Chasing the Music: For the Love of Music Book 0.5 (6 page)

Griffin shook his head. His whole heart might not be all in with Stacy the way it should have been, but it would be again, and he was not a cheater. Never would be.

“The band almost always snags a backroom at Denny’s after the show. Or they party in one of the rooms, but I’m pretty sure tonight is a Denny’s night. You coming?” Ryker asked.

Griffin opened his mouth to ask if Lita went, but Ryker interrupted. “Lita disappears after shows, but the band is cool. All of them.”

Griffin shrugged having no idea what he wanted to do. He couldn’t imagine sleeping after this.

His phone vibrated and he jerked it from his pocket, knowing it would be Stacy.

“I can’t talk!” he yelled. “Show’s on!”

“Then let me listen with you!” Stacy yelled back.

He relaxed against the wall and held the phone out for Stacy to hear. She liked Lita, not the way Griffin did, but it was something she took the time to understand about him, just like he understood her obsession with changing her hair.

The crowd erupted and Griffin winced at the noise shattering inside his eardrums. “Thank you!” he shouted into the phone.

“I love you!” Stacy yelled.

“Can I text you later?”

“Call me in a bit!”

“Okay!”

He pictured her smiling face at the simple idea that he was doing something he loved because she cared about him that way. His heart filled a little more. He’d been right. He just needed some time away, and he’d feel solid with her again.

Lita’s arms and legs shook as she stepped back from the mic after encore number two. Every muscle in her body ached and begged for bed instead of the high she used to feel after a show. Was it that she’d done this so many times before? Or was it something else?

The crowd went nuts and she yelled into the mic with them, licking the edge because that had somehow become a thing. The stuff people thought was cool baffled her, but whatever… She let her eyes half close before bowing her head down. The lights shut off.

She threw her arms up in the air again before walking backstage and she let out a breath. “That could have been worse.”

But what would the world say?

The guys from the band smiled and each of them grabbed her in a sideways hug, but was it real or were they just humoring her because they had a job to do? She had no way to tell and so she assumed the latter. She always did. Much easier to not be disappointed that way.

Her hair felt like a helmet on her head, still immovable even after all the sweating, jumping and singing.

“Bridget said to bring this to you.” Chandler smiled as he held out a venti iced coffee, stepping over cords and around the guys from the band.

“Well aren’t you my hero?” She grinned and gave him a half hug, hoping she hadn’t come off too forward or weird since they’d really only met a couple times. Her throat ached, and it was only the first night. She’d have to be careful with her words.

Lita slid the guitar over her head and was just about to carefully set it in the stand when Griffin jogged out and reached toward her. “I can take it.”

She was sure there was something she should say after his first show, but he was one of a lot of new crew so she had no idea what. Lita stood there between the two guys, both looking at her with too wide smiles, and her mind blanked before words formed.

“No black jeans?” she asked, realizing three words too late that it probably wasn’t the right thing to say.

Griffin glanced down. “Sorry. Haven’t shopped yet.”

She took her coffee from Chandler and started off the stage with him in tow. Maybe her words were harsh. She’d never thought so much about what she said. “What size do you wear?” she called back.

“Uh…” He glanced between her and Chandler, who seemed slightly less handsome with Griffin in the room. “Thirty-two waist, thirty-four leg.”

She nodded once and let Chandler lead her off stage.

“Where to?” Chandler asked. “I hear the band is living the highlife in the back room at Denny’s of all places.”

She ignored the Denny’s comment. They didn’t want her around. And she didn’t understand the Denny’s thing anyway. “You have a car?”

“Of course.”

“Let’s just drive.” That felt safer, and a million times better than pretending to enjoy a party or sitting in her hotel room unable to sleep. She tucked her arm into his, gave Apelu the “all’s good” sign and wished that Chandler smelled like Griffin because if the attraction were that simple, it would be that simple to fix.

Chandler let out a breath, his too perfect blue eyes softened. Maybe she
would
be able to find some kind of spark between them. “Sounds perfect.”

Two hours and an empty coffee cup later Chandler stopped them somewhere up the PCH to look over the black ocean. Neither had spoken much, and the silence wasn’t awkward but it also wasn’t relaxing like it was with Bridget. Why didn’t she know what to say? Why hadn’t his perfect looks given her butterflies? Guy. Girl. Same business (sort of), close in age...

“This thing…” Chandler gestured between them. “This is okay as friends right?”

Lita put on a fake smile. Being around him should feel like more, especially if she was considering moving him from fake boyfriend to real boyfriend. But still... Having him tell her what she already knew, burned. “Yes. I mean, we were thrown together. Yeah”

He watched her, and she noticed again what all the girls swooned over. Too-styled dark hair, a jaw-line somewhere between delicate and masculine. He was a beautiful man. Maybe even too pretty for her taste.

“It’s just weird, you know?” he asked. “The situation.”

“To be half thrown together by our managers or agents or whatever?” she asked. “It’s a first for me too.”

She pulled the straw from her drink and started to crease it between her calloused fingers.

“But your record sales went up?” he asked.

“And you’re a possible for the next X-Men?” she played back with a smile.

He nodded.

“Then maybe we should make some kind of show for the paps when you drop me at the hotel, huh?” she teased and flicked the empty straw toward him.

His face paled a little and she sat back, watching him through narrowed eyes. What was his deal?

“Can I trust you with something?” He closed his eyes and ran his hands over his head a few times, messing his perfectly tousled hair. “I mean,
really
trust you?”

She nodded. “I’m the last person you’ll ever find spreading secrets.” After Carmen blasting her on moodiness, on possible eating disorders, on fighting with the band, on hiding after shows...

“I’m…” He groaned as he leaned forward. “Damn, this is hard.”

“Just do it. I’ll close my eyes.” And she did. And waited. And waited.

“I’m gay and I’m just not…”

Her eyes flew open. “That’s it?” And it would maybe explain why she wasn’t reacting to him the way she sort of wanted to.

He let out a nervous chuckle. “Don’t say it like that. Like it’s no big deal. It’s only no big deal if it’s not you. I don’t want to lead people on to think that I’m straight, like whatever made-for-paparazzi display you just thought up for us. I think a good, long hug will keep me safely in neutral territory but will still keep enough fire under the rumors to keep us in the news. I can’t lead people on in too big a way. They’ll hate me when I do come out, which I will.” He pressed his fingers into his temples and pulled in a long breath.

“It’s fine.” Lita leaned her head against the glass; exhausted at the work it took to just be. To just live. To keep a career. To prepare to go on tour. She was part the small town girl, and part the girl she wished she was—the great Lita James—and part someone she didn’t know at all. She could understand his hesitation to put that part of himself out there.

“I’m not ready for… I’m just not ready for everyone to know that about me yet. I know, old fashioned or whatever. I’m just… I’m just not ready.” His head flopped back onto the headrest and his hands rested on the lower part of the steering wheel. “I want to be solid in my career before I let that out. I have a guy I’m insanely in love with, and I'm not ready to put him under the spotlight that way.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever feel solid in my career,” Lita mused as she bit the end of the straw.

Chandler started his car and pulled onto the highway. “That’s not very reassuring.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

He pushed down on the gas as they made their way back into the valley, and she relaxed into the speed and steadiness of his driving.

Her stomach dropped. “Oh, crap.”

“What?”

“My phone. It’s in the dressing room at the theater. We left right after, so I—”

“It’s only been a couple hours. I bet cleaning crew’s still there. Let’s get it.”

“Great.” And then she wondered why she cared. Her phone felt more like a chain than anything else. A way for her to be kept track of and managed. Though she did use it for nearly everything…

In minutes he squealed across the parking lot, and her heart sped in a rush as he slid to a stop behind the theater.

“Trying to get a part in the next Fast and Furious movie?” she teased.

“Always.”

They stepped out together, and knocked on the back door, which was opened almost immediately by a guy she recognized as being from the venue staff.

He gave them a nod and they stepped inside. This would be her stage again tomorrow, and the day after would be the first real day on the road. She’d been on the road more often than not over the past two and a half years, and days, weeks, and hotels had long since blended together.

“What’s that noise?” Chandler asked as he paused behind one of the backstage curtains, cocking his head to the side and listening.

She stopped and held her breath. “An electric guitar. Unplugged.”

“Huh.”

Who would be playing now?

“Hey…” She tapped Chandler’s shoulder. “Can you go get my cell? It’s in the closet of my dressing room, top shelf.”

“No problem.” He moved down the hallway and Lita walked toward the stage.

The melody was smooth and soft, and the voice warm.

They said we’d never get this far,

at nineteen,

married in your car…

wedding bells,

over a drive-thru window…

She moved closer until she was around the black curtain and the soft light silhouetted a man’s lean frame sitting on the stool playing a guitar. Not hers, but one she recognized as a back up. The sound was slightly country, but more rock, or… Jack Johnson like? Interesting. Lita held her breath as the words continued.

Life hasn’t always gone as planned, but we’ve conquered all, hand in hand, it amazes me, what love can do…

Griffin’s face tilted to the side, and his eyes were closed as the words flowed.

She wanted to sit with him. Feel the music. Breathe it the way he did. Damn, she missed that.

Her body nearly pulled her forward, toward him, but she held still. She hated being interrupted, so she certainly wasn’t going to do it to someone else.

The song ended and she blinked a few times, emotion making her chest heavy.

Griffin leaned forward and picked his phone off the floor, putting it to his ear. “Night, Stace. I love you.”

There was a pause and her chest pooled into something warm as goose bumps broke out across her skin. He’d been singing for a girl. Her cheeks heated up as she realized she’d been listening in on a private moment. Still...she wondered if it happened every night, or just sometimes. She hadn’t felt so...
full
...in such a long time.

She backed away from him, and all the things that filled her up a moment ago felt like they were suddenly missing. Like her body replaced the warm energy of Griffin with the familiar twinges of panic over opinions on her new music, her new show, her in general…

Listening in on someone play shouldn’t affect her so much.

Chandler’s footsteps echoed behind her and she spun to meet up with him before ruining Griffin’s peace.

“You okay?” Chandler asked as she jogged for the back door.

“All good.” She panted as she caught her breath, and Lita glanced behind her at the short distance she’d run. Not far enough to be this winded. She had to get some sleep. “Take me to my hotel, give me a
scandalous
hug in the lobby, and I’m going to crash.”

“Breakfast?” he asked. “Aren’t you starving?”

She shook her head. Something inside her felt hollowed out after watching Griffin onstage. There was no way she’d be able to eat after that. And anyway, sleep was probably more important.

“Sometime I’m going to want to meet this guy you’re crazy in love with,” Lita said.

“And before that happens I’ll need to be out about it, or you’ll need to be a lot less popular.” He grinned but her stomach sank.