Cleat Catcher (The Cleat Chaser Duet Book 2) (15 page)

“So, I understand you’re looking for something for a woman?”

How did Kasey always pull this shit off? One minute, women would be disgusted, and the next they were spreading their legs for her.

“Yes, I kind of screwed up.”

“Kind of?” She put her hands on her hips.

“I fucked up big, okay? Help me?” I held my hands up as a peace offering, and she grinned.

“Well, I need to know what you’re wanting your gift to express.”

“I might be trad—” I paused and collected my thoughts. Trade information wasn’t common knowledge, especially amongst the fans. I didn’t think the woman knew anything about baseball, but I had to be careful all the same. “We may be traveling a lot. Away games and stuff. I thought if I got her some new luggage, it would suggest I want her to go with me.”

“Well, I think that’s sweet.”

“Like your ass.” Kasey was a few feet away running her finger across a bag and checking it for dust.

Gwen’s face turned a brighter pink. “Your friend is a trip.”

“She’s something all right. Anyway, can you help me?” I brushed my clammy hands on my jeans.

“Right this way.”

We walked over to a corner where an entire luggage set was on display. She waved a hand through the air, and the pitch in her voice changed to that of a game show announcer. “This is our top-of-the-line collection. She would love this set. It has three different sized trolley cases, travel bag, cosmetic pouch, toiletry kit, and jewelry case. All the highest quality luggage you can own. She would travel in style and turn heads.”

I scrubbed a hand over my chin. “What do you think, Kasey?”

Kasey stood there ogling Gwen’s ass in her skirt. “Yeah, yeah. Sure.”

Fuck me. I’m on my own.

“So what’s something like this run?” I shook my head at Kasey, and she shrugged, then I turned back to Gwen.

“This set is twenty thousand, and comes with a lifetime warranty.”

I coughed and choked out a few words. “I’m sorry, twenty thousand? American dollars?”

Kasey glared in my direction. “You wanted a grand gesture, right?”

Gwen smiled, as though the lifetime warranty somehow justified the price tag.

I stood there for a moment, staring at all the fucking bags that supposedly would get Nikki back. I turned to Kasey. “You’re sure this will work?” I was willing to pay ten times that much if it meant Nik was back in my life and happy.

“Nothing is one hundred percent. But if you still have a shot, this will do it.” It was the most serious Kasey had been all day.

“Fuck it. Ring them up.”

“Yolo, motherfucker!” Kasey held out a fist.

I tapped my knuckles on hers.

Gwen clapped her hands and practically skipped back to the counter. Kasey seized on the opportunity and smacked her on the ass, eliciting a squeal and a smile.

“This is so romantic.” Gwen tapped buttons on a screen with her bright red nails while Kasey leaned on the counter.

“It sure is. I may let you buy me dinner with your lotto winnings from this sale.” Kasey looked over at me and hip thrusted the counter while Gwen kept ringing things up.

“I may just take you up on that offer.” Gwen smiled, and continued typing in the sales information.

Kasey nudged me and whispered in my ear, “Looks like I’ll be nomming the pink taco later.”

“Thanks, motherfucker, it only cost me twenty grand.” My brows lowered as I glared at her.

“Hey, don’t hate on me for piggybacking some sweet pussy love onto the deal. Hater.”

“You realize I can hear both of you, right?” Gwen looked up at us.

I pulled out my wallet and handed my credit card to Gwen.

“Oh, don’t act like you don’t want me to Michael Phelps that pussy.” Kasey tossed her golden hair over her shoulder.

I choked. When I looked behind me, there stood a family of four with their mouths agape. Breathing became difficult, and my face had to be bright pink. I whirled back around to catch a look of horror on Gwen’s face as Kasey continued to explain the Michael Phelps to her.

“It’s like the butterfly swim technique, see? You spread the legs wide, like you’re underwater.” She whipped both arms out like she just spread a pair of thighs on the counter. “And then you come up and down, like you’re swimming for the pink medallion.” She bobbed her head up and down as if she was coming up for air, and then diving back down between the hypothetical legs.

Gwen stared at me as if she were pleading for help, and slid my credit card across the counter, along with a receipt to sign. I scribbled my name down as fast as possible and mouthed ‘I’m sorry.’

“We’ll be going now.” The man and his family turned as the wife ear-muffed one of the children.

“Maybe if you Michael Phelps’d your wife once in a while, you wouldn’t be in here buying her some goddamn Louis Deepdong luggage. Pfft.” Kasey flipped the bird at the man’s back as he scooted his family out the front door.

“Yeah, I think we’ll be going too. Come on, Kase.” I grabbed the handles on Nik’s new luggage.

Gwen slid a business card across to Kasey. “Call me.”

“Oh, you’ll hear from me soon.” Kasey scooped up the card and shoved it in her pocket.

“Jesus Christ, you’re ridiculous.” I started toward the front of the store.

We walked through the glass double doors and out onto the sidewalk. I hobbled along, trying to drag the bags behind while Kasey strolled next to me at a leisurely pace.

“What the hell? You usually love it when I pick up chicks.”

“I’m nervous. What if this shit doesn’t work? I have to get her back.” I noticed a few people staring at me, and I tried to walk as normal as possible, ignoring the sharp pains radiating from my knee.

“Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a little.” Kasey’s eyes darted around to the stores as we headed outside to the parking lot.

“Please. You’re just trying to tame that pussy in there.” I shot her a side eye.

“Oh, is my boyfriend finally getting back to normal? He can talk about pussy again?”

“Boyfriend?”

“Oh yeah, you’re my boyfriend when dudes hit on me. I use you as an excuse for anything I don’t want to do. I just assumed you’d know that. I love your cock. And your jizz. So, so hard.”

I nearly tripped from my sudden loss of focus before righting myself. “Jesus.” I shook my head at her while she laughed it up.

We crossed the street to my car and began loading the luggage in the back. “You’re a master of your craft. I’ll give you that.” I leaned over and gave her a peck on the forehead. “Thank you.”

She wrapped her arms around my bicep and squeezed. “You’re welcome. You know I always got your back.”

Her grip on my arm tightened suddenly, and her body tensed.
Weird.
I looked down, and her eyes were wide. She tried to turn and look another way, but I glanced to what she’d been staring at. Nikki was walking out of a restaurant and taking a huge bite of what appeared to be a small loaf of bread. I could have sworn she had a butter dish in her other hand. Typical.

A wave of heat rushed through my limbs when I saw Agent Carter FistFuck walking up behind her. I shook Kasey from my arm and started in that direction.

“Let it go, Braden.” Kasey’s warning fell on my ears but didn’t register.

I heard Kasey’s feet pounding the pavement behind me.

“Fuck that. I’m getting to the bottom of this shit right fucking now.”

I hobbled across the street, not giving a shit that traffic had to stop for my jay-walk. When I reached the sidewalk, I started for them, bumping anyone in my path out of the way.

I couldn’t see Nikki because the tanned yuppie cunt was between us. I was about ten feet away when I watched the arrogant prick kiss Nik, damn near swallowing her face whole. My knee was about to give out, but I didn’t give two shits about that or Kasey trying to tug at my arm from behind.

Grabbing him by the back of the collar, I broke their kiss when I yanked him to the ground. I stumbled around in the process, damn near landing face first into the sidewalk myself.

Carter shot to his feet and flashed that shitty cockboy smirk of his. Kasey wedged herself between us.

Carter brushed the front of his shirt. “Oh, look, the jealous stalker boyfriend. What a surprise.”

“Shut your mouth, Carter!” Nikki turned to me. “What are you doing here, Braden? Are you following me?” She folded her arms across her chest.

“I was, umm—” I turned my gaze to Kasey who shrugged. “Why the fuck is he kissing you?” I pointed to Captain McGillicunty and his fake-ass surfer tan and blond boy-band hair.

“Wait? That’s your ex?” Kasey pointed at Carter and chuckled.

“Something funny, bitch?” Carter glared at Kasey.

Usually, I’d beat his fucking face in, but Kasey would handle that herself shortly. I started to feel sorry for the guy, because he was fucked after that slip of the tongue. My sympathy didn’t last long as I awaited the onslaught.

“Oh, no. Did this cunt trap just call me a bitch? Boy, I will fuck your goddamn teeth sideways.” She eyed him up and down. “You have a plaid dick, don’t you? That shit is two inches and plaid. A toddler noodle. You were just born with it.”

Carter stood shell shocked, as both Nik and I tried not to laugh.

Kasey took a step closer. “Your dick is pleated, ain’t it? Ol’ pleat dick, born ready for a Dockers commercial. How about I shove a polo mallet up your twat gap and use you like a ventriloquist?” Kasey held up her hand like a puppet and spoke out of the side of her mouth. “Help me. Somebody save me from my plaid dick. It’s got pleats and everything. Oh wait, maybe those are cunt lips flappin’ in the breeze down there. Yep, that’s it. I gots pussy pleats. Eff my life.”

I was about to burst with laughter when the queen of the Graves household walked out of the restaurant with a stack of dresses draped over one arm.

“Nikki, what is this?” She used that rich-people voice that suggested her daughter was mingling with the commoners again.

I dropped my face into my palm, because I knew what was coming.

“Who the fuck is Lady Godiva Godzilla over here, storming into shit out of nowhere?” Kasey turned to Nik’s mom.

Mrs. Graves glared in my direction. “Are you following us? I have high-priced lawyers and we will file protective orders. You can’t stalk our daughter.”

“I wasn’t stalking anyone. It’s a public place.” I looked down at Nik. “I swear. I wouldn’t do that.”

“Mmhmm.” Carter injected himself back into the conversation.

I ground my teeth together and then turned to Carter. “This doesn’t concern you, shit-paper prince. I’ll give you a call next time I take a fat Carter in a port-o-potty and run out of ass wipes. Maybe you can do some calculus to solve my problem.”

“Nikki’s safety concerns me.” He walked over and put his arm around her. She stepped away, forcing him to drop his arm to the side. Good girl. But she hadn’t stepped toward me like I wanted.

It was like the night in the driveway all over again, me as the bad guy and these assholes filling her ears full of poison about me.

I ignored Carter and Nikki’s mom. There was only one person I wanted to talk to. “I’m just going to go. I don’t want any problems, Nikki. I want you, but not like this. Just take whatever time you want, and then let me know.” I hobbled away, not giving a fuck who saw my limp at that moment.

“You’re getting off easy this time, plaid dick.” Kasey followed behind me. “Next time I see you, I’m going to lay your ass out and then fuck your girlfriend, if you can get one, anyway.”

I ignored the pain in my knee and kept walking, though everything inside me screamed at me to run back to Nikki. But with Carter and her mother around, no good could come of further confrontation.

Kasey’s taunting voice rose. “Oh, and Mrs. Snooty-pants, here’s a newsflash, that pink dress you’re carrying is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t even fuck you if you wore that, Nikki. Just kidding. I’d always fuck you. You know this.”

Kasey clapped me on the shoulder as we made it to my car. “My last little bit got her for you. Just wait and see, boyfriend.”

N
IKKI

“
F
RINGE. IT’S THE
bane of my existence. When it exploded last season, I got so many women requesting it that I almost quit. I can’t stand it. Unless you’re going to a cowboy festival, don’t wear fringe.”

I smiled as I typed Cyrus’s response. He’d been in my office for the past hour answering questions for my next
Style and Substance
article: “What Your Style Assistant Really Thinks About Your Taste.”
Cyrano
would headline the piece. I hoped Cyrus would gain a bigger clientele from giving down and dirty advice in the mag.

Makeup-less and wearing a simple pair of jeans and a black T-shirt, he was a handsome man with excellent taste in clothes. The other assistants had been tittering about him as I’d led him down the hall to my cramped office.

I finished typing his answer and leaned back. “Now, shoot straight with me.” I narrowed my eyes. “Off the record. Don’t you think that pretending to be gay is, you know, wrong?”