Authors: Linda Huber
‘No, you damn well won’t. And I mean that, Ella. The wood’ll
go back down on top of the concrete. Keep your nose out of it.’ He gave a
sudden hysterical guffaw, then strode through to the kitchen.
Ella heard the
glug glug glug
as
he poured another whisky.
Standing at the school gate the next morning, watching Soraya
run across the playground to a little group of children, Ella felt the
tightness in her jaw relax. Woo hoo, she had six lovely solitary hours. That
should be time to recover her sense of self after Rick’s attack yesterday.
She’d wondered about keeping Soraya off school to make sure the girl was back to
normal after the first big squabble of the adoption, but decided against it. If
Soraya looked for a day off school every time they disagreed about something,
they’d end up in big trouble.
A visit to the sauna and a salad lunch with her friend
Lindsay left Ella feeling like a new woman and vowing to do this feel-good
stuff more often. She should make the most of her child-free hours; the school
hols started in three weeks. And here she was, thinking like a mother who
hadn’t had half a minute to herself for years – how things changed. Grinning,
Ella scrabbled for her phone as it rang. It was Amanda.
‘Hey, Ella. Why don’t you and Soraya come in for a coffee on
your way home from school this afternoon? Jaden would love that too.’
Ella agreed, hoping that Soraya would have found her usual
sunshiny self by that time.
Later that afternoon she joined the group of waiting mothers
at the school gates, trepidation making her gut twist. Maybe she should have
told Soraya’s teacher about the upset. But it was only a row… and hallelujah,
here was her daughter with a beam stretching from New York to Moscow.
‘Mummy, look! I got a gold star for my nature drawing!’ She
thrust a worksheet covered in gaudy turquoise and orange butterflies under
Ella’s nose.
Tears of joy welled up in Ella’s eyes. This was the first
time Soraya had called her ‘Mummy’. The little girl had dropped ‘Ella’ and
‘Rick’, but she had never used the word Ella had been dying to hear. Until now.
‘Wow, clever you! Just like the ones in the garden, huh?’
Amanda had posh baker’s shop Florentines waiting for the
grown-ups, and banana yoghurt for the children. Ella sipped her coffee,
wondering if she should ask more about Amanda’s husband, but with Soraya there
she didn’t like to. Amanda kept the conversation very general all the time they
were there, and Ella gave up on the idea of a more personal talk. At the end of
the visit Amanda accompanied them down to the street, Jaden on one hip.
‘I’m so grateful you could take him while I was ill,’ she
said. ‘I’ll keep Soraya for you sometime too. You’d like to visit Jaden
sometime, wouldn’t you, sweetie?’
‘Oh yes!’ Soraya danced up the road, turning to wave to
Jaden before tearing round the corner.
Ella pulled a face at Amanda. ‘She’s as good as a gym
membership,’ she said, sliding into a slow jog uphill. It wasn’t until she was
almost home that an odd thought crossed Ella’s mind. Did Amanda know about the
adoption? No, she decided. They’d never spoken about it. Apart from the time
Amanda told them about her husband, the conversation had always been
superficial, like this afternoon. Which seemed a little… unusual. But then
Amanda had a lot to cope with at the moment.
And there was enough to worry about at home, anyway, because
quite possibly Rick’s bad temper now was because they were adopting a little
girl and not a baby boy… Ella felt her shoulders slump. Looked at like that,
Rick’s moodiness was all her fault.
Chapter Seven
Wednesday 25th June
Rick drove home through rain-spattered streets, the bleakness
of the weather matching his mood. Everything, but everything that could
possibly go wrong, was doing exactly that. What could he do to get his life
back to normal? Not that ‘normal’ existed any more. The arrival of Soraya had
changed things to ‘new normal’, and that had been all right, as long as the
Amanda situation was under control. But with Amanda two minutes down the road
and best girlfriends with Ella, and Soraya yakking on and on about how cute
Jaden was, Rick felt as if Gareth’s wife was taking over his life. What the
hell was she up to? The way he’d treated her, she might be getting ready to
blackmail him for every penny he had. He’d have to talk to her, but supposing
he lost his temper? That would show her clearly she had the power – and she did
have the power. He should have stuck by her… But if he’d done that he’d have
endangered the adoption and it would be Ella after his blood now. He couldn’t
win. But then, why he should win? His behaviour had put Gareth under the shed.
Rick pulled into the driveway, his mood darkening further at
the thought of sitting through another evening with Ella trying to have a
meaningful talk. She was suspicious about his job, he could tell, so many
remarks recently had been loaded – ironic because work was the one area which was
completely normal. There it was again, ‘normal’. Pity he couldn’t organise a
business trip, get right away from all the hassle. Being at home was like
walking on ice, and the fear in Ella’s eyes as she gaped at him was
infuriating.
The cinema, he thought, running the few steps to the front
door. He would suggest a family outing to the cinema, a nice fun place where
you didn’t need to talk much. Then afterwards he could have a headache and go
to bed early.
‘Yes!’ cried Soraya, when he mentioned it. ‘Rosie in my
class went to see The Muppets, can we go there, Mummy?’
‘Great idea, but let’s go on Friday. Then you’ll be able to
stay up late because there’s no school the next day,’ said Ella, and Rick
winced. His wife had turned into supermum. Of course Soraya took the bribe
immediately; he didn’t even have an ally now.
‘Right. Let’s play – Monopoly after tea, then,’ he said,
forcing a grin for Soraya, who ran for the games box. Monopoly, of course,
wasn’t there – how was he supposed to know what games were suitable for
six-year-old girls?
‘You two choose a game. Dinner’s in the oven. I’m going for
a quick shower,’ said Ella, and Rick was left with his almost-daughter. Which
was actually okay because she was busy choosing games so he didn’t have to talk
to her. Maybe if he buttered Ella up enough with family games and fun-Daddy,
they
could
have a chat after Soraya was in bed. He
could tell her the department had problems they were trying to hide from Alan…
yes, that was good. And he could mention Amanda reminded him of an old
girlfriend and please keep her away from him. And Soraya was the best thing
ever. Then ‘all’ he’d need to do was sort things out with Amanda. It was worth
a try, anyway. And some flowers would put Ella in a good mood right at the
start…
He tapped Soraya’s shoulder. ‘Let’s pop down to the shops
and buy Mummy a surprise.’
He scribbled ‘Gone for petrol with S’ on the shopping pad
and left it on the table, and followed Soraya to the car. The rain had
slackened off, and Rick drove on automatic pilot, down towards the town centre
and on along the main road. Soraya was quiet in the back, staring between
houses to the sea, grey and surging today.
‘Where are we going?’ she asked after a while, and Rick
jumped. He glared out of the window. They were passing the road down to Carbis
Bay station, right out of St Ives. Where
were
they
going?
‘There’s, um, a good shop further along here,’ he said. They
came to the A30 and Rick put his foot down.
‘Oooh!’ cried Soraya. ‘Go faster!’
‘Be quiet, please. I have to concentrate to, um, find the
place,’ said Rick.
What was he doing here? He was running away, that was what,
he was running away from an intolerable situation, taking with him one of the
people who was making it intolerable… and he knew no matter fast he went, he’d
never get away. There was no escaping the shed and what lay beneath it.
Gareth’s dead face flashed in front of Rick’s eyes. It had
done that a lot this week; ever since he’d made such a pig’s ear of laying the
stupid concrete. On Monday evening he’d tried – and failed – to remove it.
Unless he got someone with a heavy machine in to dig the grey rectangle out
again, the concrete was there for keeps.
As was he. He’d lain awake every night that week trying to
plan, but it always came back to the same thing. He was stuck with the shed
forever; doomed to living the rest of his life with Gareth and his terrible
eyes mouldering in the garden. He could never sell the house… But would he and
Ella be able to mend their marriage, the marriage that was now so wrecked he
didn’t know – let’s be honest here – he didn’t know if he wanted to mend it? He
didn’t know if he wanted Amanda either, and even if he did they could hardly
live in a house with Gareth under the shed. But if he and Ella split up, he
would
need
to sell the house. There was no way out
that he could see.
His mobile buzzed in his pocket. No prizes for guessing who
that would be. Dinner was in the oven and neither he nor Soraya were there to
eat it. Rick counted rings until they stopped. Ella would be leaving a message
now; it would be interesting to hear what tone she took. Aggrieved, concerned,
afraid? But any fear would be for Soraya. They should never have started this
adoption.
Bugger, they were coming to a tailback. This was the wrong
time of day to practise the great escape. Rick slowed down and glanced at the
child in the back.
‘Are we nearly there?’ Her lower lip was trembling.
Abruptly, Rick came to his senses. Christ. He’d yelled at
her on Sunday and today he was kidnapping her. Whatever he had to do to make
things right, it wasn’t this. He would turn at the roundabout and go back.
‘Two more minutes. There’s a petrol station and a nice shop.
You can choose something for Mummy while I answer my phone,’ he said, hearing
her sigh of relief.
Soraya was happy wandering round the collection of
filling-station tat, and Rick stood in the doorway and listened to Ella’s
message. It was very short; her voice surprised in a ‘what are you doing, you
silly boy’ tone. With an effort, Rick swallowed his ire and pulled up Ella’s
number.
‘Sorry, love – we had a good idea for a surprise for you but
it’s been a bit tricky finding exactly what Soraya wanted,’ he said, making his
voice warm and amused. ‘I hope dinner isn’t completely ruined?’
Rick heard the disguised annoyance in her voice when she
assured him that dinner wasn’t a problem, as long as they were both all right.
He rang off to find Soraya had chosen a weather house in the shape of a
lighthouse. The little girl was one big beam, and unexpected tears shot into
Rick’s eyes. Poor kiddie – so happy to have found a lovely present for her mum…
and Ella would be happy too. If only he felt the same way.
He drove home as quickly as he could, Soraya silent in the
back. Maybe she sensed this outing of theirs wasn’t quite right, that he had
used it – and her – to do something odd. But if he was lucky, and careful for
the rest of the evening, he might yet be able to turn it to his advantage. He
needed Ella on his side.
Soraya ran into the kitchen with the weather house and
presented it to Ella, her face shining. Rick met Ella’s eyes over the little
girl’s head and mouthed ‘Sorry,’ then said, ‘Hope you like it, Mummy, we had to
go a long way to find it, didn’t we, honey?’
Soraya didn’t notice this remark was meant for her, so
intent was she on showing Ella how the little man came out when it was raining
and the lady when the sun shone. Rick saw tears in Ella’s eyes when she kissed
Soraya and put the weather house on the shelf by the door. So far, so good.
He was careful to chat about this and that during the meal,
after which they all played Mousetrap, which in Rick’s opinion hadn’t improved
in the twenty-odd years since his last game. In spite of his sombre mood he
managed to play the part of devoted daddy; well done, Rick, he thought, you’ve
turned a very rocky start into something halfway successful. Hopefully the talk
with Ella would go equally well.
But of course, it didn’t. Ella was still furious that he’d
upped and offed with Soraya – or at least she was furious he’d turned the
supposed petrol purchase into a longer outing
without
telling her.
She was treating him like a schoolboy. Rick could see the
worry in her head and it was all for this child she had chosen, but – he needed
to be loved too. With Gareth under the shed he needed someone there for him. He
gaped at her wordlessly, which only infuriated her more.
‘Rick, with Soraya involved we have to communicate stuff
like that a whole lot better. Promise me.’
‘I’m sorry. It was a spontaneous thing,’ he said, trying to
look wretched. If she felt sorry for him it might make things easier.
She sniffed. ‘All I want is for us to grow together as a
family. I know this isn’t what you planned at first, but Soraya’s a lovely
child and we need to do our best for her. And Rick, I don’t know what’s
happening in your job, but it feels like you’re hiding something big.’
He sat twirling his whisky glass, watching the oily, amber
liquid swirl round, wishing he was a million miles away from the accusations,
and unable to get out of his chair. Just get her back on side, Rick.
‘The job thing’s – complicated, but I promise it’ll be okay.
And you have to admit things haven’t been easy with the adoption. We all need
time to adjust.’
‘But what’s been so difficult? Of course we need time but we
have it. At the weekend – I – I saw you looking at Jaden as if you were wishing
he was yours and not Soraya.’
Rick balked. She was putting words into his mouth now. And
she was wrong because he didn’t wish he was Jaden’s father – or Soraya’s for that
matter.