City of Champions (28 page)

"Things couldn't stay the same forever, you know."

"I don't see why not, Jenna. You know I hate change, right?"

"Yes, you've made that clear about a million times," Jenna said, with a laugh, before her voice dropped and became more serious. "But things are always going to change. That's how life is. Everything ends, Aubrey."

"Merry Christmas to you, Scrooge McDuck. Jeez, Jenna. I don't want to leave you with this lack of holiday spirit."

"Oh, stop. I'm not being like Scrooge McDuck. I'm just being honest. Though, I wouldn't mind diving into my own gold coin pool. Look, Brey, if you're worried about my Christmas spirit, don't be. I'm fine."

"Of course I'm going to fret thinking about you. What will you do while I'm gone? You've been all over the place lately, babe. You make me want to nix this trip. Are you going to be okay?"

"Of course. What do you mean?"

"It's Christmas. And you've been acting funky lately. I hate the idea of you being here alone. What about going home to see your dad?"

"No, it's too late to get a flight, and we wouldn't know what to do with each other if I went down there."

Jenna always balked at the idea of returning to Georgia, ever since Chase started playing in Atlanta as a backup quarterback. She told herself it was silly to let him bother her so much — but the thought of being near him always sent a cold trickle of fear down her spine.

Even if Chase weren't in Georgia, visiting her father this particular Christmas was out of the question. The mere idea of seeing her father with the specter of breast cancer looming over her head, made her want to throw up. She hated the thought of putting him through any of that worry and sadness again. So she would just have to delay it as long as it was in her power to do so.

"Because you aren't even trying. I know it makes you sad to see your dad at Christmas. You know, what with it being the same time of year your mom died. But Jenna, at some point you both are going to need to learn how to deal with each other."

"At some point, is right. That point is not this year."

"Fine. Then why don't you come home with me to Denver? We can go skiing. Maybe invade some five-star snotty resort in our snow boots and pretend we're aliens that only learned the Finnish language before crashing here on earth."

"And we can clomp around the lobby asking for herring and a flux capacitor?"

"Ooh, nice.
Time-traveling
, Finnish-speaking aliens. Even better!" Aubrey said, jumping up and down, clearly very excited at the idea. "Just come home with me, Jenna. I'm worried about you."

"Oh please, you're not really." Yet, Jenna felt like her protest was halfhearted. Heck — it wasn't even a quarter-hearted.

Jenna knew Aubrey well enough to recognize when she was truly worried about her, and it made her feel terrible.

"Thank you for inviting me, Aubrey. It does sound like fun, but really, I'm okay. You never get to see your family. I know you're excited to see you parents and your brothers, please don't let me interfere with that."

"I don't want you to be by yourself."

"I won't be… I mean…I'll be fine."

Jenna suddenly felt her heart clench. God, how she hated secrets, and keeping so many from her best friend was terrible.

Why don't I tell her?
she wondered.
Why don't I say, I just had my biopsy and a slew of other tests. Now I'm waiting for the results. I'm worried I may die in the same terrible way my mother did.

I won't be alone because I've wrapped myself in the madness that is Wyatt McCoy. I don't want to tell anyone about any of what's going on, because I'm scared and confused and I don't know what to do with this odd — but good — feeling that keeps bubbling up inside of me when I'm near him. No matter how much I may be terrified right now, that man makes me feel alive. I don't know how to tell you because I don't understand any of this myself.

But those words didn't come. Instead, Jenna merely swallowed hard and put on her best sensible façade and said, "Aubrey, things have been nuts the last few months with everything going on with Tea and the investigation, and all these changes… I think it will be nice to just chill out by myself. I may binge watch a series or two on
Netflix
."

"That sounds so depressing. Promise you'll call me if you get lonely?"

"I promise, but I mean it, I'll be fine. Go home, spend Christmas with your huge family and all your hot mountain men brothers."

"Gross, don't talk about them that way. Ick. Though if you come with me, I will avert my eyes if you want to hook up with Kyle again."

"One time! One time, I hook up with a brother of yours, and you never let me forget it."

"Of course not. That's your punishment."

"It was eight years ago!"

"I'll reconsider after two more."

"I'll hold you to that.
All your brothers are hot and I was young. You're not being fair."

"I think it's totally fair to torment you about this."

"Fine, I'll just keep waiting you out. All right, now get out of here, you. I can't start missing you if you won't leave."

"All right, all right, I'm leaving," Aubrey answered, turning to pull Jenna into her arms and kissing her cheek. This soft side of Aubrey always tugged at Jenna's emotions, and today it was even more powerful.

Jenna let the hug continue a little longer than usual. Finally, with a hard squeeze she released her and fought back the tears that wanted to break through her composure.

"Bye, Brey. I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll call you when I land, and on Christmas…and whenever else I feel like it."

"Okay, Brey. I'll be waiting."

Jenna watched as Aubrey grabbed her things and left their apartment.

Suddenly, she was completely alone, with nothing but the twinkling of their small, brightly decorated artificial tree to keep her company.

Jenna waited a moment to make sure Aubrey was really gone before heading into their kitchen to face her daunting mental to-do list.  

Some list,
she thought.

Go to the grocery store? Check.

Do laundry? Check.

Help Aubrey pack and get out of town? Check.

Contact doctor for results of invasive biopsy? Still not yet checked.

She'd be leaving to meet Wyatt at his place in about an hour, which didn't leave her much time. As scared and confused as she was, it gave her a surprising sense of peace to know she would soon be enjoying the distraction he always seemed to provide her.

They'd texted back and forth over the last couple of days. Those little stolen moments of communication had been the only thing that seemed to take her mind off her worry. She'd even let herself get a bit brazen — sending him a shot of her cleavage, with no face, of course, and the message:

Would you like these wrapped or unwrapped for Christmas?

That was the last text she'd sent him before he got on his plane ride back from Oakland, and she hoped it set the tone for lots more fun to happen between them.

Jenna had never talked or acted that way with a guy before. Yet, it came naturally to her with Wyatt. Above all, freeing herself from her own self-imposed rules and shackles at such a terrifying time seemed so important, that she couldn't imagine behaving any other way.

But until then, she had no choice but to make the call. She put on her glasses to read his phone number. When Dr. Kannan answered his direct line, it took Jenna a moment to speak.

"Hello, Dr. Kannan. It's Jenna Sutherland returning your call."

"Yes, Jenna, thank you. And I already told you — please call me Raj."

"Of course, Raj, sorry, I forgot," she answered, bouncing back and forth on her feet in agitation.

"I completely understand. I'm sure the last couple days have been stressful for you. How are you feeling after the biopsy? Any tenderness?"

"A bit, but it's much better today."

"Good. Well, I have the results. I appreciate your patience. I'm sorry to have to deliver results over the phone, but…"

"It's no problem. I know you squeezed me in… Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you."

"It's fine. Well, Jenna, my initial thought was correct. We are dealing with fast growing phyllode tumors. At your age, that was a likely culprit. From the biopsy, ultrasound, and MRI, it appears we are looking at borderline phyllode tumors, meaning the cells are exhibiting both benign and malignant mutations."

"Oh," Jenna said softly. His words were floating in her head, as if suspended in a series of delicate bubbles that gently bumped each other, before coasting over to another corner of her brain.

This must have been how it began for my mother,
she thought.
It would've started with just a series of words for her, too: aggressive, malignant, borderline, radiation.

These words are no different than any other — a collection of consonants and vowels, pushed together to communicate something to another person. But there is nothing innocent about them. They just lead to even worse words, until the only one that had been left for my mother was the most viciously brutal one of all: death.

"Jenna, are you still there?"

"Yes, Raj. I'm sorry. Please go on."

"The good news is they are not clearly malignant. However, since they are borderline, we still have a lot to be worried about. We can't be certain what we're dealing with until they're removed through a lumpectomy. I will want to do that very soon. Followed by radiation to be sure we've gotten everything. It's very targeted, so you shouldn't have hair loss beyond the sight where we conduct the focused treatments. We do need to be vigilant though, Jenna. There's a chance with borderline phyllode tumors that they can metastasize, spreading cancer and malignancy throughout your body. Even if that doesn't occur, they can come back after surgery if we haven't effectively addressed the problem. These tumors can be very aggressive. I don't want to take any chances here…"

"Malignant phyllodes are what my mother had," she answered, her voice sounding distant to her own ears.

"I know. Your gynecologist, Laney, told me."

"And you think a lumpectomy is the way to go for me?"

"That is up to you. Lumpectomies with targeted radiation have been very successful, though a double mastectomy is the most powerful weapon I have."

She sat down, waiting for a moment in silence, before deciding.

"I'd like to try and keep my breasts. If this doesn't work, we can go from there," she whispered, the words seeming like they were coming from someone else, who was very far away.

It felt to Jenna as though she were watching a movie — seeing and hearing the conversation. She was judging the scene from the comfort of her theater seat. All the while having the safety of knowing she could leave when this horrible film was finally over.

But it wasn't going to end. The credits weren't going to run across any screen. She wouldn't watch the lights come back up.

Because this was
her
life,
her
story, and there was no guarantee of a happy ending.

"Very well, Jenna. A lot of women make that choice. I understand. However, it means the radiation course I mentioned is vital after the lumpectomy. The size of your available breast tissue will actually increase the chances I can remove a sufficient amount of the area surrounding the tumors, too."

"Finally having huge boobs will make my life easier," she said, with a dry laugh.

"I can't promise that, Jenna, but we'll get to the bottom of this. I wish I could've told you they were definitely benign and that we'll be out of the woods soon. But we're just going to have to fight some more, is all."

"Fight? I can do that," she said.

"Good. Now, I'd really like to get this lumpectomy scheduled right away. Unfortunately, Christmas Eve is only a couple of days away, and I don't think I have to tell you that scheduling procedures around the holidays is a nightmare. I spoke to my team already, in the hopes you wanted to go ahead and schedule. The soonest we can see you is January third."

"That works," she answered. Aubrey was set to be in Denver until January sixth. Jenna would let her know then, after the procedure was over. She saw no reason to worry everyone for no reason.

"You'll need to have a couple weeks of recovery and be prepared for the radiation course. After I have a chance to look more closely at these tumors and at your body's response to their removal and treatment, we will know if…"

"There is cancer?"

"Right. It will also let us know if we've actually gotten rid of any and all concerning tissue. Now that we have a plan, I'll just need you to tell me who will be accompanying you, so I can pass that information on to my nurses."

"No one's coming. I'm not planning on having anyone there with me for the procedure. I'll make arrangements for a car service to bring me home."

"Oh, Jenna, I'm not comfortable with that."

"We have this under control, Raj. I don't want to worry anyone. I'll sign a release…"