Authors: Linda Huber
She smiled, remembering Soraya’s pleasure when they’d
suggested going for pizza. ‘A celebration, now that you’re to be part of the
family,’ Ella told her new daughter. The little girl’s face shone, and Ella’s
heart melted yet again. If only Rick would share the fun.
Thinking about him was sobering. Last night had been the
first time she could remember when they hadn’t said goodnight properly. She
couldn’t imagine why he’d go out to the shed so late, unless it was to avoid
her.
She leaned across for her phone on the work surface. It
wouldn’t hurt to call and touch base. She put the call through, jumping when
Rick’s mobile trilled upstairs. Ha – his head must be in a similar state to
hers. Maybe he’d appreciate it if she dropped his phone off – she’d call his
office landline and ask.
Alan answered the phone and chuckled when she asked for
Rick. ‘You’ve got your days mixed up – he’s not in today. He’ll have gone
fishing and left his phone at home on purpose.’
Ella’s head reeled – not at work? What was going on? Or –
was Rick planning some kind of surprise for her? Or for Soraya – a swing set,
maybe. But what had Alan meant by…
‘Days mixed up?’
His reply shook her entire world. ‘It’s Wednesday, remember?
I suppose he’ll go back to working full-time when you get Soraya?’
‘Ah – um, not sure. Don’t mention I called, will you, Alan?
You know what a tease he can be. I’d never hear the end of it.’
Trembling, Ella put the phone down. So Rick was working
part-time. The dodgy contract might mean there wasn’t enough work for him. But
Alan had sounded as if Rick had chosen not to work full time. Why hadn’t he
talked this over with her – and just where exactly had he been every Wednesday?
Was it the only day he had off?
Making a split second decision, Ella pushed her coffee mug
away and rummaged in the cutlery drawer for the spare shed key. Two minutes
later, she was staring at the tomato plants, which were growing like mad –
tomatoes and everything. Surely they must need more light than they had here.
She glanced round but there were no books or pamphlets or anything giving
information about tomatoes. In fact, she realised, examining the shed more
carefully, there was nothing here that explained Rick’s fascination with the
place. A shelf of plants under one window and a worktable under the other, a
blue plastic tub with the larger tools, and an old bookcase with an assortment
of miscellaneous items – what on earth did Rick do all the time he spent here?
Looking after the plants wouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes a day. The
place was still smelly, too, the bag of bone meal under the shelf was
responsible for that, but otherwise it was nothing more than a dull, boring
shed. Ella switched on the radio on the worktable, surprised when a local
station boomed into the shed, discussing safety measures on coastal paths. Rick
rarely listened to the radio, and when he did it was Radio Four.
She moved away, grabbing the table when the floor wobbled
beneath her feet. The wooden slabs were muddy, too, after this week’s rain. She
reached for the broom, then stopped. It wasn’t that the shed was Rick’s private
place, but he might not like to think she’d been poking round here. And if
she’d been expecting to find a marijuana factory she was disappointed. Maybe
Rick simply felt the need for a place to potter – a man-thing, perhaps. Keep
him sweet, Ella.
When Rick arrived home at five he seemed as usual, kissing
her quickly before going upstairs to change. Ella’s mood plummeted – why
couldn’t he have arrived with a swing set or some other reason for taking a day
off work? Of course it wasn’t just the one day… She clutched her handbag to her
middle. She wouldn’t say anything yet. That would ruin the evening, and she
needed more time to think. Whatever happened, whatever Rick was doing, it
mustn’t endanger the adoption.
As usual, Soraya was waiting for them at the window. Ella
tried to hug the little girl when she opened the door, but Soraya wriggled
away, running to fetch her jacket.
‘She’s a bit jittery,’ said Mel. ‘That probably won’t change
until she’s moved in with you and feels safe in her forever home. For the
moment we’ll need to be patient with her.’
Ella nodded. It would take time, but they had that, and
Soraya was certainly happy about becoming their daughter. But happiness didn’t
always equal trust.
‘Can I have pizza with pineapple?’ Soraya ran to a table by
the window.
Ella saw Rick frown. Oh dear, maybe they should have gone
for a hamburger or something in a more child-friendly location. Rick had chosen
this restaurant, a traditional pizzeria near Chiverton, and there wasn’t a
single other child in the room.
The waiter swept up.
‘Si, si, signorina.
Prego.’
He patted Soraya’s head and produced a large cushion for her to
sit on, pushed Ella’s chair underneath her, and went for menus. Ella’s apprehension
vanished.
Sheer joy spread through her. Here they were, a family of
three; the two of them were
out for a meal with their child
.
It was intoxicating. She had dreamed of this for so long, and now it was
happening.
And it was fun, this being a family – a completely new kind
of fun. Soraya’s eyes lit up when the waiter brought her a paper place mat and
a box of crayons. She sat colouring the beach scene, giving the waiter a gappy
smile when he complimented her on her artwork. Ella felt her beam stretch,
heavens, she was turning into one of those besotted mothers. Rick raised his
eyebrows at her and she patted his hand. Forget the bad stuff, Ella, just for a
little while. This was an important first in their lives.
She relaxed too soon, however. Ella’s happiness fizzled away
when Soraya, pizza eaten, started to wander round the restaurant, only giggling
when Rick called her back. The waiter saved the situation by allowing her to
help him lay tables, and then brought her a tub of ice cream when Ella and Rick
had finished their own meal. Rick’s mouth was tense.
‘It’s okay,’ said Ella, putting her hand on his sleeve.
‘Nobody’s upset. Good choice of restaurant.’
‘Rewarding disobedience isn’t the best way to deal with it,’
he said. ‘Let’s get the bill and go.’
Ella opened her mouth to tell him not to be so stuffy, then
closed it again. A busy restaurant wasn’t the best place to discuss parenting –
but wasn’t it brilliant that they had parenting issues to discuss? Not to
mention job issues… Ah well. The glitter was gone, but it had been a lovely
evening and it wasn’t over yet.
‘I want to go to the swings,’ said Soraya, standing up.
They’d passed a swing park on the way to the restaurant, and
Ella put her hand on the girl’s shoulder, thinking wryly that they should agree
to requests that didn’t cost anything. It would be iPads and the like soon
enough.
‘Sit right there until we’ve paid the bill, and then we’ll
stop at the swings for fifteen minutes,’ she said.
Soraya squinted at her, then sat down and started to colour
her place mat again, an angelic expression on her face.
‘She’ll test us, but we have to be prepared for that,’ said
Ella later, as they stood watching Soraya on the climbing frame.
Rick shuffled his feet. ‘You’re better with her. I just get
mad.’
‘Remember what Liz said last night? Don’t take disobedience
as a personal insult. She’s looking for stability, and we can give her that.’
He shrugged, and Ella bit her lip. Having a child was a huge
change in anyone’s life. They had to talk about it. This non-communication on
Rick’s part was baffling.
‘Look at me!’ Soraya was at the top of the frame now,
standing on a platform, arms stretched to the heavens.
‘Hold on!’ Rick’s call echoed Ella’s, and she pulled a face
at him. Parenting wasn’t so easy. They couldn’t protect Soraya
twenty-four-seven – what a scary thought. Ella stood grappling with the thought
that she’d never have true peace of mind unless her girl was beside her on the
sofa reading a book.
‘Let’s go on the roundabout to finish up!’ she called, and
Soraya clambered down.
Even the roundabout was tricky. Rick had the job of pushing
it, and Ella clung to the iron bars while the world circled and her brain went
into shock. How many years was it since she’d done this? But maybe she’d get
used to it…
‘Faster!’ shrieked Soraya, and Rick complied.
‘Whoa! Time to go, you’re too good at this,’ said Ella,
jumping off.
Soraya wanted another go, and Ella watched the joy on her
new daughter’s face as Rick pushed her round. On the way back to the car Soraya
took a hand of each of them, and Ella hugged the sensation to her heart. This
was real. She was a mother.
On the way back to Redruth they all chatted about next
Saturday’s visit to the beach, and Ella was allowed to hug Soraya goodbye. And
roll on the day when she didn’t have to return her child for another woman to
put to bed.
‘We’re going to be permanently exhausted until we all settle
down together,’ she said as they approached St Ives. Last night’s wine and late
bedtime had taken their toll; all she wanted to do was sleep.
Rick’s reply was like a knife in her back. ‘You will, maybe.
My work does a pretty good job of exhausting me. I shouldn’t think I’ll notice
the difference.’
He pulled up in the driveway, and tonight Ella wasn’t
surprised when he went straight to the shed.
Chapter Fifteen
Wednesday 28th – Thursday 29th May
‘I suppose I’d better finish packing,’ said Susie, lifting
her handbag and trailing over to the door where she turned and gave Amanda a
look that was unadulterated misery. ‘I wish I didn’t have to leave you, hen.
But I’ll be back, don’t worry.’
Amanda nodded, searching for words and inwardly blessing the
fact that Suze was doing wedding hair-dos for a friend’s daughter tomorrow and
didn’t want to let them down, even with her son missing.
The visit had been difficult to say the least. Amanda’s mind
screamed in silent horror every time her mother-in-law looked at her with
Gareth’s slate-coloured eyes, clouded in grief and fear. If only she’d never
met James. If only she hadn’t been so shallow as to start an affair. If only
she’d never got pregnant. But she had done all these things and they were
crushing her.
It wasn’t that Susie was suspicious. She didn’t see the
guilt mixed in with Amanda’s grief, and when she heard about the expected baby
she rose to the occasion with grim determination. The house was spring-cleaned
from top to bottom, Jaden was taken shopping and kitted out with more summer
clothes than he’d have hot days to wear them on, and the freezer was filled
with healthy homemade meals. Susie even sandpapered and revarnished the
wardrobe door where the mirror had been, accepting Amanda’s explanation that
she’d slammed it too hard one day.
Amanda forced herself to reply. ‘You’ve been brilliant,
Suze. I can never thank you enough.’
It only made things worse. Susie dropped her bag and came to
hug Amanda, her body shaking with sobs. Amanda hugged back. She had done this.
She had allowed a load of trivia to come between her and Gareth and he had paid
with his life. If she’d remembered what a great guy her husband was – had been
– everything would be different now. Longing for the old life swept through
Amanda, and for a moment she and Susie sobbed together. And it was so great,
having someone to cry with – but if Susie knew what had really happened, she’d
be out that door and on her way to the police station to report Amanda and
James, and then she’d be back for Jaden. Amanda retched.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, hen – this isn’t what you need. I’ll make
you a cup of tea, plenty of time before we have to leave for the airport.’
Amanda leaned back on the sofa, her head thumping. None of
this was going to go away. She’d be alone with her guilt for the rest of her
days.
‘Bye-bye-bye!’ Jaden waved as Susie vanished through the
doors, and Amanda slumped. Thank God.
‘Na-nana,’ said Jaden.
Amanda pulled herself together. ‘Nana’s gone home,
sweetheart. We’ll watch her plane take off, shall we – and then we’ll go home
too.’
And oh, she could relax at home without pretending and
lying, now. After four days of healthy meals Amanda felt better physically, but
her mind was in a very dark place. It was good to be alone again.
Jaden’s eyes were glassy as they drove down the A30. Amanda
glanced at him in the baby mirror and cursed. This wasn’t a good time for a
nap. She wanted to get him home, bathed and into bed and asleep by nine. She
should stop and let him run around for a bit. At Chiverton, the opportunity
arose and Amanda turned into a parking area beside a small swing park, where
about a dozen children and a few adults were spending some time.
And – for a moment she couldn’t believe her eyes.
It was James.
She sat in the car, her mouth hanging open as he stood
talking to a slim, blonde woman while a dark-haired little girl clambered
around the climbing frame. The child looked about five or six, and she turned
round every so often and waved to James and the woman. What the hell was going
on? Amanda thumped the steering wheel. As if it wasn’t perfectly clear what was
going on. He was married. He must be. The girl’s hair was exactly like James’.
He was a married man having a sordid little affair and she had been every kind
of idiot. Her baby would be nothing but an inconvenience to him.
Shit
. It was so obvious now; this was why the promised
letter and phone number had never arrived. He had dumped her. Nice one, James.
He had left her alone with her guilt and her children, not knowing where he’d
disposed of her husband.
Amanda couldn’t tear her eyes from the little family scene
playing out in front of her. It was as if she was staring through a tunnel,
darkness surrounding the picture in the centre. The woman called the child, who
dropped to the ground and ran over to her parents. After a brief chat the woman
and the little girl sat on the roundabout, which James set in motion. Briefly,
he turned his head in Amanda’s direction and she ducked below the steering
wheel, but at this distance he was unlikely to notice her in her car. Next time
she looked the child was alone on the roundabout, the woman staring at her,
happiness shining from her face. And why wouldn’t she be happy? She had James,
the perfect, good-looking husband, and a lovely little girl. Tears trickled
down Amanda’s cheeks and she searched through her bag for a tissue, then slid
the car into reverse and left.