Choices (New Beginnings #1) (8 page)

"If you won't tell me what's wrong, then I'll just have to make you forget all about it." Jason grabbed her hand. "Dance with me." Michaela didn't get the chance to protest as Jason pulled her to him and started moving. She tried to put her arms around his neck but he stopped her, taking both hands in his and pushing her out before pulling her back to him. He released one of her hands and spun her around. When she was in his arms again, she threw her head back and laughed.

"There's that beautiful smile," Jason grinned. He spun her again and she forgot about Chris and Ethan as she laughed and talked with Jason.

"You're a good friend, Jason." Something flashed on his face at her words but she thought she must have been imagining things, because the sweet, fun Jason was back in an instant. Had that been pain she saw?

Being in Jason's arms felt good. She felt protected and cared for. Ethan had always made her feel like she was living on the edge. One wrong step, one wrong word, and she'd fall off the cliff - or Ethan would push her off. She’d always been second-guessing herself. She never thought she was good enough or pretty enough for him. So why was it so damn hard to forget about him? She could be happy with someone like Jason.

Ethan. There he was. Jason spun Michaela towards the door just as he was walking through it. And he wasn't alone. Meghan Henley stood beside him with a smug look on her face. She saw Michaela and took Ethan's hand in her own. He pulled it free immediately but the message was clear.
He's mine now.

"I need some air." Michaela pushed herself away from Jason and was out the door before he could stop her. She felt like her throat was being squeezed and every breath was coming out a mangled cry. Outside, she sat on the curb and put her head in her hands.

"Mic," Jason said softly behind her. He crouched down, and she looked up at him with tears running down her face. "What just happened in there?"

"It was Ethan." She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. "My ex." Another look like the one she’d seen earlier flashed across his face only to be replaced by one of worry.

"I thought you were getting over him," he said softly.

"I was ..." she replied. "I am. It's just ... that was seven years of my life, Jason. I try to forget about him. I do ... but I can't. He knew I'd be here and he still brought Meghan."

"Who's Meghan?"

"A girl from home." Michaela stomped her foot angrily. How dare he bring her?

"Hey guys!" Josh called, stepping out of the cab that had stopped in front of them. He had showered and wore his post-game suit.

"Hi, Josh." Michaela wiped her face of any traces of tears. She didn't want to do anything to ruin Josh's big night. He’d already noticed her tears, though.

"Oh," he grimaced. "My brother is here."

"Yeah, he's in the house." She tried to even her voice.

"Did he do anything to you?" Josh asked, concerned.

"Would he?" Jason asked suddenly.

Josh sighed and nodded slowly. "Ethan is an ass."

"No," Michaela stated. "I haven't even talked to him. This is me being stupid."

"It isn't stupid." Josh reached down to pull her up. "Come on. Let's go in together." She nodded and looped her arm through his. Jason followed behind them as they entered the house. A few of the people started cheering when they saw Josh. Others rushed forward to shake his hand or give him a pat on the back.

"Want another drink?" Jason asked.

"Yes please," Michaela answered and he hurried off.

"You need to do this," Josh said and it was only then that Michaela realized where he was steering her.

Ethan stood against the back wall, arm draped lazily over Meghan's shoulders, and a smirk planted firmly on his lips. His eyes raked over her as they got closer and she felt her skin growing hot. Josh clapped his brother on the back but Michaela didn't look away from his eyes. She felt like she was in a trance. Why did the boy have such power over her? It was a question she asked herself continually.

"Josh," Ethan said. "Good to see you." He didn't mention the game. There was no congratulations but Michaela knew that Josh didn't expect anything like that from his brother. He didn't like to see other people succeed. And just like that, Michaela was reminded of a million other little things like that that had always bothered her about Ethan.

"I'm glad you came, bro," Josh said. It was one of the reasons Josh fit in so well with Michaela and Chris. Like them, he’d always be searching for validation in a family that would never give it.

"I was in the city," he shrugged.

"Josh was incredible tonight," Michaela finally found her voice. "I was so proud of him." Josh smiled at her despite the look of disgust on Ethan's face.

Ethan glared at her as his hand inched lower on Meghan's back until he was holding her waist.

"Josh!" The call came from the other side of the room and Michaela was left with Ethan and Meghan.

"So," Meghan began, "I heard you deferred law school to become a secretary."

"Yeah," Michaela growled. "And what have you been doing? Going to charity events and drinking tea?"

"Oh no. I haven't had much time for that. I've been spending most of my time visiting Ethan at Harvard."

Michaela felt the air rush out of her as if Meghan had just kicked her. She looked around for an escape and found Jason near the bar, two beers in hand. She knew instantly that he’d been watching her, not wanting to interrupt. Her eyes met his and pleaded with him for help. Meghan was still babbling in the background, but Michaela tuned her out. Jason put the drinks on a nearby table and marched her way swiftly, purposefully. Something in his look kept her body still, waiting.

Jason didn't say anything as he slid his arms around Michaela's back and pulled her to him. Her surprised yelp was muffled as his mouth came down on hers. She pressed herself closer and gave him the lead. He deepened the kiss as he parted her lips with his tongue. At that point, Michaela's body was working separately from her brain. She kept telling herself to pull away, but her body only wanted more. Jason hooked his fingers into the belt loops of her jeans to hold her in place, and his thumbs grazed the skin just above them.

Michaela felt like she’d been kissing him for hours when he finally pulled away. She was left breathless and found herself missing his touch as soon as it was gone. She glanced over Jason's shoulder at Ethan, who gave her an angry look before walking away.

"He's gone," Jason whispered, his breath warm on her face.

"I know." She backed away, confused. Jason had only kissed her to get at Ethan, but she knew there was something more to it than that. Her body had reacted to him in a way that it had never reacted to Ethan. She suddenly felt guilty for hurting Ethan like that, but then angry he’d made her feel guilty. She knew it was irrational
. What was happening to her?

"I need another drink," she said.      

###

By the time Jason managed to get Michaela's door unlocked, it was early morning. He steadied her as he led her to her room. The apartment was a wreck, and Jason assumed Chris had had about as much to drink as the two of them.

"Jason," Michaela said. "I want to dance some more."

"Another night." It had felt so right to have her in his arms earlier. One moment she’d been pressed against him, making it hard for him to think, and the next, she’d been laughing as he spun her. Then that asshat had walked in, and the change in her was immediate. Jason hated the look in Michaela's eyes when she looked at Ethan. It was almost as if she needed him to approve of her. She needed his validation.

It was horse shit. Michaela was perfect. He didn't understand the power that guy had over her. He sapped every ounce of confidence from her bones. After that night, Jason was sure Michaela didn't love him. She may not know it yet, but he did and that was enough for him. They just had a history. Seven years. Jason could imagine how seven years with a guy like that could ruin every bit of self-esteem she had.

Jason sat next to Michaela on her bed and looked at her. Only hours ago, he’d kissed those lips. The memory of how they looked in the aftermath, red and swollen, made him lean in, wanting more.

Before he even realized what was happening, Michaela was kissing him. He kissed her back, savoring her taste, but then his head won out and he pulled back and held her at arm’s length.

"Jason," she gasped. "Please." The desperation in her voice, mixed with the haze the alcohol had created was enough. He kissed her roughly and she pulled him down on top of her. He held her head in place as his tongue danced with hers. Michaela slid her hands up underneath Jason's shirt, and her touch sent shivers through him. She pushed his shirt up and he broke away just long enough to pull it over his head.

Michaela rose up and pressed a palm to his chest, pushing him to the bed. She straddled him and quickly removed her own shirt. Jason reached up and ran his hands down along the curves of her sides before pulling her face down to his. Her lips were everywhere; his mouth, his cheek, his neck. She trailed a kiss along his collar bone while he dug his hands into the mass of hair that spilled over her shoulders.

Michaela ground against him as the drink-induced fog over Jason started to lift, and he realized what they were doing.

"Mic," he muttered against her lips. She kissed him again, cutting off his next words. It was as if he couldn't control his own body, not with her. In a moment of sobriety he realized that it wasn't right. He willed his arms to move and gripped her upper arms.

"Michaela, stop." He pushed her away slightly.

"No, Jason," she said, trying to kiss him again. When he didn't let her, she sat up, still straddling him. "What?" she snapped.

"This isn't right."

"It doesn't have to mean anything." She gazed down at him seductively and wiggled her hips. She must have been more far gone than he thought. This wasn't Michaela. "No strings."

Those two words sent a jolt of irrational anger through Jason. He rolled so that she had to jump off him quickly.

"You think that's what I want?" he asked. "Do you even know me at all?" He was hurt but only his anger was coming through in his words. "I'm not interested in just sleeping with you so, if that's what you need to get over that asshole, go find it somewhere else."

"Get out!" Michaela yelled. There were tears in her eyes and despite everything, Jason couldn't bring himself to leave her like that.

"Mic ..."

"I said leave. I don't want you. That kiss ... all these kisses ... they mean nothing to me. Just leave me alone." She fell back onto the bed and turned away from him.

Jason grabbed his shirt and shoes from the floor but didn't bother to put them on until he was in the hall outside her apartment. He leaned his head on the wall, breathing heavily.

"Dammit!" He left her building behind, knowing things had changed between them. There was no way their close friendship could survive this intact. He realized the only thing he could do was give her space. He had faith in her. She'd be able to move past it and come back to him. All he had to do was wait.

Eight

Michaela was in a foul mood. She went through her work day like Godzilla went through a city. Her feet stomped loudly as she walked. She slammed a stack of files on the table in the file room and another stack tipped, scattering papers onto the floor.

"Wonderful," Michaela growled.

"You okay?" Katie popped her head in.

"Fine," Michaela snapped. She was anything but fine.

"I'm going to Jason's for a drink tonight," Katie continued, choosing her words carefully as if one wrong word could set her off again. "You in?"

"No." Michaela gave no explanation or excuse so Katie left to get back to work.

Michaela hadn't seen Jason all week. They'd both been doing a good job of avoiding each other. She was mad at him.
Why am I so mad?
She thought constantly.
That he didn't take advantage of me when I was drunk and depressed? That he wasn't okay with just a one-night stand?
Michaela didn't understand her own feelings. She felt like he rejected her, but she knew that was stupid. She was more mad at herself. She had gone and ruined one of the only good things going on in her life - her friendship with Jason. How would he even be able to look at her again? She felt her face heat up in embarrassment at the thought.

That girl from last night wasn’t her, or at least the person she wanted to be. Before, Jason had looked at her like she was so good. She was a mess, sure, but he saw something in her. What was left for him to see now? She had wanted to stay home and hide under her covers all week, but her life didn’t stop because she was ashamed.

Then she thought of that first kiss. What was that? That sure as hell hadn’t felt like rejection. Neither had all the other kisses. Her stomach clenched when she remembered the feel of his body against hers. In that moment, she’d forgotten everything else
. Was the first kiss really just him helping me out? Could the rest be chalked up to drunkenness?

The first part had worked to make Ethan jealous, which is what she’d thought she wanted. He’d called every day since that party. Michaela hadn't called him back, and she’d ignored his text messages pleading with her to do so. A week ago, Ethan calling would've made her happier than just about anything else
. What had changed?

It was Friday, and Michaela was actually dreading the weekend. Usually she hung out with Chris and Jason. Chris was still in a bad way, and she didn't know how to help him. Her father's rejection of him had sure made a mess. So, she'd be spending most of the weekend alone, with way too much time to think.

On her walk home from work, Michaela decided to do the one thing that might help her brother. She called her mom.

"Hello," her mother answered absently.

"Hi, Mom," Michaela said.

"Oh, Michaela dear. I'm surprised you have time to call your mother."
There's dig number one,
Michaela thought.

"Yeah, I've been busy. Listen - -"

"Busy being a secretary?" Her mother interrupted.
Dig number two.
"Yes, I'm sure it's very demanding work."

"Mom --"

"Or is it that you're busy with that bartender?"
Dig number three.

"How did you know he's a --"

"Your father looked into him." She sounded like that was the most normal thing in the world.

"Of course he did. But he owns the bar and we're not --"

"You know, he's not a suitable match, Michaela," her mother went on. "Ethan says he saw you last weekend and that he's been trying to reach you."

"I don't --"

"You should count your lucky stars that a man like that is even looking your way."
Dig number four.

"Mom, he isn't --"

"You need to call him."

"Fine," Michaela said. "But the reason I called is Chris. He --"

"Honey, I have to go." She hung up before Michaela could even say goodbye.

"Great talking to you too, Mom," she sighed.

###

The bar was packed but Jason wasn't in to it. He was sluggish behind the bar until his assistant manager finally told him to beat it because he was slowing them down. Aaron never played nice just because he was the boss.

The music pumped through him, setting his nerves on edge as Jason walked through the crowd without seeing any of the faces. He was pulled from behind onto the dance floor and someone whispered in his ear, "Hey sexy. Wanna dance?"

Jason spun around and found Michaela's friend, Katie, swaying in front of him. He reached out to steady her, and she took it as an invitation to move close.

"Not tonight, Katie."

She pouted, and he left her standing there.

Across the room, Jason found Chris slumped at a table. He shook his head and went to the bar, returning a minute later with a bottle of water.

"Drink," he commanded, slamming it in front of his friend and then sitting across from him.

"What?" Chris mumbled, raising his head.

"You need water."

"Sleep." He put his head back down.

"No you don't." Jason reached across the tabled and slapped Chris's head until he lifted it again.

"That hurt, man."

"I don't give a shit," Jason said lowly. "You think you're not hurting anyone by drinking yourself half to death every night. From here on out, my bar does not serve you."

"There are other bars in the city," Chris growled.

"Give it up, bro!" Jason grew angrier the more he looked at the mess that was his friend. "Don't you see what you're doing to your sister?"

"I'm not doing anything to her."

"She's afraid." Jason lowered his voice. "I see it in her eyes every time she looks at you. You're spiraling, and none of us know how to stop you."

"You say you understand feeling abandoned but your parents didn't leave you or disown you. They died still loving you. How would you feel if your family stopped loving you because of who you are?" There were tears in Chris's eyes and Jason couldn't look away. He’d never seen his friend like this.

"Your family still loves you."

"They've made it pretty clear that isn't true," Chris said.

"I meant Michaela." Jason didn't understand how Chris couldn't see what he had. Things would have been much different for him growing up if he had had a sister like Michaela. "She's your family, and she’d do anything for you. When your parents chose not to accept you, she lost them too, and now she feels like she's losing you."

Understanding rose in his eyes as much as it could for someone who was sloshed.

"She cut them off?" Chris asked.

"You really haven't talked to her, have you?" Jason ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I'll walk you home. You need to sleep this off."

"Fine," he sighed, fighting the urge to put his head down again. Jason helped him stand and kept hold of his arm. "Thanks, man." 

###

Michaela had long been asleep when Jason got Chris home. He thought she might come out when she heard Chris crashing around, but her door stayed firmly shut. He hadn't seen her all week. Frankly, he didn't know what to say when he did see her. When he kissed her at the party, he thought she wanted him as much as he wanted her. And that was before the alcohol. But sleeping with drunk chicks was not his style. If Michaela decided she wanted him, it would be so much more than that. When she offered no strings attached, that cut deep. If other guys knew what he was thinking, Jason thought they'd take away his man card. He chuckled to himself
. When did I become so soft?
Oh, that's right, the moment he took the crying mess of a girl into his arms. That's when he lost his shit. He knew right then that they could have something great. He was just waiting for Michaela to see that. But, he'd wait a long time for that girl.

Things were winding down for the night at Jason's when he got back. Aaron had closing handled so Jason was ready to head up to his apartment. He stopped when he saw a girl passed out at a table.

"Katie," Jason said, lifting her head. She opened her eyes and it took her a moment to register where she was.

"You're still at the bar," Jason told her softly. "We need to get you home. Where do you live?" She mumbled her address and he let out a low whistle. "You won't get a cab to take you there at this time of night." He straightened up and looked down at her before sighing. "Come on. I have a couch."

"Mmmm, okay," she slurred. Jason helped her up and lent her his strength as they walked outside and around the corner.

"Can you walk upstairs?" he asked.

"Mmm hmm," she answered. That wasn't entirely true. Jason had to go behind her and keep his hands on her back so she didn't fall into him.

Once inside, he set her on the couch and went to grab her a pillow and blanket. "Here," he said. "I'll just be through that door in my room. Get some sleep." He looked at her once more and left.

Jason threw his shirt into his pile of laundry and pulled the drawstring on the sweatpants he’d put on before climbing into bed and shutting his eyes.

He was woken a little while later when he felt a hand on his bare chest. He sat up quickly when he realized Katie was lying next to him without a stitch of clothing anywhere on her body.

"I wanted to thank you," she purred, trying to pull him back towards her.

"For what?" He swallowed noisily.

"For inviting me to stay. I know you've resisted before--"

"You think I let you stay only for this?" he interrupted.

"I don't object." She sat up and he felt her bare breasts on his back.

"Well, I do!" Jason scrambled out of bed.

"I can see you don't," she grinned.

It was true. He was turned on. What guy wouldn't be when an incredibly gorgeous girl was naked in his bed? But he didn't want to do that, whether certain body parts knew it or not.

"You stay here," he growled. "I'm taking the couch." 

###

Enough was enough. Embarrassed or not, Michaela missed Jason and was going to tell him so. She didn't know what other feelings she had for him yet but she did know that not having him around really sucked.

She needed to kiss him. That was the only way. No alcohol. No Ethan to make jealous. Just Jason and Michaela. She needed to know what she felt for him. She had a plan. It was Saturday morning and Jason would probably still be sleeping after closing the bar the night before. She thought she’d heard him bring Chris home at one point but hadn't been ready to face him so she stayed hidden in her room.

This time, she'd march right over there and pound on the door. He'd be sleeping so he'd be slow to answer, giving her the time to get the courage. When he answered, he'd look confused.
Why was she there so early when he hadn't seen her all week?
She wouldn't give him enough time to say anything. Instead, she'd grab his shirt and pull him close. Before he knew what was happening, her lips would be on his. He'd respond immediately by pulling her closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. His other hand would tangle itself in her hair while she snaked her arms around his neck.

It would be perfect. Or it would ruin everything. Just last week, Michaela was sure she still loved Ethan. Now she couldn't get Jason out of her head. She never thought there'd be room enough in there for both of them.

Nothing ever goes according to plan.

There was purpose to Michaela's step as she rounded the corner of the deserted bar. She stopped when she saw Jason's door, gathering her courage. Then it opened. Michaela didn't know what made her do it, but she hid around the corner and watched.

Jason stepped out, his bare skin shining in the morning light. He looked delicious. His sweatpants hung low off his hips and his hair was still mussed from sleep. He wore no shoes so Michaela knew he wasn't leaving. She watched as he looked back into the apartment and said something. He grinned and then Katie appeared. Michaela flattened herself against the wall. She felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on her stomach. A car horn blared on the street nearby, drowning out the sound of Michaela's pounding heart.

I lost my chance.
Michaela knew Jason wasn't hers, but she thought he wasn't the type of guy to become one of Katie's conquests. She considered confronting him. Everything he had told her about knowing a person was right for you turned out to be crap. Unless, he felt that way about Katie. Even if he did, Michaela was sure Katie wouldn't feel that way about him. No, she couldn't see him. She lowered her eyes to the ground, turned away from the alley that held the door to his place, and walked away.