Authors: Giavanna Presley
I could actually see Trevor and I as quite the power couple. He has already introduced me to several people
who could really help my career. Simply being linked to Trevor Dunaway, billionaire music mogul, put my career as an entertainment journalist on a whole new level. If Trevor and I became an item, I would be the first person to have the inside scoop on the metal and hard rock scenes, and I would also have additional access to the mainstream pop world too. Even though he likely wouldn’t admit it, Trevor knew even more big names than my dear friend Amber. And I’m not one that expects things to be handed to me, but if Trevor and I really became something, perhaps he would give me a correspondent position on his television network Rock Hard TV.
The possibilities of what would become of my life with Trevor were endless. Not only would being with him single-handed
ly improve my career, but my social life would be that much more stimulating as well. In my spare time I could mingle with music geniuses, eat at the finest restaurants and get into the most exclusive VIP events. I would automatically be on every list in Hollywood. I’ve worked so hard to get back to where I was after my fall from grace when I got blacklisted from the industry, but it’s been a slow grind. If I started a life with Trevor I would be able to go infinitely beyond even the highest point I’ve ever been able to reach on my own.
I laid my towel down on the sand and stretched out as I thought about how lucky I was to have piqued the interest of Trevor Dunaway. By nature of the work that I do and the cities that I’ve lived in, I’ve been courted by attr
active and powerful men before, but I’ve never had someone as breathtaking and powerful as Trevor Dunaway even look twice at me. Not only was he beautiful, rich and powerful, but he was kind, affectionate and interesting, and he made me feel good inside. I smiled and wiggled my toes in delight as I thought about what the future had in store for me.
I reached into my bag to grab my phone and check the time. It was already late afternoon, but I still had several hours before I got to bask in Trevor’s charisma
tic warmth again. I noticed I had a missed call. I wondered who it was. I assumed it was Amber looking for me. I checked my voicemail and my entire body involuntarily tingled when I heard the voice on the other end. It was Christoff. I didn’t expect the message to be from him, but I was pleasantly surprised that it was. The sound of his melodic baritone voice always pulsated through every fiber of my being even when I didn’t want it to. His message said that he really needed to talk with me, and that he had something important that he had to say to me. His tone was reserved as usual, but there was urgency in his words. He said he was leaving town tonight to check out a recording studio in Seattle for his band’s new album, so to call him back as soon as I got the message. I was curious as to what he had to say, and I wanted to talk to him so I could officially end things between us. We both deserved closure so that we could move on. I shouldn’t have met up with him last night. It just made things more complicated, but that being said, I don’t regret it. I never regret any time spent with Christoff, even if it leaves me torn and confused. I called him back right away. I was anxious to find out what he had to tell me, but I was dreading cutting ties with him. My stomach was in knots as I dialed him back. He picked up after two rings.
“Gia.”
“Christoff, how are you?”
“I need to see you. Where are you?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. There is just something that needs to be said.”
“I have some things I really need to say too.”
“Where are you? I’ll come get you.”
“I’m in Malibu on the beach.”
“Okay, I will be there soon.”
“Okay, I’ll be here.”
My heart raced as I got off the phone. I was bombarded with mixed emotions. I had no idea what Christoff had to say to
me and why it was so urgent. Perhaps he was ready to make a clean break as well. This was not going to be fun but I found comfort in knowing that, whatever happened, at least I would get to look into Christoff’s smoldering dark blue eyes one more time before saying goodbye. And even though the circumstances weren’t ideal, I was excited to see him again. I was always delighted by Christoff’s presence. I slid on a pair shorts and a light jacket over my bikini before packing my towel in my beach bag and heading toward the street.
It seemed like time stood completely still as I waited for Christoff to arrive. I rehearsed what I wanted to say in my head what seemed like a hundred different ways. The problem was, I actually had no idea what I wanted to say. As muc
h as I didn’t want to admit it, I really didn’t know what I wanted. Intellectually, I knew that the best thing to do was to cut all ties with Christoff completely and focus on building my relationship with Trevor. But my heart couldn’t stand the thought of not having Christoff in my life. It was almost unbearable. And to make things even more complex, my body ached for both Trevor and Christoff. But it was not fair to either of them to have a physical relationship or otherwise with both of them at the same time. I had to choose one, out of respect for them, and more importantly out of respect for myself.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that when Christoff pulled up in his silver Mercedes rental it actually startled me a bit. My body jolted and I had to take
a few deep breaths to compose myself before making my way to the passenger door. I braced myself for what was to come before climbing inside. Christoff looked at me with a penetrating gaze. Once I fastened my safety belt, he pulled off onto the Pacific Coast Highway without saying a word. I was grateful for the silence. It was nice to just be with Christoff, without having to say anything. I admired the ocean from the highway as it sparkled under the low-hanging sun. I had a moment of intense déjà vu, as I felt Christoff reach down and shift gears. I was flooded with memories of the night we first met, when he took me cruising down the Pacific Coast Highway at sunset, before we boarded his private jet for an experience that would change the trajectory of both of our lives. I wanted to hover in the limbo of this nostalgic moment for as long as nature would allow. I glanced over at Christoff. His strong and masculine stature took up a lot of space in the sporty Mercedes coupe. His massive bicep flexed as he shifted gears to steer around a sharp corner. He looked pensive and intense. I sensed a current of emotion flow through him as he let out a deep sigh. Even though I saw Christoff as a friend, a lover, and the man I had shared some of the most intimate moments of my life with, there was still a part of me that was completely starstruck by him. He was larger than life, even in his most vulnerable moments.
“Where are we going Christoff?”
“I don’t know Gia. Where do you want to go?”
I got the sense that we were h
aving a secret conversation between the lines. “I don’t know.” I sighed. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
“No, I want to talk to you in private.”
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”
Christoff pulled over on the side of the highway alongside a picture
sque California mountain. After a moment of silence he grabbed my hand and squeezed. His touch was warm. I squeezed his hand back. He looked into my eyes with a profound seriousness that made me sit up at attention. “Gia, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say this. As I’ve told you before, I often have a hard time expressing my feelings outside of my music. This should have been said a long time ago, but I wasn’t a strong enough person to say it and I’m sorry for that.” Christoff spoke quietly but his tone was intense. “Gia, I’m sorry I walked out on you the weekend of the Awards show. And I’m sorry that I did not have you there by my side that night as I should have. I’m sorry for not staying in touch as much as you deserve. And I’m really sorry that I haven’t been as forthright about my feelings as I should have been.” Christoff tightened his grip around my hand as if he was bracing himself. “Giavanna I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved a woman before in my entire life. Simply knowing you makes me so sorry for all of the mistakes I’ve made in the past, and all of the people I have hurt before you. Being with you fixes that part of me that was once broken. You make me think about someone other than myself. You make me a better man Gia, and that’s just a fraction of why I love you.”
I sat silently as I absorbed the impact of Christoff’s words. I was completely overwhelmed by emotion. I felt a lump swell in my throat as my eyes welled up with tears. I was so touched by Christoff’s profound emotio
n and raw honesty. Over the months we slowly chipped away at each other’s walls, and his had finally completely crumbled. I wept silently as I struggled to find words.
“Christoff, I love you too.” I paused and wiped my tears away before clutching Christoff
’s hand with both of mine. “My feelings for you are as boundless as the ocean before us. I feel like I loved you before we even met. A piece of you existed within me, and I within you, before I was even conceived. I swear it’s like we crossed paths in a past life, and you forever changed me in that life, and in this one as well.” I struggled to speak through my tears.“You see me exactly as I am and not just how you want me to be, and you love me anyway. And you allow me to relax and let my walls down and just be, without trying to control everything. I feel so safe with you.” I drew in a ragged breath and my body trembled as I tried to swallow the growing lump in my throat. I paused before speaking again. “I just wish we had figured things out sooner Christoff. It’s really complicated. I met someone else who I can really see a future with, and I really want to give it a fair chance. What you and I have, Christoff, no one can ever take away... no one. But sometimes being in love doesn’t always mean being together. I really wish things had worked out differently but... I found someone else.”
My stomach muscles clenched as I began crying uncontrollably. Christoff reached across the car and embraced me. He truly was my rock. He silently held himself together as I
completely fell apart in his arms. I cried so much I felt like I was going to be sick. I felt like I was making the right choice but it hurt like hell. Christoff held me close and rubbed my back until my sobbing subsided. My body continued to tremble as I slowly pulled away. We looked at each other in silence for several moments. Christoff bit his lower lip and pressed his tightly clenched fist to his mouth, as if to suppress something he didn’t want to escape. Although Christoff was typically rather stoical, in this moment his piercing blue eyes glistened with a profound sense of pain that hit me in the pit of my stomach. My lower lip trembled, and tears threatened to stream down my cheeks once again as I sensed the depth of Christoff’s suffering. He reached out and took my hand in his. My tears quietly overflowed as another unrelenting wave of emotion crashed into me.
“Christoff, I love you more than I think you’ll ever really understand.” I spoke softly through my tears. Christoff swallowed hard and drew a
deep breath before speaking.
“Gia, I understand more than I think you’ll ever really know.”
I leaned in and a hugged Christoff and he welcomed my embrace. We held on to each other for a long time before he pulled away. He drew an uneven breath. “There is no use in us sitting here on the side of the highway. Let’s get you back to where you need to go.”
I sat in silence for a few moments before responding. “I’m at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills.” I saw a glint of curiosity in Christoff’s eyes but he didn’
t ask any questions.
“That’s not too far from where I’m staying. I’ll drop you off.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything.”
We rode in silence for the entire trip. I struggled not to start crying again. Every time I saw Christoff try to stifle his own
emotions, the ever present lump that was caught in my throat swelled. I caught him stealing longing glances at me almost every time we approached a red light. I meant what I said when I told Christoff I wished things had worked out differently. My heart sank as we pulled up to my hotel. It was really time to say goodbye.
“Gia, I’m not going to beg for you. Although part of me wants to, my pride absolutely will not allow it. And I’m not going to wait for you either. But if you ever need anything, anything at
all, I want you to reach out to me. I’m not one to hold on to people who don’t want to be held on to, but I just have a feeling that this is not the last time we’ll be seeing each other... or maybe that’s just wishful thinking...” Christoff’s voice trailed off. “I’ll just leave it there for now.”
I stared at him silently as I absent-mindedly fumbled with the passenger side door. There was something about his words that haunted me, perhaps it was the fact that I knew he was probably right. It was not out o
f the realm of possibility that Christoff and I would reappear in each other’s lives in the future. But there was no guarantee that if and when we crossed paths again, we would be the same people that we were in this moment. Christoff reached over and embraced me. I squeezed him more tightly than I’ve ever squeezed him before. Part of me wanted to hold on to him and never let him go but the other half of me knew that once I closed the door and crossed the threshold to the Four Seasons, I was starting a new life, a life that I had been trying to create for as long as I could remember.
I kissed Christoff on the cheek. “Christoff, du bist supergeil.”