Read Choosing Happy (Madison Square #2) Online
Authors: Samatha Harris
Madison
Everything had come full circle. I sat, once again, staring at the empty whiskey glass watching the growing puddle of condensation collect on the surface of my dining room table. I should invest in coasters, as it appeared as though this was going to be a regular occurrence.
The apartment was dark. I hadn’t bothered to turn on any lights when I got in. I just headed for the bottle and ended up at the dining room table again.
I don’t know how long I sat there, staring off into nothing, Sean’s heartbroken voice repeating in my ear:
Don’t do this. Don’t walk away from us.
I deserved to be alone. I’m not worthy of someone as sweet and kind and amazing as Sean.
I heard the sound of a chair scraping across the floor. Liam dropped down in front of me. He set another glass down on the table in front of him, reached for the bottle in front of me, and poured himself a drink.
He took a sip and set the glass on the table, twirling it with his fingers before he looked over at me. “Well, you aren’t passed out on the floor this time,” he said. “That’s progress.”
I slowly lifted my head from the table, and Liam slid the bottle back to me. I shook my already pounding head. I wasn’t drunk since I’d only managed to drink one glass before I went catatonic.
“So…what happened?” Liam asked.
Sean’s whispered words came back to me,
I’m falling in love with you.
I could still feel his warm breath and the brush of his lips against my ear. Tears filled my eyes, falling fast in streams down my cheeks.
Liam reached out, covering my hand with his, which caused a sob to tear from my throat. I didn’t deserve his comfort. I tried to pull my hand away, but Liam held tight. “What happened, Maddie?”
“Sean…” I choked.
“What did he do?” Liam said, his protective brother mode already engaged.
I shook my head and tried to get ahold of myself. I took a deep, shaky breath and looked up at Liam. “He didn’t do anything. I’m the one…I…” I tried to get it out, but the pain in my chest intensified.
Liam dropped to his knees in front of me. He rested his massive hands on my cheeks. “Breathe, Maddie. Breathe.”
I took shallow, gasping breaths, but my lungs were not cooperating. Liam wrapped his arms around me, rubbing smooth circles into my back as he whispered, “Breathe,” into my ear. Finally, I was able to catch my breath, and the tension in my muscles began to ease.
“Jesus, Maddie. You okay?” Liam asked, his eyes filled with worry. I nodded my head. “You scared me.”
He headed into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of water. He held it out to me. I took the water from him and brought it to my lips, my hands still shaking.
I looked down into my lap, ashamed of how I was acting. I was the one who ran. I was the one who broke his heart, but mine felt empty and cracked in my chest.
When I looked up, Liam was watching me, patiently waiting for me to start talking. I took a deep breath and tried again. “He said he loved me,” I told him, my voice coming out just barely above a whisper.
“Who?”
“Sean.” I felt a little embarrassed discussing this with Liam. When I dated before Michael, Liam was too young to talk to about my relationships, and now it just seemed strange.
Liam raised his eyebrows, his eyes going wide. After a moment he leaned his elbows on the table between us. “What did you say?”
“Nothing. I just left.”
“He said I love you, and you left?” I nodded to answer his question. “Wow. Harsh, sis.” I glared at him. I was aware of the fact that I’m an asshole. There was no need for him to point it out. Liam exhaled a long breath and ran a hand down his face. “Do you love him?” he asked.
“What?”
“Do you love him?” he repeated.
“He’s so young, Liam. It would never work,” I protested.
“I didn’t ask if it would work. I asked if you love him.”
“I…I…” I tried to say the words, but they wouldn’t come. “I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” he asked. “Look, Maddie, I admit I wasn’t exactly a fan of you and Sean seeing each other because yeah, the age difference is a little weird for me, but I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I’ve seen how you seem lighter, happier, when you are with him. Don’t throw that away because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do.” Liam got up from the table and pressed a kiss to my temple before heading off to bed.
***
Sunday I didn’t even get out of bed. I just lay there, clutching my pillow to my chest, watching my phone light up with texts from Sean and a few missed calls. I couldn’t bring myself to listen to the messages.
Liam poked his head in my room before he left for work. He left me a sandwich and a bottle of water on the nightstand, but hours later it still sat there, untouched.
I must have eventually drifted off to sleep because I was startled awake by a loud
clang
, like something metallic hitting the hardwood of my bedroom. I sat up quickly, looking for the source of the sound. My eyes were swollen from a long night of crying, so opening them was difficult. I blinked a few times and wiped a hand across my face before I focused on the blurry outline of a less than patient Margot.
“Get up!” she said.
I sighed and laid back down, pulling the covers over my head. Hopefully, she would just go away.
“Oh no,” she said, ripping the covers back, causing me to squint in the early afternoon light. “No, you don’t! You are
not
going back into that hole you dug after Michael left.” She pointed her perfectly manicured finger in my face. “I refuse to let you wallow. You are a smart, sexy, successful woman, and I will not stand by and let you turn into another blubbering mess over a guy. So get up and get a shower.”
I groaned, curling up in the fetal position around my pillow. Margot snapped into action. She grabbed a hold of my arms and dragged me into the bathroom. I tried in vain to pull my arm from her grip, but my efforts were weak at best. When we reached the bathroom, she pushed me in the shower and turned on the water. The ice cold stream hit me right in the face, and I let out a strangled scream.
“Jesus, Margot! Was that necessary?” I asked as I scrambled to turn off the freezing water.
“Yes, Madison, it was. You are going to take a shower and scrub your face. Then you will put on the clothes I have laid out for you and we are going out.”
I started to protest, but she held up her hand. “I don’t want to hear it. Just do it.” Then she turned and stormed from the bathroom, leaving me standing in the shower completely soaked and still in my pajamas.
After removing my clothes and turning the water to a more acceptable temperature, I did as Margot instructed. I scrubbed my face and my body, trying to wash away the guilt and grime.
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me, wiping the fog from the mirror and cringing at the dark circles that had appeared beneath my eyes. If Margot wanted me to go out, then we were going to need a lot of concealer.
I opened the bathroom door as Margot was coming out of my closet, a blue maxi dress in her hand. She tossed it at my chest and I reacted, catching it in a ball of fabric before it could hit the floor.
“Put that on. I’ll make some coffee.”
I watched as she sauntered from the room. Would it kill her to show a little bit of compassion?
***
An hour later, both of us armed with a large pair of sunglasses, Margot and I headed off to lunch downtown. We took a table in the patio area. I sank down into the chair and pressed my fingers into my temples, trying to ward off the headache that was fighting its way through my brain.
Margot ordered two bloody Mary’s from the waiter, then took a look at me and asked for a double. She propped her elbows on the table and leaned toward me. “Okay, so out with it. What happened?”
I shrugged my shoulders. Margot dipped her finger into her water glass then flicked them toward my face, causing me to jerk as the ice cold liquid hit my face.
“What the hell?” I asked.
“I said talk,” she demanded, glaring at me over the tortoise shell frames of her sunglasses.
“There’s nothing to talk about. Sean and I are over. We had fun and now we’re done.” The words tumbled from my mouth, but as I said them I couldn’t look at her. My eyes would give away just how upset I really was. Then she would ask questions, questions I was not ready to answer. Like why did I push away this amazing, sweet, beautiful man who was in love with me?
The waiter brought our drinks, and I downed half of my glass in two gulps.
“Jesus, Maddie!” Margot said, her eyes darting between me and my half empty glass.
I did my best to fight back the tears. I had cried enough. I was being ridiculous. I left. I walked out on
him
. I left
him,
when he was begging me to stay. So why was I the one falling apart?
I shook my head, telling myself to stop. I had no right to feel sorry for myself. Sean was not the one at fault here. I broke my own heart, and his in the process.
A traitor tear slipped down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away as anger surged through my body. Anger that I had found myself back here to the broken, self-loathing woman I was when everything started. I was attracted to Sean in the beginning because he radiated happiness; something I was in desperate need of. I craved it, and by extension I craved him, but he was gone and so was the joy.
Margot reached out and covered my hand with hers. “Talk to me. What’s going on with you?” she asked, her voice laced with concern.
I took a deep breath, looking up into the bright sky above me. “I fucked it all up.”
“Fucked what up?” she asked, her perfect brows drawing together.
I took another shaky breath as the tears welled in my eyes. I forced myself to push them back until my eyes burned and a painful lump formed in the back of my throat. “I blew it with Sean,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I cleared my throat and continued. “He told me he was falling in love with me, and I ran.”
“He said he was falling for you?” she asked. I nodded. “And you ran?” I nodded again. She sat back, letting out a long breath. She draped her arm over the back of her chair. “Well shit!”
“My sentiments exactly.”
I took another gulp of my drink and signaled the waiter for another. When I looked back at Margot, she was studying me with narrowed eyes, her mouth agape like she wanted to say something but was holding back.
“What?” I asked, tipping back the last of my drink.
She sat up quickly, her eyes focused on me. “I’m only going to ask this once then we will let the subject drop.” I gave her a quick nod, reluctantly agreeing to her terms. She nodded in response and continued. “Do you love him?”
“Are you serious?” I asked. The words came out as more of a shriek, catching the attention of the diners around us.
Margot closed her eyes and exhaled. “Yes, I’m serious. Are you in love with him?”
“Margot, he’s not even thirty years old!” I whisper yelled across the table, not wanting to draw any more attention then I already had.
“You still haven’t answered my question.” She smirked.
“Because it’s a ridiculous question!”
“It is a simple yes or no.”
“I…” I was stunned. I couldn’t believe she was suggesting I was in love with him. Sean was meant to be a fling, something fun and simple to help me get back on the horse, so to speak, after the divorce. Love was never an option. I was not in love with Sean. I wasn’t. There was no way…was there?
No! No way.
“No,” I choked out. “Happy now?” I asked her, snatching my drink from the waiter’s tray as he approached the table. He gave me a nervous smile before heading off toward the kitchen.
“Okay,” Margot said, holding her hands up in defense, “I had to ask.” She smirked at me and relaxed back into her chair.
I wasn’t in love with him. I wasn’t.
Sean
The buzzing sound from my phone woke me from a dead sleep. I’d just shut my eyes an hour before, after a long night of begging and pleading via voicemail and text. I was redefining pathetic, but she was it for me and I was determined to get her back.
I fumbled around in the rumpled sheets of my bed for the phone and answered without so much as glancing at the screen.
“Hello,” I said, my voice groggy and thick.
“So you’re alive then?” a familiar voice said.
I groaned and silently cursed myself for not checking to see who it was.
“What do you want?” I asked, sitting up and running a hand down my face. I cracked my neck to ease the tension.
“Is that any way to speak to your father?” he asked.
I sighed. “I’m not doing this with you today. Just tell me what you want.”
“I need you to attend the Queen of Hearts Ball next week. I’m overnighting the invitation to you. You should have it tomorrow.”
“I can’t keep doing this.”
“We had a deal. I’ve held up my end and you will hold up yours.”
“How much longer can you expect me to play the doting son? You left us because you didn’t want a family, remember. You can’t just be a father when it’s convenient for you.”
He exhaled into the phone. I could practically see the bastard sitting in his plush hotel suite, red faced and pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.
“I’m not getting into this with you right now. You will be there, you will be civil, and you will participate or so help me God I will make damn sure your sister knows all about our little arrangement.” It was his go-to threat. I considered just telling Em myself to be rid of him once and for all, but Em was sensitive and the guilt would crush her. I just couldn’t do that to her.
“Fine, but you better start auditioning replacement kids, ‘cause I’m done being your show horse.”
“See you at the ball,” he said, and the line went dead.
“Fuck,” I screamed and threw the phone down into my pillow.
This was turning into a banner week for me. First Madison takes off, and now I’m being summoned to another mind numbing charity event where I will spend the evening drinking bad scotch and lying through my teeth about what a great role model and mentor my father has been for me. I swear to God if they gave out Oscars for pretending to love your asshole father, I would’ve won by a landslide and wouldn’t even bother to thank him in the acceptance speech.
I dropped back to the bed with a heavy sigh and rubbed my eyes. I needed to do something, anything. Lying in my bed, staring at the unanswered messages, was just fucking sad.
I jumped out of bed with no real plan other than to start moving. I pulled on some shorts and a hoodie and spotted my running shoes tossed in a corner of my closet. A run. I could go for a run, clear my head. I grabbed the shoes and headed out of the apartment, feeling slightly better. At least I’d managed to get out of the house.
Once I exited my building, I looked left and then right. I had no real destination in mind. Just needed to go somewhere, do something. I took off at an easy pace, jogging up the street toward the harbor and down past Grover Park.
It was getting warmer but the wind still held a chill that burned my lungs with every inhale. My muscles ached and my stomach was cramping, but I didn’t stop. I kept pushing and running blindly, not paying attention to where I was or where I was going.
When I couldn’t take it anymore I stopped and dropped my hand to my knees, panting. Sweat poured down my face, my hair damp and sticking to my forehead as I stared down at the sidewalk.
My heartbeat began to slow, and my breathing evened out. I took a few steps and slammed right into what felt like a linebacker.
“Shit,” he said. I looked up in the direction where the familiar voice was coming from. “What the hell, Taylor? Watch where you’re going, will ya?”
“Liam?” I asked. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here,” he said, pointing to the building behind him.
I looked around, suddenly realizing where I was. Shit!
“Sorry, I was going for a run.”
“Don’t you live downtown?” he asked. I nodded. “That’s, like, five miles.”
“Is it?” I said, bracing my hands on my hips and shifting my weight.
“You okay?” he asked. “You don’t look so good.”
“Yeah, just, you know, running.”
Liam eyed me skeptically. “Sure. Running.”
“So,” I said, swinging my arms at my sides. “Is she home?”
Liam sighed. He had to know what happened, and I’m sure I was the last person he wanted to run into even though I was the one who’d gotten dumped.
“Yeah. Sean, listen. I only got bits and pieces of what happened, but this was the second time I’ve come home to find her a complete mess. I think its best if you just let it go.”
“What do you mean she was a mess? Is she okay? I need to see her,” I said, trying to push past him.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said, holding me back with a hand to my chest. “Look man, that’s not a good idea, okay?”
I stopped, and he cautiously dropped his hand. “I’ll admit I wasn’t on board with you dating my sister and I’m still not sold on the idea, but I think, in some bizarre way, you two need each other, and I’m not gonna stand in the way of that.”
“Are you saying that I have your blessing?” I asked, more than a little surprised.
“Whatever you want to call it,” he said. “Just take care of her, okay?”
“I love her,” I said. “She’s the piece of me I never knew I was missing. I just wish I could get her to see that.”
Liam dropped a heavy hand to my shoulder. “Give it time,” he said. “She loves you. She’s just not ready to admit it to herself yet.” Liam patted me twice on the back and took off down the street.
I stood on the side walk, staring down at the pavement. Liam’s words swirled in my head.
She loves you. She loves you.
***
I woke up Monday morning armed with a plan, a crazy one, but a plan. I showered, dressed, and headed out the door.
I made my way to her office, charming my way past the receptionist and straight to her assistant’s desk. As I approached, Jeremy looked up from his desk with a smile.
“Good morning, Mr. Taylor,” he said, looking me up and down.
“Please, call me Sean,” I said with a smile.
“Well then, Sean, what can I do for you?” Jeremy said, leaning across his desk.
Looking to capitalize on his flirtatious nature, I sat down on the edge of his desk and folded my hands in my lap with a smile spread wide across my face. “I was hoping you might do me a favor.”
“Oh,” he said, leaning back in his chair like he had all the time in the world.
“Think you could let me in her office? I want to surprise her when she gets here.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “The boss lady doesn’t really like surprises.”
“Aw, who doesn’t like to be swept off their feet? I’m just looking to amp up the romance, you know. Help a guy out, will ya?”
He narrowed his eyes and watched me carefully for a moment. “Oh, what the hell,” he said, pulling open his desk drawer and reaching for a set of keys. He got to his feet and walked over to unlock the door as I followed close behind.
Jeremy opened the door and gestured for me to enter with a dramatic sweep of his arm.
“Thanks, man,” I said. I shot him a wink as I passed and smiled.
“Oh, you are good,” Jeremy said. He headed back to his desk and closed the door behind him.
I looked around, trying to decide what to do next. I hadn’t planned on getting this far, so it was time to improvise.
I took a seat in her desk chair, leaned back, and propped my legs up on the desk, trying to look as casual as possible. I folded my hands behind my head and faced the door, but I felt like an idiot. I was already invading her space, but this seemed like a bit much.
I got up and looked around for a better option. The couch, perfect. It was positioned behind the door so she wouldn’t see me right away, but sitting there would indicate that I still maintained a level of respect for her space. Jesus, look at me. I’m pathetic, trying out the best pose to ambush my girlfriend into loving me. This whole thing was completely ridiculous, but what choice did I have?
I heard her voice out in the hall, so I dove for the couch, straightening my jacket and smoothing my tie. I took a deep breath and crossed my legs, trying my best to look relaxed when I was anything but.
The door opened, and she came in wearing a tight black skirt that made her legs look impossibly long. Her jacket was draped over her arm, and she was typing furiously on her phone. She dropped her bag on one of the chairs in front of her desk without looking up from the device in her hand.
She was stunning, as always. Her short dark hair was a little longer now. A few stray pieces fell into her eyes, and my fingers itched to brush them away. She bit her lip that was painted the same deep red color of her shirt as she typed. The color was just as rich and full as those lips I’ve kissed so many times I’ve lost count.
She leaned her hip against her desk, accidently knocking a cup full of pens to the floor. She sighed as they scattered and rolled across the carpet. She threw her hands up and set her phone down on the desk, bending to pick up the pens, giving me an unobscured view of that fantastic ass.
I watched as the tight fabric of her skirt stretched and pulled as she reached for the pens and put them back into the cup.
“That ass is a thing of beauty,” I said, the words coming out of my mouth before I could stop them.
She froze and stood up straight, turning around slowly to face me, her bright blue eyes wide with panic. I grinned, drinking in every inch of the gorgeous woman I couldn’t live without.
She swallowed thickly and met my eyes just as Jeremy made his appearance. Madison turned to face him, her eyes narrowed to a glare. They seemed to be having another silent conversation with their eyes, trading glares and slight eyebrow raises.
“Don’t blame Jeremy,” I said. “I sweet talked him.” I shot a wink at Jeremy, who backed out of the office, batting his eyes at me as he closed the door behind him.
“What are you doing here?” Madison asked, finally finding her voice.
“Well,” I said, getting to my feet and fastening the button on my suit jacket. “I’ve come to a decision I thought we should discuss in person, since you’ve decided to not return my calls.”
Madison stayed completely still, the cup of pens still clutched in her hand, her eyes locked on me.
I took a step toward her and she tensed. “I’ve decided not to let you push me away.”
“You…you don’t have a choice,” she said, her voice shaky as I continued to move closer.
“You see, beautiful,” I said. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’re scared, I get that. You feel something for me, I can tell, but for some reason you’re fighting against it.”
When I reached her, the sweet floral scent of her perfume wrapped around me, threatening my control.
She stared at my throat, afraid to lift her eyes to meet mine. She could say anything she wanted, but her eyes never lied.
I lifted her chin with my fingers and held her gaze. Her lips parted and her eyes shined with tears. I smiled at her and she squeezed her eyes shut as I brushed my knuckles gently across her cheek.
“I told you once before,” I said. “I can be patient. I can wait for you to figure out whatever issues are keeping you from being mine.” Her eyes flew open, and a tear rolled down her cheek. I caught it with my thumb and brushed it away. “You can push all you want. You can deny your feelings, and ignore my calls, but I was meant to love you, and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”
I leaned in and brushed my lips softly against hers then pulled away. It was the single most difficult thing I’d ever done. “I won’t give up so easily,” I whispered, then I turned and headed out the door. I didn’t have to turn around to know that she was watching.