“Thinking,” I point out before waving him away. “Leave me be with my thoughts.”
But he doesn’t go away. I kinda didn’t expect him to. I’m learning that Markus marches to his own drum; he doesn’t care that I don’t want to be his friend. He’s gonna make me be his friend. Kind of like Delanie did. Maybe that’s how I work, you have to make me be your friend. And shit, that’s sad. I really need to work on that.
Coming to my bed, he sits down and places his hand on my knee. “Tell Dr. Markus what’s wrong.”
I laugh as I roll my eyes, pushing his hand off me. “Whatever, get out.”
“No, you need to talk, and I want to listen,” he says, crossing his arms and grinning down at me. His eyes are such an inviting caramel color. He’s very adorable, and for some reason, I start talking.
“There’s this guy,” I say, letting out a breath as I sit up.
Grinning at me, he says, “That’s usually how it starts. Dudes be fucking up females on the real.”
“True that,” I agree and he grins.
“And?”
“And…well, I like him. A lot.”
“Okay, not seeing a problem. Wait, does he not like you? Because if he doesn’t, he’s an idiot. You’re amazing.”
Pushing him playfully, I roll my eyes. “Focus, Dr. Markus,” I say, and he laughs.
“Has anyone ever told you that you don’t take compliments well?”
Laughing, I nod. “He’s told me that.”
“So he likes you?” he asks with a goofy grin, and I shrug, looking away.
“Yeah, and it scares me. So damn bad,” I say softly.
“Why?”
Sucking in a deep breath, I shake my head. “Because...I don’t know.”
“That’s a lie,” he says, and I laugh.
Does everyone know when I’m lying? Jeez!
“Because I can’t control it. I can’t make sure he won’t hurt me. I mean, he already makes me feel stuff that I’ve never felt before, and I haven’t even committed to him. I could fall for him, easy, and I don’t know how to give away that control. I did it before and got my heart broken.”
When he just grins at me, I make a face. “What?”
Patting my knee, he goes, “You know this is the most you’ve ever told me about yourself?”
I look up, meeting his sweet gaze, and I nod. “I don’t do people well.”
“I know, but it’s good for you. You need people, or you’ll be alone.”
“Yeah, that’s the rumor I’ve been told.”
He laughs. “Here’s my thing, Baylor. Is this guy anything like the douche from before?”
Shaking my head, I bite into my lip. “Not even close. Seth was selfish and only cared about him. This guy is so different. He thinks of everyone else before he does himself, he’s just refreshing and can make me smile. It’s hard to make me smile.”
“Yeah, Jayden’s good like that. Real team player, and he’s funny as shit,” he says softly, causing my eyes to go wide. “Oh, wait, I wasn’t supposed to know that, right? Okay, ignore that.”
“You’re such an ass!” I yell, smacking his arm, and he laughs.
“Dude, it’s obvious y’all are hot for each other. And yeah, you can’t control it, but the best things in life are the things you can’t control.”
I hold his gaze. “So are the worst things.”
“Yeah, you’re right. So you just need to decide what you want. Stop being such a control freak,” he adds and I smile.
“Hey.”
My smile drops when I hear his voice. Looking toward my door, I find that Jayden is leaning against my doorframe, a grin on his sinful lips.
Fuck me.
Getting up slowly, Markus holds his hands up. “I swear, we were only talking.”
Rolling my eyes, I laugh as Jayden glares at Markus.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to him,” I say, sending Jayden a look. “He isn’t that scary.”
“Yeah, because he likes you,” Markus mock-whispers before Jayden starts to laugh again.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I need to talk to you,” he says to me, and I look away, taking a deep breath. I’m not sure what he heard, and it makes me nervous. Then again, everything I said I’m pretty sure he already knows. But still, my tummy is doing flips, which could be because he is simply magnificent. He’s wearing that damn beanie again, and when the hell did I start getting attracted to beanies? I’m not a fan, I think they are dumb looking, but on him, with his scruffy jaw and green eyes blazing… Good Lord almighty, I’m officially a fan!
“No big deal, I was just leaving,” Markus says quickly before sidestepping him to get out of the room.
Rolling my eyes, I say, “Can you not scare my friend, please?”
His eyes widen as he chortles. “So you’re making friends, eh?”
Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “I was told it would be good for me.”
“Smart guy that told you that,” he says with a wink, and I grin.
“Maybe.” I hold his gaze, unsure what to do next. “Are you gonna come in?”
“No, let’s go for a walk,” he says before throwing my leather jacket at me.
“It’s chilly for a walk,” I say, putting my arms in it as I pull my sweat pants up since they were hanging low.
“Eh, we’ll be okay,” he says, and when I look up, his eyes are dark. “You get cold, I could keep you warm.”
“I bet you could,” I tease back as I zip my jacket up.
“All you have to do is ask,” he challenges, and I grin back at him.
It’s so funny how I’ve become comfortable with him. He’s the only person who I truly smile for. Even with my dad it’s sometimes forced just to make him happy, but Jayden, it’s different. He makes me happy. Which again, freaks me out because if it’s this easy to be comfortable with him, how am I going to be when I’m not with him. We will leave each other. I mean, we could go on the same team, but that’s so unrealistic and probably won’t happen. But above all that, how the hell do I even know he’ll like me once he gets to know me? I’m not that great.
Ugh, this shit is so hard.
Walking past him, I grumble at him, “Let’s roll.”
But he stops me, grabbing my wrist and whipping me around. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know,” I lie, but he is already shaking his head before I’m even done speaking.
“Try again.”
Looking away, I let out a breath. “This is hard.”
“This?”
“Us.”
He nods then. “At least there is an us,” he says with a shrug and then he lets me go, the heat he caused gone as he heads down the hall.
As I watch him walk down the hall, I shake my head in disbelief. He’s so optimistic, almost like he knows this is going to work, and it drives me crazy. While it blows my mind at how ready he is to jump in, to just believe in us, I also admire it. He’s kind of reckless in a sense, and usually I’d run from that. I don’t like situations I can’t control, but this is one I can’t run from. I want to be reckless too, but I just don’t know how.
As we walk out of the house, he doesn’t say anything. Even when we get outside, the cold October air hitting my face, he is still silent. I’ve noticed that when he’s thinking or observing is when he is silent, and I just want to crawl inside his mind to find out what he is thinking. How much did he hear? And what does he think? Probably that I’m crazy, and I wouldn’t fight him on that. I’m usually so good at making decisions, but with him, it’s all just so puzzling. He’s the biggest challenge of my life thus far. One I want to win, but also one I’m scared of losing.
It isn’t until we are good five minutes from the Bullies house that he finally says something. “I heard what you said to Markus.”
Pausing, I bite the inside of my cheek. I could go with my first instinct and that’s to be mad, or I can play it off. Deciding to go with the latter, I say, “Eavesdropping, how rude.”
He flashes me a grin as he shrugs. “I see my teammate go into your room, I need to know why,”
“Why’s that?”
“Because no one needs to be in your room but me.”
“Already possessive,” I say with a shake of my head, and he smiles shyly at me.
“I like to think of it as protective.”
“That too,” I say with a laugh. “Either way, yeah, you heard it. What do you make of it?”
“That we need to put your fears to rest,” he says simply as he turns down the sidewalk by the quad.
“How do you suggest we do that?” I ask as we reach a little bridge that goes over a small lake. My first day here, I came out here and watched the geese swim. It’s very relaxing and pretty, but today no one is out. Probably because it’s cold as shit.
Leaning on the railing across from me, he crosses his arms and says, “We talk it out.”
Looking away, I cross my ankles and shrug. “I don’t really talk.”
“Yeah, I know, the only time you communicate is when you’re yelling.”
I meet his gaze as a grin pulls at my lips. “So why do you even want to deal with it?”
“Because I like you,” he declares, and that same thing that snapped before the day we had sex snaps again. It almost feels like my heart isn’t constricted anymore. That it’s beating hard and full of life as I get lost in his eyes. “And a strong-minded woman is the kind of woman I want. I want someone who’s gonna fight for what she believes in, and you do that. Except for right now. Right now, you’re being a little bit of a brat.”
“Wow, thanks,” I say with a scoff and he laughs.
“It’s because you’ve been hurt, and I get that. That’s why I’m still trying to get you to date me.”
I nod, biting into my lip. “So just hooking up is off the table?”
I’m not sure why I said that since, really, I don’t want to just hook up. Hooking up means that he can hook up with someone else. Like that damn wrestler chick, and that does not sit well with me.
“Do you just want to hook up?” he asks me then, and I bite into my lip harder.
“Not really,” I say, meeting his gaze.
“Me either. Yes, I want you—bad. But I also want all of you,” he says, his eyes leaving mine to drink in the rest of me. “That beautiful brain, those naughty lips, those talented hands, and that ass. Yeah, I want that ass.”
Grinning, I look away as I wave him off. “Stop, you’re making me feel weird.”
He scoffs. “I always make you feel weird.”
Ain’t that the damn truth.
Sucking in a deep breath, I look up to look at him. “Anyway…”
He laughs as he holds my gaze. “So, tell me what’s holding you back. Because after my little speech last night, I was sure you’d chase me down, but you being you, you didn’t.”
“I’m not like normal girls,” I point out, and he nods.
“Known that since the moment we met, so tell me something I don’t know.”
I have no clue what to say. Holding his gaze, I shrug and go with the first thing that’s been on my mind. “How do you know it will work?”
“I don’t. I can’t tell the future, but I want to try.”
“But we are two different people, Jayden.”
“Opposites always attract, but I think we are more alike than you think,” he says, tucking his hands into his pockets. “We are both strong people, both know what we want in life, and both have parent issues.”
I laugh as I nod. “Yeah, but you are a sensitive, share your feelings kind of guy, while I’m a closed-up bitch—”
“Don’t call yourself that,” he says sharply. “You’re headstrong, mouthy, but you still care about people. You just don’t like to admit that you do. You’re closed off because you haven’t been loved right by a guy or even your mom. It’s only been your dad, and I don’t doubt that he loves you with everything in his heart, but he’s hard on you.”
Looking away, I swallow hard as I look at the stones in the pathway. The only sounds I hear are the sound of my heart and the fountain behind me. I really don’t understand how he gets me, and it really does freak me out. He’s the only person to actually understand me or even try. Seth was only concerned with sex and getting ahead by using me, but Jayden isn’t like that. Yeah, he wants me, but he doesn’t just want to fuck me He wants to know me. He wants to ease my concerns; he actually cares.
So why is this hard?
“You really are a good guy,” I say softly before looking up at him.
His eyes soften as he nods. “Sure, but am I the guy for you?”
Holding his gaze, I say, “I want you to be.”
“Then what’s holding you back from leaning over and kissing me right now?” he says, leaning forward, holding on to the bridge behind him. “Because I’m ready.”
I want to lean toward him, I do. But instead, I ask, “What happens when we go into the NHL?”
“We kick ass,” he says with a little chuckle, but I give him a deadpan look and he shrugs. “Okay? What do you mean?”
“I mean that we’ll be off on different teams, you know that. And I just don’t see this working,” I say because it’s true. No matter how much I want him, it won’t work in the long run. It can’t.
“I don’t see how the possibility of some distance could be a problem, especially when all I’m asking is for you to date me, Baylor. I’m not asking you to marry me.”
Why does my heart skip a beat at the mere thought of that?