Cindy Holby (29 page)

All she could do was look at him, at his dark sad eyes, at his warrior angel’s face and the pain that moved over it.

“You’d tempt a saint, Leah,” he said, finally, after interminable seconds passed, each one counted off by the ticking of the clock.

“Are you a saint?” It was a risk to ask him. A risk she achingly wanted to take. She refused to think of him as a minister in this moment. She only saw him as a man, a man who she wanted very, very much. She knew it could backfire. Leah knew he could walk away and condemn her for her actions. She felt reckless for asking, and brave for standing there barely clothed, and she prayed desperately that of all the things that might come next, shame would not be one of them.

There was no going back. He could have turned away, he could have apologized, he could have made a joke of it and teased her if he wanted. He put Ashes gently down on the floor and pushed her toward the kitchen before he took the five steps that brought him to her.

No going back…She wanted to tempt him and knew he’d be tempted. But more, she wanted him, no, she needed him, to need her, to put everything aside for her, even his beliefs. Would he be tempted by her without the sanctity of marriage? He stood before her and looked into her eyes, searching for something. She felt her body lean, of its own accord toward him, yet he did not touch her and she was afraid, so afraid that if she touched him he’d turn away and call her a harlot. Leah saw the rise and fall of his chest as he inhaled the heady scent of roses that surrounded them.

“You don’t want this Leah. You shouldn’t want me.”

“Don’t I? Why shouldn’t I? We’re two lonely people, Cade.” If he walked away now, she would die of shame, of embarrassment, of need. “God made us, made man and woman, for each other, to love each other. Why can’t we love each other?”

His face filled with pain. “I’m not who you think I am.”

“Aren’t you?” Leah grabbed his forearms and he pulled
his hands into fists beneath hers. “You’re a man. With wants and needs and desires. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. God gave us life. God gave us this”—she squeezed his forearms—“to enjoy. There’s no reason for either one of us to be lonely.”

Cade looked down at where her hands wrapped around his arms. He felt the pressure of her grip as his muscles and tendons expanded as he clenched his hands into fists. It was the only way he could keep himself from touching her. He had to warn her. He had to stop her before she made the biggest mistake of her life.

“Be careful what you say Leah,” he warned her. “Be careful what you ask for.”

“Why?” He thought she’d be worried, instead she was determined. She was stubborn. It was one of the things that made him love her. One of many. “Because it’s a sin to make love without the benefit of marriage? How can something so good, something so wonderful be a sin?”

Cade shook his head. She didn’t know what she was saying. If she knew who and what he really was…
If you love her you’ll walk away…

“I want you Cade. I want all of you.” She closed the distance between them and pressed her body against his. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his heart. The lamp shining behind her illuminated her hair and cast a golden hue around her.
Like an angel…
Her body was all smooth soft curves and it beckoned to him, showing him his weaknesses. He knew the devil was laughing at him, knew he was making a list, to check off his sins when he condemned him to hell.

If he was going to be condemned, then he’d have no regrets. And neither would she. When it came out, when all was said and done, and he was gone, and they talked about what a bastard he was, she would not be ashamed. She would know that he loved her.

God…he loved her.

Cade buried his hands in her hair, and scattered the pins that held it in place until the strands fell down around his arms and her shoulders. He bent and took her mouth beneath his. She opened to his kiss and he plundered her with his tongue, possessing her. He would not let go now. It would kill him to let go. He held her face between his hands and kissed her until he could not breathe, yet he could not stop. Leah sobbed deep in her throat, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed closer, if that was possible.

He couldn’t stop kissing her. His blood pounded in his ears as his mouth slashed across her face and down her neck. He buried his face, right where her shoulder joined her neck and inhaled the scent.

Roses. Forever he would remember her because of the roses. She sobbed again. Her hands fumbled with his shirt, searching for the buttons. She tore it open, in frustration, finally. The buttons flew to the floor and she moved her hands across his chest, spreading the cloth wide. Her mouth followed the trail of her hands, spreading soft kisses across his skin.

He would burn in hell for eternity and he didn’t care. Cade picked her up and carried her the two steps to the bed. He gently placed her on it and put one knee beside her. She pulled him down and he felt himself falling…falling…falling into Leah.

Leah…This was where his wandering had brought him. To this place, this time, this night, this woman. He knew he couldn’t keep her. He couldn’t stay. But he could pretend for one night that their relationship could be true. He would treasure it. He would remember it, even when he was in hell, burning for all his sins.

It was just a matter of pulling a ribbon to loosen her camisole to spread it wide so he could look upon her. God…she was so beautiful. And he was not…he
shouldn’t touch her, but he did. He felt the calluses on his fingers as he cupped her smooth breast.

She gasped as his thumb grazed her peak. Cade looked into her lovely gold-flecked eyes and saw the mix of emotions. Was he that easy to read where she was concerned? Was it obvious to everyone in town that he was in love with her? With just the one look, he knew what she wanted, what she needed, what he must say, to let her know that this wasn’t wrong, even though he was so very wrong for her.

He needed it too. He needed the words. He needed to say them to absolve the small bit of his conscience that tried to reason with him. “No matter what happens,” he said. “Don’t ever forget this night and this one truth.”

Confusion dashed across her lovely face. Her green eyes, heavy with passion, studied his face as he stopped his caress for one short moment.

“I love you, Leah.”

“Really?” She laughed and he knew that was what heaven would sound like, even though he’d never see it. “You love me?”

“I do. It’s the one truth.” He had to make her understand. “It’s the only thing that is important.”

“I love you too,” she said with a sigh. He lowered his head to kiss her again, and then he let his mouth trail down her jaw and to the place where her neck met her shoulder. Leah gasped as he kissed her there and twisted her fingers into his hair.

He wanted to take his time. He wanted to enjoy every second of this exquisite moment so he could play it over and over again in his mind. He slid the strap of her camisole down her arm, slowly, while his mouth trailed over her shoulder, and then he did the same on the other side.

Leah’s palms pressed into his head. Her body trembled as he placed his hand on her breastbone and spread it wide with his forearm between the soft mounds of her breasts.
His skin was so very dark against the paleness of hers. He felt her heart pounding beneath his palm and her dark eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as his eyes drank his fill of her soft beauty, like an angel had come down from heaven just for him.

He’d never done this before. Never experienced this quiet worship of another’s body, never given of himself so that all he wanted was her pleasure. He carefully watched the emotions run across her face as he cupped her breast and found joy in her small gasp of pleasure, before he lowered his head to caress her with his mouth.

She moaned and arched her back as Cade placed his hand over her other breast before trailing his fingers down the smooth rose-scented skin of her stomach to the waist of her petticoat. He trailed a finger beneath the fabric and the muscles in her stomach quivered in anticipation.

Leah moved her hands from his hair to his shoulders. She pushed his shirt down and Cade flung first one arm and then the other out so she could remove it. Just those seconds it took, when he couldn’t touch her, was pure torture. When the shirt was gone she ran the tips of her nails down his spine and heat spread across his skin from her touch. Her hands stroked across his lower back and then came around to the front.

Cade groaned and kissed her again as her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his fly. She was driving him insane with her urgency. Heat roared through his veins, like the flames of hell. He wanted nothing more than to bury himself deep inside her, yet he wanted to make it last, he wanted to savor each moment and watch the wave of emotion wash over her face.

Leah finally wrestled his fly open and she pushed his pants wide and down over his hips. They caught on the curve of his buttocks and her arms weren’t long enough to push them any farther.

Her hands came back around to his waist and the trail of her fingers nearly unmanned him. Cade took a deep breath and dropped his forehead against hers. He breathed in the scent of her. Roses. Crisp pine-scented air. A mix of seasonings from the kitchen. Fresh bread. Leah.

“What?” Leah asked beneath him as he fought for control.

“I want to make this last,” he said huskily. “For as long as we can.”

“I can’t wait,” she said. “I want you now”—she touched him—“inside me.” She wrapped her hand around his shaft. “Please fill me Cade. Fill up the empty place that’s inside of me.”

He was afraid to move, afraid if he did, he’d lose control. His pants were in the way as was her petticoat. He had to move to get both out of the way, yet not touching her was agonizing. He raised his hips and Leah wiggled beneath him, sliding down so she could tug at his pants. He finally was able to toe them off and then she raised her hips and untied her petticoat and he jerked it off in one fluid motion and pitched it at the foot of the bed.

Cade slowly and gently stretched out on top of her. Her breasts cushioned his chest and she spread her legs and wrapped them around his hips as he settled his body against her. All he had to do now was slide inside her. But he couldn’t, not yet. Not until he was sure it was good for Leah. He touched her, in the place where he knew it would give her pleasure. She gasped and her eyes gazed up at him in wonder.

“I’ve got you,” Cade said tenderly. “Just let go. I’ll take care of you.”

Leah closed her eyes and she moaned deep in her throat as his fingers moved inside her. She shuddered, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and then she gasped again. Her head moved back and forth on her pillow and then she
grabbed Cade’s shoulders as she arched up off the bed. Cade watched her face as she shook with her pleasure.

“Please,” she said when she could talk again. “I need you.” She sobbed in anticipation as he slowly pushed into her. She was tight but she was wet and he felt her warmth surrounding him as he settled into her body. She tilted her hips back to accept him and then she sighed.

Cade swept her hair back from her face. He cupped her jaw within his hands. She looked up at him with her lovely green eyes and a smile played at the corners of her mouth. He dipped his head to kiss her again, and then he moved, slowly, because he wanted the memory of this moment to last for the rest of his life. Still he couldn’t help but pray before he lost all thought beyond his purpose, that if there was any way possible:
Lord, can I stay, can I have this with her for the rest of my life?

E
arly morning light streamed through the window and washed across Leah’s face. Cade had spent the morning hours watching Leah sleep. He lay beside her, propped on his side and soaked in every detail of her lovely face. He was conscious of every soft breath that she took. Even with her eyes closed in an exhausted sleep, and the kitten curled up against her side, she was beautiful. Cade ran a finger between Ashes’s ears and she let out a soft mew.

Had he taken too much from Leah? Nothing more than what she willingly gave. And willing she was. He’d never experienced anything like it, because he’d never experienced love; after Letty’s sadistic urges, all he’d ever sought was release. Now that he had experienced love, would he be able to walk away?

I have to…
He’d made a big mistake in his escape. He’d forgotten about his boots. Leah noticed them and he was
fairly certain Ward Phillips had also. It didn’t make sense that a preacher would wear boots such as his. Only cowboys wore them, men who spent hours in the saddle. Timothy Key would have no use for them. Cade closed his eyes for a moment to recall the preacher’s shoes. They were stout and sensible. If people around here noticed his boots then Fitch would notice the lack of them on Timothy’s burned body. He’d know it was a ruse and he’d keep on the trail. Fitch was a bastard that way. If he wanted you dead he’d move heaven and hell to make sure it happened.

And Cade just so happened to be sitting in that exact place, between heaven and hell. Heaven was the woman sleeping peacefully beside him. Hell was what waited for him. And he could only put it off for so long. The devil was good about taking his due, and Cade had sold his soul for these few precious moments with Leah. Moments that were slipping away. Would it be so bad if he woke her?