Chasing Me (15 page)

Pride, joy and love, real fucking love, for both the women in front of me, overwhelms me. Before today, I never thought about having kids. It just wasn’t in the plans. Why would I want to mess up a kid with the craziness that is my life? Here she is though, a four year old child and now I am responsible for her every need. Part of me is scared shitless, afraid of losing them; letting them in only to be hurt in the end. The other part, the Hunter that I’m not used to being, is standing ten fucking feet tall and feeling bulletproof.

“Anything you want.” Chase says, snapping me from my epiphany.

“Can we have bacon?” She asks, pouting her lip.

Snatching her up off of Chase’s lap, I smile like a kid on Christmas. “One thing you’ll learn about me is I’ll never say no to bacon, Jazzie.”

Leaning down I brush my lips over Chase’s. “I’m sorry, babe.” Chase moves over, so I can shove the booster into the back beside her, a sweet smile spreading across her face. Once Jasmine is buckled in, I hop up front with Mack and we start toward the gate, passing Katheryn’s enormous truck barreling down the driveway on our way out.

***

Half an hour later, I am sitting next to Mack at a diner with Chase and Jasmine. The girls sit coloring on an extra placemat the waitress brought out with crayons when we came in. I can’t help staring at the two of them together. “Can her hair be pink, Chase?” Jasmine asks, pointing to the dog Chase drew on the back of the page.

Chase’s smile spreads, “Absolutely, is there a better color than pink, Jazzie?”

“No!” She exclaims, bouncing in her chair. “Pink’s the bestest!”

The girl has the Chesterfield mentality, that’s for sure. Her moods change quickly, going from one extreme to the other. Aiden and I were like that; we adapted quick, and reacted quicker. Whether it is genetics or survival instinct that has her acting this way, I figure it’s best to find out. Tomorrow, I’ll find out if we can dig a little bit into how things were for her. Nothing I can do about it now, but doesn’t stop the fact that I need to know how Xandra treated her.

Jasmine may not be upset anymore, but Chase is a different story. Tiger Lily’s eyes never leave Jasmine or the paper. Not even when we order; do her eyes meet mine, or anyone else’s for that matter.

In case you hadn’t guessed, I don’t fucking like it.

“Mack,” I blurt, nudging him in the arm. Yanking out my wallet, I thrust some bills at him. “Take this and let Jazzie win somethin’.”

Jasmine’s eyes fly up from the page to the claw machines lined up on the wall. “Can I really?”

“Yeah, knock yourself out ‘til the food comes.” I manage to get out before she leaps from her chair and grabs Mack’s hand.

“‘Mon Uncle Mack!”

Once Mack has her attention on the machine, I slide my chair around closer to Chase. “Wanna tell me what’s up with you, babe?”

Chase continues scribbling on the paper. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.”

“Bull-shittin’ the king bull-shitter is a bad idea.” I say just above a whisper so that Jasmine doesn’t hear. “The kid gettin’ upset fucked with your head. That much I can tell without even askin.’ What I do wanna know is why, babe?”

“Fine.” She huffs, finally meeting my eyes. Leaning back in the chair she crosses her arms over her chest, pushing her perfect tits up against the top of that tank top. “If you know so much, then you tell me.”

“Not how this is gonna go, babe.” I reply, knowing that she’s just baiting me into an argument to keep from feeling what she felt earlier.
I’m the king of spinning shit around to keep the emotions at bay too.
A well placed joke or smart remark will get you out of a lot, but not this time.
“I just assumed when you said: ‘
If we’re gonna do this Hunter, that’s how it has to be. No secrets, no lies, and all that stuff.
’” I shrug, mocking her voice. “Kinda just assumed that was gonna go both ways, is all. What happened to figurin’ out shit together?”

“Don’t throw that shit back at me, Hunter.” She bites out, standing to her feet. “One day of bein’ in a relationship doesn’t make you an expert.” Turning on her heel, Chase heads toward the bathrooms.

Any other time, I would sit here ‘til the bacon comes or find a bitch to blow me while I wait. Up ‘til now, drama would make a chick off limits. I’d simply turn to another of my ‘Three B’s’ and move on. Which usually consisted of; inhaling a bunch of bacon and diving into a bottle of booze, only leading to more and more nameless bitches. Eat, drink, fuck, rinse and repeat, pretty much the story of my life. Vicious cycle, I know. But, until now, it didn’t bother me. Hell, at one time those moments were all that got me through when I wasn’t on stage. No one gave a shit about anything I had to say being meaningful, unless I was singing.

Pushing from the table, I walk by Jasmine and Mack. Jerking my head in the direction of the bathroom, I let him know where I’m heading. My plan is to stand outside the bathroom and wait for Chase to come out before I call her on her shit again. That is until I hear her crying through the door. Hoping to hell there is no other chick in the bathroom, I fling the door open. Chase stands at the sink, not moving to face me.

“I’m not running from this and you’re not takin’ the easy way out of a hard conversation.” I say matter of fact. “Talk to me, Tiger Lily.”

Jerking around, she crosses the floor toward me. Her face is tear stained, the thought that I helped cause that stings. The only time I’ve felt worse was in Nashville when I lied. I watched from the bathroom while she grabbed her shit crying just like this. I wish that I had gone after her then; maybe she would trust me more now. Her eyes flash with anger, pain, and fear; slashing me to the bone.

“What do you wanna know Hunter?” She snaps, shoving my chest with both hands. Feisty woman is tiny as hell, but I wobble with the force. “That I was Jasmine? Because my dad wanted his good time more than he wanted a family. I look at that little girl and see myself. He left me in the driveway after I clung to his leg begging him to stay.” She pushes against my chest again, a sob rumbles up from her chest. “It hurts to be abandoned. To think you aren’t loved by the ones that should love you no matter what, Hunter. Being so afraid because you don’t know what’s gonna happen now; Jazzie doesn’t deserve that!”

I can’t take the distance anymore. Grabbing her shoulders, I pull Chase into my arms, hugging her tightly against me. “Neither did you, babe.” I reply, because shit, that’s the last thing I ever expected to hear.

My entire childhood, I prayed for my father to leave us and never come back. I didn’t know what it felt like to have anything like a family until I was thirteen years old. Henry started it all by taking Aiden and me in when he didn’t have to. At the time, I remember thinking I would have run like hell at what Henry embraced without a second thought.

“We all have our pasts Chase; those things make us who we are now. The good, the bad and the totally fucked up, all mix together. You gotta embrace it all, and let it go. It’s no secret that my childhood was horrific, but it’s the past and I don’t let myself live there anymore. If I did, the anger would consume me. What he did to me, to Aiden, it should’ve broken me. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. That bastard never got one fuckin’ tear from me. No one ever has.”

“We sure are a pair, you and me.” Chase admits. “At least we can say we’re better people than they were, huh? I couldn’t just walk away from my own child. I don’t think you could either. It means too much.”

Explaining how I feel about everything Aiden and I went through is something I don’t really do. I have no problem with people knowing what happened, it wasn’t my fault. But how it affected me; that’s a topic that I’ve never talked about. I’m a pro at skirting around the tough subjects. Toss out a joke, shrug it off, and move on. “Yeah.” I murmur.

“God, you must think I’m crazy.” She laughs uneasily.

“Nope, but I do feel sorry for your dad, and any other asshole who’s stupid enough to miss out on any of this we’ve got goin’ on babe.” Tipping her chin up, I meet those hazel eyes, rimmed with red. My chest tightens, squeezing my heart like a fist. Any other woman would have me running the other way if she teared up. Here I am, wanting to kiss away every goddamn tear Chase has ever cried. What the fuck is happening to me?

Pushing the feelings that are so close to pouring out back down to deal with later, I cup her face in my hands. Chase stunned me, the pain she keeps hidden was the last thing I expected to hear. I came in here expecting to get my ass ripped for scaring my kid, or being a prick at the table. Instead, she gave me a piece of her that I can tell she doesn’t freely give to just anyone. It means something to her, which makes it important to me.

I can feel the strings tying me to her, linking our hearts and our lives to each other. Right now, we’re more vulnerable than I’m okay with. This moment is going to change everything, whether I like it or not. I’m falling hard for Chase Hanlon, and I’ll probably never be able to tell her. Tossing it out at Cam or Daisy is nothing special, but saying and meaning it, that’s something I’ve never done. Chase deserves to hear the words. She deserves for me to mean them.

Right now, in a shitty diner bathroom, I have a decision to make. I can keep running after the life I thought was making me happy, endless pussy and booze that only ends in an empty bed and hangover… Or, I can embrace the possible happiness that has been chasing me for months. I can start trying for a chance to be satisfied with my life. Not just with the kid, or even Chase, but the band too. Fight for my place.

Bending down, I do what I’ve wanted to do since I walked into the bathroom; I crush my mouth to hers. The taste of her lips, wet from her tears, is enough to fucking unman me. The words she said earlier coming back, hitting me square in the chest.
‘If you believe in it that much, if you want it that much, fucking fight for it.’
Looking beside the obvious; being with Chase and raising the kid, taking my place with the band comes to mind again. To be more than just the damn voice, yeah it’s important. I believe in it, I want these things more than I’ve ever wanted anything. Singing a song on stage that I’ve written, giving the crowd a piece of me that they have never seen. The real me. Yeah, it’s being vulnerable in a way I never have been, they could hate it.

Later, I will talk to the guys. If necessary, fight for the shot to prove myself. But right now, I kiss my girl with everything I have. Knowing that it’s her faith in me shining the light on what I kept locked away in the dark for so long. I tend to come across as a cocky bastard when it comes to my voice or my dick, but other than that, I was playing it safe. Not anymore. Looks like it’s time to shit or get off the damn pot.

Overreactions Expected

Chase

Once again Hunter leaves me speechless. One thing that drew me to him was his ability to shock and awe me at every turn. Though, I’ll admit when my emotions went into a tailspin, I expected him to just let me be. Needless to say, I didn’t know how to react when he came barreling into the ladies room. Now with his lips pressed against mine, my knees go weak beneath me. Hunter wasn’t just kissing me; it was as if he was claiming ownership.

“Oh, damn babe,” Hunter groans against my mouth. “You’re vibrating with need.”

Pulling back, I shove him. “That’s my phone.” Rolling my eyes, I fish it from my pocket. “Hello?” I say into it once I see Luke’s name on the screen.

“Good to know that if my sister doesn’t call me to let me know she lands safely I can always look her up online.” He grounds out through the phone. “Chase, seriously, they have shit here in Vegas of you helping that drunk asshole to a van. Then don’t get me started on the video from the airport. What the fuck is going on?”

“Careful Luke, you’re not getting away with talkin’ bad about someone I love.” I growl out, making Hunter’s eyes widen. “The band is getting bigger, Luke, it comes with the territory.” I reply, brushing it off even though I don’t like it at all.

“Yeah, whatever. I’ll bet it does. Listen, there’s this page called ‘
stroketheSHAFT.com
’. Some ladies were in here earlier talking about it. Pictures, video, whatever they can find on any of them, even the girls. Some of this stuff is pretty bad. Hell, Sis it’s a site dedicated to ‘exposing the worst’ of them. I mean that’s not hard with pretty boy, but you better watch yourself.”

“Hunter and I will have a look, thank you Luke.” I say, making Hunter’s eyes meet mine curiously.

“You need me; I’m there in five hours baby girl. No questions asked.” His voice softens. No matter how much of a commanding asshole my brother tries to be, it’s only because he is trying to protect me. It’s what he’s always done. “I love you Chase.”

“Love you too, Luke.” I reply, but he’s already hung up.

“What the hell was that about?” Hunter asks, taking my hand and walking toward the door.

“Not good news.” I answer. “Let’s get back out there; we’ll look while we eat.”

By the time we get back to the table, Jasmine has a half dozen stuffed animals surrounding her while she eats. Mack looks up from his burger, a scowl on his face. “Seriously, that’s just mean.” He huffs. “Saddle me with the kid, while you take a ‘potty break’. I thought we were friends, Hunter.”