Christmas Under Western Skies (16 page)

He strode past them, walked around to the front of the church where a lamp shone on the small crèche scene. That's when he saw Winnie kneeling in the snow before the manger, her hands pressed to her face. Her shoulders seemed to move up and down. Was she crying?

With a muffled protest, he hurried to her, knelt at her side and pulled her hands from her face. He touched his finger to her chin and tipped her toward him. Silvery
droplets clung to her lashes. He wiped them away with his thumb. The warmth of those salty tears raced along his blood stream and pooled in his heart, crashing like waves of the ocean. “What's wrong?”

She shook her head.

How could he stop her sorrow if he didn't even know what caused it? He pressed her to his shoulder. “I don't want to see you cry.”

“I'm done.”

“Done or not—”

She shifted toward the manger. “I remember what I wanted to remember about snow. Only maybe I wanted to forget.”

He squeezed her closer.

“Snow was falling the day my parents sent me away. I remember looking back and seeing the light in the windows through a veil of snow. I thought I was going to my aunt and uncle's for a special treat. When I got there they told me I had to stay. They said my parents had no room. No room for me.” Her voice wavered.

He clamped down on his back teeth until they hurt. How could anyone treat her so callously?

“I thought I would stay with my aunt and uncle, but my new step-aunt said they didn't have room for a child who wasn't theirs. No room.” She sobbed once and quieted. “They had no room for baby Jesus either.”

She sat up and pulled away from his arms, leaving him helpless. “I won't feel sorry for myself. I'll make my own room.” She spoke with determination.

He touched her chin and gently turned her to face
him. “You don't have to. There's room with us. Marry me.” It made such perfect sense, he wondered why he hadn't realized it from the first.

She blinked, wiped her eyes and stared at him. “What on earth do you mean?”

His smile was one-sided. Was it so hard to contemplate life with him? “Marry me. It's the perfect solution. It would provide Kathy the stability she needs. And it would give you a home.”

“What would it give you?”

He cared enough about her to want to keep her safe. The best way he could do that was keep her close. “Figure I'll be happy knowing you and Kathy are taken care of.”

She sat up and studied him closely.

He met her gaze steadily. He had nothing to hide. He hadn't offered her love. Only safety and security. Love was going too far. He couldn't do that.

“I recall you saying you didn't want the responsibility of marriage.”

“Maybe I've changed my mind.”

She continued to study him, her gaze searching his eyes, examining his cheeks, his chin, his mouth and returning to his eyes. “Aren't you afraid of the risks?”

“Didn't you once say we should leave the future in God's hands?”

He hadn't exactly said he was prepared to trust God. Better to take whatever steps he felt were necessary, and marrying Winnie was the only way he could think to keep her safe. His answer seemed to satisfy her for she
nodded. “I'll marry you and do my best to make you happy.”

He nodded. “Thank you.” Considered her sweet, trusting face. “May I kiss you?”

“Of course.” She turned to him and he gently claimed her lips. He did not linger, though. Neither of them needed to get the wrong idea about the marriage they had agreed to.

 

Somehow Winnie made it through the rest of the evening. She must have answered questions correctly, taken part in conversations and held her teacup in an acceptable fashion, because she didn't notice any raised eyebrows or startled looks. Derek stayed close. One thing she could be certain of was his protection.

Neither of them had spoken of love. She didn't expect he would. His only reason for offering marriage was to give Kathy a permanent caregiver.

Her only reason for agreeing was to give herself a permanent home where she would always be welcome.

She wanted no more. Expected no more.

She would never give him cause to regret his offer. And she would never be so foolish as to expect or demand love. A tiny, almost unheard voice, one she almost managed to ignore, whispered she didn't deserve love.

They had decided not to say anything at church and to wait until morning to tell Uncle Mac and Kathy.

 

As soon as Kathy had settled for the night, Winnie slipped away to her own room to think. She opened her
Bible and searched the scriptures for assurance she was doing the right thing. She turned to the Christmas story in Luke, chapter two. She got as far as “There was no room for them in the inn,” and stopped. It was the phrase that had sent her shivering into the cold to kneel before the manger.

She'd cried out her heart to God. Why did no one have room for her? Despite her brave words and determination, she longed for a place where she belonged.

She'd begged God to help her. That's when Derek had knelt at her side.

She closed the Bible. She had to believe God had sent Derek, prompted his offer of marriage in answer to her prayer. Comforted, she prepared for bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

 

“You're going to be my mama? This is the best present ever, and it's not even Christmas yet.” Kathy hugged Winnie, then turned to hug Derek. “I knew you wouldn't let her go. So did Uncle Mac. Didn't we, Uncle Mac?”

“I had my hopes for both of you.” He hugged Winnie. “He's got a long ways to go yet, but don't give up on him.”

“I won't.” Though she had no idea what he meant.

She thought Derek quite acceptable as he was. If anyone had a long way to go, it was she.

She'd awakened in the night, shivering with apprehension. Would he change his mind and send her away?

Uncle Mac clapped Derek on the back and gave him
an awkward hug. “Wise move, my boy. Wise move. Glad to see you listen to an old man's advice occasionally.”

Winnie raised her eyebrows.

Derek grinned. “He's been telling me you're the best thing to ever venture into my world.”

“She is,” Kathy said. “But we despaired of you ever coming to your senses.”

At her resigned sigh, they all chuckled.

Later, after dinner, Uncle Mac went to his room for a nap and Kathy shooed them away. “You two go for a walk and make kissy faces, or whatever you're supposed to do. I have something to take care of.”

Winnie laughed, even as she knew the heat stealing up her neck would be visible on her face. She wanted to explain their marriage wasn't going to be like that, but Derek grabbed her hand and dragged her outside. “Seems she has important stuff to attend to. We'd better get out of her way and let her do it.”

Winnie's heart kicked into a faster pace as Derek took her hand and led her along the snowy path. They paused at the end of the corrals to admire the snow on the mountains.

“Pa dreamed of bringing the family out west. He hoped he'd make it, too. Maybe the air would have cured his lungs.”

She squeezed his hand. “Tell me about your father.” Mac had said enough for her to know Derek's father had been ill a long time, and more and more of the family responsibility fell on Derek's shoulders.

“He tried hard not to be sick, but by the time I was
seven or eight, he would come home from work and collapse on the bed. I can't imagine how he managed to drag himself to work every day, sometimes shoveling coal for hours. I think his boss must have felt sorry for him and let him drive the delivery wagon. By the time I was twelve he could no longer do it, and I took his place. I hoped if he could rest he would get better. But he didn't. Uncle Mac said his lungs were shot.”

“Some things you can't change.” The words were empty, meaningless, but she didn't dare offer what she really wanted to—her assurance she would always stand by his side. The best she could do was lean against his shoulder.

“On his deathbed, Pa asked me to do two things. One was to look after the family. I've certainly failed.”

“Because of the accident? You can hardly control the universe. Only God can.”

“So why doesn't He?” His words tore through her.

“God hasn't forgotten you.”

He shrugged. “I couldn't believe it when I got the news. Uncle Mac went with me to take care of the bodies and get Kathy. It's amazing she escaped without a scratch.”

“We should always be thankful for God's intervention.”

He stared down at her. “You're right. I'm ever so grateful Kathy survived.”

Tension eased from her stomach as he smiled. “What was the other thing your father asked of you?”

“To move the family out west. He wanted Uncle Mac
and me to continue with their plans. Uncle Mac came ahead and got this place ready. Then I came out to make sure things were suitable. Ma and the kids followed.”

His voice deepened.

“I think your father would be very proud of you.”

“You do?”

“Certainly. You've never shirked from the responsibility his illness and death thrust upon you. You've done your best to fulfill his dream of giving them a new life. He would certainly not hold you responsible for things beyond your control, any more than you would hold Kathy responsible for the accident that killed the others.”

“Of course I wouldn't. What a dreadful thing to suggest.”

“Exactly my point.”

He grew still, as if he didn't dare breathe. She prayed he would see the truth in her words—he couldn't blame himself for things beyond his power to control. “I see what you mean.” Suddenly he laughed. “I have not disappointed my father.” He hugged her. “Thank you. You've given me so much. I wish I could give you more.”

“You give me all I need.” Perhaps not all she wanted, but she was only now beginning to understand what it was she wanted.

He rested his chin on her head and looked about. “It's a good land. A good place to raise Kathy.”

He hadn't mentioned having children of their own.
Of course not. Their marriage was simply a business deal. He did not want more responsibility. Even as she did not want the risk of admitting she loved him.

D
erek turned her to face him and looked so long and hard at her that she lowered her gaze.

“What's wrong? Have you changed your mind?” She wouldn't be surprised if he did.

“No. Of course not.” He brushed his knuckles along her jaw. “I'm not the sort to back out of a promise.”

She knew that. “I wouldn't want you to feel beholden, just because you said something and later changed your mind.”

“The only thing I'm ‘holding' right now is you. And I'm thinking it was no mistake you ended up in my barn that night.” His fingers lingered at her earlobe, then he cupped the back of her head and leaned close.

She knew he meant to kiss her. Not to seal a marriage agreement. No. This time it was gratitude that she'd landed in his life and proven herself valuable to Kathy's happiness. But she didn't mind. Being valued for any reason made her feel safe. She met his kiss halfway.

His lips were warm. His kiss tentative, gentle. She leaned closer, wrapped her arms about his neck and let her kiss speak her heart.

But then she pulled back, appalled at her own behavior. She'd only meant to inform him she appreciated his kindness. “We should return.”

He kept his arm across her shoulder as they walked to the house. Surely, he was only being kind. Protective.

He would always be protective out of a sense of duty.

He would never guess the simple gesture flooded her heart with impossible longings.

She ached for more than a safe home. She wanted to be loved.

Slowly, she took a deep breath. She would not allow herself to discount the gift Derek had given her—an offer of marriage, a place of permanency—by wishing for more.

They reached the house. He opened the door and they stepped inside. The table was set, china teacups that normally sat far back on the top shelf had been washed and set out. Two of them. Kathy had covered a sheet of brown paper with hundreds of flowers to use as a tablecover.

“Surprise,” Kathy called.

Uncle Mac leaned against the door frame, grinning.

“What's the occasion?” Derek asked.

“It's a 'gagement party. Miss Parker at school told us about the 'gagement party she went to for her friend.” Kathy's eagerness fled, replaced by uncertainty. “I wanted to do something special for you.”

“What a wonderful idea.” Winnie hugged Kathy. “We really appreciate it, don't we, Derek?” She shot the startled man a prodding look.

He blinked. “Of course we do.”

“Good. Sit down beside each other and Uncle Mac and I will serve you.”

Feeling like a cross between royalty and a Barnum and Bailey circus act, Winnie sat, Derek beside her.

Uncle Mac stepped forward as if he'd been coached, and poured tea. Kathy brought a plate of cookies from the cupboard. “I wanted to make some for you, but Uncle Mac said to use the ones Winnie made.”

“Probably a good thin—” Derek began. Winnie plowed her elbow into his ribs in time to stop him. “This is fine. Just fine.”

They each selected a cookie and took a bite.

Kathy waited, facing them across the table. Winnie sipped her tea, nudged Derek to do the same. She stole a glance at him and wished she hadn't. He looked as awkward as if he'd been dropped into the ladies' home sewing circle. She had to press her lips together to keep from laughing.

Kathy sighed. “I wanted this to be special.”

“We'll never forget this, will we, Derek?” Another nudge to his ribs—gentle this time.

“Not as long as we live.”

Winnie concentrated on her teacup so Kathy wouldn't guess at how hard she struggled to contain her amusement.

Kathy pulled out a chair and sat across from them, her elbows planted on the table, her chin resting in her palms. “Tell me about getting 'gaged. Miss Parker says it's romantic when the man who loves you asks you to marry him.” Kathy sighed dreamily. “Was it romantic?”

She pinned Winnie with the question.

“Indeed it was.”

Derek sputtered tea and grabbed for his handkerchief to wipe his eyes.

Winnie gave him a narrow-eyed scowl. So maybe he didn't see the romance in sitting in the snow, blurting out an offer to marry, but the way he'd held her, the way he'd tenderly wiped tears from her cheeks, and the gentle kiss, were romantic even if they weren't meant to be.

“Tell me,” Kathy begged.

“I think they might want to keep the details private for now,” Uncle Mac said.

“Aww.”

“I can share one thing.” Derek nudged Winnie.

Her heart tightened. Was he going to tell the truth? That their planned marriage wasn't based on romance?

He grinned at her, then turned back to Kathy, leaned on his elbows and got dreamy eyed. “Snow was falling, and each little flake that landed on Winnie's skin looked like a tiny diamond from heaven.”

Winnie stared, realized her mouth had dropped open, and closed it. The man had a poetic streak in him. What other talents was he hiding?

Kathy let out an expansive sigh. “That's romantic. Now you have to kiss.”

“Kiss?” Winnie tried not to sputter. “Why?”

“Miss Parker said that's how you make the 'gagement 'fficial.”

Derek edged his chair closer. “You don't mind, do you?” he murmured in her ear.

He was so close, she saw the ebony lights in his eyes, as well as a healthy dose of teasing. She scrubbed her lips together. A kiss? In public? That would make it official?

Derek took her silence for agreement. He cupped her head with his steady hand and leaned forward. His kiss was firm. Solid. Full of promise.

He eased back and grinned at her.

She swallowed hard. Promise for what? Taking care of her? Giving her a home? She lowered her gaze, lest he see confusion and longing in her eyes.

 

Derek hummed as he worked on Winnie's gift.

“Good to hear you so happy.” Uncle Mac had slipped up behind him unnoticed. The old man had a knack for doing that of late.

“Course I'm happy.”

“Thanks to Winnie.”

“Yup.” Knowing she was staying solved a lot of his worries.

Uncle Mac shuffled off and Derek returned to his work and his happy thoughts.

The past three days had been pleasant beyond expectation. There was something about walking into the house, knowing Winnie would glance up and smile a welcome. Knowing he could expect the same face, the same smile in the future. Kathy had settled down, back to the cheerful child he recalled before the accident.

He and Winnie went for walks in the early afternoon and often again after supper. So far, the weather had not grown too cold for them to venture out. They talked about their past and planned their future. He learned about the homes she'd been in and understood she tried to make herself indispensible so they would appreciate her and keep her.

He sat up straight and faced forward. If any one of the homes had valued her, she would not be here. Seems the bad things in her life ended up a benefit for him. He rubbed his neck, trying to ease the sudden tightness, feeling selfish to be grateful for his sake, when it had cost her so deeply.

Something she'd said echoed in his head. “We never know how God is using the events of our lives. We could make ourselves crazy trying to make sense of things like accidents and injuries. Or we can accept that God is in control, and even if we never understand the whys, or see the good in something that's come our way, at least we can rest in His love and leave the questions with Him.”

Tension eased from his neck. He might take a while
to truly learn that lesson, but he intended to start working on it.

The sound of an approaching wagon pulled his attention from his thoughts. Visitors? He didn't see how news of his engagement could have reached his neighbors. With no school for a few weeks, Kathy hadn't been able to tell anyone, and they hadn't been off the ranch since Sunday.

Best go see who it was. He set aside his work, threw a blanket over it to hide it from curious eyes and went outside.

“Hello, Derek. A few days early but Merry Christmas.”

“Hello, Sam, Jean. Merry Christmas to you, too. Come on in and visit.”

Sam lived further up the river. He jumped down and helped to the ground the wife he had sent for last spring.

As Jean smoothed her skirts, he saw she was in the family way.

A baby. Marriage often resulted in one. He swallowed hard, realized he was staring, then led the way to the house.

“We have guests,” he told Winnie, who was already pulling the kettle forward on the stove.

He couldn't take his eyes off her. Would she like to make a baby with him? He hadn't thought of marriage as anything more than having a permanent housekeeper. A way to keep Winnie close.

His cheeks burned as he thought of becoming a real family.

A baby. But wasn't birth risky?

He jerked his gaze from Winnie and his thoughts from treacherous paths. He intended to avoid such risks.

“Sam and Jean, this is Winnie Lockwood, my fiancée,” he said, with an air of possessiveness.

“Fiancée? Well, congratulations.” Sam slapped Derek's back and shook Winnie's hand.

Jean shyly offered her hand to Derek. He shook it gently, then she turned to Winnie and hesitated. With a little giggle, she hugged Winnie. “I hope you'll be as happy as I am.”

Winnie's gaze met Derek's, her eyes dark and bottomless. He couldn't read her emotions. He only knew it felt like an accusation and drove a harsh fist into his gut.

Then she smiled. “I'm sure we'll be very happy.” She extricated herself from Jean's arms. “I'm just making tea. Sit and visit.”

Sam held a chair for his wife and eased her gently onto the seat.

Derek didn't move. The gentleness in his friend's care was like watching a mare with a newborn foal—a combination of tenderness and responsibility. Seems the idea of a baby made Sam aware of the load he would carry. Though looking at the man, one would think he relished the idea.

Uncle Mac came in and greeted the pair, then Kathy joined them.

They visited over tea and cookies. Jean wanted to
know where Winnie had come from and what brought her to the Adams's ranch.

He waited for her reply, wondering how much of the truth she would tell.

She smiled at him, then turned to Jean. “You might say God led me here. I actually had other plans.” She told about her desire to work in Banff.

He hadn't thought of her initial goal. Was he asking too much of her, to give up her dream to marry him?

In turn, Jean told how she and Sam had met at her father's house a year before their marriage. “My brother had come west. He's got a place down by Pincher Creek. Sam wanted details, as he was thinking of moving west. Mother was out, so I served them tea. You might say I liked what I saw.”

Sam took her hand. “No more than I.”

Kathy let out a long sigh. “It's so…”

He knew she was going to say “romantic”. And given half a chance, she'd be asking for details, likely to repeat every tidbit to Miss Parker, who seemed to need to get her adventures vicariously. He didn't want to embarrass his guests. “Kathy, would you pass the cookies again, please?”

Kathy shot him a surprised look, but she must have read the warning in his face, for she clamped her lips together and passed the plate to Jean, who took one.

“These are delicious.”

“Derek's favorites,” Winnie said.

“So you make them often.” Jean giggled, as if Winnie made the cookies specially for that reason.

Ginger cookies. Soft and moist. They
were
his favorite, and come to think of it, seems there were always some to accompany his tea. Did she make them solely for him?

But as Uncle Mac took four more, Kathy—at his warning nod—took one and the guests each took one more, he knew he wasn't the only one who liked them.

She liked to please others. Not just him.

Why didn't that make him feel better?

Sam cleared his throat. “We brought you a present. But before I give it to you, I want you to know it's fine to say no.”

What sort of gift would a person say no to? Unless…

Sam went outside and returned with a small crate. From inside came excited yips.

Unless—he finished his thought—it was a pup.

“We rescued a pair of puppies from an old man up the river. He was going to drown them.”

Kathy gasped.

“Sorry, Kathy, but as he said, he had no use for three dogs. We picked one to keep, but thought you folks might like the other.” He faced Derek squarely. “If you prefer not, we're fine with that. Just thought we'd give you first chance at refusal.”

Kathy had bolted to her feet and rocked back and forth in front of Sam. “Can we see him?”

“Derek?” Sam asked.

He'd had a dog once. Remembered how much fun it
had been. If this mutt was friendly with Kathy, he might consider the idea. “Let's have a look.”

Sam put the crate down and removed the lid. A furry brown-and-black bundle scampered out and turned circles on the floor, as if assuring himself he was free. He saw Kathy and wriggled up to her, whining.

Kathy scooped him into her arms, where he wiggled and tried to lick her.

It was a done deal. No way he could take that bundle of joy away from his little sister, but he needed to ask Winnie her opinion first. He turned to her. She watched Kathy, a smile of such sweetness on her face that Derek forgot his question. She truly cared for Kathy. He'd never doubted it, but seeing how it flooded her expression gave him a wonderful sense of doing the right thing by marrying her.

She jerked toward him and her frank love went into hiding.

He obviously did not warrant the same emotion Kathy did. “Would you mind Kathy having a pup?”

She smiled. “Not at all.” She stroked the puppy's head. “He's sweet.”