Cherishing You (6 page)

Shit.

I have to drain all the new oil back out of the engine and put the synthetic oil in. I just looked at the damn ticket too. “Pull your shit together,” I tell myself, banging my head on the side of the car lift. I can’t afford to keep making stupid mistakes like this on customer’s vehicles. At least Ron’s at the café getting lunch and not here to see this one or he’d be busting my balls again. He’s been catching me in stupid mistakes left and right the past few days, and of course he isn’t shy about pointing it out either.

It’s been a few days since I’ve seen Andi. I feel good about my decision, but if I don’t get up the nerve to talk to her soon it’ll be a waste. The same thing that’s always held me back in the past is the same thing that haunts me now. What if she doesn’t see me as anything but friends? What if she doesn’t feel this electric fire that I do every time we’re near one another? One thing’s for certain, I know I can’t go on like this. I feel like I haven’t slept in days. Okay, so maybe I haven’t rested much lately because even if I
do
fall asleep, she’s right there in my mind, front and center.

Yeah, something is going to have to happen. I’m not losing her again. Hell, I don’t have her now. Fighting for her is my only option, and I have nothing left to lose.

I finish draining the oil and pour it in the waste barrel. Then I double check the ticket with the oil label and fill it with the correct oil. At least I found the mistake before I fired up the engine and the customer left. It probably wouldn’t have hurt anything, but the way my luck is running lately they would have blown it up or something then tried to say it was because of the wrong oil. I top off all the fluids and have to once again remind myself to pay attention to the task at hand. All I see is Andi—her beautiful hair cascading down her back, batting those strikingly long lashes. How she bites the inside of her lips when she’s deep in thought or concentrating really hard on something. You don’t even know the torture I endured all those years while studying together. I can just picture what those lips will taste like.

As I drop the hood and start wiping my hands, I imagine Andi walking into the bay, those lips all pink and shining. I lick my own subconsciously.

“Umm, hi?

Startled and embarrassed, I drop the rag I was using as I realize she really
is
here—I’m not daydreaming this time.

Great start, Ethan, show her what a real dumbass you are.

“Hey. Sorry about that, I was lost in thought.”

“I would say so. You looked like you were about to devour your first meal in days,” Andi says, laughing.

“Well, when you put it like that, maybe I was.”

Andi looks me square in the eye, her smile fading.

Oh, shit, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. She’s going to freak out, isn’t she? Shit, shit, shit! This is it. Our whole future going down in flames, and I’m the one holding the lighter.

“Uh, okay . . . Well then, I guess I’ll let you get back to this car. I just came by to see Dad for a minute anyway. Bye.” She starts to head through the office.

I’m frozen to the floor for minute. “Hell!” I finally say aloud and start running for her. “Andi, wait. Please?”

“Yeah?” She turns around in the doorway of the office and looks up at me.

I quickly scan the office; for once, there’s no one else in here.

“Hey, uh, I just wanted to tell you that Ron isn’t here. He went down to the café to grab some lunch. So you should be able to find him there, you know, since you were looking for him and all,” I say, taking a step closer to her.

“Oh, okay . . . Is that all you needed? I mean”—she coughs nervously—“uh, was there anything else you wanted?” Andi asks, moving forward, never losing eye contact.

Hooking my arms around her waist, I pull her tight against me and she gasps.

“
Yes,
as a matter of fact . . . This.” I barely manage to get it out before lightly kissing her precious lips. Hell yes! They taste even sweeter than I imagined. She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her, and kisses me with so much passion I think my head might explode. She opens those luscious lips and my tongue is quick to explore. For the first time in my life, I think I could come in my jeans just from how good her mouth tastes. I ease her back against the wall next to the door and we continue to assault each other with our tongues until we have to come up for air. I pepper her face with feather-light kisses.

Now that I’ve finally kissed her, I don’t ever want to stop.

Oh, my God! I’m dreaming, that’s what this is. It has to be. There is no way a kiss could feel this amazing. I’ve heard of people saying there were fireworks shooting up or how nothing else existed but the two of them, but come on—those were fantasies, right? Weren’t they? Just then, he starts covering my face with the gentlest, sweetest kisses, and I feel myself smiling. This is one of the best dreams I’ve ever had, and I don’t want it to end.

“I take you it you’re enjoying this just as much as I am, Andi?” Ethan asks in a very low, seductive voice, so close to my ear I can feel his breath against it. Let me tell you, that’s so hot!!! Who knew the ears could be so sensitive?

Holy shit! I jerk open my eyes and realize this isn’t a dream. And I actually felt the whole shebang—the fireworks, the tunnel vision, and the fire.

Oh, my, the fire! The one that’s built throughout my body and is aching for release. Yeah, it’s there. But as amazing as it felt, this can’t happen. He isn’t mine for the taking.
Damn it,
why does he have to feel so amazing?

“Andi, do you want me to stop?” His eyes are locked on mine, mesmerizing.

“No, but yes.” I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Ethan, I really am, but we can’t do this. This can’t happen. Even if I wanted it to, it won’t work.” I shake my head and look at the floor, needing to break the connection between us. I have to get out of here; I can already feel the tears in my eyes starting to well up, and I’m not going to let him see me cry.

I push at his chest and he releases me slowly. I can feel his emotions without even looking at him. I
can’t
look at him, because I know I’ll lose all control. No, I have to get out of here.

I start out the door and head to my car. Ethan yells for me, but I don’t dare turn around. He’s confused and mad, I’m sure, but if I look back now and see the same hurt in his eyes that I’m feeling in my chest, it’ll crush me. I climb in the car, start it quickly, and pull out of the parking lot to head home. I have to clear my head and rein in my hormones. I can’t want Ethan like this; he and Kelly are a family, and I’m not going to be the one to tear it apart. And speaking of Kelly, why hasn’t anyone said anything about their baby? Now that I think about it, not one single person I’ve spoken to has said a word about her.

Hmm, that’s odd.

Then again, they probably think I don’t want to hear about her. Everyone knew I wasn’t a fan of her back then. It wasn’t like I went around bashing her, but I didn’t try to hang out with her either. She was different from the get-go; she moved to our school during senior year and was snotty from the start. It was easy to see how fake she was. Well, for everyone except Ethan. Yeah, he fell for her hook, line, and sinker. I didn’t have any enemies until she made it her goal to take Ethan from me, even though we were just friends. She made it clear every chance she got that he was hers and I would never have him.

I pull into the driveway and keep going, around the barn and past the backyard until I can’t drive any further. So I get out of my car and start running, all the way to the pond. As I get close, I start pulling my shoes off then my socks. I unbutton my jeans and shimmy out of them as I go, leaving everything wherever it lands. I don’t care; I want to be free—or as free as I can get, I suppose. I’m finally stripped down to my bra and underwear just as I reach the dock. I pull the hairband from my hair and throw it down then run as fast as I can and jump off the dock.

As I’m sailing airborne off the dock, the memory of the last time I jumped in this pond comes rushing back to me.

“One, two, three,” I counted aloud as Ethan and I held hands, ran across the dock, and jumped in. It was the week before graduation and the water was still freezing, but Ethan had dared me to do it. I agreed, but told him he had to jump in with me. So, of course, he did. We jumped in the ice bath hand in hand and both came up laughing so hard and . . .

Oh, my God, we came up in each other’s arms. Why didn’t I think about that then? Probably because the water was so cold it felt like it was turning our blood to sludge. As soon as we came up to the surface, we scrambled back to the dock then ran to my house to change and warm up as fast as we could, laughing all the way.

I break through the surface of the water and start gasping for air, realizing I’ve been holding my breath underwater for too long, lost in the memory. Ethan consumes me. Everything I do, I always see him in the back of my mind—every decision, every date, every dream, he’s always played a part in it somewhere. Sometimes he’s my best friend and sometimes I think of him as a lover.

Whether I want to admit it or not, I want Ethan. Even more so now than I did then.

I may actually be in love with him.

Except he isn’t mine to want, and he had no right kissing me today when he has Kelly. Damn him! I never would’ve thought he’d be the type of man to try to have his cake and eat it too.

Maybe he isn’t who I thought he was all along. What if I’ve just been in love with the idea of him? Being best friends
did
make us really close; was I making him more than he really was? Obviously so, if he willingly kissed me like that with Kelly at home. How could I be so stupid?

But then I remember how I felt when he kissed me. Of all the men I’ve kissed before, no one could hold a candle to the ones I shared with Ethan. Okay, so it’s only been a handful of other guys, but it’s still a little bit of experience. I touch my lips and close my eyes as I lie back and float in the water. Just thinking about the kiss we shared sets my skin on fire all over again. The question is, what am I going to do about it? I can’t keep going on like this. I want him, and he sure acts like he wants me, but he has to decide what he’s doing first, because as much as I loathe her, I won’t be the one stealing him away.

I’m going to steer clear of their marriage, and Ethan. I know, I know, I’ve tried to stay away from him all week, and I might manage a day or two, but then I run into him and I lose all self-control. It’s like as soon as I see him, any good intentions leave my brain. There is no logic; it’s just Ethan and I, with my heart racing and my body on fire with need for him. It’s like he’s the only person who can put out the flames deep within me. Just thinking about it jumpstarts the desire, making it stronger than ever. I think I need to take a long, cold shower to pull my hormones under control.

I hear some kind of commotion near the barn so I decide I should probably head out and get cleaned up. I swim to the dock and pull myself out of the water. It did feel good to be in the water, but I didn’t get the relaxation I usually do from a good swim; I still feel like a tight wire ready to snap. I better get some clothes on before whoever’s at the barn comes looking for me. It would be awful if it was Dad; the thought actually makes me start laughing. I start putting my clothes back on as I find them thrown on the ground. This would never pass in the city; then again, I wouldn’t be stripping my clothes off and jumping into a pond either. There were no ponds or much grass anyway, except for the beautiful park uptown, and I’m pretty sure that would end in a big fat ticket, if not a little over-night stay at the jailhouse.

Yeah, I’m definitely going to miss the peace and quiet of this place once I’m back in the city.
Not to mention the fresh air.
I take a big, deep breath. I can tell it’s fall soon; the summer night air is starting to become a little cooler, and the sun is setting a little bit earlier each night. It won’t be long before the snow will be flying and we’ll all need to be wearing multiple layers. Of course, if I were to be snuggled up with a certain someone, I would be plenty warm. I’m guessing we would both be peeling off the layers. I giggle to myself while climbing back in the car.