Christmas in Sugarcreek (4 page)

Chapter Four

Eight Days Until Christmas

T
his had been the longest three hours of her life.

“So do you have any more questions about checking packing slips and filing them away?” Judith asked Ben as she shuffled a few more papers around.

They were standing side by side behind the front counter, close enough that she could smell the scent of his soap on his skin. Close enough for her to notice that he had a small pair of scars on his jaw.

And for her to wonder just how he got them. And when.

Looking at her directly in the eye, Ben shook his head. “I don’t have a single question. Not one.”

His reply would have meant a whole lot more if he’d ever even looked at the papers. If he’d even acted interested with what she had to say. Instead, all he seemed inclined to do was grin and stare at her.

Which, of course, made her even more flustered.

And notice that his hazel eyes were really more blue than green. At least around the edges.

“Ben, this is serious.”

“Believe me. I will never take the invoices lightly. Ever.”

Those eyes of his were sparkling again. And his cheek—well, his cheek had the smallest of dimples on it. Just like he was completely amused by her. “Ben . . .”

He laughed under his breath before turning toward two new customers. “
Wilkum
!” he said with a smile. “How may I help you?”

The English tourists beamed as they faced him in surprise. As Judith watched the women look him over, notice his broad shoulders and his perpetually tanned face, they looked like they’d just won the jackpot. “We were just looking around. For Christmas gifts. Do you have anything Christmasy here?”

Judith was just about to inform the ladies that her family’s store was the wrong place to look for ornaments with Amish characters painted on them when Ben walked around the counter and directed the ladies to a collection of handmade baskets and cookbooks.

“These are made by people in the community. Perhaps they’d make perfect gifts for your friends and family?”

The younger woman looked starstruck. “Oh, yes, they would, indeed.”

With a wink in Judith’s direction, he said extremely courteously, “Please let me know if I can help ya further.”

After the ladies simpered, Ben practically sauntered back Judith’s way. But instead of returning to stand near her behind the counter, he stayed on the other side. Resting his elbows on the wood and looking completely satisfied. “How am I doing, Boss?”

His pride would have been shameful if she hadn’t been so impressed. “Ben, I think they’re buying a dozen cookbooks between them. And four baskets, too. It’s amazing.”

But instead of gloating, his expression turned solemn. “
Gut
. I’m glad you’re happy with me.”

He caught her off guard. What did he mean by that? Had she been so difficult to please?

Or . . . was he simply trying to get her gander up? Again? “I didn’t mean to sound surprised . . .”

“But you are surprised, ain’t so?”

Because he was still staring at her intently, she nodded. “Helping customers is good. Encouraging them to buy more than they intended is something that’s difficult for me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t want to push things at them.”

“But you’re not forcing them to buy, just suggesting—”

“Like I said, you are far better at this than I am.”

“I doubt that, Judith.” His gaze had softened. His voice had lowered. He’d leaned a little closer and made her want to lean closer, too. Which, of course, made her pulse quicken.

Luckily the English ladies approached.

She cleared her throat while Ben backed up with a jerk. “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

“We did. Well, we did over in this section,” the older of the pair said with a laugh. “Could we set these puzzles and candles on the counter?”

Judith nodded. “But of course.”

“What else may I help you with?” Ben asked.

“Baked goods. Do you have any rolls?”

“We do. Made fresh this morning.”

The
Englischer
smiled. “I want some of those. I’m so glad we came in today. I found everything I needed.”

Judith checked out two other customers, greeted a newcomer, and then eyed Ben in amazement as he stacked one, two, three, four containers of rolls, one block of cheddar cheese, and three boxes of cinnamon rolls and cookies in her arms.

How did Ben do that? He was a true salesman, able to encourage customers to buy things that Judith could only dream about. She couldn’t help but be slightly envious of his accomplishments—during the three days that Ben had worked, store sales had greatly risen.

Two hours later, when she was locking up after the last customer left, she felt obligated to give Ben the praise he deserved. “You’re a
gut
worker, Ben Knox.”

He looked at her for maybe a little longer than necessary, then shrugged.
“Danke.”

She felt embarrassed. It was faint praise for everything he’d did. Plus, even to her ears it sounded vaguely condescending. “I’m sorry. You are more than just a good worker. You sell real well—and you’re good with the customers, too. You seem to be a natural fit. Everyone’s noticed. My
daed
is real pleased.”

“Is he?” He crossed his arms over his very broad chest. “And what about you?”

“What about me?” Now she was feeling even more out of sorts. The way he looked at her made her imagine they were the only two people in the world.

“Are you pleased with me, Judith Graber?”

That deep tone of his sent a little shiver down her spine. “Yes. I mean, I just told you I thought you worked hard. That . . . that I thought you did a
gut
job . . .” For heaven’s sakes. She didn’t know what she was saying!

“And that is all?”

His tone wasn’t harsh. It wasn’t critical. No, instead it sounded . . . sad? Disappointed?

No matter how it sounded, it made her feel tongue-tied. “Ben, I don’t know what you want me to say . . .”

His face went blank as he stepped away, breaking the connection she wasn’t even sure they’d had. “Of course you don’t. Forgive me. I shouldn’t have pressed you like that. Is there anything else you’d like me to do?”

Shouldn’t have pressed her? “
Nee.
You can go
.
”

“What about you?”

Pasting a smile on her face that she didn’t feel, she shrugged. “I won’t be leaving for a while now. I have to finish the deposit before I go home.”

He scowled. “But it’s dark out.”

“I know.”

“Then you’ll hitch up your horse and drive home?” When she nodded, wondering why he looked so perturbed, a hard expression entered his eyes. “I’ll wait for you.”

“There’s no need—”

“There’s every need,” he interrupted. “I don’t want you here alone at night.”

He
didn’t want her to be alone at night? “Ben, it is no problem. It is certainly not your problem, anyway.”

For a moment, it looked like he was going to refute that. “Judith, I’ll wait here with you.”

He was making her
naerfich
. Nervous and confused. “But I do this all the time. By myself.”

“You won’t while I’m here.” He lowered his voice. “If I could, I’d make sure you never were here alone. And I’d certainly drive you home in your buggy.”

He was truly making her feel flustered now. The way he was looking at her, the way he was talking to her . . . well, no one had ever spoken to her like that before.

Like she was special. Needed to be protected.

Half afraid she was going to accept, Judith strived to keep her voice matter-of-fact. Professional. “Well, now, Ben. That is mighty kind of you, but I’m sure you have other things to do. Or, you know, other people to see.”

For a moment, she didn’t think he was going to answer her. It truly looked like he was afraid to. Then he sighed. “Judith, I promise you this. There’s nothing else for me to do and no one waiting for me. Let me stay with you. Staying ain’t a big thing.”

There was something in his voice that sounded too familiar. She knew that desperation, even if she wasn’t all that sure what his reasonings behind it were.

“All right, then, Ben. If you wouldn’t mind waiting, I’d be most grateful.”

“I don’t mind waiting at all. It would be a pleasure.”

The look of satisfaction in his eyes made her heart beat a little faster.

Chapter Five

H
e was going down a slippery slope at lightning speed, and that was a fact. As Ben sat on a worn stool and pretended he didn’t mind fiddling with a basket of red and gold jingle bells while Judith Graber worked, his mind spun.

All his life, he’d been pushed to the side. His parents had had their own troubles and to them he’d been a constant reminder of past mistakes.

In short, he’d never felt wanted and had compensated for that by attempting to be tougher and harder than most other people. He’d developed an attitude that was just arrogant enough to push people away.

And it had served him well. His hard exterior forced most people to give him a wide berth. To keep him at a distance.

Unable to sit still any longer, he got to his feet and walked down the store’s aisles. Straightening stock was a mindless job, but far better than doing nothing.

In school, as the years passed and his home life became unbearable, he’d felt so fragile inside he developed an even harder shell.

He concentrated on keeping his heart safe instead of making friends. He worried about his future instead of his studies. He developed a talent for putting other people down and for never turning away from a fight. And along the way, he earned himself quite a reputation.

Most kids shied away from him. After a time, their teacher practically washed her hands of him, too.

His parents had gone from not wanting him to not expecting much. Then, of course, his
mamm
left and his
daed
spiraled down into a terrible depression. Before long, his sister left. And there was no way his shell was going to break.

Remembering how quiet his house had become, Ben grasped a sack of flour too hard. A puff of flour burst into the air as it gave way. Picking up the ruined sack, he walked to the bulk food area to deposit the contents in the flour bin.

Judith glanced up as he passed. “Everything all right?”

“Jah.”
He lifted the damaged sack so she could see. “This opened. I’m going to go take care of it.”

“Danke.”
She smiled in a distracted way before going back to adding receipts.

Ben darted down another aisle. Out of Judith’s sight.

Which didn’t matter of course.

There was only one person who he’d wished had been able to see through his tough attitude: Judith Graber. How, he didn’t know. As a little girl, she’d been looked after by her older brother, Josh. As she’d gotten older, she’d been surrounded by Caleb and all her friends.

And all her admirers.

He wasn’t surprised. Judith was the type of girl to sit with kids who were awkward and alone. She helped others with their homework. She even smiled at boys everyone else avoided.
Jah,
she was a lovely person, both inside and out.

But he had felt a dark hole inside of himself whenever they spoke. Because while she had been everything good to him, it had always been obvious that she was only being near him out of a misplaced sense of duty. That if she’d had her way, she would probably do just about anything to never see him again.

Now wasn’t any different.

Truly, it was taking virtually everything he had to be closed off and arrogant with Judith. To him, she was perfection. Not in a polished, too-shiny kind of way, like the fancy
Englischers
in the gift shops.

No, her perfection was that she wasn’t perfect. She worked hard and was almost abrupt with others. But she also had a yearning look in her eyes that told him she wished for far more in her life than merely a job well done. That longing, of course, made her all the more desirable to him. He was too flawed to fancy someone who had none.

And all that wasn’t even taking into consideration her looks. Which were lovely indeed. Thinking about the fine lines of her jaw, about the intelligence in her eyes, he knew that though he had changed some, his interest in her never had.

Once again, he ached for a place in her life.

Flour now disposed of, he walked back by the front counter.

When he approached, she placed her pencil in a drawer and carefully set the ledger on the center of the counter. “I’m ready to go now,” she said.

He practically clapped his hands in relief. “All right, then. Let’s get you on your way before it gets any later. Where’s your cloak?”

“Ben, why are you fussing so?”

“I don’t know,” he lied. “Do you have a cloak?”

“But of course. It’s in the back. Follow me.”

They walked through the quiet aisles, their footsteps echoing along the finely hewed wood floors. If things were different between them, he would have reached for her hand.

Yeah, right. Who was he kidding? If things had been different between them, he would have wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders and held her close. Just to make sure she didn’t get chilled.

In the small cloakroom, he spied her cloak. Before he knew what he was doing, he plucked it off the brass hook and carefully covered her shoulders.

When she lifted her hands to tie the strings, their fingers brushed. As if she was shocked, she tensed, then tied a bow. He put his wool coat on while she slipped her black bonnet on her head and secured that, too.

Unwilling to leave her side, he held open the back door for her and then waited while she locked up.

“I feel bad, making you stay with me,” she said as they walked to the covered stalls and began hitching up Beauty.

“Don’t.” He rubbed the mare’s flank as he made sure all the fastenings were secure. When they guided the horse outside and the cold blast of wind and snow pelted their skin, he held the horse steady while she climbed into the buggy.

“I’ll close the barn door for you. Be safe, now,” he said, trying not to let on how pretty he thought she was, with her skin glowing from the light reflecting off the lantern and the pristine snow.

“I will.” She gave a little wave, then motioned the horse forward.

As the horse clip-clopped away, he dutifully shut the barn door. Then, with nothing else to do, started for home.

Stomping his boots a bit to warm his feet, Ben tried to recall what he had at home to eat. Maybe some peanut butter? Crackers. . .

“Ben?”

He stopped and stared at Judith. She’d stopped her buggy on the side of the road and was looking at him with concern.

He raced forward. “Is something wrong?”

She bit her lip. “
Nee.
It’s just, well . . . I was just thinking that perhaps you’d like to come home with me.”

If she’d started dancing in the streets and singing at the top of her lungs, he couldn’t have been more surprised. Like the fool that he was, he gaped.

Then he got his bearings. She needed help. That’s what she needed. Of course. “I’d be happy to drive you home. I wasn’t lying about that.”

“It’s not that. I just started thinking, you don’t have anyone, do you?” Her eyes widened. “I mean, at home.”

He didn’t but that wasn’t anything new. “I’m fine.”

“I just was thinking, well, my
mamm
always makes plenty of food. And it’s so terribly cold and snowy out. Perhaps you’d like a hot meal?”

That was it. She felt sorry for him. Pitied him.

The right thing to do would be to brush off her offer, because who wanted to be pitied?

But if he said no, he knew one thing absolutely—he wouldn’t see her again until tomorrow.

And right at that moment, it felt like far too long.

Swallowing his dignity he climbed into the buggy and took over the reins. “I never pass up a hot meal,” he said. Adding just enough cockiness that he hoped his pride wasn’t completely flattened.

And with that, he snapped the reins and moved Beauty forward onto the near-empty road. Pretending all the while that he didn’t notice how right Judith’s body felt next to his.

That he didn’t notice that she smelled lovely, like roses.

That he didn’t all at once feel like the luckiest man in Sugarcreek.