Claimed by the Order (S-Gods, #1) (20 page)

“Akad,” Marduk whispered, “no one could live through something like that without being torn to pieces.”

Akad clung to Marduk and fought back tears. After awhile, Marduk released him, looking into his eyes.

“Is this why you’re afraid of giving in to me?” Marduk asked. Akad froze, his breathing becoming labored.

“What do you mean?” he asked, his heartbeat quickening.

“I give myself to you without fear or shame; yet when I touch you, you pull back. I want you. I want to take you right here and now, but it seems like fear or something else is stopping you.”

Akad swallowed hard as he gazed at Marduk. He suspected from the night before that things would move in this direction.

“That incident is not what stands between us,” Akad said, unsure of how much more he should say. He couldn’t repeat what his father said—that he would disown him if he submitted to another god. He lowered his eyes. The thought of giving himself to Marduk sent a tremor through his body. The abandon of being controlled by another intoxicated his thoughts, and the severity of his arousal confused him. Marduk’s hands took hold of him. Akad tasted Marduk’s kiss, but he felt like he was outside of himself.

“Akad,” Marduk whispered, “we will be as equals. You have taken me in your arms many times. I could never pretend to hold sway over you. We are both young and free, and there will never be a better time to experience love than now.”

Akad opened his eyes and stared at Marduk. He trusted his lover, but fear of his father dominated his being. Even if Anshar didn’t catch him in the act, Akad believed he would somehow know it had happened. The thought of his father discovering his submission made his stomach turn.

“You don’t know my father,” he breathed, feeling a tremendous need to flee, yet he stayed by Marduk’s side.

“You must honor your father—this is true—but your life is your own to live. If you let him rule over you in every way, you will never be free. You’re a god. He can’t take that away from you.” Marduk closed the distance between them, and ran a hand along his waist, stopping on his hip.

“Free yourself from your father this one time, and give in to me,” Marduk whispered close to his neck.

Akad felt himself falling for Marduk’s temptation, but he had no desire to fight it. His nature was to dominate, but the thrill of going against his father filled his chest. He longed to prove Anshar wrong. He knew he could lie with a god and still rule as supreme god of the heavens. Akad took a deep breath. He could not bring himself to openly submit, but he realized he had already given in. He closed his eyes, letting Marduk take control of him. Marduk laid him down, trailing kisses down his back and spreading his legs apart. Akad’s heart began to race as Marduk’s hard body pressed against his back, his hands holding tightly to his chest. Then Akad had the sensation of slipping into the sea. His breathing and the beating of his heart filled his ears, drowning out the fear that gripped him. Nothing could prepare him for that moment. When Marduk came into him, Akad felt like he would suffocate.

An image of Talos flashed through his mind, and tears filled his eyes. His chest seized with a violent rejection of what he had agreed to, and it felt as if a piece of his soul was being ripped away from him. He endured the turmoil inside him, and when his panic subsided and melted away, he felt Marduk’s arms around him. Marduk was holding him tightly to his body, and Akad knew he was safe in his lover’s arms. His mind slipped into a state of abandon.

In this peaceful place, he could feel Marduk moving inside him, and his body glowed with extreme and vibrant heat. Akad breathed in the moment, clinging to it with all his being. Never before had he felt such pleasure. He wanted it to last forever, but the feeling evaporated as soon as Marduk released him. Marduk kissed him deeply. For a long time, he lay in silence, with no desire to leave his lover’s side.

M
arduk kissed him one last time before Akad parted the clearing. Then Marduk lay on his back in the grass, breathing in the fresh mountain air. Waves of happiness rolled over him. He had finally done it; he’d finally made Akad his. He had hated pressuring Akad, but in light of the pain Akad’s father had inflicted on him, Marduk couldn’t imagine Akad enduring the Order’s torture. This made him feel even better about what he had done. Akad was no longer a virgin, so the Order wouldn’t touch him.

Marduk finally rose from the grass, dressed, and headed toward the temple. Dread of what was to come curled in his gut. Shamash had specifically ordered that Marduk invite Akad to the lower hall. The gods of the Order would be gathering for the occasion, but Marduk would be arriving empty handed. It was likely he would face punishment, but as long as Akad was out of their reach, he was willing to suffer whatever they threw at him.

When he entered the lower hall, Marduk was greeted by deities mingling in the doorway. Memories of his first day in the Order invaded his mind. It was his induction party all over again, but this time they were expecting Akad. Making his way through the deities, Marduk scanned the room for Shamash. This was it. He had to break the news to Shamash that there would be no induction. He had to tell Shamash what he’d done; that he’d fucked Akad, ruining him for the Order.

After seeing no sign of Shamash, Marduk walked down the hall to the bedchambers. Candle-light glowed in the first room on the left, and he stopped, remembering that this was where the Order had laid claim to him. This was the room where he’d seen Aya sitting on Seth’s lap. Marduk walked in, his heart pounding. Shamash would likely destroy him when he broke the news. Marduk stepped past three deities conversing in the doorway. Inside, he saw a low table surrounded by large chairs. A fire burned in the fireplace behind them. Then his heart froze. Akad, his love, was sitting in a chair before him. He was already there.

“No.” Marduk stumbled backward, and was immediately caught by a god behind him.

“Marduk,” Shamash said in his ear. “So glad you could come. Maybe you can go warm our guest’s lap.”

“No,” Marduk repeated, breaking free from his grasp. “Why is he here? I didn’t ask him to come here.”

“Don’t be rude,” Shamash said, grabbing Marduk by the arm and dragging him toward Akad.

When Akad met his gaze, Marduk’s heart almost gave way.

“Akad,” Marduk said, “You shouldn’t be here. You should leave.”

“Marduk,” Shamash interjected. “That’s no way to treat our guest. I invited him so he has every right to be here.”

“No, Shamash, you don’t understand. He can’t be here. He’s not a ... you can’t....” Shamash tightened his grip on Marduk’s arm, his regard darkening.

“Why don’t you go take a seat, Marduk.”

“No, Shamash. You can’t do this. I fucked him!”

Rage burned in the great god’s eyes. “Who did you fuck?” demanded Shamash. The room suddenly went silent, and Marduk could feel Akad’s eyes bore into him.

“Anu-Akad,” Marduk breathed. “I fucked Anu. He’s not a virgin.”

“Is that true, Anu? You let this god fuck you?” Shamash asked, turning toward Akad.

Then Marduk met Akad’s gaze, and his entire existence collapsed. The shock in Akad’s eyes turned to hatred that burned straight through him. Without a word, Akad rose from his seat, and shoved his way past Marduk and Shamash.

“Akad, please,” Marduk called after him. He broke free from Shamash, chasing after Akad, but Akad kept going without looking back.

“Akad ... please let me explain,” he pleaded as Akad disappeared through the lower hall entrance.

“Akad, stop.” Marduk followed him into the corridor, the torchlight barely illuminating Akad’s form. Akad stopped abruptly, swung around, and punched Marduk in the face. Marduk’s back hit the wall, absorbing the shock, and he slid to the ground. No one had ever hit him that hard. Then, Akad’s hands were on him, pulling him up, and slamming him into the wall.

“Akad, please ... I can explain.”

“What is there to explain, Marduk?” Akad said, rage flickering in his eyes. “How could you possibly explain what you just did? I can’t believe I trusted you!”

“Akad, I did it to save you. They were going to —”

“Shut up, Marduk!” Akad slammed him against the wall again. “There’s nothing you can say to make what you did right. I trusted you, and you betrayed me the first chance you had. Do us both a favor and stay the fuck away from me!” He released Marduk’s tunic and turned to walk away, but Marduk grabbed his arm.

“Please, Akad. I love you.”

“Fuck off!” Akad yanked free from Marduk’s grasp and stormed away. Marduk crumpled to the floor, pain ripping through him. He had done everything he could to save Akad, but he’d still lost him. He had saved Akad from the Order at the cost of their love.

A
kad strode down the corridor, blind and deaf, consumed with a desire to bring the temple crashing down around him. With his powers intact, he could make the earth break apart, swallow the temple whole.
So this is love.
He followed the stairs up to his quarters. If love meant baring his heart so it could be smashed into nothing, then he didn’t want it. When Akad arrived at his quarters, he burst through the door and threw himself onto his bed.

The events that had transpired that day whirled around in his mind, but he wanted only to block them out. How could he have been so wrong about Marduk? How could he have misjudged his character so badly? Sharp pain stabbed through his chest. Nothing made sense. He loved Marduk, and he was sure that Marduk loved him too; yet Marduk had betrayed him. Marduk’s words played over in his mind. Why would Marduk ever tell Shamash he fucked him? Had he just been some kind of conquest? Akad felt ill. He curled up on his white fur blanket and fought back tears. He hated himself for giving away his heart so freely. He would never talk to Marduk again.

After a long while, Akad’s tears dried, and his eyes fixed on the open shutters of his window. Cool air drafted in as the setting sun cast a shadow across his room. He was content to lie there all night, but a knock at his door broke the silence. A moment later, a mortal servant approached, but Akad made no attempt to sit up.

“The esteemed god Anshar requests your presence in his quarters,” the servant said. Akad’s stomach dropped. He sat up and stared at the servant, the blood draining from his face.

“When does he expect me?” Akad asked.

“The great god Anshar has requested you report to him immediately.”

Akad’s head swam. Why had Anshar sent for him? Had rumors of Akad’s conduct already reached his ears? He went to classes that day against his father’s will. He had fucked a god in front of his classmates. Marduk announced to a group of gods that he had fucked him. A weight pressed down on his chest. It was unlikely that Anshar had heard none of it. Akad rose to his feet and walked to a table by the head of his bed. He cupped his hand in the washing basin, and splashed his face. He wanted to ward off fear, but even if Anshar had heard nothing, he would surely see right through him.

He would take one look at Akad and know what he had done—that he had submitted his body to another god. Akad paced his room, putting off his visit to Anshar as long as he could. When he finally arrived at Anshar’s door, a mortal servant bowed to Akad and showed him in.

Akad followed the servant through the foyer and the dark red curtain leading to Anshar’s living room. Anshar sat waiting at the dining table before the long red curtains covering the shuttered window. He raised his gaze, watching Akad closely as the servant pulled out a chair, seating Akad across from him. Akad felt his father’s regard but kept his eyes lowered.

Anshar leaned back in his chair but continued to stare at Akad for some time. Eyes cast down; Akad sat waiting, his stomach twisting into knots. He had the distinct feeling he had walked into a nightmare. He wiped the sweat from his hands on his tunic beneath the table. With the threat of discovery looming over him, he had to do his best to control his breathing and mask the terror building inside him. When he finally raised his gaze to meet his father’s, Anshar’s expression was stern but devoid of anger.

“My son, Anu,” Anshar said. “You are of an age that you must start thinking of building your empire. As a god of this world, it is necessary that you have heirs. Therefore, the time has come for you to marry.”

Akad lowered his eyes, inhaling sharply. A fire erupted in his chest and spread to his face. Marriage was the furthest thing from his mind. What were the chances that Anshar would mention marriage unless he knew about Marduk?

“Yes, father.”

Anshar inspected him for a moment before continuing.

“There are many goddesses that would give anything to be your wife. Name the goddess you desire, and I will arrange it.”

“I desire the goddess Siren,” Akad said without pause.

“Siren?” Anshar’s eyes narrowed. “Do you speak of the goddess Siren, head of the Council of Gods?”

“Yes,” Akad breathed. “She is the only goddess I desire.”

Anshar scrutinized him for some time, then lowered his gaze.

“Anu,” Anshar said, “you ask for something that is impossible. You are but a prince among gods. What have you accomplished in this world? You have yet to even take rule. Do you expect that a goddess who occupies the highest station in this world would even look in your direction?”

Akad lowered his eyes and gritted his teeth. The odds of winning Siren’s hand in marriage were against him, but he wanted no other goddess but her.

“I realize what you say is true, father, but I want at least to have a chance. How can I know for sure that she would reject me if I never make an attempt to propose to her?”

“Have you even met her, son?” Anshar asked, leaning forward in his chair.

“No, but I saw her once.”

“Then you have no idea what you are asking for! You are asking for the hand of a goddess who would rather kill you than look at you!”

“She looked directly at me, and she did not kill me,” Akad said, his chest heaving.

“Well, I guarantee she wanted to, so she must have been having a good day!” Anshar stood up from his chair. He shook his head, glaring down at Akad.