Chasing Utopia (3 page)

Read Chasing Utopia Online

Authors: Nikki Giovanni

SPRING BLOOMS

Everyone knows

In Spring love grows

Among the birds and the bees

And the humans too

That squiggly worm

Which makes the soil turn

Also falls in love

The Robin gets up

As an early bird should

To catch a careless bug

But maybe the Robin

Has made a mistake

And simply wanted a hug

At any rate

I need a date

With you to watch the moon bloom

We'll sit and we'll chat

About this and that

And maybe like that owl and that cat

We'll dance by the light of the moon the moon

We can dance by the light of the moon

THE INTERNATIONAL OPEN

(Tennis Players vs. Poets)

tennis players

and poets

talk to themselves

one complaining

of unforced errors

the other lamenting

lovers

not here

poets find wonderful

witty repartee

to captivate

the imagination

of the beloved

tennis players curse

in languages we don't

understand

explaining the loss

of points

poets understand loss

old age marriage

fatigue and well

just not going to

make any sense

to this person

this time

game point

set point

match point

no love

THE GIGGLE BANK

The Poet was having a typical day: too much to do with too little time to do it in, yet . . . she was excited. Today she would have a Christmas/Birthday dinner with friends. True, she would have to share the occasion but, hell, if poetry isn't about sharing, what is?

She was up early because she knew she would need a nap in order to stay alert. The Poet is a great napper and heartily recommends it.

She was off first thing to The Giggle Bank. She hadn't been to the Bank since before the Sadness. And because this was a special day she didn't want any thoughts other than happy ones. To be on the safe side she decided to make a substantial withdrawal.

The Giggle Bank requires an appointment. As the Poet sped through town she was willing to risk a ticket because she just couldn't be late. It can be difficult to get an appointment with The Giggle Fairy, since so many people always want to see her. The Poet had had to pull a few strings to be seen on such short notice. She remembered The Giggle Fairy from younger days but they had not seen each other in a while.

Your Mother left you a bunch of Giggles, the Poet was told. Probably a years or so's worth. You never did come back to ask us after she went on her journey to the sky.

I was sad, said the Poet.

The Giggle Fairy was having none of that: Well, we noted you went to the Wyne Bank and made many withdrawals.

Yes, the Poet confessed, and many silly phone calls in the middle of the night seeking a comforting voice.

Had you come to us, GF sternly stated, we could have saved you some embarrassment.

Yes, the Poet acknowledged, and I am working very hard to set things right. That's why this evening is so important to me. May I ask if the Administrator has been in for a withdrawal?

You know we cannot answer that. Nor can we answer if her Wonderful Husband has or has not been in. We are a secure bank, you know.

The Poet appreciated the tip. Then maybe I should get enough for the car and for the dinner.

Where are you going to dinner?

About an hour and a half south. Maybe two hours for dinner. An hour and a half back. I think five hours of Giggles should do us proud.

Well, here you are. And don't forget: You Must Not Leave Any Giggles Just Laying Around.

Are you still having that sale? For every Giggle I use I get two back in the bank?

Yes, of course. Even though you haven't been in that is still the arrangement we made with your Grandmother. What a laffer she was! There were times we would have been out of Giggles but your Grandmother always found a reason to raise a smile. We were hoping you might . . . but never mind. I'm glad you came to us. Enjoy your evening.

The Poet hurried home to quickly nap, shower, dress, and eat a bit. She wanted champagne for the drive and knew she must eat to keep everything on an even keel.

And what a lovely night. The drive down was just about the expected time until the driver got lost. But not for long. The meal was exquisite. The wine wonderful. The service and the company beyond compare. Dinner was not over at nine but rather eleven. And there were still two hours, more or less, to home. Then the unexpected happened.

Everyone had been laughing and giggling and having such a good time that no one realized the Giggles had run out. The Poet should have warned the table but she was so busy laughing she forgot. The Poet knew what would happen: The Administrator would crash on the way home. The Wonderful Husband who had also laughed but who is very protective of the Administrator would not ever have allowed himself to sleep. The Director of a Special Program never slept when she was out. That only left the Poet and the Administrator. Someone had to close her eyes until more Giggles would be obtained.

The Administrator yawned, blinked, and lay her head in the Wonderful Husband's lap. Riding sideways like that would give her bad dreams so she sat up and drifted away. The Poet was enchanted. The Poet was under the impression she was the only one who could sleep sitting up and here we had the Administrator doing it.

Probably it was the trust the Administrator showed when she closed her eyes. She entrusted her Wonderful Husband to the Director and the Poet knowing they would do everything in their power to make him comfortable. Whereas he was, indeed, the only man in the group, the Poet was the only poet so there was outreach. The Administrator leaned back and drifted deeper into a comfortable and safe place. The Poet took that as the highest compliment, since one will do many things with people but sleeping in their presence is a sign of true friendship. The Couple were taken home first. The Administrator awoke and her Wonderful Husband safely escorted her into the house. They blinked the lights to say Good Night.

The Poet and the Director were then dropped off. As the Poet was taking her good clothes off to air and hang up, she, as was her habit, checked her pockets and there, to her surprise, were a couple of leftover Giggles. She remembered now that she had scooped some up when she had gone to the Ladies' Room. Oh, Wow! Had they been brought forward the Administrator would have been allowed to stay awake and Giggle on the way home. Of course, the Poet justified, dinner was two hours longer than expected and there had been plenty of Giggles to go around but these would have made the trip home totally participatory. I should have remembered, the Poet admonished herself. I wonder, as had become a way of life between the two of them, how I can make this up.

She thought and thought, then realized there was nothing she could do. It was a perfect evening. And everyone was happy. So the Poet did a wise thing: she put the Giggles under her pillow and danced and Giggled all through that night in her dreams.

KICK STRETCH KICK

I wish I could

Exercise

While I sit

In class listening

To my students

Pontificate

I would stretch

My legs

And point

My toes

Then lift

Each or the other

To the top

Of the table

No one needs

To know

And I need to lose

Five pounds

Gee whillikers I wish

I could stretch

My mind

MRS. SCOTT

I was a Mama's girl. I adored her. The only other person who even came close was Grandmother. I would follow Grandmother so closely that when she stopped I would run into her. But finally it came. I had an older sister, Gary. She would have been Gary Eugene but she was a girl so they changed it to Gary Ann. I am Yolande, Jr., because I was named after my mother. Gary went to school. I actually found that to my liking. Mommy and I would get up and have breakfast with Gary and Gus, our father. Then off they would go and my world would brighten considerably. Mommy and I would wash or iron or, my favorite, dust. We didn't have a car so we walked to the grocery, stopped by to give a holler to friends. And if the day was going well Mommy might play a hand or two of Canasta with Mrs. Morris and Aunt Jeannie. She wasn't really my aunt but a good friend of Mommy's so we called her by that honorific. But it finally came. I knew Mrs. Hicks because she lived across the street from us. Her kids were younger than we were so we didn't play with them but we all knew each other. I probably even knew Mrs. Hicks taught school but it wasn't something I needed to relate to as I didn't go. But it finally came. Mommy woke me up early because I had to bathe and get dressed. I have to tell you I was skeptical. What could be better than staying at home with Mommy? I poked around with my breakfast while Gus and Gary were telling me how much I would enjoy school. I still don't trust it when people are excited about you doing something.
Oh you'll love it
they say knowing full well this will cut your heart out. But I have always prided myself on my bravery. I don't run from physical, emotional, or intellectual fights. I could handle this, I kept saying to myself. But the tears welled up and by the time we arrived at Oak Avenue School they were spilling over. Then Mommy said
Good-bye
. It was too much. I bawled my heart out. Mrs. Hicks, who was the kindergarten teacher, tried to cheer me up and distract me. I was having none of it. But the first-grade teacher, Mrs. Scott, said
Come on, Nikki
.
You can visit my class.
The irony is that both kindergarten and first grade were in the same room. But I was always a sucker for that kind of logic. When I would fall or stumble Mommy would say
Come here, Nikki, and I'll pick you up.
It worked every time. I took Mrs. Scott's hand and walked to the other side. Mrs. Scott had a physical condition that caused her head to bobble and I think I thought she needed me. She didn't. But I didn't know that. So I guess it's only fair to say my first mentor was Mrs. Scott. She let me think she needed me. And I stayed in school. And all that I have learned and been able to share I think I owe to Mrs. Scott.

WHERE DID THE NIGHT GO

I baked it

In a biscuit

And someone came along

While I wasn't looking

And stole it away

I had planned

To take it

For Show-and-Tell

Naked I would unveil

My prize

The moon would dress me

In moon dust

The stars settling over

My head

And you with your arms

Outstretched

Would awake me

Warm

In the light of day

While the night made its way

Into the kitchen

To become

Morning pancakes

IT'S JUST LOVE

it's just love

it won't sweeten

your coffee

or ice your tea

it won't grill

your steak

or bake your crusty bread

it certainly won't

pour your olive oil

over your shredded parmigiano-reggiano cheeses

it might make

you laugh

it's just love

it won't rub

your feet or your back

it won't tousle

your hair

or paint your

fingernails Red

it might make you

want Red

fingernails

though

it's only love

it has no coupon value

though it also does

not expire

just me

just you

just love

yeah

good for nothing

love

throw it away

when you get

tired of it

STILL LIFE WITH APRON

I would like to see you

Cooking

I would like for you to cook

For me

I would like to see you decide

Upon a menu

Go to the market

And pick the fruit

The vegetables

The fish

I would like to see you smell the fish Test the flesh for freshness and firmness

I would like to watch you

In the bakery

In the bakery by the dinner rolls

Deciding: Rolls or Crusty Bread

I would watch you run back

To get the Goat Butter

I would like to be sitting in a corner

And you

Intent upon your meal

Not noticing me

When you go to the wine store

I would watch you wrestle with red or white

White, of course, because it's fish but red

Is Seductive who ever fell in love

Over a glass of white wine

I—uncharacteristically on time—

Would like you to greet me

In a butcher's apron

I would like to watch you greet me only

In an apron

You would ask me to undress

To undress for you

Before I sit down at the beautiful table

Before you hand me my glass

You would ask me to undress

I would like to watch you watch me

Undressing for you

I would like to watch the movement inside the apron

As I undress for you

I would like to watch you walk

No

Stroll to your closet

Where you bring out your old buffalo plaid dressing gown

Your pilly much-washed dressing gown that smells like you

After you brush your teeth

After you shower After you comb your hair

I would like to embrace your odor

Your odor Your essence as we sit down to eat

I would like for you to cook for me

I would like that

Very much

ONE THING

There is only one

Thing better

Than waking up to Ben Webster

blowing

Monday Morning Blues

In my ear

There is only one

Thing better

Than waking up to coffee

Perking

Bread

Rising

Bacon

Frying

There is only one

Thing better

Than a blue sky

Birds chirping

The garbage being picked up

On time

Yeah

Only one

Thing better

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