Chasing Down Secrets (9 page)

I wake to the blinding sun. My mouth dry and lips chapped. I have to find water. I get up and slowly walk to the trail. They are gone. Now how am I supposed to find my way back? I don’t even know where I am.

“Calm down, Maria, breathe. First find water then worry about find away to camp.” I tell myself.

I walk straight ahead into the opposite side of the woods and walk until it grows dark. I am exhausted and my legs hurt, so does my head. But I refuse to stop until I find water.

Finally, I do. It is a small brook but it is water. I kneel beside it and cup water in my hands. The moment it touches my mouth I feel an instant relief. But I need more. My hands don’t work well to hold the water so instead I put my head level with the brook and take big gulps. It soothes my burning throat and I am not as tired. My head ache is almost gone.

I stay like that for a while just drinking, finally I am satisfied and look to the sky. It is looks to be around one in the morning. I walked straight to get here so I will walk straight to get back to the trail. It is almost dawn so there is no point in sleeping. Maybe if I go through the night I’ll be able to find them. The thought of that makes my heavy heart feel lighter until I remember they had said it’ll take a day and a half to get back. They are almost there or are there. So I won’t find them.

Oh well, I can find it on my own.

I brush off the skirt of my dress and head back to the trail. The length of the walk from the trail to the river is much longer than I originally thought, because it the sun is shining in the sky by the time I find it.

There are footprints in the dirt that I can only assume belong to the Nazis. So, I follow them. The only noises are of my feet crunching the dirt and the birds chirping happily with an occasional breeze. It is peaceful, so I let my mind wander.

What am I going to do when I get back to camp? Did I actually think they’ll just let me stroll on in and go on like I never left? Even if the answer is no I still need to find out. I am not thinking of myself anymore, I am thinking of the baby. I don’t know what they do to pregnant women because I have never seen one, but they’ll at least have to have a doctor check me out, right? I’m not so sure anymore.

I don’t have anymore time ponder it, though because I hear twigs snapping. I don’t even think twice before I sprint ahead. I run until my breath is ragged then I hide in a bush. That’s when the man who took Emmett appears. He is just standing there, as if waiting for someone. For a moment, I think he is be waiting for Emmett. But I know that isn’t true. I could wait around to find out, but that is too risky so I silently tiptoe away. Once I am out of ear shot I run again.

My breath comes out in short bursts, my feet burn and sweat trickle down my back. I can feel eyes watching me but I know there aren’t any, I haven’t been seen. Emmett is still nowhere to be found which leaves me to run on my own. I don’t want to continue but I know I have to, or I’ll get caught, Emmett wouldn’t want that.

I wander into a clearing that looks familiar but I cannot tell why and sit down in the middle, allowing the tears I’ve been holding back since I started following James to spill from my emerald eyes. Memories are trying to fight their way into my thoughts, but I refuse to let them flow.

I look around the clearing and my heart gives a little squeeze. This is the clearing Emmett and I had met at to run away, no wonder it seems familiar. It is right by the camp… I hardly have anytime to register this because there is an uproar from somewhere off in the distance.

I cautiously get up and follow the noise. It leads me to tall gates that I have once been trapped behind. But something is different. They are open and people are being released. Soldiers lead groups of people with rotting skin away. Another memory threatens to surface, but it is too painful. This is where Emmett and I had first met.

“He’s dead! We’re free!” A boy around my age cheers from the line.

“Maria,” a familiar voice says dreamily. I didn’t realize that I missed the sound of his voice until I hear him say my name. I turn around to see James.

“James, is it true?” I did not plan on asking him, but the thought of it makes me well with hope, maybe Emmett will finally come back to me.

“Yes, so you and Emmett don’t have to run anymore.” There is something off about him. I noticed it last time we spoke about Emmett. He sounds sad, almost.

“I actually don’t know where Emmett is. A soldier took him away.” I say.

“What do you mean he was taken? When did they take him? He was following us back to camp with you, wasn’t he?” James’ brow furrows with confusion. My face contorts with guilt. “Wasn’t he?” This time his words are harsher; demanding answers. I can tell what he is thinking, why him and not you? I can’t blame him.

“I tried to help but he told me not to leave the shadows until he had gone,” I murmur.

“And you
listened
?” James questions in utter disbelief.

“I know you guys were close, but he’s fine. We just need to find him.”

“That’s the thing, Maria. They killed him, obviously they killed him. He betrayed them. They killed him and it’s your fault.” James spits harshly, stomping away.

He isn’t dead. He can’t be. He promised me he would come back. I can feel he is still alive but at the same time I can’t help but feel like it is my fault. He risked his life to save me. He didn’t have to but he did. I should be dead right now, not him.

“Stop that. He’s not dead.” I whisper sternly to myself.

A few large storm clouds roll into view blocking out the sun. I look around once more, now that everything is dark it looks like the place I have been forced to call home for five years. It seems like so long ago since I have been here, been a prisoner. Now I am free…and alone. No one but myself, James hates me, Emmett’s gone, and when I found my father, he died, just like my mother.

Slowly, I make my way towards a long hut with a metal roof top. I can’t contain myself any longer and tears finally flood my eyes giving a glass like touch to them. The memories seep through. I hate this place. Especially the hut I am now in front of. I had lived there for a while and only bad memories come from there. Well, this whole camp only brings bad memories. The only good ones are with Emmett. Well, I have a few good memories with James, too, but his hatred has tainted them. I refuse to think of them. The guilt will be too much to bear. In my dreams, I can hear Emmett’s voice, like an echo in my ears. I can feel his touch. I can feel his kiss. But it is all wrong because he isn’t actually here.

There is a light in the distance and it is moving away. I run to it and the closer I get the clearer I can see it, I see it flickering and realize it is a candle. A sharp wind blows and then, the flame goes out leaving me and the stranger in the darkness. I stumble forward until I fall against something rock solid. I cling to it while I regain my balance but just as quickly I squirm away. It is breathing. I put a few steps of distance between me and the object I now know is a person.

“Whose there?” I ask softly, fears hand on my throat ready to squeeze it shut. “I have a gun,” I whisper timidly, still there s no reply. “It’s loaded. I’ll shoot.” I say a bit louder with more conviction. I don’t actually have a gun but the storm clouds above block out the sun completely, so there is no light.

This time there is a laugh. Not the evil sinister kind, but the kind that makes me positive that he is laughing at me, at least it sounds like a he, like I am the punch line to some joke. Branches that have fallen from the storm a few nights ago start to snap and I know he is coming forward.

“You wouldn’t dare.” A voice speaks through gritted teeth; he wraps an arm around my waist pulling me closer. His face is inches from mine and his hot breath on my face makes me feel shy. There are only two people who can do that to me and since one is missing I know who it is instantly.

“James,” I mumble, relieved it is not a killer but confused as to why he is out here in the dark. He steps away and I can hear him fumbling until the candle is relit.

He looks me up and down then smiles to himself before he said, “you lied about that gun.” I can hear the mocking in his tone.

“Well, I thought you were some crazed murderer. What are you doing out here, anyway?” I ask curiously.

“I was going to look for him.” He mutters in a just barely audible voice.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” A surge of anger starts to bubble up from within me. Why is he leaving when it is so dark out? Could he not wait until the light? And when was he planning to tell me?

“No, I didn’t because it’s too dangerous. Emmett wouldn’t want you putting yourself at risk especially in your condition.” He says hastily. I note how he calls being pregnant a condition and how his voice becomes detached and the words clipped as he says them.

“I can take care of myself.” I spit through gritted teeth.

“It’s just I couldn’t forgive myself if you got hurt.” There is a pain in his eyes and our conversation from the other day runs through my mind.

“You care. But for what? I’m still trying to figure out.”

“You don’t want to do that. You won’t like what you find out.”

Now, I understand what he meant. The way he got mad when he found out I was pregnant, the way he keep protecting me. He cares for me, like really cares.

“Tell me the truth.” I say trying to sound braver than I feel.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Maria. That is the truth.” He says then gave an exhausted sigh.

“Not about why you wouldn’t tell me, about why you keep coming to my rescue, about why you got so mad when you found out I was pregnant.” I look straight into his eyes and take a few steps forward.

“You already know.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“No, you don’t. You want to be wrong. But you’re not.” His eyes look over my entire face before meeting my gaze.

“Say it.”

But he doesn’t, he turns around puts the candle on the ground then turns back to me. I think he is going to argue some more but then his hands are on either side of my face and his mouth is against mine. It is a timid kiss, like he is afraid of what I might do. Truth is I don’t know what to do. So, I stand there until my eyelids slide closed and I kiss him back. It is different from when I kiss Emmett; it is sweeter and filled with pure innocence. When he feels me kissing back he pulls me closer. When he finally releases me he looks me in the eyes.

“I love you.”

Chapter Eleven:

“You love me?” I ask numbly.

“What, now that I’ve said it you don’t believe me?” He retorts bitterly. True, I did tell him to say it, but it sounds strange and foreign now that he actually said it. “I told you, you don’t want the truth you want to be wrong.” His eyes pierce mine.

“I…I’m…You…I…” I stutter before the words that I can’t form just fall to the ground like stones.

“I’ve loved you since the day I saw you, but Emmett got you. I was entranced by your beauty and I wanted to be the one to save you from here, but Emmett was.” His eyes aren’t as hard as before, actually it us like watching ice melt. He seems so sad.

“You never said anything. You were here before him! And you just stopped talking to me, why? I don’t understand,” I reply.

“Because I couldn’t, I would have, but I couldn’t. I still can’t.” James says desperately.

“Well, technically, Emmett couldn’t either, but he did.”

“Emmett is much braver than I am.” He says in a resigned voice.

“A couple days ago, you told me you joined because Emmett wanted you to, but you were here before him.” I state like it has some connection to his love for me.

“I was, because he did not want to join at all, but his father told him he had to, it was the only for Emmett to prove he was a man. So he asked me to join before him to tell him how bad it was.” James pauses for a moment, then closes his eyes and continues, “I told him about you.”

“Why? If you were in love with me, why tell him?”

“He didn’t know I was. I didn’t want him to think I was weak. So I didn’t tell him. Emmett is my best friend, but the one thing I cannot forgive him for is taking you away from me, even if he didn’t know.”

“Then why go look for him?” I try to sound angry but I really feel bad for him.

“You need him,” is all he says “I won’t lie I am still tempted to whisk you away.” This time his face seems to brighten a little as he lets out a deep chuckle.

“So, why don’t you?” I reply breathlessly.

“You wouldn’t let me.”

“Thank you,” I look at my feet. They are filthy; dirt is caked underneath my toenails. But it is easier to look at them then at James.

Emmett is the one, but I can’t help feeling something for James. Do I care about him? Yes. Do I like him? Debatable, but do I love him back? Maybe.

“Are you going then? To look for him, I mean.” I ask quietly.