Chasing the Music: For the Love of Music Book 0.5 (13 page)

She wrung her hands and finally stepped out from behind the curtain and toward where Griffin sat quietly playing. There was something about him she couldn’t give up, even though she’d have walked away from anyone else after something so wholly humiliating.

“Oh, good,” he said smiling. “Sit down so we can sit back to back, and I’ll have something to lean against.”

Lita smiled back. He was giving her an out. “So, really, you just needed a chair, is that right?”

Griffin shrugged and turned away from her patting the floor behind him.

“You really should have found someone bigger,” Lita teased as she sat.

“Yeah, well, I’ll take what I can get.”

She leaned her back against the warmth of him but couldn’t breathe—her nerves danced like elephants until he started to play again. “No phone?”

“My guess is the late night calls are going to halt.”

“Oh?” Why did her heart feel lighter?

“I think she’s finally…settling in.”

Lita really couldn’t blame the girl for wanting to talk every night. If Griffin were her boyfriend, she’d want to talk to him too.

“I should have asked you to get a guitar. We could have messed around together,” he commented.

She rubbed her fingertips together. “My fingers are sore.”

“Really?” The pitch of his voice raised in surprise.

“Yeah. It’s like they were tough as nails for a while, but after every show, I swear they hurt a little more.” She stared at the softening calluses on her hands.

Griffin held his hand out to the side, and she realized he wanted to see hers. She stretched out her arm, palm up and his warm fingers ran over hers sending waves through her.

This had not been a smart idea.

“You’re sending mixed signals,” she whispered as she pulled her hand back.

“I know.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“So…” She pushed down the frustration and the ache that seemed to be part of being around this guy. “Your girl must be pretty special.”

He missed a few notes, and then stopped playing, resting his arms on the body of the guitar.

“You really want me to talk about Stacy?” he asked.

No. Of course she didn’t, but she was horribly curious about the girl that had such a hold on him. And with their backs together the deep conversation felt easier somehow. “Yeah.”

After a short pause, the same slow melody came from the guitar he held. She relaxed into the music and into the feel of him.

“We grew up in the same trailer park.” His fingers danced up the fret board.

“Fancy,” she teased.

“Not even a little.” He readjusted, and she leaned more fully against him. Warmth to warmth… She blinked and the dream she’d had about him spread goose bumps across her skin.

“I’ve known Stacy for forever.” He continued to play scales and variations of scales as he spoke. As if them leaning together wasn’t making his heart race or his palms sweat like it was doing to her. “You know how when you’re in middle school and you date, it’s not really real, right?” he asked.

“I remember.” Lita closed her eyes and thought back to how simple it all was. Now, simple things like meeting a friend after a show zapped her brain with possible repercussions to her image, her career.

“Stacy dated a lot of guys in middle school. Ended up with a not so stellar reputation. We started high school, and she began to actually live up to the reputation she hadn’t earned.”

“She sounds just amazing,” Lita slipped before clamping her mouth shut. “Bitch moment. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Griffin shifted behind her. “I’d always liked her. Always. One day after school, this guy was grabbing at her. Like for real grabbed her boobs and then her ass, and just reached between her legs, and I lost it.”

“Rescued the damsel in distress, huh?” Lita asked.

“It’s my downfall,” he said in a teasing voice. “So, I got the crap beat out of me.”

Lita snorted and leaned her head back until it rested on Griffin’s shoulder. “I was not expecting that.”

“Yeah, well. I was tall then, but gangly and damn awkward. She’s a year older. The guy was a couple years older than her.

“She took the rest of the year off. I think her parents were furious, but with them both working, they had no idea how to protect her.”

She could hear the dedication in his voice. In the way he told her story, which was his story too. After a moment, he began to once again pluck the strings of the guitar.

“That sounds horrible.” Lita thought back to how she’d floated through middle and high school. She’d loved both, all of it. Well, until the beginning of junior year when she won Battle of the Bands and hit the road when her song hit the top of what felt like a million charts.

“Just before sophomore year, Stacy was at my house, and after getting my ass kicked, I’d done nothing but work out. All spring. All summer. Stacy noticed.”

“And you rescued her again.”

Griffin snorted. “I don’t think ‘rescue’ is the right word.”

“Whatever.” She wanted him to get back into the story.

“Anyway, she was at my house and suddenly she leaned over and kissed me. And I’d kissed girls before. Made it to second base with Lily Pallone, but this was different. I’d liked Stacy for a while, and suddenly she liked me back.” His fingers kept moving on the strings, like a backdrop to their conversation.

“And you’re still with her?”

“Yep. And…it’s not just my connection with her, you know? I know her life, her situation. Her and my mom are like, best friends. I think… I think the connection between two people reaches more than the two people.” His words sounded more matter of fact than excited or in love. She clung to that in a way she shouldn’t have.

Lita closed her eyes, her chest aching at a loss she shouldn’t have felt. At a loss she really couldn’t even define. She had nothing to contribute because she’d never felt that way about anyone. She knew she could be hard to take, but she also couldn’t imagine changing, certainly not to be with someone who wouldn’t want her in the end anyway.

“Why did you come out here tonight?” Lita asked.

Griffin’s melody didn’t slow or falter. “Because you’re interesting.  I like you.”

“Because I’m Lita James?” she asked slowly, holding her breath.

“Your name doesn’t really matter.” She felt him shrug. “I’m not out here because of
what
you are, but I’ll admit that sometimes you look like the rock star and sometimes you look like Lita, a cool girl who might be my friend. Is that what you were looking for?”

Exactly
.

“My mom died.” She clutched her arms around her middle. “I mean… You probably knew that.”

“I did,” he said quietly. “Her music was fantastic and not as appreciated as it should have been.”

“I look just like her. Just. I play music because of her.” She’d told so few people about her mom, but she was desperate for someone to have pieces of her that felt real. “When I listen to recordings of her singing, I sound so much like her. I think it kills my dad a little. Like… He’s looked at me different since Mom died, or not really looked at me at all.” Mostly not at all. Being around her dad was rough because she desperately wanted him to see her for her and not the carbon copy of her mom that she sometimes felt like. He’d rather have the original.

“You asked me about parties...” Was she going to do this? “That I don’t go out, or that everyone just knows this about me.”

“Yeah?” Griffin stiffened behind her, but the music didn’t falter.

“Mom wasn’t a partier, really much at all. She gave up music to spend more time with my dad and me when I was about four. When some friends came through town on tour, she went to see them. Of course…” Lita coughed as her throat started to dry up.

“You don’t have to—”

But she did. Suddenly she had to get it out. She’d gotten so much out already. “She did one shot of heroin and it killed her. One. As far as dad knows she’d never done it before. She had nothing else in her system. She just… Her body couldn’t deal, and I lost her when I was eight. One stupid decision on one stupid night, and…” She swallowed hard because sharing the story was one thing, but crying was another. “And that’s why I don’t go out after, or have parties in my room.”

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs as she sat cross-legged.

Warm hands touched her shoulders and she felt his breath on her neck just before his chin rested on her shoulder. He must have turned around. So close. Still so far away. “I’m sorry.”

Everyone was sorry, but this felt different. Griffin felt different. More like he meant it. Why was she being shown something she couldn’t have?

“Okay.” She pushed out a breath, trying to shove away some of the ache.

She felt Griffin start to say something but stop. “Should we head back?”

Lita stood, her legs not totally back to normal after her show. “Probably be smart.”

His expression was open and warm and there was no pity face, just a soft smile. She wanted to run her fingertips over his stubble, and rub his bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth. She wanted his hands...pretty much everywhere. Being this attracted to someone she wasn’t supposed to want, and couldn’t have, was going to be tricky but maybe she could squeeze a few songs out of it.

As they walked out of the building together, she knew she didn’t want to give up whatever this friendship thing was with Griffin because she trusted him, and that’s not something that came easily to her. She was suddenly glad he hadn’t kissed her back because that would have said something about him that she didn’t want him to be.

Lita plastered on her meet and greet smile as she walked from her dressing room. She knew she hadn’t eaten enough dinner, but nerves wracked at her stomach more than normal. Her fingers shook, and she rubbed her hands over her hips, smearing her sweaty palms on her leather pants.

“Are you okay?” Bridget asked as they walked.

Touching the edges of the hair above her ears, Lita opened her mouth to answer, but no words came. Her chest was tightening up again and she paused, leaning against a painted white brick wall.

Bridget’s brows pulled down. “Lita?”

Lita tried to wave her friend away, but her body felt tingly and numb, almost like she wasn’t getting enough air.

Was she getting enough air?

She gasped and her knees shook.

What the hell was this?

“Lita!” Bridget kneeled in front of her, grasping Lita’s face in both hands. “Are you okay?”

“I feel weird.” She pressed her hands into her twisting, tightening chest. “So weird.”

She held a shaky hand between her and Bridget.

“I’m calling the hospital.”

“No!” Lita protested.

People were waiting. She let her eyes fall closed. So many people. That face. That face that said—you’re amazing. Only they didn’t know her at all. She wasn’t amazing. She sang music. That’s all.

“Expectations,” Lita said in a wheeze.

“I’m cancelling the backstage meetings, Lita. This isn’t good.” Bridget let her hands drop.

Everything in Lita’s body still felt too tight, but she pulled in one breath. Breathe in. Breathe out.

“Do you need some coffee?” Bridget asked. “More food?”

“A hand up. In a minute.” Her voice was coming easier.

Carrying two black boxes, Griffin paused just within view. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“We’ve got it,” Bridget snapped.

Griffin paused, his face distorted in concern.

“I said we’ve got it.” Bridget waved him away, but Griffin didn’t move.

“Lita?” he asked quietly.

She let her eyes fall closed. “I just need a minute.”

“What happened?” he asked.

“A minute.” Lita breathed in. Breathed out. When she breathed in again the familiar smell of Griffin relaxed her further.

She heard Bridget and Griffin exchange a few low, grumbled words, but Lita felt herself on the edge of dizzy panic again, so she tuned them out.

In. Out.

“You’re doing great, Lita,” Griffin said. “All good. Keep breathing, and you’ll be up in a minute.”

Oh, good. She’d be up in a minute. She felt her shoulders relax a little, making breathing easier yet again.

“I have this,” Bridget said through gritted teeth.

Lita grasped her friend’s hand. “Stop.”

She let her eyes open again to see both Griffin and Bridget staring at her, and something about this situation with a few crew wandering past them and the two so pale and concerned spread a smile across her face. “I don't know… I mean…” Lita pulled in a long breath. “I’m better. I think.”

“Stress?” Griffin asked and Lita shrugged.

Could stress do that to a person?

“We should go sit before the show.” Bridget’s hand tightened over Lita’s and she started to pull her toward the dressing room.

“But there’s people.”