Claire Voyant (25 page)

“I know,” I replied. “So beautiful…. And you're sure you've never heard it before?”

“I'm positive…although, this is weird—it actually sounds familiar.”

“I know. Me, too. And this is going to sound crazy, but I'm wondering if it's the song I heard when we were in your room.”

Drew's sun-kissed skin turned ashen.

“I can't explain it.” I shrugged. “But I know I've heard it before.”

“Now that you mention it, it did sort of sound like that…kind of slow and sad, like a waltz. But a nice waltz…. I can't believe I'm even having this conversation. What do you think it means?”

“Either that it's true that too much pot kills off your brain cells, or
that our grandfather is trying to tell us to enjoy life and be happy.”

“How can I be happy? I'm so pissed at myself. He wrote that music for me, and I never even bothered listening to it. I just threw it in my desk with the rest of my crap.”

“You were a kid. Don't be so hard on yourself. He knew how much you loved him.”

“I suppose.” Drew sighed. “Have you…ever done anything you deeply regretted?”

If you only knew.
“Sure.”

“It's such a god-awful feeling, isn't it? It's like you'd do anything to take it back.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Although it's hard to believe that you'd ever do anything you regretted. You seem like such an honest person.”

Believe me. I'm no honest Abe.
“Thanks.”

“No, I mean it. You're so up-front about everything. What you're thinking. How you feel. None of the girls I've been with are like that. They're all so cagey and manipulative. You never really know if they mean what they say.”

Oh shit. This is going somewhere.
“Uh-huh.”

Maybe I was being paranoid. Most people with guilty consciences were. Besides, Delia had obviously told Drew that I had gone through his desk. Why wouldn't I think that she also told him about the flight?

“So anyway,” Drew said, “you thought you had that book of poems, too?”

Or maybe I was wrong. He was changing the subject, bless his heart
.

“I sort of remember getting it one Chanukah…I'm not sure from whom. But I know I never even opened it. I probably assumed it was boring and didn't give it a second thought. Now think how bad I feel. That poem was amazing. If I ever go home, I'll look and see if it's still in my room somewhere.”

“You are going home.” Drew took my hand. “And you are going to talk to your parents.”

“Excuse me?” I just looked at him.

“I have to be honest. If you can't resolve your issues with them, it's a deal-breaker for me.”

“Wait, wait, wait. This isn't your decision. What I do with my family is my business.”

“You're right. But I can't help it. It makes me crazy when families fight and this one's not talking to that one. Life is short, and in the end, they're all you have. And even though I agree that your parents made mistakes, they're not bad people. Pops had this expression—”

“‘ Family are the heartbeat of your journey, and the keepers of your soul.'”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

“I'm not sure.”

“And then this whole thing with ‘My Sky' and music…where the hell did that come from?”

“I wish I could tell you…. It's almost as if I had a special conversation with Abe.”

“You mean on the plane?”

“No. We didn't talk on the plane.”
Oh my God.

“What?” Drew let go of my hand.

OH MY GOD!
“I mean we didn't talk on the plane about that stuff. We talked about other stuff.”

Drew couldn't look at me, and suddenly, without warning, the tide changed. Gone was the affection and humor. Gone was the sexual current in the air. I couldn't even read his expression. But when an interminable few moments went by and he said not one word, it didn't take a psychic to figure out what was happening. He was angry with me. Which could only mean one thing.

I took a deep breath. “You know about the flight, don't you?”

“Damn you, Claire! I was really hoping it wasn't true.”

T
RUTH OR DARE.
T
O THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE.
T
O TELL THE TRUTH.
Truth or consequences. True or false? Too good to be true. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Those may be the most familiar expressions of all time. But obviously they meant nothing to me, because I'd just been caught in the championship edition of “Liar Liar.” And much as I dreaded it, it was time to find out if the loser was going home with a consolation prize. Her self-worth.

“Did Delia tell you?” I finally found the nerve to ask.

He shook his head.

“Then who?”

“No one. I just knew.”

“I'm sorry?”

“The truth is, I suspected it at the airport.”

“No way. How?”

“Because I knew my Pops, and nothing you said made any sense. He never did crossword puzzles, he had no friends where he lived, and he never would have chewed your ear off talking about his family because he wasn't big on talking to strangers. He always thought his accent made him sound uneducated. Most flights he'd either read a book or take a nap.”

“I don't get it. Then why were you so nice to me? Why did you
ask me all those questions about him? Why did you lend me Viktor? Why in God's name did you ask me to speak at the funeral?”

“I don't know. At first I thought you were this parasite bitch who was trying to sponge off us, and I was going to tell you to take a hike. But then it hit me. There you were making things up as you went along, and not asking for anything in return. You just wanted us to feel better.”

“Yes.”

“And then, because you were trying so hard, I realized I was starting to root for you. I really wanted to believe you…not to mention you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I was afraid if I didn't keep the conversation going, I might never see you again.”

“Oh my God.”

“There was just something about you that blew me away. It was more than chemistry. It was…I don't know…like this force that drew me to you. I swear, I couldn't take my eyes off you.”

“But you were engaged!”

“Tell me about it.”

“And you begged me to speak at the funeral!”

“It's crazy. I know.”

“I can't believe you. All this time I've been sick to my stomach feeling guilty for what I did to such a wonderful man, and not only did you know, you had your own agenda.”

“I'm not proud.”

“So how does that make you any different than the girls you can't stand because they're so cagey and manipulative?”

“I don't know. How does that make what you did to me any different than what your parents did to you? You all perpetuated a big lie until the day you got caught.”

“Oh jeez. Delia said the same thing to me…. It's true. We're both such big hypocrites.”

“Not exactly the thing you want to have in common, is it?” He shook his head.

“No, it's not…. But you really should be ashamed of yourself.” Is macked his shoulder.

“Me? What about you? You're not exactly on the short list for sainthood.”

“Touché” I laughed.

Drew put on a CD and reached for my hand. The warm gesture immediately calmed my nerves. Was this a signal that we had endured a grade-one relationship hurricane? That the wind gusts were dying down?

“I am curious about one thing, though,” I said. “What would you have done if I'd just wished you well when we got to Miami? Just said good-bye and taken off?”

“I don't know. I probably would have told myself it was for the best and gone on with my life.”

“So then, in a way, you're glad I lied?”

“Yes.”

“And you don't hate me?”

“At the moment, I'm too busy hating myself for being such a lousy grandson.”

“You were a wonderful grandson, Drew…. But before, when you were asking me if I'd ever done anything I'd seriously regretted? Was that a setup so I'd confess?”

“Busted.” He shrugged. “After everything that's happened with Marly, I just couldn't deal with more lies…more secrets. I never want to be in a relationship again that isn't based on trust.”

“You're very wise.” I kissed him. “And even though I'm still in shock that you knew about the flight, I do like the idea that we've gotten everything out in the open…. Now there are no more secrets.”

“Um…see, that's not entirely true.” Drew sighed. “There's something else I haven't told you.”

“Well, it couldn't be any worse than this.”

“It's right up there.”

“Are you serious? You're not sick, are you? About to be indicted?”

“No, nothing like that…. It's…Marly…You're going to go nuts when I tell you.”

“Is she sick? About to be indicted?”

He shook his head.

“Oh God. I know that look…. Don't tell me she's…”

“Yeah.”

“No!”

“That's why we flew to Bermuda.”

“For what? An abortion?”

“No, of course not. To try to work things out. If we're having a baby, we need to—”

“I think I'm going to be sick, Drew…. And you had no idea?”

“Actually, I did. I was just hoping the test was negative.”

“How far along is she?”

“She was only a week late. But she took two different tests, and they both came out positive.”

“Were you there when she took them? Do you know for sure?”

“She didn't lie, if that's what you're getting at.”

“She wouldn't be the first girl to go that route.”

“I saw the test results while she was puking her guts out.”

“Oh…so then how could you just leave her in Bermuda? That was a pretty shitty thing to do.”

“It wasn't my idea. She kicked me out. She called her mom and had her fly out there last night.”

“That's a little bizarre. You'd think she'd want you to be with her.”

“It's complicated, Claire…. We were fighting pretty bad…. I'm not sure I'm the father.”

“Oh my God. Marly cheated on you? She's crazy…. What are you going to do?”

“The only thing I can do. I'm going to help her in any way I can. And after the baby's born, I don't know, I guess we'll do the blood tests to prove that I'm the father.”

“And if you are?” I held my breath. “Are you going to marry her?”

“I don't know.”

“Do you still love her?”

“That's not the issue, Claire.”

“Sure it is. Why should you have to alter the course of your entire life just because of a baby?”

Drew's jaw dropped.

“Oh my God. What am I saying? What is wrong with me?”

“No kidding. I mean, you of all people…I thought after everything you've just been through, you'd be the one insisting that babies deserve to grow up with their biological parents.”

“You're right. I can't believe those words even came out of my mouth. I had no idea I was such a hypocrite. Of course if this is your baby you must be there.”

“That's better.”

“But…”

“I know…unfortunately, it changes everything.”

 

For two people who had talked nonstop all day, the conversation finally ran dry. Well, that wasn't altogether true. There was plenty we could have said, but given that it was only two in the afternoon and we'd already reached our quota of huge, scary surprises for the day, it seemed easier to opt for silence.

About the only thing we were willing to discuss was deciding how the rest of the day would play out. I said that I wanted to spend the afternoon with Grams. Drew loved that idea because he really needed to get to the office for few hours to catch up on some paperwork.

But then I was sorry that we were doing the whole lay-low thing because I was suddenly dying to ask what exactly he did for a living. I knew, of course, that he worked for his father, but I was curious: Was it a real job with responsibilities, or was it a toy job like Delia's? Show up whenever the tide rolled in to check messages and pick up a paycheck?

Something else occurred to me as Drew drove me over to Grams' place. Not only did I have no idea what Drew did, I didn't know his age, rank, or serial number. Had not the slightest clue when his birthday was, and, more importantly, his astrological sign. Didn't know if he was a morning person or a night owl, an athlete or a fan, a dreamer or a doer. Who were his friends? What were his hobbies?

Nor did he really know anything about me. But given my recent track record of repelling the opposite sex, maybe that was just as well. In fact, before I said or did anything that turned him off and
sent him running back to Marly, it was probably good to be taking a quick breather. Think about the day's events. Then, when we saw each other again, we'd have clear heads.

So I broke the silence barrier by telling him that I'd thought about it, and I was going to spend the night with Grams. That would give us both time to collect ourselves. And not to worry about bringing me a change of clothes. I'd bought enough toiletries, shorts and T's at Target to stay for a week.

To my surprise (and disappointment), Drew didn't protest. There was no whining, no oh-come-on's, I thought we were going to open that first box of condoms tonight. He simply said he thought it was the right thing for me to do.

Me and my big mouth.

I wasn't sure what the world was coming to when a guy who had just broken his second engagement to the same girl didn't seize the opportunity to have hot sex with a girl he'd shown “big” interest in only a few hours earlier.

Or when I rang Gram's bell, and she asked what I was doing there. What grandmother wouldn't welcome the opportunity to spend some quality time with her beloved granddaughter, the very one who nearly died in her shower?

Apparently my timing wasn't great. She and some of her new lady friends were being taken to the movies, and when they got back were going to play cards and have coffee and cake with the fellas. “You can come see the picture if you want,” she offered.

No, thanks. I wasn't in the mood to spend a few hours in a dark theater with a bunch of old ladies who farted without shame, and who had zero hearing, so every five minutes they'd lean over to complain to their friend that they were tired of the actors who whispered. “Why can't they speak up?”

“What time do you think you'll be back?” I asked.

“In time for supper. You want to come back?”

“Come back? I can't leave, Grams. I don't have a car. I got dropped off here.”

“Oh. So do you want to make dinner?”

“Who, me? You know I'll end up setting off the smoke alarms.”

“So what are you going to do? You can't stay here.”

“Why not?”

“Because it's restricted. You gotta be sixty-five or older.”

“To live here, Grams. Not to visit.”

“Oh. Uh-huh. Maybe watch some television, then.”

“I can't believe you're leaving me here. You know these women four days. Now total strangers are more important than your own granddaughter?”
Surprise. Two can play the guilt game.

“Did you call your folks yet?”

“No.”

“Then I don't need to spend no time with you.”

“Are you serious? You're mad at me? Why aren't you mad at them? They're the ones who made all the mistakes.”

“Oh, stop singin' the same song already. I heard enough of your broken record. So they made a little mistake. What's the big hoo-ha? Did they beat you? Did they lock you in a closet? No. They took very good care of you, and believe you me, they did me a big favor, because I couldn't have handled a baby in the house. Your grandfather, may he rest in peace, he said, nothing doing…like you was a little puppy I wanted to keep. I don't know what I woulda done if Leonard and Roberta said no. So don't go mouthin' off about how they hurt your feelings or they lied to you…they saved your life. If I was you, missy, I'd pick up that phone right now and talk to them. They've been worried sick about you…. What are them bags for?”

“I'm sorry.” I scratched my head. “What?”

“Whadaya got in those bags?”

“Oh. Just some things I picked up at Target. I thought I would stay with you tonight. There's so much I have to tell you, and—”

She checked her watch. “
Oy.
Now I'm late. Gotta meet the ladies downstairs, or I'll miss the van. We're going to see that picture with what's-his-name. The one who was married to that actress I like. You know who I mean. The one who was in that other picture I liked. Call your parents, Claire. Then we'll talk.”

And that was that. My grandmother, who'd never known from
close female companionship because she had no use for other people's
mishegas,
was abandoning me in favor of a bunch of white-haired ladies she just met.

Did you ever?

But an hour later, I was actually happy that she'd left me to my own devices. I walked around the apartment, and remembered how excited I had felt the night that Drew first brought me over here. Little did I know then the extent to which thirty years of living could be suddenly hit by a Hummer and flattened by the force.

How I was still standing was a mystery, I thought, as I scoured the kitchen for the makings of an edible lunch. Something that wasn't no fat, no sodium, no thanks. Thank God for tuna. And the nice garden view off the little balcony.

As I sat outside, feet propped on a plastic Parsons table, I realized that it was the first time in almost ten days that I was alone at the same time that I was of sound mind and body. The first time that there was enough clarity of thought to try and make sense of the enormous changes in my life that were about to unfold. Even though it was in the low eighties, I got such a chill.