery.”
“I
do
realize that. And as soon as I’m finished at the office, I’ll be back to see you this evening.”
“You know, I was so happy last night when you left, and now I’m feeling strange about us again.”
“Well, you shouldn’t. Because I meant everything I said. About the ring and about marrying you next year. But right now, I need you to bear with me until this contract is sealed.”
No matter what he’d said, I still wasn’t happy about what he was telling me. But I also knew that arguing with him wasn’t going to change anything, so I left it alone. I decided that it just wasn’t worth dealing with at the moment.
“Okay, Whit,” I said. “My things are put away and Cameron is gone, so tell me what’s going on with you?”
“Rico…” she said, and burst into tears.
“Oh my goodness. What’s wrong?”
We were sitting at the breakfast table and I rested my hand on top of hers.
“Whit? Tell me what happened.”
But she couldn’t. At least not at first, but finally she settled herself down and told me everything.
“I am so sorry,” I said for lack of anything better to say.
“Not as sorry as I am. I fell in love with him, T. I fell in love with a man who did nothing except make a fool out of me.”
“Well, I don’t know if I would say that.”
“And why not?”
“Because if nothing else, he had the decency to confess everything. I mean, he could have just as well not told you anything. Not about his so-called experiment or his marriage.”
“I don’t care. Just the fact that he used me the way he did was enough for me, and I don’t ever want to hear from him again.”
“And I respect the way you feel, but Whit, I have a good feeling about Rico. I know he messed up, but he seemed so into you that day Cameron and I went out with you guys. And while I know you won’t want to hear this, how many men have treated you as well as Rico has? I mean, I know what he did may seem unforgivable, but outside of that, he’s basically been really good to you.”
“Why are you defending him like this?” she asked, and for the first time since Whitney and I had become friends, she was yelling at me. I knew she was lashing out in pain and that she didn’t mean any harm by it, but it still hurt just the same.
“I’m not defending him, Whit. You know I would never go against you to protect someone else, but I really wish you would reconsider your position on this. Because the fact is, we all have flaws, we all make mistakes, and that won’t ever change. And what you have to do is weigh the bad against the good and then figure out what’s really important.”
“But he hurt me so badly. I’ve been hurt by a ton of no-goods in the past, but I wasn’t expecting this from Rico. Although I guess that’s what I get for trusting him so quickly. I do this all the time and you would think that I’d eventually learn from it.”
“As far as I’m concerned, love can’t be defined or given a time frame. You pretty much go with the flow and then hope for the best.”
“Maybe. But Rico had his chance and he blew it. I could never trust him again if I wanted to.”
I started to prepare my next rebuttal but I could tell Whitney wasn’t having it. The disapproving look on her face spoke a thousand words and I certainly got the message.
Still, I thought she was making a big mistake. What Rico had done was the worst, but he had so many other great qualities. For example, he’d come clean about everything and the man looked
good
. And he didn’t care about her weight. Maybe he had in the beginning, but it was very clear that he couldn’t careless about it now. Not to mention he’d been helping her work out and spending all his time with her. I guess I just didn’t get it. I just didn’t know how much more a woman could ask for.
But in the end, it wasn’t my decision. It was all up to Whit and it wasn’t my place to keep talking about it. Of course, I would pray that she came to her senses and that everything worked out for her and Rico, but I would keep my opinion to myself. Obviously, that was going to be hard to do, since I so wanted her to be happy. But this was the best way to handle things. It was the best way whether I liked it or not.
Over the next hour, we talked about everything we could think of, which was mostly nothing important, and then Whitney mentioned that she was hungry.
“What do you want to get?” I asked.
“Anything that’ll digest.”
Now, why oh why did Whit keep putting me in this position? You know, the kind of position where you had to keep telling people what they should or shouldn’t be doing? Whit had lost over twenty pounds and all I could hope was that she wasn’t about to overindulge.
“But like what?” I finally said. “I know you can have meat and salad, but no bread or pasta, right?”
“I can have anything I want today. I’m depressed and I need something to help me with that.”
“I just hate to see you mess up after losing so much weight.”
“I know, and that’s why when tomorrow comes, I’ll be back on my diet.”
“Whit?”
“I promise. I know I’ve said this before, but Rico or no other man is going to hinder me this time. My goal is to lose fifty pounds by my reunion and that’s what I’m still going to do.”
“Okay, it’s your call.”
“I’m serious. I’m going to eat whatever I want today, but that’s where it ends.”
“So, what do you want?” I asked her again.
“What about ribs?”
“From where?”
“Smokehouse, of course.”
“Let’s go.”
“No, now wait a minute,” she said, and I knew why. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy and lying down.”
“I know, but I’ve been cooped up for almost three whole days and I need some fresh air.”
“I don’t think you should, because what if you start bleeding or somethin’?”
“All I’m going to do is get in the car and stay there until we get back here. I won’t even go into the restaurant with you.”
“I still don’t feel comfortable letting you do this.”
“Then I guess we’re even. Because I’m not comfortable with you saying that you’re only going off your diet for one day.”
“You’re a trip,” she said, laughing.
“I know.”
“And T?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I didn’t mean anything by it, but I’m feeling so much pain right now.”
“Don’t worry about it. You know I understand.”
When we stood up, we hugged each other and went outside to the car.
We drove out of the driveway and zigzagged out of the subdivision. There weren’t a ton of houses in total, but it was clear that the developer had been fascinated with adding lots of turns in the road. Some streets seemed like two when they were actually part of one, but I had to admit that it did give the subdivision more character. Something that wasn’t the norm anymore for newly built houses. Specifically, houses like mine that were only five years old.
Whitney drove out of the main entrance and we continued on our way. The barbecue joint was maybe five miles ahead and I was glad it wouldn’t take us long to get there. I was glad because I was starting to feel a little more discomfort than I had been. I would never tell Whitney because she would probably go ballistic, but I couldn’t wait to get back home to take some Vicodin. I remembered what Dr. Green had told me about catching the pain early and I was certainly going to take his advice.
“Whit? Wait a minute,” I said when I thought I saw a black Danali.
“Is that Cameron?” she asked.
“It sure looks like it.”
“And he’s not by himself either.”
“Oh no, girl. What do you want me to do?”
“Follow his ass,” I said, and Whitney did what she was told. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my body and it was interesting how my pain was disappearing.