Chasing Perfect (19 page)

Emily's eyes widened. “You're really going to help me, even though I lied to you?”

“You have to do the work. If you'll see it through, I'll know you've learned your lesson.”

Charity felt as surprised as Emily looked. She'd figured Josh would lecture the girl, then let her go. Instead he'd offered her a way to get everything she wanted, while still having to be responsible and show initiative.

Emily stood, rushed to Josh and hugged him. Then
she stepped back. “I'll be there,” she promised. “I'll do whatever you say. I swear. I'm so sorry.” She turned to Charity. “I am sorry. I was desperate and that's not an excuse. Please don't be mad at him.”

“I'm not,” Charity told her.

“Thank you,” Emily said again. She hurried to the door and let herself out.

Josh walked over to a small cabinet by the wall, pulled out a bottle of Scotch.

“Want some?” he asked.

“I'll wait and have wine with dinner.”

He poured himself a glass, then set down the bottle and took a long drink. “Welcome to my world.”

“Does that happen a lot?”

“Every now and then, in different forms. People get desperate, I'm an easy target.” He looked at her over the glass. “You know I didn't sleep with her, right?”

“Of course. I knew it before she confessed everything.”

He put down the glass. “How?”

“You told me there hadn't been anyone for a while and I believed you. Plus, she's not really your type.”

He crossed to her and put his hands on her waist. “What's my type?”

“I'm not sure exactly, but I'm confident you're not into girls still in high school.”

“You know me well.”

He kissed her.

As his mouth claimed hers, she realized that tonight
she knew him a little better than she had before. He could have simply thrown Emily out after her confession. There was no reason for him to help a girl he didn't know who'd tried to blackmail him. Josh was a complicated man. He was also someone she liked. A lot.

The thought terrified her. Not only did she have to worry about the stupidity of falling for a man like him, she had her own hideous track record looming. Still, it was too late to run for cover now.

He drew back and smiled at her. “How hungry are you?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him. “Dinner can wait.”

“That's my girl.”

 

J
OSH WARMED UP WITH
the high school team. They rode slowly for a couple of miles, mostly talking and laughing without paying attention to anything beyond getting ready for the real workout.

Josh didn't listen to the conversation. He couldn't. Every bit of his attention, every ounce of self-control, was focused on not freaking out like a kid at a monster movie.

The students rode in a pack, which wasn't unusual. What made the event incredibly different for Josh was the fact that he was part of the pack. Not in it, exactly, more on the outside, but still riding with the others. At least he was doing it.

Maybe the slow pace helped. There was no sense of being out of control. He knew nothing bad was going to happen. At this speed, the worst result of a fall would be a skinned knee or elbow.

One of the students maneuvered his bike closer to Josh's. The boy, tall but skinny with that awkward, lanky look of an adolescent who hasn't figured out what to do with his new body, smiled tentatively.

Josh smiled back. “Brandon, right?”

The kid nodded. “I can't believe you're riding with us. I'm on a loop with some other guys who ride around the country. They think I'm lying.”

“Then you should bring your camera next time and we'll take pictures to prove it.”

“You'd do that?”

“Sure. For a hundred bucks a pop.”

Brandon's mouth dropped open.

Josh laughed. “I'm kidding. Yes, I'll take pictures with you and the other guys. You can load them on your Facebook page.”

“Sweet.” Brandon glanced at him, then away.

Josh wondered if he had more he wanted to say.

The pace picked up a little. Josh easily kept up with everyone.

“You, um, work out, right?” Brandon asked.

“Sure.”

“Coach has me doing some weight lifting, but I'm not…” He looked around at the other guys, as if
judging how many of them could hear. “I need to put on some muscle.”

“How old are you?” Josh asked.

“I'll be seventeen in three months.” Brandon sounded excited by the fact.

Josh tried to remember the last time he'd been thrilled to be getting older. It had been a while.

“In the next couple of years, you'll start to put on some serious muscle,” he told the teen. “Don't push too hard on the weight training until you're done growing. A lot of guys do that, but what they don't realize is all that muscle keeps the bones from growing as much as they should. They can lose a couple of inches of height that way.”

“I'm already six feet,” Brandon told him. “But my dad says the men in our family stop growing early.”

“When you've stabilized your height, you'll start picking up muscle. Don't forget there are more ways to get strong than just lifting weights. Off-season riding is all about conditioning. This winter you should ride inside a few times a week. Alternate between high rpm workouts and low rpm workouts. High-cadence workouts help you learn to contract and relax your muscles quickly. You'll move in the pack better and be able to dig deep for a sprint. Low-cadence workouts on a high gear build muscle.”

Josh grabbed his water bottle and took a drink. “You also need to work on your whole body. Use the winter months for different kinds of sports. Skiing is
great. Take a yoga class once a week. You'll stretch your muscles, improve your balance and it's a great way to meet girls.”

Brandon laughed. “Yoga?”

“I'm serious. It will help with your riding and girls love a cyclist's ass.”

Brandon's cheeks turned red. “Good to know,” he mumbled.

Josh held in a chuckle.

One of the other guys dropped back to join Brandon and asked Josh his opinion on a bike he was thinking of buying. They discussed equipment until Coach Green drove up and blew his whistle.

Conversation immediately stopped as the guys rode faster. The pack spread out a little as they turned onto a mountain road and headed straight up. Josh stayed on the left rear, watching the other riders. But this time, instead of feeling the panic, he noted their technique. One guy jerked his bike back and forth, wasting energy and adding distance. Brandon was an intense rider, but he was late with his gears, taxing himself more than necessary. Most of the other riders did the same.

Without thinking he yelled, “Everybody stop. Stop where you are.”

The guys looked at each other before slowing to a stop. They straddled their bikes and looked at him. He pointed at the teens one by one and gave each of them a critique. When necessary, he demonstrated the wrong way, then the right way.

“Now we're going to ride up the hill together,” he said. He explained the gear sequence and why he made the choices he did. Then they started riding together.

Josh found himself in the center of the pack. He called out instructions and the other riders crowded around him. One kid nearly ran into him.

His heart seemed to stop in his chest. The tightness began in his gut, spreading out in every direction. Breathing was impossible as the panic claimed him.

Not now, he thought grimly, swearing silently. Not like this.

“Squirrel,” one of the guys yelled as a squirrel darted across the road in front of them.

“Watch each other,” Josh yelled instinctively. “You don't want to hit the squirrel, but you don't want to go down, either. Be aware of where you are.”

They were nearing the top of the road. He knew in another mile it would turn and provide a gradual descent back to town.

“When we start down, I want you to keep your speed under thirty miles an hour.”

“What?”

“No way.”

“Going fast is the best part.”

Josh ignored them. “You're going to practice breaking out of the pack. Call out numbers.”

Brandon yelled one, a second guy yelled two, until they'd counted through the team.

“That's the order,” Josh said. “Start in the middle
of the pack and work your way to the front. You get a minute of glory, then move over and drop to the back. Is that clear?”

Everyone nodded.

They reached the crest and the road started down. Brandon moved to the center of the pack.

Josh was aware of everyone's placement. The kids didn't ride close enough to really get in the way, but this would still be good practice. When Brandon—

He kept pedaling even as his mind did a double take. Wait a minute. He'd been in the middle of a panic attack. He'd been seconds away from losing it completely. What the hell had happened?

He replayed the events, realizing the squirrel had distracted him so completely, he'd forgotten about his symptoms. Apparently without his tension feeding them, they faded of their own accord.

It was the first glimmer of hope he'd had in two years. It meant there was a chance he could conquer this. That he could go back and be everything he'd been before. He didn't have to be afraid.

He sat up on his bike and started to laugh. The sound echoed off the sides of the mountains around them. One of the kids looked at his friend.

“Old people are weird,” he muttered.

Josh grinned. “We sure are.”

C
HARITY CLICKED TO
the next screen on her computer. “Now we move into the lifestyle part of the show,” she said. “I've uploaded an assortment of real estate listings. Everything from starter homes and condos to doctor-priced beauties on the lake or the golf course.”

She clicked again. “Here's a few pictures of the wineries, looking pretty. The ski lodge, the award-winning restaurant. For local flavor we have the farmer's market, the Fourth of July parade and the obligatory sunset picture.”

The latter showed a family walking by the lake. Dad held a little girl, Mom held the hand of a little boy. The figures were silhouetted against a beautiful orange and red sunset.

“Very nice,” Marsha said, from her seat next to Charity. They were in the mayor's office, reviewing Charity's presentation. “What about the financial package?”

Charity went over the information for the hospital itself—tax breaks, potential grants, how much the state, county and city would kick in.

Marsha smiled. “You've done your homework,” she said approvingly.

“I'm determined. Fool's Gold is absolutely the best place for the new hospital campus to be. I'm going to make them see that.” She grinned. “In a very polite, professional way, of course.”

“I have no doubt.”

“The good news is there's only one other site that's competitive. So we have a really good chance. At least this time there's no rich family who wants their name over the door. I'm still annoyed I didn't know that.”

“You'd been here all of five minutes. How could you?”

“You're right,” Charity said, but she couldn't help feeling she
should
have been able to figure it out. It was her job, after all. “This time is different. There aren't going to be any surprises.”

“You sound resolute.”

“An immoveable force.”

“Then I have every confidence you'll succeed.” Marsha picked up her coffee and sipped. “I noticed Josh training with the high school team.”

Her voice was casual, but Charity wasn't fooled. While she and her grandmother were getting to know each other, they hadn't spent a whole lot of time talking about Charity's personal life. As everyone in town knew Charity was seeing Josh, it wasn't hard to assume Marsha knew, as well. But she'd never brought it up before.

“He has a race coming up,” Charity said, hoping today's session went better than the last one.

“He's also determined. Even when he was younger, he was incredibly focused. Talent is never enough. Drive is just as important. He's a good man.”

Charity leaned back against the sofa. “Is there a ‘but' in that sentence?”

“No. I think Josh is very special. He needs someone in his life, and I'm going to risk our new relationship by saying you do, as well.”

“I want that,” she admitted. “But I'm not sure about Josh.”

“Because the rumors about his talents are overrated?” Marsha's lips twitched as she asked the question.

“Are you trying to find out about my love life?”

“Only in the broadest sense. I think too many details would make us both uncomfortable.”

Charity laughed. “You're right. No, the rumors aren't exaggerated. Josh is great and I really like being with him. He's funny and caring and smart. Not to mention gorgeous.”

“Now
I'm
sensing a ‘but' in the conversation.”

“But he's dangerous. The whole fame thing is uncomfortable. I don't want to be a bright star in the world. I want my life to be anchored here. I want normal.”

“Josh is very normal and this is his home.”

“For now. But what happens when he competes
again? What happens if he makes his comeback? He becomes successful racer-guy again. I'm not saying I don't want that. If it makes him happy, if it heals him, then he should go for it. But I'm not interested in someone who needs the approval of the world to feel good about himself.”

“Is that what you think he wants?”

“I'm not sure,” Charity admitted. “But I'm worried about it. I want to be in a relationship where I'm the most important person in someone's life. I want to feel the same way about him. I can't compete with an adoring crowd.”

“Maybe you wouldn't have to.”

“Maybe.” Charity was less sure. “For now, it's not an issue. We're getting to know each other.”

Marsha smiled. “Be careful. That's how every great love begins.”

 

A
FTER
J
OSH FINISHED
working out with the team, he went back to the hotel and showered. When he was dressed, he glanced at the clock. Charity wouldn't leave work for another couple of hours. He could go into his office, but he wasn't in the mood. Restlessness drove him out of the hotel. He walked along the sidewalk, no destination in mind. Then he turned a corner and saw a sign for a familiar business.

Hendrix Construction had been around for about forty years. Ethan's grandfather had started the company, and his father had taken it over a decade
later. When they'd been kids, Ethan had sworn he wasn't going to follow anyone into the family business. A few weeks after Ethan had graduated from college, his father had died unexpectedly. As the oldest son, it fell to him to take over the company and keep it going.

Maybe Ethan had planned for one of his brothers to join him or buy him out, but that hadn't happened. Nearly ten years later, Ethan ran both the construction and the windmill businesses.

Josh stared at the building. He could see several people inside and wondered if Ethan was one of them. For all he knew his former friend could be at a job site or out at the windmill building plant. Still, he could walk over and find out.

He took a step, then stopped. Not counting the phone messages he'd left, it had been a long time since he'd talked to Ethan. Over ten years. He wasn't sure what to say. The truth was he hadn't done anything wrong. Ethan's injury wasn't his responsibility or his fault. So why did he feel so damned bad about it?

Knowing there was only one way to get the answer, he crossed the street and walked into the office.

Nevada Hendrix, one of Ethan's sisters, sat on the reception desk, her feet dangling. Her jeans and T-shirt were smudged with plaster dust, her boots worn and practical, rather than a fashion statement. She gestured intensely as she spoke.

“You couldn't be more wrong,” she was saying. “About all of it. If you would just shut up and—” She raised her head and saw Josh. “Dear God!”

She jumped off the desk and stared at him. “You're here.”

“In the flesh. Is he here?”

He didn't have to tell Nevada who he meant.

“Ah, sure. In his office.” She gestured toward the rear of the building.

“I can find it,” he told her, then pointed to the receiver she held. “You're still on a call.”

“What? Oh.” She returned her attention to the call.

He walked between the desks, which were mostly empty. The engineers and sales staff would be out calling on customers or at job sites.

At the rear of the building was a large lunch room, an alcove with office supplies and several big printers, and a single door with Ethan's name on it. Josh knocked once, then pushed it open.

Ethan sat behind his desk, working on his computer. His expression was intense as he used his mouse.

“Not my problem,” he said, his attention still on the screen. “I don't care about your engineering degree. You're wrong about the bridge and I'm going to prove it to you.”

“Huh. And here I thought I had a business degree.”

Ethan looked up. He raised his eyebrows. “I thought you were Nevada.”

“Apparently.”

Ethan motioned to the seat across from his desk, saved his work, then faced Josh. “This is a surprise.”

“For me, too,” Josh admitted before sitting. “I came to talk to you.”

Ethan stared at him, his expression unreadable. “So talk.”

Now that he was here, Josh didn't know what to say. He'd had ten years to plan for this conversation and the hell of it was, he couldn't remember half of what had happened between them.

“I've left you phone messages,” he said. “First every few months and then every couple of years, I tried to get in touch with you.”

Ethan's left eyebrow raised. “The effort was very meaningful.”

“You didn't call me back.”

“I was waiting for you to man up and come see me in person.”

“Here I am.”

“I can see that.” Ethan shook his head. “You were gone, Josh. You'd been a part of my life, a part of my family's life and then you just disappeared. Do you know how that made my mom feel?”

Josh felt his gut roll. “No, but I know it was bad.”

“Worse than bad. Mom loved you like you were one of her own. She kept a goddamn scrapbook of your racing career.”

Josh wished there was a nearby rock. Crawling under it would feel better than this.

“I fucked up,” he admitted.

“You sure did.”

They stared at each other.

“The accident wasn't my fault,” Josh said at last. “You ran into me. I'm lucky I didn't go down, too.”

Ethan leaned back in his chair, but didn't speak.

“You got hurt,” Josh continued. “It happens. You moved on, you've got a great life. Look at this place. It's what, double the size it was when your dad ran it? And the windmill company. You're a success.”

“I know.”

Ethan wasn't giving anything away, which really pissed Josh off. He stood.

“I'm done feeling guilty. It's not my fault that you had to give up racing. I'm done paying for it. I was wrong to stay away and I've apologized for that. So you need to get off my ass.”

Ethan waited a couple of seconds. “You about done?”

“Yeah.” Josh sat back down.

Ethan leaned toward him. “I was never on your ass.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I never blamed you for what happened.” A smile flashed. “I had that race locked.” The smile faded and his expression hardened. “After the accident, you didn't come to see me in the hospital. You were like a brother to me and you didn't want to get close, in case getting injured was something you could catch.”

Josh shifted on his seat, feeling ashamed and stupid. “It wasn't that,” he began, then shook his head. “No. It was that. You were great, Ethan, and I knew if it could happen to you, it could happen to anyone. So I stayed away. I'm sorry.”

“We were like brothers.”

Josh nodded.

“You kept staying away.”

“I didn't know what to say,” Josh admitted.

“I figured.”

“What? Then why didn't you come talk to me?”

“I knew you'd be back one day.” Ethan looked smug. “I just didn't think it would take ten years. Of course I've always been the one with the brains. And the good looks.”

“In your dreams.”

There was more to say. More to explain and apologize for, but that would come later. Right now, the first step had been taken. All he could think was how much time he'd wasted—they'd both wasted. Gladys was right—men
were
idiots.

Josh stood. “Want to go to Jo's and get a drink?”

“Sure.”

They headed out. Nevada was still on the phone. She stopped talking and stared at them as they left.

“You're going to be getting some calls later,” Josh said, as they headed for Jo's.

“From the girls and Mom. Should make for an interesting day.”

They walked into the bar and grabbed a table against the wall. A few of the women already there looked twice, then went back to watching some dating reality show. Jo walked over.

“The usual?” she asked.

Josh nodded. Ethan did the same.

She glanced between them. “You two kiss and make up?”

“There wasn't any kissing,” Ethan said. “Unless you're offering.”

She rolled her eyes. “You so couldn't handle me.” She walked back to the bar.

Josh glanced at his friend. “Jo?”

He shook his head. “No. We flirt, but it doesn't mean anything. She's not my type.”

“Since when do you have a type?” Josh asked, then wished he hadn't. Ethan had been married. He'd loved and lost in the worst way possible. “Sorry.”

“It's okay. So I hear you're competing again.”

“It's one race.”

“That's all it takes to get back in the game.”

Josh wasn't sure he wanted to be in the game. Right now he was mostly interested in proving something to himself.

“It's been a long time,” he said. “I've been riding, but not seriously.”

“That has to change.”

“I know.”

“It's all about fundamentals,” Ethan said. “Get back
to the basics. Training and focus. There's an element of luck when you win and being prepared is the best luck you can bring to the game.”

Ethan grabbed a couple of napkins and together they sketched out a training schedule. Grueling, Josh thought as he stared at the breakdown, but worth it. He didn't tell Ethan that winning was the least of it. Right now competing would be enough of a win.

Josh finished the last of his beer. After tonight there wouldn't be any more drinking. His diet would be as strict as his training schedule. He didn't have much time to get in the best shape of his life.

He turned his attention back to his friend. “If you weren't pissed at me, why have you been in a bad mood for the past few years?”

Ethan shrugged. “Why else? A woman.”

 

“N
O ONE WANTS ME THERE
,” Charity said, as she sat in the passenger seat of Josh's car.

“
I
want you there,” he said.

They were in the parking lot of a local television studio where a reporter from one of the sports networks was going to interview Josh.