Clouds That Were (Weathered Hearts) (17 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Tenley

A
s soon as
my dad is out of the room, my friend and roommate, Emma, rushes over to see what is going on. She makes me laugh every day. She is in here because she also tried to kill herself. When we are alone in our room, though, she has told me that she didn’t really want to die; she just didn’t know what to do. Her boyfriend had broken up with her, and they had been together for so long that she couldn’t handle being alone.

Turns out he couldn’t either, because he visits every Sunday.

“Who was that? That wasn’t Chase, was it?” she says scrunching up her face.

“No, that was my dad. Gross.”

“Your dad? That’s cool. Your mom finally gave in and let you have a visitor?”

“No, I guess since he is my dad, she can’t prevent him from coming. Get this, Chase actually found him and brought him here so that he could allow Chase to visit. He will be here any second!” I sang. “I am so excited to see him, I kind of feel like I’m going to throw up.”

“Sounds romantic. I would not do that if I were you. Looks like our late night talk is going to be more interesting than normal tonight! Good luck!”

“Thanks.” I smile back at her. My whole life I have never had a friend, and she and I have grown so close over the last few days that I don’t know how I could have lived this long without her.

Sitting in my corner, reflecting on how I have become friends with Emma and how Chase came into my life just as quickly and stole my heart makes me wonder if maybe I am not cut out to be such a loner after all. Just because my mother is messed up, that doesn’t mean that I can’t let other people in to fill the hole that she has left empty for so long.

I see the door open out of the corner of my eye, and Chase saunters in with a smile on his face, just beaming with pride. I can’t believe he is really standing there. I toss all of my stuff on the floor next to the chair and rush over to him. He opens his arms, and I jump up and wrap myself around him so tight that I hope he won’t ever be able to let go.

He squeezes me back just as hard as he spins me around in a circle. I pull back just enough to see his face, and his eyes reflect mine with tears. He kisses me with everything he has, and I return his kiss.

“God, I missed you,” he says when we finally pull away from each other.

“I missed you, too.” I smile. “I thought you would hate me.”

He sets me down and places both of his hands on my face. “I could never hate you, never.”

“Never say never,” I reply.

“I am just sorry that I didn’t do a good enough job showing you how much I loved you.”

“You did everything right. I was just too blind to see that.”

“Just promise me that you will never try this again. I can’t lose you. I promised you that I would do anything I can to help you, and I still will.” He grabs my hand and places it on his chest. “Do you feel that?”

I nod.

“My heart beats only when yours does. If your heart stops, mine does too. If you are sad, I am sad; if you are happy, I am happy. That is how I want it to be. I want to share everything with you. Every part of me, and every part of you.”

“Okay.” I nod again.

“Now, tell me about what’s going on in here.”

He takes my hand, and we head over to the couch. Before I sit down, I walk over and pick up all the stuff I had thrown on the floor when he came in. He sees the sketch pad and takes it from my hand, asking permission with just a look.

I let him take it, and he flips through the pages, studying each one and not saying anything.

“Wow. These are amazing. Have you always been able to draw like this?”

“I never tried before. They use it as a therapy tool here. I guess it’s supposed to be a good way to deal with your feelings or something.”

“Yeah, I started drawing a lot more after my mom died.”

“So not to change the subject, but how were you able to find my dad?”

“Pretty genius, right?” he beams. “I have actually been sitting outside the door every day since you got here, hoping that one of the nurses would feel sorry for me and let me see you. Obviously, that didn’t work, but then one of them told me that your parents had said you could have no visitors. That was the first time it had ever occurred to me that your dad was an option. My dad and I, well mostly my dad, tracked him down, and I just went over there and talked to him. He seems like a nice guy.”

“He does. The only things I had ever heard about him were from my mother, and we all know what a reliable source of information she is.”

“I was worried that you were not going to want to see him, but it was worth a shot if I would get to see you, too. These last few days have been hell. The last time I saw you, you were lying on your bedroom floor almost dead, and I couldn’t get that image out of my head.”

“I’m sorry about that. I had no intention of your finding me like that.”

“I’m just glad I did and that we were able to get you to the hospital in time. I thought for sure I was going to lose you.”

“No such luck,” I smile.

“Don’t say that. No more jokes about your dying, got it?”

“Got it. Sorry.”

“My dad told me that your mom is pregnant. Is that why you did this? I know I wasn’t a very good boyfriend that day; I kind of had a lot on my mind. I saw that you were upset, and I should have asked. I am sorry for that.”

“It’s fine. You didn’t know. That was what pushed me over the edge, I guess. I just want my brother or sister to be able to have the family it deserves, you know? With me there, my mother could never be happy, and I just thought that maybe if she and Rick could be happy together, that maybe the baby would have a chance at a normal life.”

“Listen, you need to talk to me about these subjects. I am here for you. I want nothing more in this life than to be able to love you the way you should have been loved your whole life. We need to worry about you, not the baby. My dad is a pretty level-headed guy, and even he says that there isn’t anything anyone can do to help that baby, any more than anyone helped you, and we all know how that turned out.”

“I just thought…”

“You need to stop thinking.” He grins. “Rick seems to be pretty involved so far, so maybe he will prevent your mom from going all bat-shit.”

“Yeah, and maybe pigs will fly,” I laugh. Having him here makes me feel like I don’t have to be sad ever again.

“Anyway, enough about the baby. I don’t care about the baby, I care about you. Have they talked about what is going to happen when you get out? Or when that will be?”

“Well, I guess my aunt and my mother are trying to work something out for me to go and live with her.”

“That’s a good thing, right? I mean, I know you would prefer to live with your grandparents, but as long as you aren’t with your mom, that’s good, right?”

“I hardly know her, and she lives about an hour and a half away.”

“What? Why would they do that? Wouldn’t it make more sense for you to stay with your grandparents and not have to change schools and everything? You can’t move an hour and a half away!”

“I know; I don’t want to. According to my doctors, my mother is still my legal guardian and therefore she has the final say in where I go. She has told them that she doesn’t want me living with my grandma and grandpa because she doesn’t think they can handle my behavioral issues.”

“Psh. Behavioral issues, my ass. Your mother is the one with issues.”

“You think I don’t know that? She hasn’t been up to see me or meet with the doctors or anything, so even though they know that she is still trying to control what she can, their hands are tied. There is only so much they can do.”

“God, I hate her. I hate her more than I ever thought it was possible to hate a person.”

“Hating her doesn’t change anything. I have to make the best of a bad situation. Who knows, maybe living there won’t be so bad. I can still see you on the weekends, and we can talk on the phone and stuff.”

“I want to see you every day. I want to know that you are in the same building as me, so I know that you are safe.”

“I promise you that I will not try to kill myself again.”

“That isn’t what I meant, really. I just, I don’t know, it makes me feel better to know where you are. It’s the creepy stalker boy in me.”

I giggle “Oh yeah, I forgot about him. We will be fine, though, right? If I move away?” The thought of his not wanting to deal with a long distance relationship takes over, and I am suddenly panic-stricken.

“No matter what happens, we will make it work. There has to be something we can do, however, to get you to be able to live with your grandparents instead. It doesn’t make sense to me why she wouldn’t just let you.”

“Because even though she doesn’t want me, she still wants the control. And she most definitely doesn’t want me living somewhere that I am wanted.”

“Isn’t there something they can do? Can they take her to court or something?”

“That takes a long time, so I would still probably have to go with my aunt while they fought it out.”

“What if I just take you?”

“What? You’re nuttier than my mother.”

“I’m serious. Listen to me. That day that you were so upset when you found out about the baby, the reason I was so distracted is because my dad and I came up with a plan the night before.”

“A plan for what?” I interrupt “World domination?”

“No, just listen. When my mom’s parents died, they left her a house on the beach in North Carolina. It is still deeded to her, but in her maiden name. It would take some digging to find it. I could take you, and we could go and live there until you turn eighteen. We could be together, and you wouldn’t have to deal with your mom, or the baby, or anything.”

“Seriously, you are nuts. If someone hears you, they are going to lock you up in the room right across the hall from me.”

“Tenley, I am serious. My dad and I have it all worked out. I have a duffle bag full of cash for us to live on stashed at my house. All we have to do is get in the truck and drive.”

“Oh my God. You’re serious.”

“More serious than you know. You deserve to be happy. And I desperately want to be the one to make you feel that way. We can do whatever we want: sit on the patio and read all day, go for walks by the ocean, whatever we want. It will be just you and me. What do you say?”

“Well, I can’t really just get up and walk out of here with you. I’m pretty sure someone would stop us.”

“But when you get out, we could just go.”

“This is crazy! I don’t even know when I am getting out, or who I am going to live with, or who is picking me up, or, Jesus Chase, I don’t know anything. This is nuts!”

“Would you be happy living with me?”

“Of course, but…”

“I just want you to think about it, okay? We can figure out the details once we know more about what the doctors decide.”

“Wow, this is just, a lot.”

“I promised you that I would do everything I could to make you happy, and as I said, I never make a promise I don’t intend to keep. Just think about it okay?”

“Alright, I will think about it. But I am not going to do anything that gets you in trouble or puts you at risk.”

“Don’t worry about me. Just think about it. Now, I need to get out of here before your mom finds out I am here and blows up the hospital or something.” He stands up and leans over me to give me a kiss on my forehead. With his forehead still touching mine, he whispers “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” I whisper back. He is amazing. When I think about all that he has done and is doing to make me happy, it’s just so much to take in.

He gives me his sexy smile and wiggles his eyebrows at me and walks out of the door. Ten minutes with that boy and once again, my world is turned upside down.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Tenley

T
he dayroom is
busy with visitors and patients coming and going until 5 o’clock when visiting hours are done for the day. I remain sitting there for the rest of the day, watching people come and go. There are mothers hugging their kids, boyfriends sitting awkwardly on couches, dads trying to look unconcerned, but looking as if they could fall apart any second. All the while, I sit and watch silently, thinking about living in a house with Chase in North Carolina.

The whole thing is just crazy. He can’t really think that we can just get in his truck and drive to the east coast and live happily ever after, can he? I mean, someone would stop us. My mother wouldn’t just allow me to disappear and relinquish her control over me. And what about my dad? He really is going to come into my life like this and then just let me go? Not knowing what happened or where I went or anything?

“Hey, why so glum, chum?” Emma comes bouncing over interrupting my thoughts.

“Not glum,” I say frowning at her choice of words. “Just deep in thought.”

“Thinking about your dreamboat?” she laughs as she puts her hands together and bats her eyelashes.

“What is wrong with you?” I laugh “No one says ‘dreamboat’ anymore!”

“Oh, what do you know? I am the only friend you’ve ever had,” she says, sticking her tongue out at me. “So seriously, what’s up? Want to head back to our room so we can chat?”

“Sure,” I say laughing at her. “That way, no one else will hear you and your odd word choices.”

I gather my stuff, and we walk back to our room. I pause a moment and think about how different my walk back is from my walk this morning. I went from preparing to sit all day in a room and watching other people be loved and cherished, to having not one, but two, visitors who both made me feel more loved than everyone in that room combined.

We get to our room, and I put my stuff on my little desk as Emma throws herself onto my bed like a little schoolgirl.

“Alright missy, spill.” She smiles.

“I don’t really know where to start.”

“How about with your dad? That was unexpected?”

“No kidding. Chase said that he had been sitting outside the doors for the last few days trying to sweet talk the nurses into letting him see me, but it didn’t work. One of them finally said something about my parents, and it clicked that if he found my dad, that might work.”

“Oh my God, that is so romantic!” she interrupts. “I can just picture him out there sitting in a chair, looking all dreamy and desperate with that messed up hair and come-hither blue eyes. Mmmm.” She sighs and throws her arm over her head dramatically.

“Would you stop? This is my boyfriend we are talking about!”

“Yeah, I know, lucky girl, you. Sorry, off topic, anyway, so he finds your dad and?”

“And he goes to see him and explains that I am in the hospital and what has been going on with my mother. She always told me that he had left when she found out she was pregnant, but that isn’t the case at all. He has actually been trying to see me for years, but she just made it impossible for him.”

“So he has been trying to see you all of this time, and you had no idea?”

“No, how would I have known? My mother was the only one who knew, and she certainly wasn’t going to tell me.”

“So are you going to go live with him now?”

“Well, he lives in Nebraska, first of all. And second of all, he didn’t offer. I mean, he still doesn’t really know anything about me, and he has two other kids, so I’m sure he wouldn’t be too excited to bring me into the mix and possibly mess up the new family he has built.”

“True. So you still are going to have to go live with the Jesus freak?”

“Looks that way,” I say.

“But…”

“Oh, there’s a ‘but’? Oh, I can’t wait to hear the ‘but.’ Speaking of butts, Chase has a very nice butt; have you noticed that?”

“Seriously, you need to get out more.”

“Ugh, woman, tell me what the ‘but’ is!”

“Well, apparently Chase has a plan to take me away to a house they have somewhere.”

“Oh my God, seriously? You are going right? You simply have to go!”

“I don’t want him to get into trouble, and he is going to be eighteen in, like, a week, so that would be considered kidnapping, wouldn’t it?”

“Who cares? If he is willing to risk it for you? God, that just makes him even hotter.”

“I can’t really do that, though, you think?”

“Yes, I think! How could you not? Your choices are a)run away with your super-hot boyfriend where no one knows you or b)go live with your Jesus freak aunt and go to church all day, every day. I think the choice is pretty clear!” she shouts.

“Keep your voice down. Geez, the nurses are going to rush in here and sedate you or something.”

“Ah, it’s just all so romantic. He rescues you from death, then finds your dad just so he can see you, all the while with this plan in his head to whisk you away and make you happy. How can you not just melt?”

“Because Em, I don’t know, this is all just a lot. I mean, one minute I am sitting here all alone,”

“Hey,” she interrupts, “You have me!”

“Ugh, you know what I mean. But to go from that to all of a sudden having a dad and Chase wanting to take me away from all this crap? It’s just a lot to take in.”

“Well, then let me make the choice for you. Go. With. Chase. There, see that wasn’t so hard was it?”

“You are the most impossible person I have ever met. I really don’t know how I lived without you.” I flop onto the bed next to her and she flips over so I can lay on her arm.

“For someone who tried to kill herself because she felt so unloved, it sure seems like things are turning around for you.”

“Yeah, I guess it does, doesn’t it?”

“I’m happy for you. You deserve it.”

“I think I am finally starting to see that I do.”

“Promise me that you will let me come and visit your ocean love shack?”

I giggle “Of course. You will always be welcome, no matter where I live.”

With us both still lying on the bed, she starts softly singing some old song about a shack of love from the eighties, and I can’t help but laugh at her. She is truly the best friend I have ever had. She loves me unconditionally, as I do her. We are going to be friends forever. With Emma, Chase and my dad in my life now, the cloud I have been living under for so long is starting to have quite the silver lining.

THE END