Authors: Cast Member Confidential: A Disneyfied Memoir
Tags: #Journalists, #South Atlantic, #Walt Disney World (Fla.) - Employees, #Walt Disney World (Fla.), #Entertainment & Performing Arts, #General, #United States, #Photographers, #Personal Memoirs, #Disneyland (Calif.), #Amusement & Theme Parks, #Biography & Autobiography, #Travel, #South, #Biography
Now that she was out of the fin, I could see that the rest of her body was just as beautiful. She had tan, shapely legs and a perfect butt. I also noticed that she was walking without assistance and without a limp.
“Have I mentioned,” Orville said, now at my side, “what a privilege it is to work this event?”
I watched as she disappeared through the door. When she gave me one last glance, my heart skipped a beat. “Did you see that!” I said.
“Watch out for that one,” he said. “She’s got issues.”
“That’s what you said about Marco,” I reminded him.
“So you can be sure I’m right.”
“I know it’s in the Rule Book somewhere,” I said. “But remind me: how does Disney feel about relationships between Cast Members?”
Orville looked down his nose at me. “That’s dangerous territory,” he scolded. “Work relationships always end in disaster.”
I pretended to consider his warning. “‘Always’ is a strong word.”
He glanced at his watch. “You wanna hear a story?”
“Is it about you?”
“It’s about a friend of mine,” he squinted carefully through his spectacles. “Let’s call him ‘Norville.’”
Once Upon a Dream
It was Gay Day at the Magic Kingdom, and Norville was taking photos of same-sex couples in front of the Magic Castle.
*
He was having a good-hair day and feeling confident—he’d already picked up three phone numbers and a headshot from somebody who said he was a big porn star in the Dominican Republic. (He had his doubts, considering the guy looked like a terrier with a mullet, but whatever, he was on fire.) It was late in the day, and he was on his last roll of film when what to his wandering eyes should appear, but this beautiful young man—from here on known as Adonis—in a Cardinals jersey.
Norville introduced himself and Adonis let it slip that he was also a Cast Member. He was a part of Disney’s college program; he had only been in Orlando for a couple of months, but already, he loved the place.
“Are you a Cardinals fan?” Norville asked carefully. The guy seemed straight, but you could never be sure. The red shirt might just have been an unhappy coincidence.
“Actually, I like the Browns,” Adonis said. “But you can’t wear white to a wedding.”
Norville hid his excitement as he loaded the camera. He took some interesting shots where he slowed down the shutter speed and added a flash. It was, he thought, very artistic, very “wish you were here.” Now, under normal circumstances, Norville would never shirk his managerial duties, but circumstances being what they were—the sun was about to set, Adonis was flirting like a schoolboy, and maybe, just maybe, he was feeling
empowered
—he invited Adonis to go for a walk.
The two men walked around for a little while and made small talk. Adonis was a Scorpio. He had never been to Disney World before, and he couldn’t believe how Magical everything was. He mentioned that it was his first time out of Ohio, but Norville had the distinct impression that it was his first time
out
. Something about him was so hot. Norville had always been attracted to men who were more masculine, and this guy was a quarterback. Very manly. Muscular. He didn’t have any of those effeminate quirks that made Norville’s eyes roll.
“That sure is an amazing sunset,” Adonis said.
“Better than anything in Ohio, I’m sure.” Norville bit his lip, hoping he hadn’t offended his young friend.
Adonis took a deep breath that threatened to pop the buttons off his jersey. “I sure wish we could see it from the castle.”
“Adonis,” Norville heard himself say, “there just might be a way.”
It was madness what he was considering, but there was something illicit and wonderful in the air that day, and he felt certain that he could get away with anything. He pulled out his key ring—which he possessed because he was deemed trustworthy enough to carry a manager title and all the responsibilities that went with it—and he led that Ohio boy right into the heart of the Magic Castle.
*
Naturally, Adonis was dazzled. He leaped from window to window, looking at all the different angles—honestly, you would’ve thought they didn’t have sunsets in Ohio. His excitement was a total turn-on for Norville, plus the added danger of being in the castle with a college program Cast Member. If Norville had gotten caught…
After they started making out, everything happened so quickly. Adonis had no idea what to do with his hands, so Norville did all the work. He unbuttoned the boy’s pants, pushed him back in a chair, and went down on him. It wasn’t the most beautiful cock, but it was the biggest Norville had ever put in his mouth.
After a few minutes, Norville looked up and saw that Adonis had found a Minnie head and put it over his own head. He had always fantasized about an encounter like this, but now that it was actually happening, it was turning into a freak show—those big round eyes, that ungodly smile. Rather than being erotic, it turned out that sucking Minnie’s dick was just plain freaky.
Norville didn’t even exchange numbers with his Adonis. That night, recrossing the drawbridge to Main Street, he pitched the Castle key as far as he could, nearly hitting a Mallard duck that was floating on the peaceful waters of the moat.
I smiled. “So you’re in the SOP Club.”
Orville’s smile was demonic. “I invented the SOP Club.” He nodded his head in the direction of Ariel’s rock. “So I know what I’m talking about when I tell you to stay away from Calico.”
T
he unfortunate science of cryonics has failed ever since its idealistic birth in the 1960s. Based on the idea that a person can be frozen within moments of death and revived years later, cryonics got off to a bumpy start in 1967 when the Cryonics Society of California first attempted to freeze people in crude capsules not far from Disney’s Burbank studios. These early pioneers met their end the way God intended: decomposing in a Chatsworth cemetery, the by-product of limited funding and a failed cooling system. Recent advances in nanotechnology and bioengineering, however, have sparked a renewed interest in the field of cryonics. Currently, there are more than a hundred people frozen in a state of suspended animation and about half that many pets. These new age alchemists are the true Utopians: idealists, dreamers, visionaries who dare to put it all on black because, if Magic really does exist in the universe, Eternal Life is the ultimate rabbit in the existential hat.
The day after the Disneyana Convention, I was back at DAK. It was an exceptionally muggy day and a disaster, photographically speaking. On the whole, the guests were in a funk. Children, who could only be differentiated by the patterns of ice cream stains on their shirtfronts, screamed when the characters reached out to hug them. And parents, all of whom looked like they would gladly trade their spleens for an hour at a pool with a margarita and a Xanax, protested that they were too sweaty to have their photos taken. As a result, I had only shot three rolls of film by the time I clocked out for the day.
I had no way to reach Calico, but I had a pretty good idea where to find her. I wanted to take her a present, something to let her know that I had been preoccupied with thoughts of her all day at work. Stuffed animals were too predictable, and real animals were sure to put up a struggle. But luckily, Animal Kingdom had one other natural advantage: beautiful tropical flowers.
Calico was at the Magic Kingdom doing love and shoves in Ariel’s Grotto. I finally found her at four in the afternoon, and at least fifty kids were in line ahead of me. I recognized one child, covered head to toe in rainbow sherbet, who had kicked Mickey in the shin with such resolve that the Mouse had to get ER’d. It took thirty minutes to get a private audience with the animated celebrity, but it was worth it to walk into the cavernous Grotto lit with colored lights and see her there, perched on her rock. She was radiant.
“Oh my!” she exclaimed, her hands pressed together in her sequined lap. “What a handsome prince!”
“I had to beat down a Japanese family to get in here before your break,” I said.
“Are those flowers for me?”
“They’re tropical,” I offered.
She examined the rough edges of the stems where I had to hack through them with my car keys. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say these blooms weren’t acquired in the traditional manner.” She took a deep breath of the bouquet. “They’re beautiful.”
I was impressed by the way she stayed in character throughout our exchange.
She handed the flowers off to her greeter. “Would you mind…” As he took the flowers, I felt a general discomfort, as if, up until that point, he had been watching me, but now, he was deliberately
not
watching me.
Calico smiled at me. “So what can I do for you?”
“You could let me take you to dinner,” I said.
She clapped her hands together next to her cheek. “Oh! I am flattered, but I cannot go out with you because my heart is already promised to another.”
“You have a boyfriend?”
“Soon, I will marry Prince Eric,” she said dreamily. “And then I will have a husband.”
“Oh, right—of course.” I wiped the sweat off the back of my neck, turned the Magic Kingdom map over and over in my hands.
Her greeter cleared his throat and tapped his watch meaningfully.
“Give me your map,” she said, uncapping a Sharpie. “I’ll give you my autograph.” She scribbled some words on the soggy paper and handed it back to me. “I would never do anything to break Eric’s heart, but you can always come visit me right here at the Magic Kingdom. Bye now.”
It took me a moment to adjust to the bright sky outside the Grotto. Behind me, I could hear Calico’s greeter announcing that Ariel would be taking a short break, but she would be back in just a moment.
Glancing down at the map in my hands, I read Calico’s autograph. “Call me in fifteen minutes!” it said, and below it, a phone number.
Half an hour later, we met at the Cast Member parking lot. She had changed into a pair of jeans and a tank top that spelled out the word
Princess
in rhinestones across her chest. Released from the red wig, her hair was dishwater blonde and streaked with sweat, pulled back into a ponytail. Without the hair and makeup, she looked older, late twenties maybe. I felt a surge of relief that she was somewhere close to my own age, not another adolescent in the college program.
“So, this is what I really look like.” She shrugged. “Not so glamorous, huh?”
“You look great.”
“Thanks,” she said. “The funniest thing happened right before you walked in. This kid hauled back and kicked me as hard as he could.”
“What? How is that funny?”
“Because it wasn’t me. He could only reach the fin, and—you know. He kicked the rock so hard, he probably broke a toe. He was bawling when he left! Isn’t that funny? I mean, I hope he’s okay and everything, but he like, totally deserved it, right?” Her eyes were deep green, surrounded by long, spiky lashes. It was like looking at a perfect point break through razor wire.
I told her about the same kid’s identical interaction with Mickey, and her jaw dropped. “I knew it!” she said, and her hand brushed my arm. “He totally deserved it!”
She could have told me squirrels grew on trees, and I would have agreed. The rhinestones on her chest flashed distracting Swarovski explosions, but I kept my eyes on her face. “Are you hungry?” I asked. “I know a place that does an amazing Cuban sandwich.”
We had reached her car. She dropped her keys, and I picked them up. When I handed them back to her, my fingertips brushed against her wrist. “I’m sure it’s great,” she said, “but I don’t eat meat.” She opened her hatchback and threw her bag inside. Just before the door closed, I caught sight of a pair of roller skates.
“You skate,” I babbled.
“I need to,” she said. “I have an audition next week to be a roller skating Tinker Bell. I pulled my old skates out of the closet, but I haven’t had time to practice.”
Sensing an opportunity to make a good impression, I smiled. “How about today?” I suggested. “I have a pair of skates in my Jeep.”
She only considered for a moment. “Why not?”
“This is great!” Calico put her arms out to the side and did a little twirl. “I haven’t done this since I was a kid.”
“What were you?” I panted. “A competitive speed skater?”
“I like to go fast,” she said as she pulled ahead of me.
It was golden hour, and the sun was lighting everything with a warm honey glow. Our shadows stretched out behind us, dancing over the pavement. Calico was wearing short shorts that showed off exceptionally toned legs. There was just a hint of tan line above the waistband of her shorts. She looked over her shoulder and caught me staring at her ass. “How long have you been a Little Mermaid?” I said quickly. “You’re really good.”
She spun 180 so that she was skating backward, and did a little curtsy. “Thank you. I do other characters too, but Ariel is my favorite. I just love the way people respond to her.”
“By kicking her?” I teased.
“That boy was an exception. Karma gave him the right punishment. I’m sure of it. Next time, he’ll be more polite to the characters.”
“Next time, he’ll take the wheelchair shortcut to the front of the line.”
“Don’t say that!” She put one hand over her mouth. “Now I feel bad. You don’t think he was seriously hurt, do you?”
“He got beaten by a girl,” I pointed out. “And he cried in front of her. It’ll hurt for the rest of his life.”
She giggled at my lame chauvinism, and it was like landing a perfect trick. As we skated, we talked and, in the guise of a playful crack the whip, I held her hand. She had an adventurous spirit and wasn’t afraid of anything. She liked it when I whipped her ahead of me and then raced to catch up. We watched the sun set over the tailored rooftops of Celebration where streaks of color smeared across the deepening blue sky, like a scoop of rainbow sherbet melting in an abalone dish. Every so often, a car drifted down the wide street and into the mouth of a yawning garage, leaving nothing but silence on the freshly swept streets of Disney’s Tomorrowland community.
“Do it again!” she commanded with princess bravado. “Don’t hold back!”
I whipped her so hard, I threw myself off the skate trail into the grass. By the time I caught up to her, she was sitting on a park bench next to a fountain, looking up at the darkening sky. The sunset colors had faded, but the fountain lights were dancing against the twilight, flickering a web of prisms against the tree branches. I was dripping sweat from the exertion of the skate. She didn’t appear even to be perspiring.
“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.” Her hands were clasped together like a little girl reciting prayers before bedtime, her head tilted back to stare at the sky.
“That’s Venus,” I teased. “You’re wishing upon a planet.”
Fountain light danced across her face. “Whenever I make a wish, I wish for love. When the clock turns all the same numbers or when I blow a dandelion or find an eyelash on my cheek, I close my eyes and hope that the one I love will find me and love me back. I make my wishes on Venus because only she can bring the sweet fulfillment of my secret longing.”
It sounded like a line from a movie, but I couldn’t remember which one, and, at that moment, with her hair playing around her lips and the moonlight dancing on her eyelashes, it didn’t matter anyway. That night, we kissed in the parking lot, under the stars, and it was electric. I couldn’t wait to see her again.
The next day, I was ordering a sandwich at the DAK cafeteria when Wigger cornered me. “Dude! I heard you nailed an Ariel. Siiiick!”
The speed at which rumors circulated backstage was frightening. “How—”
“Playas gotta play. Looters gotta grab. When you fuckin’ with a mermaid, you gotta watch for crabs! Oh! Snap!” Having a conversation with Wigger was like watching interactive MTV. I did a lot of listening and interjected little expletives during the appropriate pauses.
Really? Cool. No way
. Most of the time, I had no idea what he was talking about. I just nodded and smiled and punched his fist when he raised it.
“Dude, you gotta see this little hottie I’m working on right now.” His sneakers were unlaced. His headphone cord hung down the sweaty front of his T-shirt, the jack banging back and forth between his knees. “She’s a gazelle or some shit in the Lion King show. Bro, she
is fine
!” He raised his fist, my cue to knock knuckles with him, but then noticed that I was carrying a tray with both hands.
“Do you want onions on that?” the fry cook mumbled into the sneeze guard.
“No, thanks,” I said.
“Timing, what!” Wigger bobbed his head at the cook. “I’ll take one of them too.”
A woman in line behind me reached around to tap Wigger on the shoulder. “Excuse me.” She was dressed in manager wardrobe, nice slacks, a walkie-talkie on her hip. “There’s a line,” she said with amiable authority.
Wigger smiled in a way that was probably intended to be winning. “It’s cool.” He turned back to the fry cook who, despite my request, was lacing my chicken breast with crisp concentric circles of raw onion. “And a side of fries, my man.”
The manager sidestepped me to put herself back in Wigger’s frame of reference. “Actually, it’s not cool.” Her voice was still cordial, but a taut line of tension threatened to tear her patience like a strip of Velcro. “I only have twenty minutes for lunch and I’m next.”
Wigger looked her up and down, and up. “Are you feeling lucky?” he leered.
“I beg your pardon?”
“I bet you I can guess your age within one year, plus or minus.”
Behind trenches of condiments, the fry cook chuckled. “Man, I can’t wait to see this.”
The manager stared at Wigger as if he had just proposed a tea party on the ceiling.
The heat was unbearable, and I was standing right in the middle. “Hey Gecko.” That’s what he was calling himself that week. “I’m not that hungry. I’ll split this one with you.” I grabbed my chicken sandwich—onions and all—out of the cook’s hand and retreated to the soda fountain.
Wigger was right behind me. “I totally could have had that one. I know for a fact she’s thirty-one. And a cougar. She wants the tiger bone, yo!”
I pressed a cup to the Coke spigot. “Are you trying to get reprimanded?”
“Bring it on!” he grinned. “This time next month, I’m gone anyway.” He picked up my soda cup and took a gulp.
I snatched the cup out of his hand and put it back on my tray. “Where are you going?”
“Time’s up.” He blew a kiss at the manager. To my immense surprise, she blushed and turned away. “I’m a CP, remember? My tour of duty is done,” he rapped. “And though it’s been fun, when I’m flyin’ first class, they’ll all miss this tiger ass.” Noticing that my hands were free, he made a fist. When I raised my fist near his, he punched it with such force that it knocked my whole arm behind me. “Peace, paparazzo!” He shuffled past me out of the cafeteria, standard issue sweat socks bunched down around the top of his unlaced black Reeboks.
The lady behind the soda counter clucked her tongue. “That looked like it hurt,” she said. “Why’d he punch you?”
I met her look as casually as possible. “It’s hip-hop,” I told her like I’d been having to explain it all my life. “It doesn’t hurt when you do it right.”
Whether it was deliberate distraction or accidental osmosis, I found myself learning more than I ever cared to know about the characters that made up the animated films of Walt Disney. I learned Sleeping Beauty’s real name (Aurora) and which prince went with which princess. Splinters of trivia stuck in my memory and refused dislodge. “Where’s the bathroom?” a guest asked me one day. “Just up ahead on your right,” I said, pointing naturally with two fingers. “Just past the Tree of Life, where you’ll be interested to know there are 325 animals carved into the trunk and branches.” Cautiously, I watched
Disney’s Eyes and Ears
for reports of a guest passing at one of the parks, but that news never came. Disney World remained immune.