''
Oh, Kathleen, I don't think there's any doubt that you should. None at all.'' Gerry's faded blue eyes didn't twinkle anymore. He was serious. Relieved, Kathleen allowed herself a smile.
''
Thank you. I appreciate the blessing. I really do. And we'll see each other often. I'll need your advice, I'm sure.''
She was out of the chair, her fingertips still in contact with nubby brown upholstery when Gerry revved his engines and came at her full force.
''
Of course, I'll be here when you need me, and naturally I wouldn't want anything to keep you from what you need to do, but, Kathleen,'' he held up a finger. She knew that tone of voice. It was too kind, too selfless. She stiffened. ''Do you think you might possibly ask Richard to postpone your employment just a wee bit? Given what you've been through with Louise, given Sarah's precarious position and Michael - of course Michael - you may want to stay with us awhile. You know, with your friends. For Lionel. Not that I'm asking for myself you understand. . .''
With that Kathleen began to shake. It was just a little shivering inside, a small twitch in her hands. She clamped her lips shut and looked to the left of Gerry and then took an interest in the door. She wished she had a magazine to flip open, an article to read on anger or making your eyes look bigger with the right shadow. She wished she had a place to hide where she could nod and agree and make life smooth. But there was no magazine and this was not her mother. She had to hold that thought. If she didn't, she would continue to paint on a face instead of turn a real one to the world.
''
It is for you, Uncle Gerry.'' She said quietly and he responded with his own dead silence. ''It's for you, not Michael or anyone else. You want me here because you're lonely. But I've been there, done that. My mother wasn't really sick for years. She was lonely and she was scared. I knew that somewhere inside me, but I stayed anyway because I was lonely and scared, too. We were each other's excuses. I did it because I figured I wasn't worth much to anyone except her and it was you who made me feel that way. When you left you took all the hope and stardust with you. No one talked about you. You didn't call. There was just this big, awful silence like it was my fault you were gone. So I made up for making you go away by staying. And now I'm not going to say it again. Mr. Jacobsen says he needs me immediately. It's a big case and they've lost a key player. I'm not going to stay because someone asks. Not again.''
Kathleen stuck her hands into her pockets. She'd said too much, but she couldn't stop the rest that was coming. She didn't look at Gerry for fear the hurt on his face would make her stay no matter what. At the very least it would make her shut up, and she didn't want to do that ever again in her whole life.
''
You wouldn't stay even for me and I thought - ''her voice shook, ''- I thought you cared.'' There was a rent in time where everything stood still. All clocks, all motion, as if the world was waiting for the real truth. ''I thought you loved me. You didn't care enough to stay in my life, so why would I stay for you?''
''
Kathleen, I did love you. More than you'll ever know.''
''
So much that you walked out?'' She tilted her head back to let the tears trickle back the way they came. ''At least I'm giving you the courtesy of a little notice. I'm giving you a reason. You didn't give me either.''
''
Then, sure, Kathleen, I'll give them to you now.''
Gerry came toward her. She moved away. If she'd been smart she would have run. But she wasn't that smart.
''
I had no wife, no children and you were the apple of my eye. I wanted you to have everything. Not so much you'd forget how to work, but enough to make the road easier.''
''
Oh, I never forgot how to work,'' Kathleen said. ''I had to work for every little thing I had. My father thought education was a waste on someone so stupid, my mother thought clothes and make-up were a waste on someone so tall and big and ugly. What was it you wasted on me, Gerry? Your time?''
Gerry hung his head; the top of it was smooth and reflective. The little bits of hair that were combed across it looked pitiful. He raised his head to speak to her.
''
Time, Kathleen. Time is what I wasted, but not on you. It was wasted because I was away from you. It was wasted because of money.''
''
There never was any,'' she shot back.
''
Yes there was,'' he said quietly. ''There was quite a bit.'' Kathleen sat down, unable now to take her eyes off him. ''There was a trust fund for you, Kathleen. Your mother and I arranged it with the provision that your father would never know. Your mother was the trustee.''
Gerry walked past her, trying to find the proper words for his story, seeing her, she was sure, still as a young girl eager for the stories of his glamorous life.
''
Your father believed in every scheme that came his way. And every one he pinned his hopes on failed him. That's why I didn't want him to know about the money. In those years I was involved with some pretty shady characters, defending them whether they liked it or not. I worried I might not be around to take care of the money I'd set aside for you. That's why your mother was trustee.''
Gerry landed by the window and looked out. She knew what he saw. An alley. There was no glamour there, but there seemed to be some sort of inspiration.
''
Your mother was very good about it for many years. She sent me the statements that were sent to her. You should have had enough not only for school but to set yourself up in a tidy practice if you liked. Unfortunately, your mother was a weak woman, unable to keep her secrets long. She told your father about the trust fund. When he asked her to withdraw the money, she did.''
He looked over his shoulder at her. The collar of his shirt still bobbed about his thin neck, the years wore on him. She saw hurt and regret on his face. Mostly regret.
''
I could have forgiven her that, Kathleen. What I couldn't forgive was her righteousness. When I confronted the two of them she sided with your father. She said it was their right. She looked me in the eye and told me that the money I'd worked hard for was, by rights, theirs because they had so little. It was about them. Not you, or me, but them. I was hurt to be treated that way. I imagine your mother knew in her heart she was wrong, but her pride kept her from apologizing. I was so hurt I cut myself off from my sister and her husband. In the process, I forgot about you. I threw the baby away with the bath water, Kathleen.''
''
And it went on that way until there were years between us.'' Gerry found his chair again. He seemed tired. ''Everyone was at fault except you, and you suffered the most. 'Twasn't what I wanted at all.'' Gerry cradled his cheek in his palm. ''Sure, didn't I think your mother had told you the sorry tale, Kathleen? I thought that's why you came. Now that you know, it will be why you leave.''
Numb, Kathleen stood up. She slipped on her high heels then righted herself. For the first time in her life, Kathleen spoke the honest to God truth, out loud, without qualification or concern for anyone's feelings but her own.
''
That's not why I'm leaving. I'm leaving for myself, Uncle Gerry. I want what Richard Jacobsen has to offer, and Richard Jacobsen wants me.''
''
I need you.''
''
It isn't enough now. I don't want to be needed anymore. Not in that way. I'll take care of All Life. I'll call Bob Morton in the morning.''
''
You'll be leaving Sarah just when she needs you the most.''
''
Gerry, she's not my friend. We all aren't bound in some strange way. You treat Louise like she's your daughter. You've taken Sarah under your wing. You've seen Michael twice and you're ready to have him up for cards.''
''
And you, Kathleen, how have I treated you.''
''
Like my mother did,'' Kathleen said and regretted it the moment the words were out of her mouth.
''
I'm sorry, then. So very sorry. I can only wish you well.'' Gerry stood and gave her a little bow, stopping her as she reached for the doorknob. ''I'm sure Richard will want you to start as soon as possible. I'll take care of Louise.''
Kathleen hesitated.
That hurt.
As she left for the day, the sun was setting.
Her heart was, too.
''
I thought you'd still be here.''
Michael stood in the doorway of Gerry O'Doul's office. The front door was open; Becky was long gone so he had walked right in. His long legs were parted; his thumbs were hooked in the pockets of his jeans. He was a shadow man because Gerry hadn't moved from his chair since Kathleen left, not even to turn on the lights. Gallant as always, he did so now though it was, obviously, a great effort to pull the little gold chain on the banker's lamp he'd had since he passed the bar. That grand occasion seemed a hundred years ago. The lamp still worked; Gerry was beginning to wonder if he still did. He blinked and held his glass up toward his guest.
''
Come and raise one with me, Michael. We've been deserted by the woman we love there's nothing left but the bottle.''
Gerry's sad chuckles were like wilting rose petals strewn in Michael's path as he sauntered in. He smiled at the old man who had shed his jacket and turned up his cuffs. The watch on his wrist was silver with an elasticized band, a substantial time piece of a substantial man. Gerry poured two fingers and put it in front of Michael.
''
You do love my Kathleen, don't you?'' He asked as he sat back in his chair.
''
I don't know, Gerry.'' Michael swiped up the glass and sat down. ''How about I just confess to liking her a heck of a lot so far.''
''
Sure, that's fine for the time being, Michael. But don't wait too long to decide on the other. Kathleen is moving, Michael, moving on so fast. She'll leave us all behind if we're not careful and she may not be happy when she does. When she wants to come back, we may not be here to welcome her home.''
''
Is that what she's doing? Leaving us behind? I thought she was just taking advantage of an opportunity.''
''
No, no, my boy.'' Gerry poured himself another drink and toasted Michael. He sipped and put his head back on his chair. ''Ah, I say, getting older has its good points. I don't even feel this brew as it goes down.'' Gerry licked his lips and let his eyes roam over the ceiling. ''She's run away is what she's done, poor thing. The problem is she's run the wrong way, into the jaws of the wily beast.''
''
Jacobsen?''
''
No other.'' Gerry slid his head along the back of his chair and his eyes came to rest on Michael. ''You're a good man, Michael. I could tell that the moment I met you. I'm proud to know you. But Richard Jacobsen is a man I've never trusted. He worked with me, don't you know, so I'm not talking through my hat. He was a brilliant young man, but there's something odd that drives him. Something dark, it is, and I've never quite cared for it. But then I can't quite condemn him either. We've all played the game, each of us just have a different way of staying on the board. I used Richard when I could. He used me. How could I, in good conscience, tell Kathleen anything other than good luck? She's on the board now, Michael. If I was still one of the big boys she'd be safe here with me instead of going to him.''
''
You think she's in some kind of danger?''
Gerry shook his head, ''Not in the way you mean. It's just that I don't want her to be disappointed anymore, Michael. I don't think she has the cold heart she'll need for a place like Shay, Sylvester & Harrington. I don't think she'll be able to hold Richard's interest. I've thought about it all this long evening and I think this was a bad decision, truly I do.''
''
And you didn't tell her?''
''
After confessing to her that all the adults in her life had done her wrong? Me the worst offender?'' Gerry snorted. ''Sure aren't you the optimist. I'm assuming she told you when you drove her home?''
''
She did.'' Michael still held his drink. This wasn't the social hour, just some time he could give an old man he admired. He wished he could do more than just listen.
''
And you think she would have trusted my advice?''
''
I don't.'' He reached for the bottle and checked it out. Fine scotch. When he put it back on the desk he finally had a taste. It went down smooth. ''She's got her pride.''
''
Don't we all.'' Gerry laughed. It was good to sit with a man, talking like a man. No flowers, no hearts, no worry about who would be hurt. Gerry confided in his new friend. ''My pride kept me from being exactly what Kathleen thought I would be. You see, in my pride I didn't think I had to change with the times. I was so ignorant, Michael. I assumed quality would win out, and the one thing I always had to offer was quality. People got what they paid for.'' Gerry chuckled at his own nonsense.
''
But fashions changed. No one wanted ethics and reason, so few people wanted the truth. And there was the press. I spoke always so truthfully to the press, but the time came when they turned the words around so blatantly I sounded like a fool. People forgot Gerry O'Doul and the way he understood the law. I didn't see that people wanted to be entertained and shocked. They wanted gossip, not thoughtfulness. No one cared about the truth, or the deftness of a battle waged by the spirit and letter of the law. My pride kept me from running with the pack so I was left behind. I was not the darling any longer. People like Richard Jacobsen were. Money talked. Designer name law firms got the business. Those who could sell, rather than argue, their case were the champions.''
The two men considered that for a bit, Gerry's opportunity lost. There were pros and cons to standing still. They had both done it. There was something to be said for compromise, too, but they wouldn't argue the fine points now.