Christmas Miracle: A Family (10 page)

“I don’t want to wait,” Tyler said sullenly. “You promised to take me, and I want to go now!”

“I know I promised, but—”

“Nobody ever does what they say,” he grumbled.

That caught her attention. And she wondered if Tyler might be reacting from some of the tension between her and James. It was certainly a possibility. He’d built up a few hopes, and with the way she and James were getting along now saw the possibility that he’d be let down yet again. “Who never does what they say?”

“Everybody. They promise me I can stay this time then I can’t. And they promise me they’ll quit yelling, but they never do.”

His home. He was talking about his home…his other
home with his mother. So much insight in so few words. And now she felt terrible, because she knew, for certain, that Tyler was feeling that same kind of insecurity here. While she and James had been saying this was about Tyler, they’d turned it into something about them and Tyler was watching from the sidelines. “Well, I don’t break my promises, Tyler. Occasionally it takes me a while to get to them, but I always do. Here’s the thing. Sometimes I’m not sure what a boy your age needs to be doing. I never had any little brothers, don’t have any little boys of my own…so once in a while someone has to tell me. But not by yelling, and stomping around the house.”

“How?” he asked.

“By telling me. Just say,
Fallon, I need something to do.
”

He thought about it for a moment and she could see the concentration in his eyes as he analyzed all sides of what she’d just told him. He was so much like James. The more she got to know Tyler, the more she saw the similarities.

“Fallon, I need something to do,” Tyler finally said. He didn’t sound sure of himself. It was like he was trying out the concept to see if it worked, to see if she kept her word.

“Tyler, I just happen to have something for you to do.”

His eyes lit up. “You do?”

“I think you need to go sledding. And, as luck would have it, I have an old sled in the storage shed out back.”

“What’s that?” he asked, still cautious.

“You’ve never heard of a sled?”

He shook his head.

“It’s better than a video game. Actually, it’s almost like a video game, only instead of you pushing the buttons that
make the game do different things, you’re the one who’s doing everything.”

The look on Tyler’s face showed marginal interest, mixed with healthy skepticism.

“Want me to prove it to you?”

He shrugged. Still didn’t believe she was about to make good on her promise. Poor child. He was too use to being let down and it just made her ache for him. “It’s up to you, Tyler. If you want something to do, this is all I’ve got right now.”

“I’ll go sledding,” he said, much too reserved for a five-year-old on the verge of an adventure.

“Good choice.” Fallon reached out to pat him on the back, but he jerked away. “So, do you have any boots?”

He shook his head.

“Mittens, scarf, hat?”

No again.

“Then I’d say we run to town and buy you some sledding clothes. Is that OK with you?”

Twenty minutes later they were barely inside the mercantile when Dinah Ramsey and her twin daughters Paige and Pippa practically pounced on them. Dinah immediately ran to Fallon and pulled her into her arms. “Are you OK?” she whispered. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Tension. It’s not so good between James and me, and I’m worried about Tyler. I think what James and I are going through is affecting him.”

“And he reminds you of your own little boy?”

“My own little boy never drew a breath!” she said, stiffening.

“Your child is your child, Fallon. You and James should have grieved together.”

Fallon turned her head, blinked back the tears.
“Sometimes when I watch Tyler I think that he could have been mine. And it hurts so bad.”

“But isn’t this something you and James should be going through together?”

“What I did to him…”

“Fallon, you were fighting for your own life from all the injuries. And fighting to keep your baby at the same time. You were confused, and no one could blame you for your decisions. I mean, I can’t even begin to imagine what you experienced, what you were thinking. And I’m sure if James knew…”

“That’s the thing. He should have known. It wouldn’t have made a difference in the way things turned out, but he had a son he didn’t know about. And I’ve seen how hurt he was by what Shelly did to him. So how could I put him through that again, especially when
our
son didn’t survive?”

“I think you’re underestimating him.”

“I think I’m protecting him.”

“But does James really need protection, Fallon? Think about it.”

“That’s practically
all
I think about, and I’m…”

“Scared to death?” Dinah asked. “Afraid that if you tell James he had a son who died, James will quit loving you?”

“I don’t know, Dinah. I really don’t know.”

“Well, the one thing I know is that our children are getting impatient.” They glanced at the trio, Tyler, Pippa and Paige, who were glaring back at them.

“I promised Tyler we’d go sledding, and he’s used to having promises broken.”

“Well, I have a fantastic idea. I’m going to take the girls sledding out on Porter’s Bluff. It’s a mild little hill, perfect for younger children. How about I take Tyler with us? He
seems to be getting along well with them and maybe…” Dinah hesitated.

“It will do him good to get away from me?”

“Maybe it will give you and James some time to talk. Alone.”

It made sense, but the only thing was, she was scared to death of time alone with James. Of course, she could shut her office door and work. That, if nothing else, was the incentive she needed to let Dinah take Tyler for a while. “He throws tantrums,” she warned.

“Eric’s told me.”

“And breaks things.”

Dinah nodded, then laughed. “And the twins will outnumber him two to one. I think we’ll manage.”

“Let me ask him, then.” She watched Tyler and the girls for a moment, and saw a little boy who was just like any other little boy his age should be. Boasting to the girls, showing off for them, happy, carefree. Tyler desperately needed a normal life, one he could count on. So did she.

“Tyler,” she said, bending down next to him, “would you like to go sledding with Paige and Pippa? Mrs. Ramsey has offered to take you with them, but I wanted to ask you, as I’d promised to take you, too.”

He glanced at the girls then back at Fallon. “I’ll go with them. They have three different kinds of sleds, including a round one, which they say goes faster than a regular one, and all you have is a regular one.”

From the child who’d never heard of sledding to the one who was a five-year-old expert. The transformation was amazing, and Fallon was pleased with her decision.

She was still smiling about it two hours later when James wandered in, surprised not to find Tyler there. “Two very pretty young girls had their sway. He chose them over me, and Dinah called a few minutes ago to say that they’re
all going out for pizza later, so it looks like the old folks are left home, alone for the evening.”

“What you’re telling me is that he’s on a date with twins? Isn’t that every grown man’s fantasy?”

“He’s quite the ladies’ man. I mean, he perked right up for them, put on his best manners, puffed out his chest, did some bragging. You know, the typical thing all men do when they’re around pretty girls.”

“Well, how about I put on my best manners, puff out my chest, and take you up to Pine Ridge for dinner? Not a date. Just two people in need of a meal.”

It was tempting. It had been so long since she’d had a real night out…probably her last night out with James all those months ago. Admittedly, getting out more these past days was feeling so good. But this?

“We could sit at separate tables,” he said, grinning. “Me at one, you at the one behind it with your back to me.”

“I’m not
that
bad,” she said, laughing.

“You’re doing a lot for me, Fallon, and taking you to dinner is the least I can do to show you how much I appreciate everything.”

“We do need to talk about some things, because I think Tyler is picking up on our tension. Maybe we can figure out how to make it better for him.” She turned to the picture window, her back purposely to him. When she faced him, when she looked into his eyes, she couldn’t resist. And she had to keep her head about this.

“I wish you wouldn’t turn away from me, Fallon.”

He stepped up so close behind her she could feel the sparky little prickles on her flesh he always caused when he was so close. She remembered that feeling, savored it.
Wanted it.
But being alone with James was too difficult and, as much as she didn’t want to go out with him, she
didn’t want to stay in with him even more. “Let me call Angela,” she said in response.

“Angela?”

“Angela Blanchard. She’s the executive chef. There’s a certain table…”

James stepped back. “I know. In the corner, facing a wall, behind a potted palm. Something that would never be construed as romantic.”

She spun to face him, saw a rare flash of anger cross his face. As much as she hated seeing it, she was glad. Perhaps, at least, James was beginning to realize that there was no relationship between them other than friendship. “Actually, that would be a nice table, except I don’t think they have one in that spot. I was going to ask for the one near the fireplace, away from the window. I’m still not ready to face that view yet. It overlooks the Middle Sister where…” Where everything about her life had changed.

The hard lines on his face softened. “I didn’t know. Would you rather we simply stay in?”

Staying in came with more peril than going out. Either way, she’d have to cope with something she didn’t want to. Staying here with James and risking the overtones of that, or facing a view of the thing she wasn’t sure she could ever look at again?

Why was it that lately her life had been reduced to choosing between the lesser of two things she didn’t want? For her, one choice held the promise of mortal terror, while the other choice promised an agony like nothing she’d felt throughout her entire ordeal. Either way, she couldn’t win. But neither could James, and that’s what bothered her most.

F
ALLON
chose dinner at the restaurant. James figured that for her the choice was the lesser all of her perceived evils. And now, thirty minutes later, they were seated at a comfortable table for two in front of the massive stone fireplace in what was unquestionably White Elk’s most romantic restaurant. The music playing in the background was a soft, sexy jazz, the chef’s special
du soir
was a Chateaubriand for two, and the compliments of the chef was a bottle of champagne. If there could have been anything else spelling out a cozy, romantic evening, he wasn’t sure what it was. Until…a bouquet of roses arrived at the table. From Angela, not from him. But the look on Fallon’s face when they arrived was so close to panic that he almost wished he hadn’t suggested this.
Almost
. Because, honestly, it was nice being out with her this way. And he hoped that somewhere during the evening she would loosen up and enjoy herself. Fallon was so tight, so full of stress and, if anything, as the days rolled by, it seemed to be getting worse.

“Are you nervous with me right now?” James asked. He knew she was. Anyone looking at her could see it—the way she clasped her hands so tightly, the way she frowned. But she’d have been nervous spending the evening alone with him in the cabin, too. Or nervous if they’d gone to
have pizza. Or if she’d spent her evening locked in her office and he’d spent his shut behind the door in the den. Truth was, any close proximity to him, whether it was across the table, the next room, or the next block over, and she would be nervous. He did that to her now. He hated it that he did that. Wanted to change it. But so far he was failing miserably.

“No. Well…maybe, a little.”

Her head was tilted down and he desperately wanted her to hold her head high, to look at him eye to eye the way she used to. But she was afraid to, and he’d seen that fear in her. That’s what he didn’t understand, couldn’t figure out. They had differences, that much was painfully obvious. But this fear he kept sensing? What did she think she had to fear from him? It put him on edge. Made him nervous because he had to choose careful words, had to look at her carefully, had to adopt careful gestures. And he was also nervous for fear he’d slip. It was an onerous task and he hated always having to be on his guard with her. Hurting Fallon in any way, though…he wouldn’t do it. Which meant that if he wanted her company, he’d have to continue being careful. “It’s just dinner, Fallon. Two people eating together. No pressure from me, I promise.”

“It’s a
candlelit
dinner, James. With champagne. And have you listened to the music in the background? If that’s not meant to seduce some man’s lady love into bed this evening, I don’t know what is.”

“I’m not trying to seduce you, if that what you think I’m doing.”

“Aren’t you?” she asked pointedly.

“If you could see the way you look right now, with your arms folded across your chest, your shoulders so rigid, sitting on the edge of the chair, looking like you’re ready to run at the first little provocation…believe me, even the
most insensitive of men would pick up
those
clues. And I have picked them up, so you don’t have to worry. I’m only here to eat.”

“If I make your evening so miserable, why do you want to spend it with me?”

“Because I’m hoping that at some point during the evening you’ll relax. We used to have a good time together, even when the intention was not to run home and make love. And I want that again for us. Even if we can’t be one of the romantic couples, I’d like to be one of the friendly couples. Or at least make people believe you can tolerate my company for a few hours.”

“You know I can tolerate your company, James,” she whispered.

“Sometimes I don’t know that any more,” he said, wishing they could move on past this. That wasn’t going to happen, though. Not tonight. No time in the foreseeable future either. “I mean, I know what we had at first happened like a tornado—fast, with so much passion. In retrospect, maybe it was too intense for something so new. I honestly don’t know, because I was just so into falling in love with you that I didn’t see anything else. But that’s just the way we came together, Fallon. Right or wrong, that’s what we did to each other. Now I wish—”

“That we hadn’t?” she interrupted.

“No, I’ll never wish that. But I do wish I’d found a better way to handle things after you were injured. Because maybe if I had, we might not be at this point now.” He shook his head. “And I can’t figure out why you’re always resisting me, Fallon. If I thought that by backing off a few weeks, or even a few months, things would be better at the end of it, I would. But I know that if I do back off, you’ll slip away altogether.”

“That’s what I want to do, James. What I’ve been telling you all along.”

“Is it really, Fallon? Because one minute you’re telling me to leave you alone, and the next you’re falling into my arms. Oh, I know you’re fighting it when you do. I can see it, feel it. But you do fall. Which makes me wonder why you push yourself away then fall right back.”

“We have this attraction level,” she started to explain, then stopped. “I won’t deny that because we both know it’s there. But why isn’t it enough that when I tell you that what’s in the past is in the past, you won’t believe me? That when I say I don’t want to get involved with you again, you keep pushing me?”

“Because you haven’t put the past in the past, Fallon. I don’t even know why I believe that, but I do. Something there happened. Maybe it was when I had to choose Tyler over you, maybe it wasn’t. But there’s something in the past, and I just don’t understand what it is, because I truly believe that you would never hold my decision to be with Tyler against me. That’s not the kind of person you are.”

“I don’t hold it against you, never have. But there’s nothing to understand,” she said. “Nothing at all.”

“Fallon, I just want…” He stopped. This was pointless. She looked miserable, he felt totally drained. And all he’d wanted was a nice evening out. Nice dinner, nice conversation. And look what he’d turned it into. “Do you remember that night we went to Ming’s? You ordered the dumplings, I ordered the scallops, and we both got…”

“Chicken nuggets,” she said, the smile creeping back to her face. “Mine in a clear broth, yours in a lemon sauce. And Ming kept insisting we had what we’d ordered. And the rice was…”

“Crunchy.”

“Ming said it was supposed to be crunchy.”

“I was on call. It was the only place close to the hospital. I mean, this was our first date. I’d have loved taking you out to a nice restaurant, but…”

“But duty called, and you left me sitting there alone, with Ming watching over me like a hawk, getting insulted when I slowed down my eating. And the food was horrible. It tasted like dirty dishwater, not that I’ve ever tasted dirty dishwater. But if I had, I think that’s what Ming’s food tasted like.”

James laughed. “I did come back, though.”

“An hour later. I sat there one whole hour, and Ming got so worried that I was alone he sent his teenage nephew over to keep me company…a kid who was plugged into his music, who spent most of that hour drumming rhythms on the table and droning the words to whatever he was listening to. It wasn’t the best first date I’ve ever had.”

“But the most original. And I did make it up to you the next night, when I wasn’t on call.” He’d cooked, they’d stayed in, listened to good music, danced, watched the dawn come up together, surprised that the night had escaped them so quickly. A night like he’d hoped for tonight. But he’d been wrong, and maybe it
was
time to quit pushing her. Maybe it
was
time to simply stand back and see what happened. For the life of him, though, he wasn’t sure he could. Wasn’t sure he knew how.

“That was a nice night,” she agreed.

The night he’d known he loved her. Oh, he’d thought that at first sight, had been pretty sure of it after she’d been so good about the awful debacle at Ming’s. But on their second night he’d known for sure, and hadn’t even been surprised how hard he’d fallen, and how fast. Because it was Fallon and she was…everything.

Later, when he’d dropped her off at the bus station to send her back to White Elk, it had felt like someone was
kicking him in the gut. Seeing her step up on the bus, her hesitant little stop on the top step, turning around and smiling at him…her face in the window as the bus had pulled away… Damn, he loved her. Loved her then, loved her more now, even though she was fighting him. Because she still was everything. And he missed her so badly, even when she was sitting right across the table from him, he ached. There was such a distance now. “Would you dance with me, Fallon?” he asked impulsively. “Nothing intended but a dance.” Truth was, he wanted her in his arms, needed her there, needed to close that distance. Any way would do.

He didn’t expect her to say yes, though. For a moment he wished he hadn’t asked inasmuch as he didn’t know if he could bear the rejection. Yet when he looked at her for an answer, she smiled, nodded.

“Just one,” she said. “
Only
a dance. Nothing else.”

He wasn’t sure why, but he knew the heavens were smiling on him as he led her to the dance floor and a fairly brisk tune turned into a mellow, slow one. She didn’t meld easily into his arms, and at first he could feel every tense muscle in her body fighting against him. Her dance flow was stiff, her breathing shallow in his ear. But she felt good in his arms. And that’s all he concentrated on for the next three minutes as the song played on, and the two of them, in an embrace, swayed to its rhythm.

About halfway through, Fallon began to relax into him. Her sway to the music mellowed. Her head dropped to his shoulder, a sigh escaped her lips, and for a moment they were the couple they’d been at the beginning. No cares, no worries. Simply two people falling in love and enjoying the moment.

It was a song and a mood that could have gone on much longer. For ever. But all too soon it was over, and he was
leading her off the dance floor, grateful for one dance and quite aware he should not push his luck and ask for another.

“That was nice,” she said, but the stiffness returned to her voice the instant she sat back down. “I enjoyed it, thank you.”

It was a formal thank-you, not an easy one. And that’s when he knew that it was time to step away. For good? He didn’t know. Didn’t want it to be. But he didn’t want to burn all his bridges now, and he was afraid he was getting close to that. So, yes, it was time to move on, and hope that space would be the healer, or at least the eye-opener. Pray that when she opened her eyes she’d see him standing there, waiting for her, wanting her. Because the alternative scared him…opening her eyes and being glad he was gone. “Look, Fallon, I have some news. I thought about waiting until later, but…” He shrugged, a gesture reminiscent of Tyler’s. “I may have found a place for Tyler and me to live. It was offered, I have the keys so I can look at it whenever I want.”

“Really?” She nearly choked with surprise.

“Even if I take the place, Tyler needs some balance for the holidays, so I wouldn’t do anything until after New Year. And if we leave, you’ll get your life back. I know we’ve been disruptive, and you’ve hated it. So this way—”

“I haven’t hated it,” she interrupted. “And it’s only been a few days. I thought…” She paused, seemed to rethink what she was about to say then forced a smile. “I hope Tyler will find some children to play with. He needs them.”

For an instant she’d seemed like she wanted to stop them leaving. At least, that’s what he’d been hoping for. But Fallon, true to who she was now, simply built the wall
a little higher around herself, and stayed there through the dinner’s main course and halfway through the dessert. Stiff conversation, and very little of it, took up the space between them. Until a commotion at one of the tables near the window caught their attention.

Fallon whirled around to look, knew immediately what it was. So did James, who launched himself from his chair without a thought. Like well-trained sprinters, they were across the room in a second, with James going into action first and Fallon doing what she always did, what she was born to do—taking control of the situation. “Please, everybody, move back. We need some room here.”

She looked down at the man who was sprawled on the floor, and gasped. Walt Graham. Former obstetrician at the hospital, someone she knew well. “Aspirating?” she asked James.

He shook his head gravely. “Don’t think so.”

Bracing herself for the worst, Fallon flagged over a man she recognized. “We’re in a white pick-up truck, parked in the last row.” She bent, grabbed the keys from James’s pants pockets then tossed them to the man. “There’s a medical bag behind the seat. We need it urgently.”

The man didn’t question her. Didn’t even blink. He simply turned and ran from the restaurant as Fallon pushed the line of observers even farther back from Walt. For his sake, she didn’t want them witnessing this. He deserved his privacy, and dignity. And there was nothing dignified about collapsing in public this way.

“What do you need?” Angela Blanchard called, running up to her.

“More privacy?”

“I can do that. Anything else?” Angela, sister of Dinah Ramsey, looked down at Walt and gasped. In the early
days of her pregnancy he’d been her doctor. “Did he choke on the food?” she asked.

Fallon leaned over, whispered, “I don’t think so. James is trying to figure it out, and so far all I’ve done is manage to get the crowd pushed back. Call Eric, tell him we need transport up here. Helicopter, if he or Neil can manage it. Ambulance, if not. Tell him it’s Walt.”

“It’s that serious?” Angela asked, on the verge of tears.

“He’s not conscious, but James hasn’t started CPR, so that’s a good thing.”

Angela nodded, turned and ran to her staff. Within seconds the guests of the restaurant were being moved even further back, while Angela was making arrangements to have Walt taken to the hospital.

Fallon dropped to her knees alongside James. “Walt,” she whispered. “It’s Fallon. Don’t worry, I’m here to take care of you.” Her fingers went automatically to his pulse. Weak, but there.